Is Polygamy in Islam an Obstacle for Men?
by ana on Sep.07, 2009, under polygamy - the aftermath, Section 1
I am a bit concerned with where exactly polygamy is leading Muslim men, particularly my husband Alex, in the 21st century. Is polygamy in Islam an obstacle to Paradise for some Muslim men? It seems to me that Alex has added a huge burden to his life, as he now has a second wife, Carolinah, and has the challenge of dealing with us as equals. One marriage is a tremendous trial in and of itself for a man without adding a second marriage.
I think in 2009, having only one wife gives a man a better chance to enter Paradise. Life is not as simple today, regarding marriage, as it was in the time of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him). Living conditions are not the same. Some wives married to the same man don’t live in close proximity to each other, so the man has to travel farther. It’s significantly more costly to clothe, feed and house wives today than it was years ago. How do men manage and maintain two households, two women or more, with all the stressors of modern day, today?
An additional obstacle to a man in Islam entering Paradise could be regarding the controversy that exists about when and why polygamy is permissible. Some Islamic scholars and theorist believe polygamy was permitted to ensure the welfare of orphans. Polygamy was linked to the treatment of orphans and it was believed that men were given the responsibility of managing the welfare of orphaned children. If the men were incapable of doing so in a just manner, they could take them as wives to avoid any unjust mismanagement.
So, if the above is the case, what will become of the man who married a second wife that was not widowed with orphaned children? Some scholars believe he should have married the second wife to prevent unfair treatment of her orphans. An orphan has been defined as a juvenile who has not reached puberty, and has lost his or her father, and lives with his mother.
Granted, there are cases where polygamy could be a means to help a man enter Paradise, if he is charitable, helping a woman with children, and the like. But, truly, I would like to know how many men are practicing polygamy to seek the good pleasure of Allah SWT and how many men are practicing polygamy merely to seek their own good pleasure.
I think a safer, easier route for a man to take when striving for Paradise may be monogamy. I wonder whether many men consider that polygamy in Islam may be an obstacle to them entering Paradise. What do you think?
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
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As Salaamu Alaikum!
Welcome to Polygamy 411! Our home is for Muslims and non-Muslims. It is for everyone who wants to talk about polygamy, or anyone who is in a polygamous marriage or is considering entering one. We like having company. Make yourself comfortable and join the discussion by leaving a comment. We look forward to seeing you here again soon and often.
travel 4 less!
September 8th, 2009 on 4:28 PM
As salaamu alaykum Ana!
Oooh! What a topic! I believe many of the polygynous marriages of modern day fail because the men have not purified their intentions regarding taking another wife. The marriages are more tests and lessons for the men than genuine adoption of a beautiful Sunnah. Somehow the whole subject always comes right back to the MAN. After all, if he is really doing it for the sake of Allah and following a Sunnah of our beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, then he would not be marrying someone who simply causes a truckload of fitna. If he was genuine in his reasons and intention, he would approach the whole matter through proper channels…which would mean NO relationship prior to marriage and everything through a wali or wakeel. There would be thorough research into the character and background…not simply into the shape, size, and appearance. There would be consideration about whether that person would benefit the current marriage and family; whether the prospective wife is of a level of emaan and taqwa to really fear Allah in her dealings and love the best for the “rest” of the family she is joining. Truly, I don’t believe that marriages fail without problems in their foundation…and that foundation is based on the man because HE makes the choice, HE bears the weight of conducting himself properly, HE bears the responsibility of being fair. I have often said that I believe men should prove themselves capable of having one successful long-term relationship before embarking on polygyny. Of course, many would argue with that saying there is no basis in the Sunnah for it. However, I can see a clear basis in the Sunnah when I look at the 25 year marriage of the Prophet and Khadijah. The ensuing marriages, after her death, were quite quick on each other’s heels, but he had established himself as an exemplary husband and father prior to all that. Sadly, I see men who have a disastrous polygynous marriage and yet do not learn the lessons Allah is sending them. In these cases, the cycle continues….the beginning is not correct, the relationship beforehand is not correct, and basically everyone is thrown into the turmoil again.
Regardless of what they say, polygyny still appears to be primarily to satisfy some discontentment in men. It always comes back to my mind Surah Al Imran, ayah 14 about women, children, horses, etc. are the glitter/wealth of this world…but they are to no avail in the end. Good deeds are what will be wealth on the Day of Reckoning. So much of the depth of that ayah seems to escape men these days.
I’m not against polygyny. In fact, I’m sure I could benefit from it greatly. However, I agree that it is a huge burden of sin on many men.
September 9th, 2009 on 11:14 PM
Mai, As Salaamu Alaikum! You said that so beautifully and eloquently. I totally agree with you, regarding all that you said. You truly gave us all much food for thought. I appreciate you taking time, which is so precious, to go into so much depth and share your knowledge and wisdom with us. (i) I pray Allah SWT continues to bless you immensely! Big hug for you!
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.