Imagination and Anticipation in Polygamy
by ana on Mar.23, 2009, under my journey
Anticipating Alex going on vacation with Carolinah was much more difficult for me than him actually going. I kept thinking about Alex and my earlier vacations. I began envisioning Carolinah taking my place. I knew it wouldn’t be very easy for Alex vacationing without me, either.
I had become a bit prepared by finding out in advance about Alex and Carolinah’s vacation plans without Alex even knowing. Going to work made it easier for me as well, and helped keep my mind off their plans. The thought that Alex and I were going on my dream vacation just a few weeks following his return from vacationing with Carolinah made it easier for me, as well.
Alex and I had been on so many exotic vacations and trips together over the five years of our marriage to each other without the third wheel (Carolinah). We had our vacation routine down packed-what time we got up, got to the fitness center, had room service, went on excursions, napped, dined and the list goes on. But, now, he was going on vacation with someone else. There unquestionably would be variations in Alex’s routine…Carolinah is a different person, different from me.
The images of the two of them together jumped on me periodically. Envisioning them sitting together on the plane, lying together in bed in the hotel room… It’s a whole different picture when you see people in your imagination, seeing Alex and Carolinah in a state of leisure opposed to them being together at home at night, after work.
I resisted Satan’s whispers to call Alex at their hotel room to let him know I knew exactly where he was-to let him know he hadn’t concealed anything from me. I thank Allah for protecting Alex, Carolinah, and me, as I knew it would have been a terrible thing for me to do, contacting them at the hotel room.
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As Salaamu Alaikum!
Welcome to Polygamy 411! Our home is for Muslims and non-Muslims. It is for everyone who wants to talk about polygamy, or anyone who is in a polygamous marriage or is considering entering one. We like having company. Make yourself comfortable and join the discussion by leaving a comment. We look forward to seeing you here again soon and often.
travel 4 less!
April 27th, 2009 on 7:19 AM
I guess I’m a little confused, a previous post said you quit working… I guess I’m confused about your timeline from the previous post and this one?
April 27th, 2009 on 4:50 PM
M
at the beginning of the time frame when Alex first married Carolinah. Alex and Carolinah went on vacation seven months after their marriage. I stopped working approximately twelve months after their marriage. Thanks again for bringing that to my attention. I appreciate all your comments.
I apologize for confusing you. I wondered if I was confusing readers, which I didn’t want to do, as I wrote the post. But, I now see that I did. I just went back and re-named the post from “I stopped working” to “Background Information.” You were right, by interjecting the post-”I stopped working”- it confused the readers. I placed ‘Background Information” (officially “I Stopped Working”
April 29th, 2009 on 7:16 AM
With the way things are, I give you Kudos for not calling… I would have, I would never have been able to keep it a secret all that time.
April 29th, 2009 on 12:24 PM
M
It wasn’t exactly easy not calling her. I was all set to do it a couple times and then I told my best friend what I was planning. He said, “Don’t do it.” He asked me if I would want her to do that to me on my vacation. I then imagined her calling me and ruining my pending vacation…I didn’t want that to happen. So, I (with help of a friend) exercised self-restraint.
September 10th, 2009 on 1:31 AM
Assalamualaikum wbt dear sister,
may Allah bless you and reward you for sharing with us. i am not in a polygamous marriage, nor in any relationship at the moment. but i was in one (unmarried), which was long-distance..and it was very tensed. most of the things you felt, and experienced, i could relate. i was that “crazy woman”, hysterical…depressed, remorseful, angry, everything! i could relate to how you feel…cause at the end of this all, i guess it’s because we’re female!
and when you write about Alex, i can relate it so well to the person i was with. he to, is a man…and man are the opposite of woman.
when i read about Alex going on vacation with Carol, and you told him not to call and so he didn’t call…it reminded me of something very similar that happened to me (asking him to do something out of anger but in a way, not meaning it to the full)…and i realized that man take things as it is. they don’t beat around the bush, and they are very direct. if they say something, they mean it…and i guess if we say something, they take it as we mean it too.
i guess i just wanted to say, that…it’s a real eye-opener to read what you’ve shared. it has indeed reminded myself of me and how i had reacted back then…how i must’ve hurt the man i love very much and what i had possibly put him through (yes, i believe it was mentally draining for him…and i too wonder how he kept his sanity…for that long). it thought me a lot, about spending so much time thinking about a person, so much so, it robbed me my time, my life, and my sanity. but Alhamdulillah…as the many months rolled by, it eventually got me closer and closer to Allah.
it taught me that everything happens for a reason…and that even in unfavored circumstances and experiences, it may be a blessing in disguise.
Allah knows best…and i had to and still have to keep reminding myself that He does not put us through more than what we can bear.
dear sister, i pray and make du’a that Allah makes things easy for you. May He reward you for your struggles and patience and bless you and your family.
truly, polygamy is not easy, and i guess in every situation, there is always lessons to learn. it’s really inspiring to read someone else’s words yet seem to be a mirror of myself. it gives me the chance to improve the way i see things, the way i see myself and the way i see others. expectations, forgiving others and myself, and relying on Allah.
Jazakallahu khair dear sister for sharing even though it must be painful for you to relive, recap everything…i am on my way reading more on your blog
MasyaAllah, this is one of the best blogs i’ve come across 
Ma’assalama
p/s: i’ve quoted you in my page. do visit when you can, and if you’re uncomfortable with anything, please don’t hesitate to inform me
and hope you Ramadan is going well, may He accept our good deeds and ibadah 
September 10th, 2009 on 6:26 PM
D, Wa Alaikum As Salaam. I am happy you have joined us and I thank you for your warmth and kind words.
I’m beginning to learn that we as women are not very different in our emotional makeup after all. You further confirmed it in the excerpt you gave of your previous relationship and how it has brought you closer to Allah.
It always helps to know we as women share certain characteristic. Before I began blogging I thought I was some lone freak show. Now I know I’m not that unique and, believe me, that’s a very good thing.
I’m now realizing we go through a lot, much of which is all about purification, becoming better in an effort to reach our ultimate goal, Paradise, Insha Allah.
Insha Allah I will visit you very soon. Thank you for the invite. I hope your Ramadan is going well and Allah accepts your good deeds and ibadah, as well.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in