Polygamy 411

Mutual consultation in Alex and my polygamous marriage has been a  topics my wali and Alex discussed and Alex and I have discussed. The biggest problem in Alex and my marriage arose when he failed to consult with me about taking a second wife. Alex made up his mind he was going to engage in polygamy without considering me and how I felt about it. I still haven’t recovered from it.

Now, It has happened again.  He didn’t consult with me once again. Alex advised me he was going to need minor surgery. It was nothing serious. It was an outpatient procedure. I asked him when he would schedule it. He said he gave the doctor some dates that he’d be available.

A couple of days later Alex and I arrived home separately, at the same time. I walked him inside while he was on the telephone. He was talking with his mother, and was acting peculiar like I wasn’t supposed to hear the conversation. Later when we entered the house, his relative (step son from his first marriage, now ex-wife) returned Alex’s phone call. Alex advised him that he was going to have surgery on June 30th.

Once Alex got off the phone, I asked him if he had scheduled the surgery. He said, yes, for June 30th. He immediately said his stepson was going to pick him up afterwards. I was fuming, burning up. I asked, “Well just when were you going to let me know? I’m your wife.” I said, “Your mother knows. Your work knows. Your step children know. I’m sure Carolinah knows. Just when was I supposed to know?”

Alex had scheduled the surgery for Carolinah’s day. He would begin his vacation with her then. I’m assuming Carolinah will drop Alex off at the hospital and Alex’s stepson would take him back to Carolinah’s house after the surgery. Where do I fit in or am I supposed to? What, was I supposed to wait until Alex returned home after 13 days of being with Carolinah and find out he had surgery? Or did Alex expect me to sneak into the hospital like some ho (whore) to visit him for his surgery and then go home.

I was furious. How could Alex make all those plans for his surgery, and include all those persons in the plans, and not include me, not even discuss it with me? I told Alex mutual consultation means I am the first person that is to know. I said, “I am your wife. I know before your mother knows, before your job knows, and before your stepson knows.” I advised him that I am to take part in selecting the date he has surgery, the details of where he would recuperate, and his transportation etc. He and I should discuss it all.

I explained to Alex what mutual consultation was, and advised him to stop delivering information to me and start discussing matters with me. I advised Alex that until he gets it in his head and figure out what “mutual consultation” in affairs means, he better stay the #uck away from me. My blood pressure was so high. I checked the mirror in the bathroom and my face and upper chest were so red. My chest was in a rash from the anxiety of it all.

I don’t know the details of the surgery and I refuse to ask. It appears he’ll have the surgery in my absence. If I can’t go respectfully with him as his wife, I won’t go at all.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.