Polygamy 411

Alex came home one day and asked me to forgive him.  After he married Carolinah, on a few occasions he asked me to forgive him.  I don’t know exactly what he asked forgiveness for.  Was it forgiveness for marrying Carolinah, for hurting me, or both?  I never asked Alex for clarification.  Maybe I didn’t ask what he meant, as I didn’t seriously consider what he was asking.

How could I forgive Alex for hurting me when I constantly felt the pain that his marriage to Carolinah caused me?  Can I forgive Alex for marrying Carolinah when he is still married to her and me? 

I felt that Alex at least had a bit of compassion in his heart each time he asked me to forgive him.  Sometimes, subtly, I’d verbally throw things at Alex, referring to what he had done…polygamy.  I’d throw in little jabs.  He responded saying, “You won’t forgive me.” 

I don’t think a day has gone by (in the last two years plus months) that I haven’t thought about polygamy-my life.  Nothing takes the thoughts from me, that my husband married another woman while married to me.

Vacations don’t help. Additional monies that Alex pays towards expenses don’t help. I thought the more monies I demanded from Alex, the more miserable he’d be and the happier I’d be.  It, however, didn’t work that way.  The money didn’t matter. I thought the more upset and hurt Alex was, the better I’d feel.  Nothing made a difference.   

What Alex says to me doesn’t erase the pain or my constant thoughts about living polygamy.  What he does don’t help very much. The pain and the thoughts still exist. 

I question whether Alex has anything to ask me to forgive him for.  Allah made polygamy permissible.  So, if Alex practices polygamy, why should I have a problem with him about it?  I had to learn and I am still trying to accept that whether Alex practices polygamy “correctly” or not is between him and Allah and his accountability is to Allah. 

Can I forgive Alex?  Has Alex wronged me?  I know certainly, first, Alex should concern himself with Allah’s forgiveness of him. 

The pain of living polygamy and the thoughts of it all, unquestionably, lessens, considerably, each day, as I pray and remember Allah.