Polygamy 411

On one of those unusual occasions when Alex and I had a civil conversation about his marriage to Carolinah, one late evening, he said Carolinah worried a lot that he might leave her. He said, “She thinks I’m going to leave her.” He said he promised her that he would never leave her.  He said he promised her that he would never leave her, and would never stop giving her money. That totally freaked me out…

I asked Alex how he possibly could promise Carolinah something like that when only Allah SWT knows the future.  I advised him that Muslims aren’t supposed to make promises in Islam, as we don’t know what Allah has decreed for us for tomorrow. We could make our intentions, but not promises. I advised Alex that, furthermore, he had made unlawful what Allah had made lawful. Divorce is permissible in Islam. 

Another time, Alex and I had a heated argument. I told Alex that if he couldn’t afford to take care of both Carolinah and me that he should divorce her.  He forcefully said he would never do that.  It alarmed me that he stated it so passionately and with such certainty.  He said, “I would NEVER do that!”  I thought again… How could anyone be so certain about what would happen in the future?

Alex’s statements made me wonder just how much he loved Carolinah and me. I remembered Alex told me, before he married Carolinah, that he had made it clear to her that he was not going to divorce me.  He said he told her that if she was marrying him thinking that he would divorce me, it was not going to happen.  

I considered how insecure and needy Carolinah must have been to ask Alex or any man to make a promise to her like that. Would she really want Alex to stay with her under any condition and circumstance?