Did I Do Terrible Things?
by ana on May.24, 2009, under my story today
Did I do terrible things when I was younger? My Egyptian friend Abdul recently said to me something like I (Ana) must have done some terrible things to experience so much torment and pain with polygamy. I thought, wow, what I had done to others. I dismissed and discarded them without a care. Am I now paying for all I had done in the past? I thought all my sins were forgiven when I became Muslim.
Today, another friend (my best friend) brought to my attention that “Payback is a Bitch.” Am I paying by way of polygamy for all the terrible things that I had done to others in the past? Am I now experiencing an agonizing pain and torment in this life?
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
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As Salaamu Alaikum!
Welcome to Polygamy 411! Our home is for Muslims and non-Muslims. It is for everyone who wants to talk about polygamy, or anyone who is in a polygamous marriage or is considering entering one. We like having company. Make yourself comfortable and join the discussion by leaving a comment. We look forward to seeing you here again soon and often.
travel 4 less!
August 18th, 2009 on 3:26 AM
No!!!
Ana, Fate gave you this life. In the bigger picture, that also means Fate gave you all the avenues for recourse that you have. You are not a muslim woman oppressed by the Taliban, or oppressed by your family forcing you to stay married. You can truly practice your religion and find all of the strength that you know you should get from it. Saying that you deserve this life, when you are truly free to run it as you see fit, is just negative thinking (and adding to the pain!). You are experiencing this pain because everyday that you don’t change it you are choosing it. Be it working it out with Carolina or taking another step, you’ve got to know that Allah loves you, Ana. He has given you more than just this pain.
Darn, I’m commenting again on things I can’t understand. But, Ana, you aren’t a bad person who deserves misery, and neither is Carolina. Everyone does their best as they see it at the time, and everyday is a new day to do your best. Hugs, Ana!
August 18th, 2009 on 6:25 AM
I brought up this question to my husband and he informed that no when you became Muslim Allah forgave all of your past sins. Allah test the true believers.
August 18th, 2009 on 6:25 AM
I meant I brought it up about myself…I often feel the same way….
August 18th, 2009 on 9:10 AM
We all have flaws.. and our tests are meant to help us overcome those flaws.. its up to us how fast we overcome them
most of us just keep repeating the same behaviour in every new circumstance
It’s sad that your friend thinks of God as punishing you for the sake of punishing
August 18th, 2009 on 12:39 PM
Amanda, Ummabdur-rahmaan, and 3rd, I just read all your posts and I feel sooo much better. I am so happy we are all friends. Consequently, I began thinking more about Carolinah and her feelings as a human being. It’s so difficult for me to feel much for someone that won’t communicate with me, just won’t let me in.
I made sincere efforts to connect with Carolinah this morning. I sent her three basic, nice texts throughout the morning saying “Hi” and “As Salaamu Alaikum Sister,” two with my photos trying to make a real connection. She has not responded. I think I have done all I can, anything else would be chasing her down, begging and pleading, which I will not do.
Her refusal to respond is further indication of what her relationship is with my husband Alex. It is all just so weird. That is the best way I can describe it right now.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
August 18th, 2009 on 3:30 PM
Good for you, Ana. I was waiting with baited breath to check your blog this morning. I really hope I don’t come across as preachy; you and your story are just so fascinating! It’s like I am 3/4 of the way through a book that I can’t put down. I’m emotionally invested in the herion of the book… You!! But, that makes me make comments that are only somewhat educated. I only know about you what is on your posts.
By the way, my comments were not necessarily meant to encourage you to make peace with Carolinah. I think she was misled, or misled herself, when she started this relationship with Alex. I wonder, she had children and she is financially supported by Alex, what was her situation when she and Alex “married”? I mean, maybe she was desparate for a way to support her family. What is her means for income before she “married” your husband? It could be that she was in a bad situation, and Alex took advantage of her vulnerability instead of helping her out with no strings attached. Because, second wife is some serious strings attached. Why would she have done it unless she felt she had to? No matter what, she is paying for it now, but also has the power to change it if need be. But, is she going to do a complete 180 and make friends with you? That would take a very strong person, she would have to admit to herself that every decision she made up until this point was misguided, that she in fact is married to a man with another wife. I hope she finds that strength, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.
No, I mean my hope is that you bring it down on Alex’s head. He has wrecked this whole thing and he needs to see it. I read coolred38′s old post (the coolred rant
) She had some good ideas. His sh*t should be left on Carolinah’s lawn. What does the Quran say about revenge?
August 18th, 2009 on 3:35 PM
I hate to encourage bad behavior, I know this is wrong, but only a fraction of how wrong Alex was when he broke all the rules in starting this new relationship (I don’t want to use “marriage” either, Ana. Not unless you think of it that way). You should hire a private investigator. It would answer questions you have about their relationship. And, what if he starts seeing a third wife? You have no reason to trust him.
August 18th, 2009 on 8:27 PM
Amanda, you’re not at all “preachy”. You bring up some good things to talk about and generate some good conversation. It’s fun talking with you.
I can’t really go with you with the Carolinah being misled part entirely. I think you are right; she was misled into marrying him. I think she was comfortable with, excuse the expression, the “slut” role. Remember she told me that she had sex with my husband before she married him and while I was married to him. Just to go over the history a bit. Alex and Carolinah began their affair while Alex was going through a divorce with his first wife. Carolinah’s affair with Alex continued for approx. three years. Alex met me (a co-worker of mine said he knew a nice guy recently divorce, Muslim, looking for a wife.) Alex stopped seeing Carolinah when I agreed to marry him. He and I got married several months later after we met (Quiet Islamic wedding-Just him and I and many people from the Mosque there for prayer). We had a traditional evening reception the next day and two week honeymoon. Alex told me about his relationship with Carolinah whenever I’d ask something about her. Otherwise, he didn’t mention her.
Somewhere along the line Alex and Carolinah hooked up again. When, I don’t know. She tried to tell me all about their illicit affair so to speak, but I began deleting texts without reading them. I became aware that he was going to her home (five months before they married) for “comfort”-his word-whatever that consisted of. She was in a financial bind, house falling down and all that (I saw it). Based on her job, I’d have to say she fell victim to being one of those persons who got taken by the bank and was given a mortgage when she couldn’t afford one. The interest rate later ballooned and she was in over her head. Alex advised me that he was marrying her to help her. His mom asked why he couldn’t help her without marrying her. His answer to me about that was he couldn’t be around her without marrying her. I guess that meant he had had a strong sexual desire for her.
So, Amanda, you see, she wasn’t vulnerable. They had it hot and heavy for each other before I even met him. Now, I truly believe Alex wanted to do the right thing Islamically and not just sleep or keep sleeping with her, so he convinced her “marriage”-an Islamic marriage with no license was the way to go. She saw sex with the man she loves and dollars signs which she definitely needed; and there we have it Carolinah and Alex in matrimony.
Alex said Carolinah thought she knew what she was signing on for with the marriage, but didn’t really know. I think a hot, steamy, passionate affair for some is easier than the scheduled, routine, Islamic, polygamous, marriage. I’m guessing, but assuming she’d prefer the affair to the marriage. Anyhow, she in it with Alex and trust me, she needs every bit of that money he gives her to continue living in that house and taking care of her teenager. So here we are.
Amanda, you asked about Quran and revenge, I’m sorry, but I have to avoid questions like that, as it’s off topic and I’m not versed enough to talk about it anyhow. But ask of me or anyone else here anything else you’d like about polygamy and us. I’ll try to answer if I can and I think others will as well.
Oh, I don’t foresee Alex taking a third wife. He keeps his financial end of the bargain-marriage and he’s not a millionare. He’ll get rid of Carolinah or me before he’d take on another. I know how Alex is with his money.
I did a lot of investigation on my own. I did check out where she lives, works,whether his name is on her deed etc. etc. etc.
Today Alex admitted to me on the phone that he did this whole thing wrong and asked me what he should do. I said I don’t know. I refuse to tell him to divorce her and have that hanging over my head. Only Allah can help him with this.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
August 18th, 2009 on 10:20 PM
You are so strong Ana. It is good to know a little more about what happened with Alex and Ana prior to their… whatever it is. You are right though- how can she accept polygamy and not the rest…unless she thought that was the good part? Blah. She is really over the top. I’m cheering for you!
August 19th, 2009 on 1:24 AM
Hi Ana
At the moment is seems like what both you and Carolinah would really like is for the other one to leave Alex. You both want to be the only wife. Is that fair to say?
If that is true, then I can’t see you being reconciled to her. You both want mutually exclusive outcomes. Until that changes, you are enemies.
Let’s put aside all the conflict with Alex and Carolinah for a moment — all the conflict over schedules, religion, who said what to whom, etc. I think you have an inner conflict that you need to resolve first… If you can’t have what you want (which is Alex all to yourself) what are you going to do? As I see it, these are your choices:
1. Leave Alex.
2. Stay with Alex.
Whatever decision you make, I hope you make it for the right reasons. If you won’t leave Alex because that would be to let Carolinah ‘win’, that would be the wrong reason. If you won’t leave Alex because of your love and your faith, that might be the right reason.
If you do stay with Alex, you have another set of choices:
1. Try to accept Carolinah as the second wife.
2. Keep hoping and waiting for Carolinah to leave Alex.
That makes three options in total:
1. Leave Alex.
2. Stay with Alex and accept Carolinah.
3. Stay with Alex and wait for Carolinah to leave.
Can you see that two of these options gives you power to change your life, while one of them gives the power to someone else? We can all see that you’re not a weak woman Ana, and you don’t like being powerless over your life… But that’s what you are in option 3, which is how things are right now. I think that’s why you sometimes send Carolinah hurtful text messages, or try to undermine her in front of Alex… It’s you trying to take control and push her out. But you can’t — not if she wants it bad enough, and it sounds like she does from all you’ve said. Is this the way you want to live the rest of your life? Fighting an unwinnable battle?
This is my male-brain attempt to break it all down logically Ana… You’ll have to forgive me for that! I know nothing is that simple when you’re up to your neck in the emotional pain of it all. You know I understand that. As your friend, I just want to see you find your way.
It’s interesting that you sent Carolinah some friendly texts today. If you search your heart, what do you think you’re goals were in doing that? Do you think part of you is considering option 2 (accepting Carolinah)? Or was there some other reason?
August 19th, 2009 on 2:58 AM
“You should hire a private investigator.”—-That would be bad and bring too many more ill feelings. Listen I think that you are making too many assumptions about her. Maybe she she was not comfortable with the slut role but was using it as a means to hurt you since you sent mean text messages intending to hurt her. I suggest if you want to reach out to her that you do it not via text message…Call her or since you know where she lives go to visit her. It will be hard but I am sure it will ease your mind. Sometimes when I think about the physical aspect of the relationship with hubby and co-wife I get all freaky but once I talk to them about it I realize that it is mostly me making it up….Obviously He loves the both of you so why not make the best of it. I can understand her not being ready to meet you and I am not saying that the two of you need to be the best of friends but at least shoot for cordial. Like if you had to be together for some reason or another you could without incident. I think there is more that you can do to reach out to her but I would definetly stay away from text messaging. If you call her and she gets snippy don’t retaliate just be honest and tell her that you are trying to mend things and apologize for your behaviour(calmly) and when she is ready to give you a call because you would really like to fix it. Then at that point you can rest easy knowing that you have put yourself out there and you are the bigger person who made the effort to connect. I mean what is the worst she can say…NO…..
August 19th, 2009 on 8:32 AM
As salaamu alaikum Ana, my sweet.
These two ahadith have made me welcome tests and trials, understanding that they are sent through Allah’s love. Subhaan Allah! I just did a sisters’ workshop on this very subject, and now here it is on your blog! I hope they do as much for you as they do for me.
Allah’s Messenger said, “The believing man or woman continues to have affliction in person, property and children so that they may finally meet Allah, free from sin.”
Hadith – Tirmidhi , a hasan sahih tradition.
As-Sulami’s grandfather, who was a Companion of the Apostle of Allah said: I heard the Apostle of Allah say: When Allah has previously decreed for a servant a rank which he has not attained by his action, He afflicts him in his body, or his property or his children.
Hadith – Dawud, Narrated Muhammad ibn Khalid as-Sulami
Love and hugs to you.
August 19th, 2009 on 10:02 AM
Ana asked: “Am I now paying for all I had done, all I had done in the past? I thought all my sins were forgiven when I became Muslim.”
It sounds to me like the person you should be asking that question of is Abdul, the friend you described in your post.
To me, understanding the religious basis of one’s life is crucial to right conduct, whether it is in relation to polygamy, or any other formative guidepost in our lives (and including btw, all the seemingly small issues too.) All questions in my life take me back to God. And I try not to let that relationship become vitalized only when I am in trouble, but always. So naturally I refer to these things when I offer comments on this blog. I get that you don’t want to talk about certain religious topics, and you’ve explained why. And I happen to be in agreement that all conversation, including happy stimulating ones with laughter should have a purpose, otherwise, silence is simply better. But questions like the one you posed above do not help me to understand what purpose you have for this blog, as it directly addresses the category of topic you have previously said, many times, that you do not want to get into.
August 19th, 2009 on 12:23 PM
Are there marriage counseling services for Moslem polygamists offered through your mosque? Maybe group counseling would help the three of you ?
August 19th, 2009 on 1:00 PM
Donald,
I’d like to thank you for taking the time to write out your thoughts in this matter. Shortly after reading it, as I was doing something totally unrelated, I noticed that I was experiencing mental ease, on a topic that has troubled me for more years than I wish to admit. I was surprised by the opening, and reflected on it. I noticed that I was unconsciously applying the schematic you shared. Then I realized that I had been living in the midst of this problem indefinitely, because I wanted magic results. I don’t have magic powers, no one does. Thank you for helping me face reality.
August 19th, 2009 on 1:04 PM
Hi Donald, It was very thoughtful and so kind of you to take your valuable time to so nicely breakdown the options that I have regarding this triad
that I’m in. I appreciate you helping me and all the help of the wonderful, kind and caring persons that are here.
I think I am becoming more and more comfortable with my life as it is right now and more accepting of it. Of course I still have those whacked out days when I think this whole thing just s..ks. But, for the most part I’m ready to stay married to Alex, accept that he has another “wife”, live my life with him, excluding her, and let her live her life with him, excluding me.
I truly believe Alex would divorce Carolinah, if I asked him to and I think he would like me to tell him to do so, so he’d have a way out. I know he wants a way out based on what he says to me now and then. I can tell he is so happy when he comes home to me. He lights up and glows. I’m not going to tell him what to do with her. If he were to divorce her of his own free will (I don’t want to touch the meaning of that-”free will”
and accord then I’d go with it. I won’t ask him to divorce her though. I don’t feel comfortable doing that.
So at this point Donald, I don’t want him all to myself. What gives me the greatest comfort, happiness and joy is having a legal marriage license and having the title, name and recogniztion of being Alex’s wife. I’m going away with Alex on a business trip for five days on Sunday. I love staying in five star hotels, room service and the pampering-that’s my thing. Those are journey days so Alex does not have to make those days up with Carolinah. He’ll be here tomorrow for my three days and then we leave for the “journey”. I’m the one that will be walking about by his side as his formal, real wife, with the formal introduction and it’s real-nothing I have to convenience myself of in my head.
I’m going to accept that Alex has a “wife” the same way there are non-Muslims wives that accept their husbands have mistresses. I see Carolinah as Alex’s mistress/”wife.” I am not expecting Alex to ever leave her and I am not going to accept her either. I don’t think she’s worthy of any type of acceptance.
About fighting Donald, you’re right. Why battle when there’s no fight. I feel good right now about living my life with Alex (That’s today anyhow). I’m just going to try to enjoy my life with him in the honorable position that I have with him. Carolinah shouldn’t be my concern. I can’t see her as a Sister in Faith. I don’t know what she is. I don’t even know for sure that she’s Muslim.
Donald, you are amazing. What made you think about the reason behind the texts? I texted her after Alex irritated me yesterday morning. Nonetheless, I had been considering what persons had said to me on this blog and I considered her as being a real person with feelings and I texted her nicely. Keep in mind it was “nicely.” That was a very big step for me. I knew it’d probably agitate her. Wasn’t it Minty on her blog who said kill her with kindness and you agreed?
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
August 19th, 2009 on 8:43 PM
Carolinah said she’s (Carolinah’s) a “slut” and slept with my husband. Whether it happened or she said it to hurt-does it matter which one it is? Did what she say speak much about her character? Sleeping with someone’s husband when one is not married to him is extremely serious. Islam is about modesty and chastity. Isn’t that part of why we cover our hair, breast and stuff, so we will be known as Muslims, and not be approached by every man that comes our way.
Carolinah and Alex had a sexual relationship before he married me and they were not married. Why should I doubt that she is lying? She was a “mistress” while Alex was going through his divorce. He was still married. Maybe the “mistress” role is what she’s comfortable with and likes.
What scares me is whether Carolinah’s morals are low enough for her to get angry enough to go sleep with another man besides Alex for payback to him. How would that affect my life, my health?
I think I’m crazy to reach to her anyhow. She slept with my husband. She fornicated, according to her confession, which means Alex committed adultery, if she’s not lying. Allah knows best. Again, she intruded on my marriage and I really don’t owe her anything. She should be banging down my door, apologizing.
I certainly wouldn’t go to her home and possibly get assaulted by her and her family, and charged with “Harassment.” Who knows what would happen. She won’t even return Salaams.
I’m sorry Ummabdur-Rahmaan, if I’m a bit harsh, but I’m a bit angry now, as I write this. I can understand you being understanding, as you have a cooperative co-wife. Unlike Carolinah is to me, you’re a very, very likeable person.
August 19th, 2009 on 11:32 PM
Judith, thank you for your kind words. Actually, you challenged me to apply my logic to my own life too… Isn’t it so much easier to comment objectively on someone else’s life and keep living with your own blind spots! Ana knows how screwed up I actually am.
Ana, I’m glad you were challenged to consider Carolinah as a ‘real person with feelings’. We all do ugly things sometimes, but we all bleed too. Remember, forgiving someone doesn’t mean pretending what they did was right. You’re allowed to acknowledge that Carolinah and Alex sinned against you in a terrible way. You’re allowed to dislike the kind of person Carolinah is. But when you can’t forgive her, it just hurts you — it perpetuates all the pain she caused you, over and over again. Also, there is a small chance that if you ever did get to know each other, you might not dislike each other quite so much… But I won’t push that particular point.
August 20th, 2009 on 1:22 AM
As salaamu aalaykum,
well I am late to this party but MashaAllah you have gotten some very VERY good responses. Going on your original post about paying for stuff that is a NO WAY! Allah swt forgave you of all your sins when you converted. So that’s not right.
I forgot who mentioned it (above) but I was told that Allah swt tests those he loves. The test of polygyny is hard it doesn’t reflect negatively on you at all.
Alhamdulillah I am very happy to see that you are progressing in your personal and spiritual growth. May Allah swt make it even easier for you ameen. I am not going to touch the Carolina being a mistress thing because it’s not my place and I always put my foot in my mouth when I have.
By the way I was DYING to ask you about the health issue but I felt I was being too nosy. That was actually one of my main concerns about polygyny. Also the suggestion about the private investigator is not a good one (a well meaning one) but it is destructive. I doubt your husband will respond positively and since you have decided to stay married doing so will jeopardize your marriage and all the work you have accomplished up until now.
I agree with Donald on most if not all of his points mashaAllah. I also agree with your feelings as they are valid ones. Giving you advice is also a heck of a lot easier than me following it but I agree with the Donald when he wrote, “But when you can’t forgive her, it just hurts you”
It has less to do with her and more to do with you and the quality of life you want to lead. wa salaam
August 20th, 2009 on 1:57 AM
Mai, As Salaamu Alaikum
Thank you for the special ahadiths. I pray polygamy for me is purifying. You all know much about some of my not good (putting it mildly) actions from what I said I’ve done. I’m getting better-Thank Allah much! I pray we all are.
I really needed desparately to hear those words (ahadiths). I pray Allah SWT gives you mega barakats, Mai, for delivering those words to all of us.
Love and hugs to you too, Mai!
August 20th, 2009 on 2:22 AM
Judith, I apologize if I went a place where I said we shouldn’t go. You are right; we shouldn’t separate “religion” from our lives, as “religion” should be a way of life. Here on this site we have to keep it all connected to polygamy in some kind of way and know where to draw the line.
I was asking in the last post whether I was going through so much pain, agony, and suffering in my life by way of polygamy due to all the wrong things I’ve done in my life. Perhaps I wasn’t very clear. It was probably one of my shortest posts and I didn’t elaborate much.
People of all different “religions” are here on the blog, so it gets a bit complicated at times. As long as we stay with polygamy as having something to do with what we say, I think it’s a safe gauge, whether Christian polygamy, LDS polygamy, Mormon polygamy, Islamic polygamy or whatever. Sometimes we will stray off topic, but we need to try to stay on the topic polygamy as best we can. No one has to be living polygamy, but at least have an interest in the topic polygamy or a desire to learn something about their own lives from hearing others speak of polygamy. Polygamy must be connected in some way.
I’m sincerely sorry, Judith, for having offended you.
August 20th, 2009 on 2:43 AM
Chatelaine, I don’t know the answer to your question. I believe, however, I’m getting the best counseling that I can, here and from other blogs owned by our friends who are here, as well.
I would not be willing to sit down with Carolinah and Alex to discuss this matter, with all the chaos and bad feelings that exist amongst the three of us.
It’s a good question though, Chatelaine. I’m interested in knowing whether anyone is aware of counseling being offered at any of the mosques for Muslims practicing polygamy.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in. I keep forgetting to add my saying at the end of all my responses. I don’t want to be selective anymore. Previously I only placed my slogan on responses to new visitors.
August 20th, 2009 on 2:54 AM
Donald, I know you are absolutely right; we should forgive even when angry, hurt or whatever the emotion is. Don’t you hate when people say, “I’m just not there yet?” Well, I’m just not there yet
You’ve got those smilies down packed. I have to catch up with you. I’ve got my tired old smiley. Its smile is getting real old.
Everyone-Donald is just being hard on himself. He’s no more screwed up than any of the rest of us. All of us are just screwed up in different ways.
I probably could forgive Carolinah one day, but forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean friends.
August 20th, 2009 on 3:13 AM
Umm Ibraheem, thank you. I’m glad you joined the party. It’s never too late to party. If the party is dying, you could always get it going again.
About health issues, I think polygyny is supposed to be a safe haven; sexual relations are legitimized and based on fear of Allah, everyone maintaining chastity, modesty and virtue, so there would be no fear of contracting any sexually transmitted disease.
What happens when everyone in the polygamous marriage isn’t on the same page? What happens if one of the parties or more does not care about those attributes-modesty, chastity and virtue? Person’s lives, health and wellbeing could be jeopardized at that point. Maybe that is where Muslim for Muslim, Believer for Believer and so forth comes in when selecting mates.
Alex advised Carolinah what I had told him before we married…how long I had been maintaining my chasity while waiting for Allah SWT to give me my husband. Carolinah sent me a text telling me in so many words what a dried up old prune I had been. That hurt me badly and said more to me than enough about her.
August 20th, 2009 on 3:24 AM
how long I had been maintaining my chastity while waiting for Allah SWT to give me my husband. Carolinah sent me a text telling me in so many words what a dried up old prune I had been
WHAT?! I am sure Alex doesn’t feel like that at ALL. If she ever voiced that opinion out loud it probably made your husband appreciate you more. I know it doesn’t mean anything to you but I am proud of you. Alhamdulillah. I am sure Alex is also relieved that no one else was tending to you before marriage. Anyway I sidetracked from your original post but her comment I think hurts her more than you as it is not in a woman’s fitra to be promiscuous.
May Allah swt save you and your husband from having any health issues due to Carolinah. Ameen. (Didn’t know how to phrase it so if I offended please forgive me.)
August 20th, 2009 on 3:43 AM
Umm Ibraheem, you are wrong, what you say does mean much to me and you didn’t offend me in anyway. I wasn’t going to bring what she said to anyone’s attention, as it was too embarassing for me. But now (when I said it) it felt OK. I guess the pain of what she said is subsiding.
I would think Alex surely had to see her in a different light when she said that…who really knows though, really. He never told me that he sees her differently. I believe he does want to make things right though…whatever that is to him. I’m just going to go with it. I’m not hoping for him to leave her though. I’m getting more and more comfortable and content with my life as it is…much happier. Alhumdiallah!
August 20th, 2009 on 4:11 AM
Oh Ana… Isn’t it sad that the world makes us feel embarrassed about chastity, when it is one of the most treasured things you can give your spouse. Umm Ibraheem is absolutely right… That is something any husband would value, and I’m sure Carolinah knows it. Lots of people have pasts they’re not proud of, but when you’re truly at peace with your past, you don’t feel the need to pull down others in the way Carolinah did. It reeks of of her own insecurities if you ask me.
August 20th, 2009 on 4:54 PM
Yep, Donald, it is just too bazaar. I thought most people who willingly accept a religion, convert, wasn’t born into it, do some research beforehand to make sure it’s right for him or her. They certainly must know there are some rules associated with it regarding chastity, morals and virtue, unless they joined Satanism.
Getting hit in the face by Carolinah with her admission to an illicit love affair with my husband was a shockeroooo!
November 9th, 2009 on 1:41 AM
I hate it when people say things to imply that people “deserve” the @#it they get handed in life. Does a 5 year old “deserve” to be beaten up by her alcoholic mother or father?
I don’t know if you have heard the saying “God makes the sun to shine on the just and the wicked alike” or something along those lines. This means that what happens in life on this earth isn’t always “fair” the way we would like it to be, in terms of bad people getting only bad things and good people only get good things. I think the whole point is not what we are given or what happens to us – but what we make of what we are given or what happens to us – how we handle it, pull through it, and use the experience. And our real reward is in the hereafter… remember that too..