Stay Focused in Polygamy
by ana on Mar.24, 2009, under my journey
My best friend tried to keep me focused on Allah SWT, and tried to turn my attention away from my perceived problem-polygamy. He was a blessing from Allah SWT. With his support, thus far I have been able to keep up my sanity and endure polygamy. He didn’t criticize or ostracize me.
Part of my problem was I made a relationship, having a husband, and being married, more important than Allah SWT. The result was severe pain and suffering for me. Allah SWT doesn’t want me to love anything or anyone more than Him.
No one should try to take possession of what belongs to Allah SWT (We shouldn’t try to own a husband or a wife). He, Allah SWT, could take them from us as a warning, test, punishment, or whatever.
I must remember, going forward, Insha Allah, not to let myself get attached to created things the way I attached myself to my husband and my marriage.
At polygamy 411, Insha Allah, we could help each other stay focused on the Truth.
Allah SWT is taking me through polygamy, which is the only way I am surviving it. It seemed as though the pain would never, ever go away, but it has subsided. I’m much better. I am most definitely better. Alhumdiallah!
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As Salaamu Alaikum!
Welcome to Polygamy 411! Our home is for Muslims and non-Muslims. It is for everyone who wants to talk about polygamy, or anyone who is in a polygamous marriage or is considering entering one. We like having company. Make yourself comfortable and join the discussion by leaving a comment. We look forward to seeing you here again soon and often.
travel 4 less!
April 19th, 2009 on 7:10 AM
Uh, dear, just a lil linguistic correction.
Alhumdiallah. Sound like “I will dial up Allah”. It means nothing though. The correct phrase in arabic is
Alhamdulillah.
April 20th, 2009 on 1:27 PM
Thank you for the correction. I know it means “Praise be to God.” Translations of Arabic to English is done phonetically,so I never focused on the the spelling of the word. I will call on Allah by way of my Salats, Insha Allah. I won’t be dialing Him up that’s for sure. Thanks again!
February 1st, 2010 on 5:50 PM
Asalamualaykum wr wb
This paticular post really made me think and I thank you for it. My husband divorced me three months ago, a was just a few weeks pregnant then. We were together nearly five years and loved eachother so much, we were so happy together, we have two wonderful kids together mashallah. He left me because of my bad behaviour as a wife and the rows however for me they were part of the parcel of being married. Its what every married couple goes through but it got too much for him. He started to look for another wife straight away. He says he doesnt I am nothing to do with him and he wants nothing to do with me accept if about the kids.
Its hurt me so much because he meant so much to me and I love with with every inch of my soul and dont want to be with any one but him.
Your post reminded me that maybe I loved him too much and thats why Allaah swt took him away from me because I needed to get close to Allaah again.
Ibn Taymiyyah said “A calamity that brings you closer to Allaah is better then a blessing that makes you forget the remembrance of Allaah.”
He was my everything, and now hes out of my life and it kills me.
February 1st, 2010 on 6:35 PM
UmmYousha,
On behalf of myself and everyone here, I welcome you to polygamy 411, and thank you for commenting.
What has happened to you is so sad. It made me cry as I read it, so I could only imagine what it is doing to you, having to live it. You must keep in mind that with hardship comes ease and there will be relief. That’s where Faith comes in.
I only know what it’s like to have a husband all to myself and then have to share him with another woman. I know nothing of what it’s like to have a husband who you love so dearly completely leave you, especially with children. I could only imagine.
I empathize with you when you said your husband left you for your bad behavior. I believe part of the reason my husband turned to polygamy was because I treated him so badly. Since his “marriage” to Carolinah, I treat him kindly, the way he deserves to be treated. In fact, yesterday he mentioned how badly I had treated him during our early days of marriage.
What has happened to you and I can only make us better Muslims, as we realize, recognize, acknowledge, and own our mistakes. So we ask Allah to change our hearts. Try not to be so hard on yourself, and don’t let others be hard on you. We know we’ve done wrong and admit it, but sometimes people want to rub it in our faces. It’s the worse thing when someone wants to step on your neck when you’re down on the ground, instead of helping you get back up.
You hang in there. Hold on tight to Allah and everything is going to be OK. I’ll make much dower for you! Remember Allah much, for remembrance of Allah is the greatest thing without a doubt.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.