Settling into polygamy

by Ana on Nov.20, 2009, under Chapter 5, my story today-polygamy

I truly feel I’m settling into polygamy and it’s a beautiful thing. What’s so weird about it for me is as much as I hate to see him go, I’m happy when Alex leaves me (although he leave to be with his other “wife” Carolinah). In essence, it’s a beautiful sadness. I’m happy when he leaves, as I can go back to my other life, doing the things I enjoy doing when he’s away.

Being content when Alex is gone is nothing new for me. I used to find joy in his departure for business trips even before he “married” Carolinah. Not that I didn’t like being with Alex, I just enjoyed the kickback time, time to myself with no routine to follow. I eat whenever I want to, don’t have to make the bed in the morning, don’t have to concern myself with how I look. I exericise, or lounge around and read, just be free as a bird-when I’m not on the computer of course. I have all of that now on a regular basis, which is a beautiful thing. Don’t get me wrong; I still have some lonely moments when I start feeling sorry for myself and thoughts of Alex and Carolinah cross my mind. But I’m doing much better, squashing those thought now.

My relationship has improved in other ways as well. My marriage seems to have changed from marriage to a dating feel. Alex is on a three day with me and a three day away schedule. Right before he comes home, I make sure the house is nice and clean, all fresh, and me too, but I’m always fresh and clean. I just don’t take anything for granted anymore. You know the preparation that goes into a date, well, I put that preparation into my marriage.

I took my Egyptian friend’s advice too. He said he thinks it is good for a wife to change her outfit a couple or a few times a day. I gave the couple times a try; the few seemed just too much for me. I’m usually in lounge wear anyhow in the evening since I don’t work. I might have one thing on when Alex comes home and then change into something else later in the evening after a nice hot shower or bath. I switch my hairstyle too, a couple times throughout the evening. It’s all quite fun. Alex and I have dinner, watch TV, and just relax. Recently, we’ve been going to the movies quite a bit, as well. He got tickets for us to go into the city to the theater next month. So, we’ve been adding some activity into our lives, getting out the house.

Alex and my life have much more romance and play in it now. I look forward to the intimate moments. They are not a routine part of marriage anymore…enough said. When I used to work, a co-worker of mine and his mother (She worked there also) used to quite often say, “Enough said.” I used to think it was so cute.

Anyway, I realized the good in polygamy when it first became a part of my life. However, I couldn’t focus on it and didn’t care about the good. The good was insignificant during the course of the agony, suffering and turmoil that I was experiencing. A four letter word would describe how I felt about the good at the time – **** the good!

Now since all the darkness is beginning to subside and the light is beginning to shine, I can see the good in what was decided for me by my Creator. I just pray I keep going forward into a new day, each and every day.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

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10 comments for this entry:

Haji Rafiq
November 21st, 2009 on 3:18 am
A very nice article, thanks Ana. Unfortunately often the ’settling down’ is not a permanent thing, but often there are ’set-backs’, when, due to ‘more time to think’ some gains are reversed again, or so it seems to me when listening to my dear first wife from time to time. May Allah be our helper always.
Donald
November 21st, 2009 on 4:24 am
Stan Lee, co-creator of Spider-Man and other Marvel superheroes, popularized the saying ‘Nuff said’ years ago. If you watch the movie Spider-Man 3, Stan has a cameo where he says that. Just a bit of comic-book trivia for y’all.
I’m thinking ’nuff’ is the four letter word you were referring to Ana…??

Seriously though, it’s great to hear you smiling! Yes, I can hear the smile in your words.
Ana
November 21st, 2009 on 6:38 am
Haji Rafiq, thank you for reminding me to be aware of the possible and probable setbacks that await me. I want to be on guard. I pray Allah helps your wife, other wives in polygamy and me to handle the setbacks better than we did in the past, and we keep progressing. Our dear friend Judith mentioned previously that we must all be prepared to encounter setbacks, as well. It’s important to have reminders. That is what we’re supposed to do for one another, remind each other. I thank you, Haji Rafiq!

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
Ana
November 21st, 2009 on 7:02 am
Donald, that was pretty clever, but no, the four letter word wasn’t “nuff” I got a good laugh out of that one. You’re very jocular today. It’s nice to hear you’re happy.

Since you mentioned the Spider Man movie and Stan’s cameo, I remember him saying that-”nuff said”. It was awesome. I saw the movie. Anyway, “nuff said.” Thank you for enlightening us with a bit of trivia.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
Amina
November 21st, 2009 on 9:17 am
I’m glad you’re settling into things now
It makes me so happy to hear that. I can’t wait for my husband to finally get married, so I can have time to myself lol.
Ana
November 21st, 2009 on 12:31 pm
Amina, my biological sister, just the other day, said she wish her husband would go away sometimes. I’ve heard other women say that as well. Until a wife gets semi used to it, it’s just a whole other ball game when a husband leaves to go be with another woman

Amina, I’d really like to know if your husband takes another wife. From what I’ve been hearing, the women that wouldn’t mind their husbands doing so, it usually doesn’t happen lol.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
Mai
November 22nd, 2009 on 1:35 am
La! La! La!

As salaamu alaykum Ana.

That’s my happy, life is good, trill!

I’m so happy to hear you enjoying all the positives. Time to do your own thing is absolutely beautiful.

Certainly it is an added blessing when you are not on the same page in a few aspects of your life goals and focus. However, it is a huge blessing even if you are!

shaytaan will naturally try to kick that good outlook away from you, but let that devil be damned (hee, hee, hee!) and just keep on trucking, my sweet!

La! La! La!
Ana
November 22nd, 2009 on 2:13 am
Wa Alaikum As Salaam, Mai

It most certainly is good to here from you. I’ve missed you much Yes, life is surely much, much brighter than it was. I’ve had some valuable counseling from you and all my dear friends here. Alhumduallah! Yes, we definitely have to keep our guard up for our avowed enemy the shaytaan. He’s always on his job. He never sleeps.

So, let’s continue to be of good cheer, Mai! Big hug for you. May Allah continue to bless us immensely.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
Haji Rafiq
November 23rd, 2009 on 4:38 am
The enemy of ’settling-in’ : Yes, it seems the best thing for Polygamy is a strict routine. I have major problems whenever I try to ask for some flexibility. Why can we not be flexible? One religious leader prayed for me when I got married for the second time: “May Allah grant you love, happiness, peace of mind, satisfaction and health” and I pray “Amin! and a little bit of flexibility”.
Ana
November 23rd, 2009 on 7:07 am
You’re funny, Haji Rafiq. I definitely could see how you would have some problems when you ask for flexibility. For me, I think I suspect there is some type of benefit in it for the other person, more so Carolinah, when I’m asked to be flexible (a change in the schedule, for example). I feel something is being taken away from me. I think I’m getting the short end of the stick. Being first wife, I’ve already felt a lot was take from me when my husband took a second wife. So I’m trying to hold onto what I have left. I know whatever is for me would never pass me and whatever passes me was never for me. Do I truly believe? So you see; I’m in need of a lot of work.

That was a beautiful prayer the religious leader made for you. Insha Allah, you’ll get a little bit of flexibility. I wouldn’t expect much though