Polygamy Snaps, Crackles, and Pops
by ana on Mar.15, 2009, under my journey
(Alex and I went on vacation in August 2007-Eight months after he “married” Carolinah)
My desire to have Alex with me, and not with Carolinah, intensified after Alex and I came back from vacation. I was in a state of emotional distress. So, days after returning from vacation, I contacted Alex on his cell phone. He was with Carolinah and it was a weekend, early afternoon. I asked him to please come over as I needed to see him, if only for a minute. Somehow I was convincing enough for him to say yes.
When he arrived, I got a surprise… Alex was totally stressed out and that is an understatement. He yelled, “I know what you’re doing.” Essentially, he accused me of manipulating the situation by contacting him on Carolinah’s days, and having him focus on me. Was I really doing that?-probably-well certainly. But, I was truly in distress when I called him. Believe me. Anyhow, he continued to yell, “I want to spend some time with her too.”
He paced about the room in a state of panic. He screamed, “You don’t know what she went through while we were gone” (while Alex and I were on vacation). He screamed, “You’re so selfish.” (I learned months later that, while we were away, Carolinah had passed out at work. She was rushed to the hospital, and was informed they would feed her intravenously, if she didn’t start eating.) That’s just some of what I learned.
Alex’s rage frightened me. He was yelling, ranting and raving. He yelled, “The two of you won’t even talk to each other. You won’t even figure out a schedule.” He said it would help if she and I made the schedule. I immediately thought; it is just not going to happen, regardless of what he was going through. For me to speak with Carolinah to make a schedule wasn’t an option. I sat down on the sofa and cried hysterically, as I couldn’t calm Alex down.
Suddenly Alex gain his composure. He sat down on the sofa and hugged me tightly. He apologized for ”scaring” me. He said Carolinah had asked why he and I had to go away so long. Carolinah said, “She’s (Ana’s) not trying to make it easy for me.”
That’s all I had to hear to take the conversation to a whole other level-make it easy for her? Who the heck is she! Why am I supposed to make anything easy for her? Now, I’m supposed to shorten my vacations because she can’t handle me being away with my husband for “so long.”
Alex said he explained to Carolinah that I hadn’t scheduled an extra long vacation; it was the length of time our vacations had always been. He assured me that he wasn’t going to shorten our vacations to appease her. Time would tell.
Selfish, huh…she latched onto my husband. Now she wants me to treat her like some princess. So, I’m supposed to give up my enjoyment and comfort to make her life with my husband easier. She’s NOT special. She needs to get over herself.
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As Salaamu Alaikum!
Welcome to Polygamy 411! Our home is for Muslims and non-Muslims. It is for everyone who wants to talk about polygamy, or anyone who is in a polygamous marriage or is considering entering one. We like having company. Make yourself comfortable and join the discussion by leaving a comment. We look forward to seeing you here again soon and often.
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April 27th, 2009 on 10:40 AM
Wow I am stunned by your blog. Firstly let me say I am in a polygamous relationship with a Muslim man and I am Christian. I agreed to this as he is much younger than me and wanted children. Reading your blog you are closing your heart to the joy of polygamy. Because of me my co-wife has better medical care, better standard of living, stronger and healthier children. When she had her second child I made sure she got a washing machine. Her children adore me, they are very young so unable to hide anything and I know they reflect their mother. I have the joy and pleasure of the wider family and because I run our business, the time to do this properly. She has the time to cook meals that need long preparation and if it is something I am particularly fond of she sends some to me. We care and love for each other, we tease each other, we support each other. We both love our husband and want him to be happy so work together to make that happen. He is happy because he has two women who love him dearly and help him in his life.
Everyone I meet knows I am in a polygamous relationship. I am proud of my family. I have to say you are not a good example of submission. Think of it as a Christian I am very attracted to Islam, in fact I think polygamy is one of the attractions. Islam acknowledges mans weakness and gives him the option to have more than one wife avoiding divorce and break down of the family. But there are restrictions which make it fair. You should glory in this not be ashamed. You should be a great advert but I was totally stunned by what I read.
You seem to be fighting it all the time, resenting him, resenting her, resenting polygamy. It is daft, either enjoy it and embrace it or leave.
April 27th, 2009 on 11:41 AM
Ana.. could you please shed some light on the timeline of the things you post. You seem to be posting a lot of things that happened in the past. Is this right? I am wondering what your situation is currently then…
April 27th, 2009 on 5:44 PM
Jane,Egypt
I am happy to hear that you are living a polygamous marriage that is beautiful for you and your family, and that you are contented in it. It is inspiring for us all.
With reference to me, though, I have to refer back to what coolred38 said. Her exact words – “Ive often wondered…the Muslim women here in the middle east…while not looking any more eagerly at the potential for polygany then anywhere else in the world…are raised to possibly expect it…so its always there as a possibility…but Muslims in the west are not really raised that way…and new muslims probably have no exprience with it at all…but still seem to view it as a “normal” step…at least the men do (I can understand the attraction from a mans point of view)…but western convert women have relatively no experience with the idea of ‘sharing their man” accept to in regards that he is cheating on you…so how they even come close to accepting polygany I will never understand.”
To date, I have never met anyone who lives polygamy in real life, other than meeting those in cyberspace, communicating with my friends and visitors here on this blog and fellow blog hosts like 3rd and CM, whom it is my pleasure to know and I encourage you to visit their blogs, as well.
Throughout my journey, as I have described, and as you said: I’ve been “fighting it all the time, resenting him, resenting her, resenting polygamy.” That is my personal struggle. Perhaps your struggle in life is with something other than polygamy and I wish you success in whatever that may be. You say I should “either enjoy it and embrace it or leave.” I am not a quitter. I refuse to run away from polygamy just because I don’t like it. So, for now I’m here to stay, and will continue to tell my story of my journey for everyone that cares. Stay happy!
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
April 27th, 2009 on 6:04 PM
3rd…I apologize for confusing you and others a bit. I went back to the “Stopped Working” post and changed the name to “Background Information.” My intention, going forward, is to give you all an idea, a time frame, when things occurred. Thank you for bringing that to my attention and keeping me on my toes.
I started my journey from the beginning. You are correct, thus far everything that I have posted occurred in the past. Sometimes in reply to person’s comments, I jump ahead a bit to what might be occurring now, or you’ll get a feel as to how I’m feeling right now.
I have to continue my journey from the newest posts-the vacations from last year, which occurred seven and eight months after Carolinah and Alex married. They’ve been married now for two years and four months. I’m moving up to today, which will be here quickly. So, stay tuned….
April 27th, 2009 on 6:26 PM
But I am not even Muslim and I can make it work. My name is Jane Akshar, search on me. I am real. Look at forums like EgyptSearch, EgyptMad, Luxor4U and you will find me defending polygamy. I am British, educated and highly visible on the net.
By making it work I mean everyone is happy, you all seem so miserable with arguments, jealously, nagging.
April 27th, 2009 on 9:08 PM
I think you might be missing the point. Did you even read the reply that I sent you?
If you have found Paradise and bliss on earth, I am happy for you and your family. Please share with us here on this blog how you did it. How did you, as a human, escape all “arguments” and overcome all base emotions like “jealousy” in your life. We in America and everywhere else in the world would like to know.
So, everyone, please go visit Jane Akshar’s blog and learn how you too can have Heaven on Earth. She listed all her information in her comment.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
April 28th, 2009 on 12:15 AM
Jane, I can see where you’re coming from, but I don’t think Ana is defending all her behavior as right. She’s trying to come to terms with her real emotions and share those with us. She has openly admitted to you that this is her ‘personal struggle’. Do you think her blog would read better if she finished each post by saying, ‘Now children, the moral of the story is…’? She’s almost leaving that up to her readers you might say… which is a pretty brave thing to do if you ask me!
We all have different stories. You are thriving in your polygynous marriage; Ana is struggling. I think both stories deserve to be heard. Anyone considering this lifestyle can read your story and Ana’s, and learn from both.
I sincerely hope Ana can find happiness in her marriage. Maybe you can help her? But just flaunting your success and invalidating Ana’s painful struggle is probably not the way to go about it.
April 28th, 2009 on 2:52 AM
I still feel that this relationship is more like an affair and less like a true poly family. Your sisterwife is selfish and sometimes you are too. It comes down to treating others how they want to be treated. I don’t think I could have gone on like this all this time, I would have sat down with her a long time ago.
It’s always interesting to read though and I look forward to when you are caught up.
April 28th, 2009 on 3:15 AM
I did not mean to flaunt but you seemed to question whether I was real or not. Those threads I linked to are all old showing I have been defending this for a good long while against the stiffest opposition.
I came onto the site looking for encouragement and possible further help along the route to Islam. All I read was misery, discontent and unhappiness. Whilst I don’t expect her to pretend anything, it seems so pointless if she is not happy. I haven’t read a single positive or happy entry. Her husband seems unhappy, well who wouldn’t be with two waring wives. And the co-wife does not seem to be that happy either.
How do I overcome jealousy, I put other people first. My husband, I love him dearly and would do anything to make him happy. My co-wife, she is special to me I would never willingly hurt her, My step children, the children of my heart but not of my womb. I close my mind to dwelling on what he does with her, I totally deliberately never ask, never think, never question. But most of all the more you give the more you get back. By being accepting and no trouble I am hugely admired, this is a tiny village so everyone knows. All my husband’s relatives look after me, his uncle promised me on our wedding that he would be a refuge for me, a sort of Wali. His mother would kill for me. A couple of times when I have been ill, mother in law, co-wife and sister in law all came over to clean, cook and look after me. When I had to go back to the UK they all moved in to look after my daughter.
Actually we have never argued about polygamy, once I accepted it as the perfect solution it has never come up. We do argue about other things, like any other couple.
My husband has talked about getting a third wife, and people ask me how I feel about it. I reply that he is so loving, so wonderful and I respect his judgement. If he feels he can do that and make all three happy then I trust him that will be the case. Although personally I would prefer him not to.
April 28th, 2009 on 3:37 AM
Salaams ANA
I feel your pain and i know exactly what you’re going through.
Don’t worry too much about what Jane is implying,she’s probably the second wife.I absolutely can’t stand when people try and make you,the first wife, out to be the one who does’nt want to compromise.
I’ts easier for a second wife to cope with sharing,because she came into the marriage knowing full well she had to share.You on the other hand,i suppose,did’nt sign up for this,but in your own way,is trying to cope with the situation,even if it looks like you’re not.And you had this man all to yourself for a long time and now all of a sudden you must be happy to give up half your time with him,…I don’t think so!Halaal ofcoarse…but still the most difficult thing for a woman to go through.
Hang in there sis,after difficulty comes ease.
May Allah grant you all understanding and contentment in everything you do,aameen.
P.S.I’m a first wife too,come visit me at my blog,inshallah.
April 28th, 2009 on 12:10 PM
I think Jane’s situation is entirely different, just from what she says here and what you have said. It sounds like, unlike you, she went into polygamy with her eyes open. Although there are plenty of women who are not big fans of polygamy even if their husband’s are completely open that that is something they want to seek, it seems that women who have polygamy dumped in their lap by husbands who entered the marriage promising it would not happen are women who universally are unhappy and struggle with the practice. That may have something to do with the wife’s personality, but I think it has more to do with the husband’s, and the wife’s reaction to that. You learn you have the kind of husband who will unilaterally turn your world upside-down for his own capricious reasons. It is very hard to be buddy-buddy with a co-wife who not only is the cause for your upturned world, but is the cause for your eyes being opened to a very ugly side of your husband’s personality.
That being said, and although I think Jane’s way of saying it is smug and unkind, I have to agree with her on one thing. Ana, you seem in so much pain, it is hard to understand why you stay. You don’t seem open at all to the joys of polygamy, such as they are, nor do I blame you for that at all. But if its been over 2 years and you can’t feel any acceptance for your situation, which includes coming to terms with Carolinah, and you can’t leave Alex, is the only alternative unceasing agony? No one can wish that on you.
Polygamy isn’t something that you have no alternative but to accept like cancer, and it isn’t something to power through so you can come out the other side like a hard year of college. Its a choice your husband made to change the terms of your marriage in very profound ways. So you need to make a choice as well. What kind of a life do you want, given the current circumstances? What I assume your first choice to be, inventing a time machine to go back to when your husband had not brought this pain on your heart, isn’t an option. What you seem to have elected is “I will live day in and day out in unrelenting pain in penance for the selfish choices of my husband.” That’s not much of an option either. You are inflicting a cancer on yourself. Refusing to live with the terms of your marriage as they are now does not make you a quitter and making peace with Carolinah doesn’t mean she “wins”. Either one means you do.
April 28th, 2009 on 7:13 PM
Very thoughtful comments Nasrin!
I believe marriage is to be honored as a lifelong commitment, and for that at least Ana deserves some praise — she has been willing to sacrifice her own happiness for that commitment. But you make a very compelling argument about the choices Ana has. It’s empowering to realize that we all have choices.
In my first comment to Ana (much of which was pretty insensitive looking back on it), I shared a story from my own marriage:
‘A few years into my marriage, my wife and I had real problems. In counseling, it came out that she had even considered leaving me. How could this be? I was committed to the marriage! I knew we had problems, but I wasn’t about to run away. I was going to survive marriage! I was committed for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, blah, blah, blah! But then a truth hit me between the eyes… Was I committed to making our marriage survive, or was I committed to making it better? Richer? Healthier?’
Like you Nasrin, I honestly can’t see a way forward in this marriage unless Ana and Carolinah can find a way to come together. And I can’t see them coming together unless they find a way to completely forgive the sins of the past. I think we all here want our precious Ana to find her way! How wonderful would that be — to see things turn around and for her blog to become a testament to the power of love and forgiveness!
Jane, I think there is wisdom to be found in your words, but I still don’t see much understanding or compassion. After saying you didn’t mean to flaunt, you still spent the larger part of your post telling us how wonderful things are for you. Have you read ALL of Ana’s story? Do you understand how very different your situations are? Like Bilqees said, Ana did not sign up for this — her husband forced it upon her years into their marriage. Please stop and consider this before passing further judgement.
You also said, ‘Whilst I don’t expect her to pretend anything, it seems so pointless if she is not happy.’ When you say it seems pointless, what are you referring to — Ana’s marriage or her blog? I wasn’t sure what you meant.
April 28th, 2009 on 8:24 PM
Ana’s blog is not finished, nor is her life. She has told us many times that she is telling us her story from the beginning as it happened and is working up towards the present day. These posts are about her past. I think that writing this blog is her way of working on the healing process and I for one hope it is working for her.
Ana, I applaud you for your honesty even at the risk of showing some of your weaknesses and shortcomings. We all have them and we all face trials that we have to overcome in life. Polygamy is your trial at this time. By sharing your story you are helping others who may feel the same way but do not have anyone to ocnfide in. Your blog lets them know that they are not alone. I for one am learning many things from you and from the comments I can see others are too. We all have things that we can learn from each other if we open our hearts and listen. I hope writing this blog has been beneficial to you as well.
April 29th, 2009 on 2:36 AM
I was not flaunting I was asked how it worked for me, how did I cope with arguments and jealousys. I answered truthfully.
It is not the blog I don’t understand but why three people are living in such misery.
After we got married I investigated the co-wife situation. I received this from another co-wife. Details have been changed to protect her identity as it was sent to me personally. I found it the most inspiring and uplifting piece of advice I had ever had. On the strength of it I suggested to my husband that he take another wife.
“To comprehend complex issues involving the eldest sons of Egyptian families, especially those from the Upper Egypt region, one has to step back for an overview, as if an outsider – which is difficult if one profoundly loves such a man. Such individuals deserve utmost respect, just as any human being to whom Allah [God] gives life. Resources for such families and their offspring can be so limited and stretched to the limit if one or more child is given the opportunity of an education in university. Many experience poverty. Whatever those families have or have not, just as you or me and others, is a test from Allah – what do we do with money and what we do not. What we do for others and what we do not do for others. Cast aside the opinions of well intending individuals who hold mixed ideas of Muslim men and/or Islam. Set aside comments from kind hearted friends who are not with you at your darkest hour, alone, longing to see his smiling face and touch his loyal hand. Deep inside his heart and intellect, an eldest Egyptian son with a mature mind, falls in love with a mature woman, older than he, admiring her ways learned from experience with a difficult life and grief. Allah allows age differences. The last Prophet, Mohammed – messenger of God for the whole of mankind was 25 when he married Khadija aged 45. He only wants to love her and if she physically could, he only wants to have children with her. Yet, her Destiny / Qadr include not bearing more babies after one child by a previous beloved man.
The Egyptian tells himself, her, and others that he does not want children, does not want another wife. However, he knows that his first duty is to Allah, then to obey his parents by continuation of the family blood line through offspring from his loins, followed by the importance of his wife and child she may already have, sharing their lives. He dreads losing the woman whom he voluntarily placed deep inside his heart forever -so he resists family attempts to force a marriage for him with a young local Egyptian female, perhaps a cousin – solely for procreation. Allah, with Islam, permits a Muslim man to have more than one wife for particular circumstances.
Allah grants that a man will love wives differently – that one may be favoured with more of his love than another, this is humanly natural. A man can respect and love a wife for being his cousin, then becoming the person to bear his children. Thus he obeys Allah [God] and his parents, plus he learns with time to accept the existence of the babies born of a woman other than the only lady whom he really wanted to be married with, but destiny proved otherwise. The innocent babies born should not be a cause of upset or confusion to a first wife if Allah grants them life in this temporary world. Allah only, knows what is best for all concerned.
If he can cry with his first wife as well as laugh in shared humour – believe in him, for such shows the profound love and trust shared. Also, know that he can have a second wife who due to local tradition must stay indoors with the growing children and she must respect the position of the first wife, being forever the first wife.
There are women like you with such intelligence, who live and behave as Muslimahs without having fully understood or embraced Islam – this deep insight is from Allah too. ”
I also know personally 2 other wives in the co-wife situation and both are true families sharing each others lives, hopes and dreams. One lady British has arranged for her beloved step son to study in the UK, they have been in a polygamous situation for over 17 years.
So I came to this blog to be similarly inspired.
April 29th, 2009 on 3:37 AM
Yes Ana,i do applaud you so.Because despite all your struggles,you are still committed to your husband and your marriage.
For me,starting my blog,was very liberating.I’ve never really had any kind of support system before,but now with all the positive feedback i’m getting from everyone-thanks-life does’nt seem to be so complicated anymore,algamdulilah.
Since i started this blog i’ve grown more in these few months than i have in the past four years.Reading your blog Ana,has made me realize that i’m not alone and that makes it much easier to bear.
April 29th, 2009 on 1:07 PM
CM,
You are right. Writing this blog has been extremely therapeutic for me and has brought me a long ways. Talking to so many people like you, that have such wisdom and tremendous insight, has been very soothing for me. You are so encouraging and supportive of everyone in plural marriages, polygamy, polygyny, as I’ve seen from visting other blogs that I was invited to. You are always there, at other’s homes, as well, willing to help and advise, which is beautiful. I know it takes much time and effort to do that and manage your own blog, which is extremely time consuming to do.
Again, I thank you much CM. 3rd, M and Bilqees who all have their own blogs (I don’t want to slight anyone) are all here and there for one another, which is beautiful!
April 29th, 2009 on 1:20 PM
Ana,
I have now read your entire blog.
Plural marriage ideally is supposed to be beautiful! NOt the bleak picture you paint.
The mistake that I perceive is this:
Alex should have included you in on the decision to get married. You and Carolinah should have developed a relationship, a friendship before all this happened. That way you would have felt like sisters, instead of strangers sharing the same man.
You can yet salvage the situation. You guys all need to communicate and work this out.
God bless,
Moroni Jessop
April 29th, 2009 on 5:19 PM
Moroni Jessop,
I’m pleased to know that you believe there is still some hope for my situation, from a male’s perspective. You are right-plural marriage ideally wouldn’t look like my picture. It’s going to be a difficult road, reversing directions and going to the point where it was best to begin. Perhaps God will change my heart; although the way I feel now, it seems like a remote possibility.
I need to be optimistic and want a change or it definitely won’t happen. I thank you for bringing that to my attention so I could see. Communication is key. Donald mentioned that to me a while ago, and probably others did, as well. I immediately dismissed the idea-didn’t even entertain it. Alex tells me that he wants to talk and share with me, but I shut him down. I don’t want to hear Carolinah’s name or anything about her. I’m going to make my intention to be receptive to communicating with Alex…one step at a time. I just can’t think about communicating with her right now.
Thank you again for all your help and insight! God bless you and your family!
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in!
Ana
April 29th, 2009 on 5:34 PM
As Salaamu Alaikum Bilqees,
I admire your strength… When you said you were married twelves years before your husband took another wife, that blew me a way. I thought five years into marriage was much when it happened to me. I told my best friend about you and he said time doesn’t matter, the process of rejection and acceptance is the same, if it wasn’t something we actually wanted. 3rd said she thinks all of our pain is similar.
Blogging about it unequivocably helps. Feeling alone out there is a terrible feeling…only God is One! I’m glad you’re doing much better, as well. I’m happy we’re here for each other and we’ll continue to grow and get better, if we keep putting God first.
April 29th, 2009 on 8:33 PM
Jane said: So I came to this blog to be similarly inspired.
Jane, can’t you see how crazy that sounds? That you would come to read someone else’s story with a preconceived view of what that story should be? Ana doesn’t owe you anything. This is her blog and her life!! Like CM said, neither are finished yet, but this is where Ana is at — right here, right now. You didn’t find the inspiration you were looking for here? Okay, so you’re free to move on to the next blog that tells you what your itching ears want to hear.
Jane said: I don’t understand but why three people are living in such misery.
Have you tried to understand? Have you read all her story and tried to put yourself in her shoes? Forgive me if I’m wrong, but it doesn’t come across that way.
It’s like… I don’t have a problem with alcohol. I can enjoy a few drinks here and there and it’s not a problem for me. So let’s say I meet an alcoholic who tells me how his life has been destroyed by alcohol. He’s lost his job, his family, his home and his self-respect. What should I say to this man…? ‘Wow I am stunned. You are closing your heart to the joy of a refreshing beer. My friends and I all enjoy a cold beer at the end of a hard day. I came to you looking for encouragement about my drinking, but all I heard was misery, discontent and unhappiness.’
You’re discouraged by Ana’s story? So stop for a moment and imagine how she feels! This is her life!! It doesn’t just go away when she closes her web browser. Perhaps, if you took the time to understand Ana’s situation a bit better, you might be able to help her. A little bit of empathy goes a long way.
April 30th, 2009 on 10:50 AM
Donald.. you’re debating here
April 30th, 2009 on 6:52 PM
You know you love it.
July 31st, 2009 on 5:18 PM
Polygamy is a different experience for ea individual How beautiful life would be if we al could be submissive from the moment we enter a poly relationsh. But thats an impossible task as each one only reaches the acceptance stage after much self struggle n battles with our inner demons n wil only be one with it wen ALLAH SWT wills it to be so.
July 31st, 2009 on 5:31 PM
Slms ana just hang in there. U definitely wil overcum your pains as u hav already embraced the fact that it is ALLAH SWT wil n your intention to please HIM SWT. U wil truimph over the whisperins of satan as u are under the protection of ALLAH SWT n with your n every1′s duas wil attain peace within yourself Inshallah
August 4th, 2009 on 10:30 AM
Salaam alayk, sister, I started reading your poly blog not quite long ago and I feel your pain. I am not (yet) in a plural marriage, but I experienced it first hand as a child as my dad took on a second wife when I was around 5. Its been 30 long years, but my mum is still hurting. My husband and I are practicing muslims, alhamdulillah, so I know it is possible he decides to remarry one day. I try to read other people’s experience in poly marriage to be able to prepare myself to never be hurt and miserable like my mum, insha Allah. I am also determined and pray to Allah that my kids are not affected negatively by polygyny(like my sibs and I were) and I’d do my best to see to that. I understand that what you are going through is difficult, but try to make yourself happy and be thankful its not worse than it is. At least, you have a man who tries to be fair, whereas many out there don’t even bother to see if they are being fair.
August 4th, 2009 on 4:18 PM
As Salaamu Alaikum Sister Ummabdullah, I feel very sad to hear about all the pain your mom has had to endure. I’m sure it hurts you badly watching your mom hurt so much. Insha Allah, much good will come from all that your mom and you have experienced. I pray to Allah that He will bless you in your polygamous marriage, if a polygamous marriage has been decided for you. Many times the opposite happens. Polygamy occurs in the lives of those who least expect it and vice versa. Perhaps it would not be your fate, as you have experience firsthand as a child (Allah knows best.) I’m going to try, Insha Allah, to be more grateful to Allah (not Alex). Thank you ummabdullah for reminding me and others.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
September 21st, 2009 on 2:59 PM
Jane Akshar is that woman who doesn’t have a problem with alcohol. She likes to drink a lot of hard liquors, as does her husband, but not her cowife. So much for a so happy life. ONly way she can survive it is to drink herself silly. I know her personally.