How I Was Introduced to Islam and Polygamy
by ana on Aug.20, 2009, under hello world
I accepted Islam and became Muslim approximately 25 years ago. My introduction to Islam and polygamy began like this: I met a man at a business affair. (He owned the business.) After seeing him a few more times, I asked if he was Muslim. He said, “Yes.” (I assumed he was Muslim based on his Arabic name.) I advised him that I was interested in knowing more about his religion. I had been searching for something in my life although I didn’t know what it was. I had felt something was missing in my world. I had stopped doing the things that I normally did, as those things just weren’t doing it for me anymore. I was tired of going out, having “a good time.” It just seemed old and I envisioned my life many years from then. I visualized where I’d be and I saw myself being in the same place, but just older.
Anyhow, he bought me a Quran. I read it and then Ramadan was a couple months later so I fasted-my first fast as a Muslim in Islam. I wanted to get married and I thought he’d be ideal. Then he hit me with polygamy. He said he believed in having more than one wife. Wow, when he told me that, it knocked the wind right out my sails. I wasn’t going for that…No Way, No How. He advised me that he had an intended (He was already engaged to a woman). So I thought I’d find a way to get him to ditch her, but it didn’t happen. Nonetheless, ever since then, he, she (His intended became his wife), and me remained the very best of friends and he and I are good business associates.
So, down the road, I met Alex…my ideal man for a husband-educated, good job, enough money, liked traditional life (a little bit too much) but that was OK. He said he didn’t know much about Islam, but was willing to learn. He said he was not interested in polygamy, and couldn’t see how anyone would want more than one wife. He said he wouldn’t take a second wife, as his job wouldn’t allow for it anyhow. That was enough for me. So we were compatible and we decided we’d marry. That is what he and I thought we were supposed to do in Islam- meet and marry.
I knew how important it was in Islam to accept the entire Quran, the whole Book, and not pick and choose what parts I liked, and wanted to follow. Polygamy is a part of Islam and I was strongly opposed to polygamy. I always was very uneasy about not truly accepting the whole Quran (rejecting polygamy). Although I didn’t have to live polygamy, I wondered if it was still OK for me not to like it. I asked myself, did polygamy really matter in my life anymore? The unrest in my soul kept haunting me about not accepting the entire Quran. I feared how it would affect my life after this life. And then it happened…
I got hit with the unexpected in my life-polygamy. It was forced upon me. It didn’t happen by choice, not my choice. In practicing polygamy, I now have an opportunity to accept the whole Quran. I can’t remove polygamy from it. The only difference is I need to accept polygamy with enthusiasm, as we are supposed to accept all of Allah’s decisions with enthusiasm. That is what I aspire to do.
So there you have it in a nutshell-my introduction to polygamy and Islam.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
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As Salaamu Alaikum!
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travel 4 less!
August 20th, 2009 on 10:02 PM
Ana, what a great post. I think that really sums up your story so well, and should be the first thing anyone reads who really wants to understand where you’re at and why this has brought you so much pain and inner conflict.
August 21st, 2009 on 12:11 AM
I hear you. I honestly believe husbands should be required to be up front with their wife if they are looking to do something like this. You can’t expect a marriage to work well (if at all) unless everyone is honest with each other. Ultimately it will fail.
And about polygamy, I know we’ve talked about this before. I honestly believe it’s not for everyone. I’m not sure it’s even for me (even though my wife is all for it). At least she says she is IF it’s with the right women. We agree she must be part of that selection process.
I must ask. What’s the reason for polygamy? Honest question.
My opinion? It’s for several reasons including bringing souls to earth by providing them with a body. It’s for increasing blessings in your life (Psalms calls children a blessing from the Lord). Increased spirituality (this is one of the toughest because of the issues with sharing). Also to make available men who are good providers and husbands to those who are unable to find a good man. There are a lot of jerks out there unfortunately.
Just to name a few items.
I don’t mean to speak out of line or be insensitive to another’s feelings. Men do that a lot I’m afraid :/
August 21st, 2009 on 1:33 AM
Donald, l have to say life is so amazing. After I finished the post, I thought it would have made a good beginning, but I got it all backwards. Until today, I never thought to write how it all began and writing it was so easy.
I’m glad you and I are on the same page. Thank you for suggesting that it be a beginning. I think I can add it to “Hello World” or something. I’ll take a look.
I must repeat I truly believe you’d be a huge success as a moderator on a public blog, but take your time and do it only when and if you think you’re ready. Thanks you for being so helpful all the time Donald.
August 21st, 2009 on 1:49 AM
u235sentinel, you seem like one of those happy people. It’s all good. I feels positive energy emanating from you.
I think based on what you said, you and your wife have a good mindset for the making of a happy polgamous marriage. You both are communicating positively about the possibility of practicing polygamy and you both want her (your wife) to be part of the selection process, which is wonderful.
All the reason you cited for polygamy are valid ones from what I’ve seen. What you said about a lot of “jerks” being out there. They do exist in multitude; I’m just guessing. I like the name “Later Day Saints”. It’s a cool name.
August 21st, 2009 on 3:59 PM
u235sentinel, did I sound like a pyschic? I re-read my response and it sounded that way to me when I spoke of the “positive energy emananting.” It wasn’t my intention to give you a psychic reading LOL
August 21st, 2009 on 7:38 PM
No worries. I was thinking you were suggesting my comments were positively charged or something. Personally I don’t believe in pyschics but I do believe in receiving revelation and visions. I know people might think that’s weird but I do.
I appreciate your comments
August 22nd, 2009 on 9:54 AM
Ana,
It’s amazing how our lives turn out! The things we fear and try to avoid are often the things we have to come face to face with eventually. Those “things” sometimes become our life trials.
You have come a long way since starting this blog. I think you are handling this trial admirably as you face it head on, work on dealing with your emotions and behaviors in a better manner, and at the same time helping others who are facing the same challenge.
I am curious. Does your friend who intoduced Islam to you practice polygamy now? And if so, how has his marriages turned out and how did his first wife handle living with polygamy? I guess what I am really asking – Is it easier on the women if the husband is upfront about it from the very beginning?
August 22nd, 2009 on 10:47 AM
CM, the first thing I started thinking about when I woke up this a.m. was tests and trials, exactly what you mentioned. I was wondering what other test and trials awaits me. I didn’t want to go there, thinking what might be in the future. I pray God doesn’t give me a burden more than I have the strength to bear. But I see polygamy as definitely being one of my biggest tests in life.
I definitly have noticed a significant change in me since I began blogging and it hasn’t been long since I began. Writing and talking with everyone has been a blessing for me and I pray it has helped others. I tuly think it has. You have been wonderful, CM. I’ll never forget the day I spoke with you. I think it was during the whole anniversary thing and I didn’t know whether Alex would come home that day or not. He was scheduled to be with me. I went online feeling desperate, sad, and all alone and then the next thing I knew you were there, saying kind things, like God had sent you. It brings tears to my eyes still as I write about it right now. I’ll never forget that day and you being here for me.
My friend never practiced polygamy and he was the one always preparing for four wives. He and his wife are still married. It appears they always will be. He no longer wants more than one wife, doesn’t want more than his current wife, he said.
CM, your question about whether it’s easier for a woman if her husband is upfront about wanting polygamy from the beginning. I don’t really think it makes a difference. When I considered marrying my friend and he was upfront about polygamy, I was still devastated by the thought of living it and I disliked his intended (his wife now) very much at the time, only because of the thought of her being my co-wife in polygamy. I think being upfront is admirable and good, totally better than deceit. For a woman to face polygamy when she doesn’t want it is one of the most difficult things imaginable. I think a woman has to know polygamy is a possiblity for her and she not want it for anyone to know how it feels. The thought of polygamy alone tears many women apart inside. Thank you CM.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
August 22nd, 2009 on 2:06 PM
I think you are right, even if the wife knows ahead of time – polygamy is just plain hard for most women (if not all women)! You are also right that being upfront is better than deceit. It’s hard enough to deal with polygamy without adding the loss of trust on top of it all. Trust is an important key to making any marriage work – in my opinion. And it seems to me that trust would be especially necessary in polygamous marriages especially because of their complexity.
However, having said all that, sometimes we all just have to make the best of the lives we have and try to make the best choices possible based on God’s will and not our own.
I am glad I was there when you needed me. I have seen you do the same for others.
Take care Ana!
July 1st, 2011 on 12:20 PM
i’m considering polygamy…do any of you sisters know of any sisters likewise?
July 1st, 2011 on 12:29 PM
Khaalid,
Here is a link to Polygamy 411′s absolutely FREE marriage site that has polygamy options http://marriageinthemaking4u.com/
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.