Polygamy and Secret Plans
by ana on Mar.25, 2009, under my journey
Alex advised me early in his marriage to Carolinah that she did not like vacationing away from home. She liked spending that time with her family. It made me very happy knowing he and she wouldn’t have many big travel plans in sight.
One day Alex advised me that he would be with Carolinah for several days, deviating from our three days here and three days there routine. It was OK. I thought they would just lay around her house on a vacation.
And then one day I was talking with a friend of mine from a travel agency. He knew Alex and my situation. He said Alex had made travel arrangements in Alex’s name for two. It shocked the heck out of me. WHAT? The reservations were for the time that Alex said he’d be away with Carolinah. So there you go. I knew all their travel plans, without Alex even telling me. (What Allah wants revealed, no one can conceal). Did I let Alex know I knew?… Nope.
The fact that he and Carolinah were going someplace he and I had already been and they were not going to have the same high quality accommodations that he and I had, gave me consolation. (Many months later, Alex advised me that the trip that he had taken with Carolinah was job related. Her job sponsored it.)
Alex and I had a nice evening and morning together before his departure. Before he left that morning, he was sneaking around in the kitchen, making halal sandwiches to take on the plane. I still never let him know I knew he was going away; that I knew exactly where he was going and where he would stay.
***Alex and Carolinah’s vacation that I referenced above occurred in July 2007-Seven months after he “married” Carolinah***
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As Salaamu Alaikum!
Welcome to Polygamy 411! Our home is for Muslims and non-Muslims. It is for everyone who wants to talk about polygamy, or anyone who is in a polygamous marriage or is considering entering one. We like having company. Make yourself comfortable and join the discussion by leaving a comment. We look forward to seeing you here again soon and often.
travel 4 less!
April 24th, 2009 on 11:18 PM
As Salaamu Alaikum Sis,
You’re absolutely right! (I like the smiley face.)
Welcome! This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
April 24th, 2009 on 11:03 PM
Salaams Sis: Information is power
April 25th, 2009 on 6:34 PM
The way Alex acts and sneaks around reminds me more of a man having an affair…not a man who has two wives. I have to say it really bothers me; it’s not mature, it’s not honest and it isn’t being a respectful husband… Just my opinion of course..
April 27th, 2009 on 1:46 PM
M
Your opinion is very valuable to us and you are always valued here. You said Alex reminds you of a man having an affair. I often feel as though Alex is having an affair with Carolinah while married to me, opposed to having two wives. It is somewhat like he and Carolinah resumed their “affair” from where it left off several years ago when they were sleeping together, during Alex’s first marriage to Hafsa.
The sneaking around is what Alex and Carolinah apparently grew accustom to. When a man has an “affair”, the wife and the girlfriend usually never intend to meet and know each other, at least not amicably. As you are probably very much aware by now, Carolinah never had any intention to meet and know me, nor do I have any intention to meet and know her, any longer, as well.
I suspect Carolinah would prefer that her relationship with Alex was “an affair” opposed to polygamy. That way Alex could just go over there, spend the night and sleep with her whenever they wanted to-with no schedule. They could then sneak around with all that sordid passion of “an affair” and she could continue to feel like that hot sought-after, desired, special person that her man preferred to be with rather than his wife. Who knows- maybe she still feels that way, as long as she’s not admitting it is polygamy.
Carolinah’s marriage to Alex has posed a huge problem for her with her family (all non-Muslims), as well. Her family can’t understand what’s going on. Carolinah and Alex are “Married,” but Alex pops in and out of her life every few days; Furthermore, Carolinah often is emotionally upset about the conditions and circumstances of her marriage.
Alex sneaks, as he doesn’t want to be direct with me and tell me things, as he doesn’t want to deal with the emotional repercussions and my reactions etc. Although, I usually, already, pretty much know what’s going on before he tells me. My reaction to Alex and what he says today is no where what it used to be when I began my journey in polygamy.
Pliggy previously commented that Alex has two masters, Carolinah and me. No one can serve two masters without chaos and confusion. As long as Alex continues to try to serve Carolinah and me, he can have no peace.
July 31st, 2009 on 3:32 PM
Our mind in its desire to know, understand n control, mistakes its opinion n viewpoints as truth even though there is no reality to it thus putting us through untold sufferin. Its important for us not to allow our thoughts to control n consume our lives because after all they are just thoughts nothing mor.