Who Do We Turn to for Support in Polygamy?
by ana on Feb.26, 2009, under polygamy - the aftermath, Section 1
Some of the first persons I turned to when my husband married another woman were my family, Alex’s family, my few friends, and a co-worker that told me everything that I wanted to hear. I got all the support I needed, at the time. They told me, for example: “You’re legal; she’s not”. “She’ll end up with nothing”. ”You could take everything from her, if he passes away”. ” She’s just his girlfriend/mistress”. “He’s committing adultry”.
better - for more than just the moment?
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As Salaamu Alaikum!
Welcome to Polygamy 411! Our home is for Muslims and non-Muslims. It is for everyone who wants to talk about polygamy, or anyone who is in a polygamous marriage or is considering entering one. We like having company. Make yourself comfortable and join the discussion by leaving a comment. We look forward to seeing you here again soon and often.
travel 4 less!
March 2nd, 2009 on 1:05 AM
I cannot stress enough how important it is to have at least one good “Believing Friend” by your side that keeps reminding you to remember Allah SWT. A sincere friend would help you get through anything.
With hardship comes ease!
September 26th, 2009 on 4:15 PM
Probably your most sincere friend is going to be found inside yourself. Your heart, accessed through meditation and prayer, will guide you. The path it offers may not be an easy one, though. When your heart speaks, you know it. You and your creator know best.
You almost certainly have legal grounds for a divorce (based upon adultery), if you want one. And you have religious grounds as well, if he is no longer a Muslim. But there is power, too in staying to see how it all plays out.
As I recall from Bible study (in days before reading The Koran), Jesus advised followers to respect the worldly laws of Rome, while seeking the Kingdom of Heaven in heart and soul.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Render_unto_Caesar...
And this is what is so hard about this, for me, anyway. My heart and my head speak to me of very different things. And objectively, I have to say that they both speak some truth.
Knowing I have choices helps me feel stronger. Puts me in the driver’s seat of my own life, really.
September 27th, 2009 on 10:25 PM
JeanneT, having choices (even though having them may be very illusionary) is very empowering. I like being in the driver’s seat…
I agree; meditation and pray are unquestionably our best friends. Everyone will leave us one day or we will leave others first. Any way we look at it, we all leave, but not our Creator. Our Creator will always be with us, as long as we remember Him.
JeanneT, I’m leaning towards “staying to see how it all plays out.” I intend to take Sage’s advice as well, and begin praying for Allah to bring Alex closer to Him. If Alex has a sincere desire to grow closer to Allah, Allah will guide him. I believe that. Alex must want it before it could happen though; I believe that, as well. Right now I don’t know what Alex truly wants. I guess that part is between Allah and Alex.
Thank you much for the link.
September 28th, 2009 on 9:42 PM
You are in my prayers, Ana.