Polygamy 411

OK, so now I knew he was going to have an extra wife. Alex and I were going to be part and parcel of polygamy. The next morning Alex called me on his way to work, to check on me.  He said his stomach had been in knots and still was, as he was driving. I was pretty much feeling numb at that point, from what I could remember. 

A day or so later, in a state of denial, I asked Alex if he was really going to marry Carolinah. He said yes, and asked if I thought he’d kid about something like that. It was now the end of Nov. I asked when he might do it. He said, “In Jan. or Feb.” 

On  a later day, I asked Alex to give me more time, as it was too much, too fast. I needed more time to digest it all. He said, “No.”  He said delaying it would be like pulling a band-aid off a wound. It would be better to do it quickly and get it over with, he said. 

Needless to say, I was distraught and depressed. I spoke with my wali about it. He advised me not to worry, as only Allah SWT knew whether it was actually going to happen or not. The thought that it might not happen comforted me.

And then one day, soon afterwards, I received a phone call from Alex while I was at work.  With a bit of excitement in his voice, he said the wali for Carolinah advised him that she was ready and the wedding could take place. Alex said he set the date for mid Dec. (He gave me the exact date).  I was totally unprepared for the marriage, unprepared for polygamy in my life to take place so soon. After All, he had said it would take place in either Jan. or Feb.  

For many days to follow, I continued to ask Alex to give me more time and not do it so quickly.  I asked if  he would wait until Aug. or Sept. to give me time to accept the situation. He said, “No”. I began to plead many times for more time, until I realized I was begging. I again asked him if I was going to meet her.  He said no, as he feared I would try to stop it.

I spoke to a few people about how Alex had denied me more time.  One person said he treated me like a ”dog.” My oldest sister said, it was like he had given me a huge piece of steak and made me swallow it, without giving me a chance to chew.

So, now…what do I do? Polygamy was quickly becoming more of a reality for me.