Is the Malaysia “Polygamy Club” a Good Thing?
by ana on Oct.10, 2009, under polygamy - the aftermath, Section 1
I initially thought the “Polygamy Club” in Malaysia was not a bad idea. It helps get prostitutes off the street and taken care of; doesn’t it? Now I’m beginning to question whether the “Polygamy Club” in Malaysia is good after all.
I think a question of morality comes into play. Who is to say the “reformed” prostitute is not still full of abomination? Perhaps the former prostitute is not reformed and her morals are still corrupt. After all, not all women that can’t earn a living turn to prostitution for income. Who’s to say the “reformed” prostitute, now labeled “wife”, won’t continue to sell her body for additional money to supplement the monies that her husband gives her? How much money is enough for her?
Some further questions I ask:
Does the “reformed” prostitute now become the private prostitute of one of the husband’s in the “Polygamy Club?” It appears it’s just a matter of geography. The “reformed” prostitute is just moved from one location to another. She’s removed from the street or brothel, and is taken to the “Polygamy Club.”
Does the reformed prostitute go from being prostitute to mistress?
Are health risks involved for the first wife? Say for instance the first wife wasn’t a former prostitute. Her husband marries a “reformed” prostitute as a second, third or fourth wife. The “reformed” prostitute returns to prostitution on the days she’s not with her husband, as her husband is with one of his other wives. Doesn’t that present a problem for the first wife or other wives that weren’t former prostitutes, but chaste, as they risk contracting sexually transmitted diseases?
I no longer see a significant deal of good in the “Polygamy Club” in Malaysia. Let a prostitute decide she no longer wants that profession (prostitution), find Islam, reform and find herself a husband. Then the likelihood that she reformed and accepted Islam is more acceptable and less questionable.
The “polygamy Club” in Malaysia may have just created more problems opposed to alleviating them or may have just transferred the problem from one place to another-from the street or brothel to the “Polygamy Club”. What do you think?
For more information on the “polygamy Club”, please read the following post:
http://polygamy411.com/2009/10/08/the-polygamy-club-in-malaysia/
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
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As Salaamu Alaikum!
Welcome to Polygamy 411! Our home is for Muslims and non-Muslims. It is for everyone who wants to talk about polygamy, or anyone who is in a polygamous marriage or is considering entering one. We like having company. Make yourself comfortable and join the discussion by leaving a comment. We look forward to seeing you here again soon and often.
travel 4 less!
October 10th, 2009 on 7:38 PM
I can go along with just about anything between Consenting Adults. But seems to me like the women that want this sort of thing, for whatever reason, might prefer to do the looking for suitable co-wives themselves.
October 10th, 2009 on 8:14 PM
I am no expert on this subject, but seems to me, in reading the Koran, divorce is mentioned many times as a lawful remedy for chronic unhappiness in marriage. And I can tell you from personal experience that it can be an excellent remedy.
I ask this of polygamous men and philanderers as well:
If so unhappy in marriage, why not just move on, and start with a clean slate in the secondary marriage market? There are millions of good, Believing women out here with maturity, sincerity, experience and love to share. How can anyone seriously expect to have a good marriage without giving 100% to his partner?
Seems to me that this approach would be less hurtful and more joyful for everyone concerned.
Comments?
October 10th, 2009 on 8:18 PM
JeanneT
I’m with you on this. I agree that if a woman joins that club, she definitely needs to have a say in who the co-wife should be. At least she could get a feel for what the reformed prostitute, potential co-wife is like. Women usually have good intuition.
I just can’t see myself being part of that type of club, a club that solicite prostitutes to join. I wouldnt want to be associated with any prostitutes. I would feel degraded.
I don’t know what the older women that joined were thinking about. They need to go online and join a marriage site or form an older women looking for husband club or something. That 27 year old that joined, as she thought she was getting too old to get a husband…that’s just bazaar.
If men married the way the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) did, married older women and widows, would women today have the problems they have? Muslim men are marrying for the wrong reasons-apparently. It’s very sad.
October 11th, 2009 on 7:02 AM
JeanneT,
Thank you much for posing questions to all the visitors here. Everyone here is encouraged to ask questions of whomever they wish, and express their thoughts and feelings.
All are invited to feel free to discuss issues or thoughts not only relevant to the posts, but whatever comes to mind that relates to the blog. All feedback from everyone is very much welcomed.
I’m hoping some men out there would respond to your question, JeanneT. That would be quite nice.
I’m glad you’re enjoying the book and receiving some wisdom. Share the wealth (I) whenever you’d like.
October 11th, 2009 on 8:08 AM
The most lustrous pearl thus far is the one about the fur coat. We need this good, necessary thing in winter to keep us warm. But clinging to it in the summer, when we have the warmth we need, can only encumber our progress.
I can’t think of one area of life for which this is not helpful assurance.
October 11th, 2009 on 8:57 AM
The answer from my man is something like this:
Not wanting to subject the women and their families to the shame of divorce.
I say it (in this case) is more like not having the guts to tell them the truth (beforehand), thereby giving them the chance to make a fair choice for themselves (beforehand) based on the facts. You know, like with that 3-4 month waiting period prescribed in The Koran?
I can’t tell you the devastation this has caused to the women, the families, the careers and probably the future generations as well.
Ironically, this is done in the name of having so much respect for women.
October 11th, 2009 on 4:00 PM
JeanneT
You speak about giving 100% to a spouse or partner. We were created to serve Allah. Our living, our dying, our prayers and our sacrifice should all be for Allah. It looks like you want to rewrite the rules that Allah has written.
If anyone wants to be happy they have to give 100% to Allah. If you want to be happy you have to give 100% to Allah and then He will dispose of her affairs towards comfort and ease.
You can’t give 100% to Allah, plus 100% to a spouse, children, grandchildren, a job, a husband, a wife or anything else. It’s impossible. When you give 100% to any of those things, Allah turns those things against you and they cause you pain.
Devote 100% to being devout, patient, humble, fasting, giving in charity, guarding your chastity-the things Allah tells you to do.
You are on your third marriage. You have been miserable in three marriages. You keep running from one marriage to another. What are you looking for and how do you plan on getting it? Unless you turn all your attention to Allah, you will keep getting more and more of what you have already gotten-pain and misery. You just keep exchanging one hell on earth for another.
Based on what you have written, you doubt Allah. Why should Allah make you happy if you doubt him. As long as you doubt Allah, you will always be unhappy!
October 11th, 2009 on 7:03 PM
Ali,
I thank you for your thoughts and suggestions, but I must respectfully disagree with some things you say.
If we give 100% to God, 100% of time, resources, energy, thoughts, prayers, etc, then how do we live in this world?
We still have need to chop wood and carry water, you know? We still need to earn a living. We still need to parent our offspring and care for our aging parents. Very difficult to operate a motor vehicle while kneeling in prayer, at least for me.
Are you married? If so, do you not expect your partner to devote 100% of her sexual and domestic energy into your home and relationship? Do you not expect her total (relative/worldly) devotion to home and family? Do you not understand that these things, done well, require dedication, time, focus and loving support? Would your marriage and home life suffer if 50% of this (normal marital duty) was being spent elsewhere?
Please do not judge me for having been a part of 3 failed marriages. You have not walked in my shoes. I will be judged fairly when my time comes by my Creator. Without any doubt whatsoever.
Even though all belongs to God, and HE alone is the source of everything, I believe we are expected to conduct our worldly affairs in such a way as to honor our agreements and commitments. Are we not evaluated in the end by the way we live our lives?
I agree with you that the only real happiness comes in our relationship with our Creator. This is the only security that there is. All else is dust. No one can take this happiness from us. It is the bedrock of life.
October 12th, 2009 on 1:10 PM
I am not going to say that there are no women who turn to prostitution out of a depraved moral sense, after all these are all these shows and books in the West by and about such women. However, I would say that the vast majority of women in the sex trade are there for economic reasons, generally either because they are widowed and do not see any other viable way to support their children, or because they were sold into this trade by their families, and, yes, sometimes even by their husbands. So the theory goes that if these women had husbands to support them, even if he were already married, it would be an improvement. But if this is the real reason, why not advocate for improved economic opportunities for women rather than seeing them as a ready source of additional sex partners? As you say Ana, that’s not changing anything but geography. As for the women who are truly indifferent to the morality and just like the money, I agree, marriage will not “save” them.
October 12th, 2009 on 6:19 PM
I think everything a Believer does, while being cognizant of Allah at the time of doing a thing, is an act of worship. For instance, if we’re at work and people are sitting around having vain conversation, we, being cognizant of Allah, get up and leave or avoid the set all together, that’s an act of worship. If I get Alex a glass of water thinking it’s a good deed and I’d get barakats from Allah for it, it’s an act of worship. It’s a good deed. It’s different than me getting Alex a glass of water, thinking I’d make him happy and he’d think I’m a good wife. That’s not a good deed as I would be seeking Alex’s pleasure and not the pleasure of Allah. If I get Alex a glass of water seeking to please Allah, Alex gets pleased, as well. Washing dishes, doing laundry, keeping ourselves clean, and remembering Allah at the time of doing all those things, are good deeds. If I don’t remember Allah while doing all the things that I just mentioned, there are no benefits in it for me. Driving in a car with a CD of Quran on opposed to music is a good deed. Those are just some examples of daily worship, good deeds, giving Allah our all in all, as I see it.
Islam is a way of life that affects every single thing that we do, everything that we are. If we do every act, seeking to please Allah, every act is a good deed and we get rewarded by Allah for it. I should do everything seeking to please Allah and not Alex. By trying to please Allah and not Alex, Alex still gets pleased. If I seek to please Alex, forgetting about Allah, Alex can’t reward me in anyway and I get nothing, just him taking a second wife for example-a smack in the face. Everything comes from Allah.
October 12th, 2009 on 9:31 PM
Very well said, Ana.
November 12th, 2009 on 7:05 AM
reformed prostitute? Mr. Trink, in his “Trink page” in the Bangkok Post used to write: “Remember, you can take a girl out of a bar, but you cannot take the bar out of the girl”.
No need to speak about reformed prostitutes when talking about polygamy. There are enough ladies out there we can marry that are moral and good.
June 14th, 2011 on 9:54 AM
did the Prophet marry any reformed prostitutes?
June 14th, 2011 on 5:07 PM
lol, I assume you’re only joking, but you asked a very good question.You asked, “did the Prophet marry any reformed prostitutes?”
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and all the prophets are our examples. His wives were the Mothers of the Believers. They were of good moral character, and very respectable. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) wasn’t even allowed to divorce any of his wives or exchange them for others. When he died, they were not allowed to marry again.
What type of man would take a former prostitute for a wife? The thought of it should make a respectable man barf
Maybe she’d be OK for him to have as what “the right hand possess.”
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.