Emotions Rise in Polygamy
by ana on Apr.19, 2009, under my journey
The weeks and days before my forthcoming experience with polygamy came rapidly, sparking within me various feelings and emotions. I was extremely angry at Alex for what he was about to do…polygamy?
In the evenings when he arrived home, I ranted and I raved. I yelled at him from the top of my lungs, spurting out obscenities. I can’t repeat those words and phrases here, as they are totally inappropriate. I’m sure you could imagine what they were.
Sometimes when he was watching TV or was on the computer, I’d rush right in from another room and explode-from a distance. I never got too close. I’d leave the room, again, and then would rush back. I did this repeatedly. I kept physical distance from Alex, during my fits of rage, fearing he’d clobber me and I’d end up laid out on the floor. Even in my state of fury, I was fearful, not wanting to take my actions and behavior too far. I was like a “crazy woman.” I’m sure the neighbors heard. (I was totally mortified and humilitated; I’m glad they moved.)
Alex never responded to my outrage. He just continued doing what he was doing, as though I wasn’t even there. I don’t know how he did it. I mean this went on throughout the night, for many nights, every night? I went on and on about how Carolinah just wanted his money and wanted sex. How she nor he knew anything about Islam. How it was the blind leading the blind. How he was going to practice polygamy just to hurt me, as I had hurt him by not living our lives the way he wanted me to.
At other times, I became reasonable. I actually began to get to know Alex better. I had an underlying motive. I’m sure Carolinah thought she was very special right about now. The two of them were preparing psychologically and physically for their steamy, hot encounters. Well, it was now time for me to get to know my husband better…to re-ignite the fire or, I should probably say, ignite it, as I don’t think it had ever been lit to begin with.
And that is what I did.
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As Salaamu Alaikum!
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travel 4 less!
February 15th, 2011 on 11:38 AM
I am Christian, and Arab, and I don’t understand you!! You live in USA, you are abviously educated and can hold a job, you were decieved, you entered this marriage thinking it is you and him only, and he decieved you. So why are you still with him????
YOu can get a divorce!! and live your life in happiness!!!!! there is happiness after a divorce! what you are living in right now is plain out called HELL on EARTH. My heart goes out to you and yes i understand you are scared and you don’t want to anger God, but let me assure you, God doesn’t want you miserable, God loves us, we are his children. email me if you want to talk.
February 15th, 2011 on 12:30 PM
Hi Rasha. Welcome to polygamy 411. We’re glad you joined us, and especially pleased you commented.
I just need to inform you that we have opposing beliefs. You believe we are children of God. I believe God has no children. We are God’s Servants on earth.
I’m assuming you began reading about my story from the beginning. I’ve been in this polygamous marriage for four years now. To date, I am pain free and content in my marriage. I won’t say happy, as happiness comes and goes. I am very happy some days and unhappy others, as with anyone else, regardless of what religion they are. Happiness is contingent a lot of times on what’s happening in our lives at the moment.
I love my husband, and have no doubt or question whatsoever that he loves me. Allah says polygamy is permissible and my husband became polygamous.
Allah tells us to be patient in whatever betides us. He assure us that he will protect, guide, and help the Believers. He knows what’s best for us and I believe all that he says. He tells us that we will be tried and tested in our lives. That is what happened with me with polygamy. My husband didn’t engage in polygamy the way I would have wanted him to; there was no mutual consultation and he lacked compassion towards me in how he went about marrying another. I don’t like the woman he married and there are other variables. Nonetheless, life isn’t always the way we want it to be. Who says it is supposed to be?
Before my husband married another I was content with him, and had no reason to divorce him. He became polygamous. It that a reason to divorce the man that I love and that loves me? He only did what Allah says he could and I believe Allah wrote the script for he, Carolinah and me to live in this polygamous marriage, therefore I have no reason to divorce. Anything my husband did that wasn’t correct regarding polygamy, he will account to Allah for it, as will we all, regarding anything we do.
Marriage is not easy whether monogamous or polygamous. We will encounter problems, setbacks, all types of dilemmas, and challenges in marriage. We’re supposed to work through them, not run from them when the going get’s tough. I intend to stand by my husband, continue to be there for him, support and love him and, if it pleases Allah, be married to him for the rest of his and my lives.
I think people to easily want to take the easy ( easy is questionable) root and divorce instead of working through their issues. There are very serious cases and situations in which divorce is the avenue that should be taken. For me, polygamy for me is not one of them.
Thank you again, Rasha, for commenting. Please feel free to elaborate more and continue to join us here