Polygamous Marriages and Gay Marriages-Same Agenda?
by ana on Jul.06, 2009, under polygamy - the aftermath, Section 1
I’ve come across numerous articles on the web, referencing the comparison of polygamous marriages to gay marriages. Some people are voicing the opinion that if gay marriages are legalized, polygamous marriages should be as well. I just couldn’t see the correlations between the two. I didn’t contemplate it much. I just thought it was a bazaar comparison. Now giving it some consideration, I still think the two are not quite relevant.
Gay marriages are a lot like monogamous heterosexual marriages-the only difference is the persons in Gay marriages are of the same sex. Still, there are only two Gay persons married to each other at one time. Gay couples that marry would receive the same rights under the USA state, family/domestic laws etc, and would be given the same rights as any heterosexual married couple.
Should polygamous marriages be legally recognized in America, if Gay marriages are? Well, I think polygamous marriages should not be on the same agenda as Gay marriages. To legalize polygamy, the USA would have to revamp the laws of the country-Family Law, health care, benefits, just to name a few.
Divorce Courts and Family Courts in the USA have an overwhelming caseload. They can barely keep up. They are totally backlogged with cases. Sometimes it takes three to four years or more for couples to get legally divorced in America.
Why would America want to take on the overwhelming burden of mediating polygamous marriages? How is it feasibly possible for the court system in America to figure out what going on in polygamous marriages?
America gives man the right to exercise his religious freedom by putting its blinders on when it comes to polygamy, unless the polygamous marriages have allegation of abuse associated with them. America steps in if those engaged in polygamous marriages breach the laws referencing the protection of women and children from child abuse, domestic violence etc, bigamyor if there is abuse of the system, including welfare fraud and the like.
What are your thoughts?
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July 7th, 2009 on 9:00 PM
I agree that it would be harder to legalize polygamy because of family law, tax law, etc. From a moral perspective though, why should polygamy be viewed as criminal behavior? A man can have sex with as many women as he wants, so long as he doesn’t commit to any of them? Doesn’t make sense to me. The real crime, as you point out Ana, is the abuse of women and children, and that can happen in any kind of relationship.
Should marriage be administered by the state at all? Could the law protect women and children without any legal definition of marriage? I haven’t thought about it long enough to give any answers… just throwing out the question.
July 7th, 2009 on 9:16 PM
Those are some excellent, thought provoking questions you posed, Donald. All thoughts and feedback regarding them are welcomed.
July 7th, 2009 on 9:31 PM
I don’t understand why Polygamy would be illegal when I know of guys who consistently go out and have relations with multiple women. That’s legal. They can even have lots of kids and the state will pay for them.
I’d like to see a rational explanation WHY consenting ADULTS cannot have a Polygamous marriage. I’ve spoken with politicians and get a weird look from them. But then it’s ok for homosexual marriage. They don’t think that’s a problem
I’m like “Are you serious?
July 8th, 2009 on 2:07 AM
u235sentinel said: They don’t think that’s a problem
The point is, a lot of people don’t think at all — they just accept the status quo.
To be fair on politicians, they have a difficult job, and none of them are going to go out of their way to make it more difficult for themselves by championing such an unpopular concept as polygamy. Look at what they could expect:
- Vocal backlash from many groups, from both the left and right
- Uphill battle to gain political and community support
- Adding complexity to existing laws that deal with marriage
- Emotional campaigns by opposition parties, losing power at the next election and seeing the hard-fought changes reversed.
What’s the upside? For a short time they please a very small minority that is open-minded enough to endorse it.
The only way it’s going to happen in a democratic country is if people living in happy polygamous marriages, and people who support them, become very outspoken in promoting such a way of life, and manage to slowly bring about a shift in community attitudes. They’re not outspoken because of the existing laws and widespread public attitudes that would judge them. So it’s a catch 22.
July 9th, 2009 on 12:07 AM
Makes sense. I don’t live in such a relationship however my wife and I have discussed it in the past. And in speaking with people I always help them understand we’re talking about consenting adults here. Not abuse or underage marriage as many times people use those as excuses to outlaw polygamy.
We already have laws against that rubbish.
July 9th, 2009 on 8:24 PM
well it would be nice to see some happy polygamous relationships on this blog
I have posted before as being in one AND NOT ON SINGLE OTHER PERSON HAS AGREED WITH ME.
I truly wonder why, misery attracts perhaps
wonder if this gets posted
July 9th, 2009 on 8:40 PM
Donald said: “The only way it’s going to happen in a democratic country is if people living in happy polygamous marriages, and people who support them, become very outspoken in promoting such a way of life.”
Is there actually anyone out there in a “happy polygamous marriage?”
If we take the number of people living polygamous marriages and subtract the number that are unhappy, and subtract the number that are happy but not “outspoken”, how many are left that are happy and outspoken-”the small minority that is open-minded enough to endorse it?”
July 9th, 2009 on 8:48 PM
Hi u235sentinel, welcome and thank you for sharing. Apparently you are in favor of polygamous marriages. You mentioned you and your wife discussed it in the past; what are your wife’s feelings about polygamy?
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
July 9th, 2009 on 10:58 PM
Jane, is anyone else happy in your marriage besides you?
July 9th, 2009 on 11:35 PM
Jane Akshar said:
“I have posted before as being in one AND NOT ON SINGLE OTHER PERSON HAS AGREED WITH ME.”
Having read your posts, I can well understand why.
Jane, I gather that you view yourself as more happy and enlightened than those around you (such as those on this blog.) That perspective is not at all uncommon. In fact, positioning oneself as either above or below others, or as having more than or less than others is a very common way of experiencing the world. But happiness inducing it is not.
July 10th, 2009 on 12:05 AM
Wife: “Share the load baby! I love my husband! I actually don’t have any reservation towards having another woman around. If I approve of her. My husband and I have teased each other that then I would have someone else to gain up on him to convince him of some issues. I think that if a person is in a polygamous relationship that means being unselfish and having an even deeper love and commitment toward each other. It is easy to be jealous, but if you are in it for the right reasons and are sensitive to each others feelings, it can be as wonderful as a monogamous marriage.”
July 10th, 2009 on 2:20 AM
Oh Jane, FOR THE LOVE OF BLOGGING! No one is knocking you for wanting to share your story with others… It’s the way you go about it that gets on everyone’s nerves. What do you want Ana to do… lie to us about her polygamous marriage and tell us all how wonderful it is? Like you, I believe polygyny can and does work for some people, and I would like those people for whom it does work to be able to live it without fear of being labelled criminals and deviants. That is what we’re discussing at the moment. But that’s not the fundamental purpose of Ana’s blog. Polygamy was forced upon her against her will and this has caused her a lot of pain. Can’t you understand that?! This is her place to work through things and express herself. If you still don’t get it, I don’t know what else to say.
Ana said: Is there actually anyone out there in a “happy polygamous marriage?”
You are naughty Ana. You know the answer to that! I only follow a small number of blogs, but I know that our friend 3rd is happy (3rdlady.blogspot.com), as is Megan C (megans-polyblog.blogspot.com).
Ana said: Jane, is anyone else happy in your marriage besides you?
LOL! Very naughty Ana.
July 10th, 2009 on 1:20 PM
Wife of u235sentinel, it’s very, very nice to hear you are opimistic about the joys and happiness a polygamous marriage could bring. I’d love to hear you repeat your comments once you are in a polygamous marriage, living it for about three months. Thank you very much for sharing how you feel. We appreciate it much: it’s very interesting.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
Ana
July 10th, 2009 on 2:47 PM
Donald, I didn’t mean for persons to take me literally when I asked, if there was “anyone” out there happy in polygamous marriages. I don’t mean to suggest there is no one out there happy in a polygamous marriage; that would be just too absolute.
We do know that polygamous marriages in America are few and we know that there is an overwhelming number of unhappy polygamous marriages-not only to mention polygamous marriages in America, but the world as well. I provided some information regarding polygamy in various countries in the category: Polygamy 411 News on this site…more world news about polygamy is to come soon.
July 10th, 2009 on 3:40 PM
Judith, I re-read Jane’s previous posts. I think you called it right-perhaps Jane does view herself as “more happy and enlightened” than those around her. Jane said, “Because of me my co-wife has better medical care, better standard of living, stronger and healthier children. When she had her second child I made sure she got a washing machine. Her children adore me, they are very young so unable to hide anything and I know they reflect their mother. I have the joy and pleasure of the wider family and because I run our business, the time to do this properly. She has the time to cook meals that need long preparation and if it is something I am particularly fond of she sends some to me.”… “I am British, educated and highly…”
I wonder whether Jane’s “co’wife” is happy living polygamy, sharing a husband and being subservient to Jane or whether she’s just grateful to have improved living conditions…
July 10th, 2009 on 3:52 PM
Jane, in a previous post you said, “My husband has talked about getting a third wife, and people ask me how I feel about it. I reply that he is so loving, so wonderful and I respect his judgement. If he feels he can do that and make all three happy then I trust him that will be the case. Although personally I would prefer him not to.” Why would you prefer him not to?
July 10th, 2009 on 4:55 PM
Ana,
After reading Jane’s last post, I followed up on reading some of her blogs, as she herself suggested previously.
Only a fool would talk the way she is talking. Happiness, in my book, is an experience so precious and fleeting, it is akin to God. And when it enters one’s life, one treasures it, shares it, but doesn’t hoard it, because it won’t last.
There may be some real adventures going on in your life, Ana, but you are not a fool, and anyone who reads your blog knows it.
July 11th, 2009 on 12:55 PM
Thank you Judith.