In the days of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), he propagated Islam. All came together to worship and serve Allah – the purpose Allah created us for. His marriages were to cement relations between tribes etc. He was the leader of his family. He taught them Islam. Everyone that accepted Islam ate, drank and slept it, so to speak.

We have men with multiple families and they are not leaders. They don’t follow the way of the Prophet Muhammad. They don’t rehearse the Quran with their families. I don’t mean to follow the way of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) by wearing a long beard and looking like him (perhaps a cultural thing). I’m referring to Islam and belief – Belief in Allah and all that Allah says in the Quran. Allah tells us what a believer is. Allah, throughout the Quran, outlines who a Believer is, and did not list to wear a beard as a criteria for a Believer. Wearing a beard isn’t righteousness. It’s not what I refer to here.

So we have men with multiple families and the members of the families don’t get along because the leaders of the families aren’t teaching them Islam. They’re just fulfilling their family members basic needs, feeding them, clothing them etc. and fulfilling their own needs (sex), as well. And some of the men aren’t with their families long enough to teach them anything. What good is the husband if he shows up just to see the wife and grab himself some sex here and there? There is no singleness of purpose in the marriages. The marriages are simply separate marriage units in which each member is simply trying to satisfy their own desires. No one cares about the other. They have no reason to come together.

Alex, ideally, should read Quran with me; we should discuss it and we should apply everything we do to it. The same should happen with him at his other wife’s house with her, if she is Muslim. If we were all trying to worship and serve Allah, no one would have a problem doing as Allah says, to give and return the salaam (Islamic greeting), for instance. We would all be cordial to one another. We would be compassionate towards one another etc. Why? Because we would all have the same goal and purpose.

We have husbands that are slack in their duties and responsibilities. They aren’t fulfilling them. Our marriages in Islam aren’t very much different from non-Muslim marriages. The man simply has more than one. Instead of “cheating”, he goes grab himself another marriage. Islam plays a small part in any of it. It simply gives him the permission to engage in polygamy, so it seems.

If the men/husbands stepped up to the plate and were the leaders and commanders of their families, there would be less chaos, craziness, and confusion that we see in our marriages. Islam is not about looking and “acting” the part; it’s about being the part.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

Our goal is to support those that have a sincere interest in polygamy and don’t oppose it. We are here to support and encourage those that live polygamy, believe they may one day live polygamy or have a general interest in wanting to know more about a life of polygamy.

We discourage any debates about whether polygamy in Islam is permissible or not. This is not the forum for those who are against polygamy or have a strong hatred or distaste for it that they want to keep.

What questions do you have for us? What would you like to discuss? Please be certain your questions or discussions relate to polygamy. Even if it’s with reference to your husband’s favorite recipe, his likes or dislikes; if you could tie it into polygamy and marriage, we are here to discuss it with you.

P.S. Please do not include links to other sites for information. Just as those here were able to find polygamy 411, they could find other sites as well. It is OK to refer to information that you obtained else where, but links are not acceptable here.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

We ask all to only:

1. Make statements about oneself. Do not make negative statements about other people.

2. Before responding to someone else’s post, ask questions to clarify that one correctly understands what the other person actually means.

An avid reader and member of our blog family gave very valuable advice and suggested the guidelines above. Additionally, she indicated: “When God makes polygamy possible, this becomes a core fact in one’s life, and it is neither possible nor productive to exclude religious topics.” It is unavoidable that we will discuss religion. It must, however, stay in context. One must connect it to the topic of polygamy.

Please note well: Comments are not welcome from those whose aim is to make this blog personal with regard to anyone. Attacks on anyone would not be tolerated.

My intention is to do all I can to foster a harmonious atmosphere here at polygamy 411, so we could all benefit from the discussions and learn and grow together.

We at polygamy 411 look forward to everyone happily participating again here very soon.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

I received a very special email that I must share with you all from “Maryam” whom is a very beautiful member of our blog family here at polygamy 411.  She stated:

“Hi Ana,

Ohhhh. Ok, Ana, I understand. You are right, people were just not
letting go of the topic. Yesterday I noticed that it had been a MONTH
of discussing the same issue.

I completely understand why you had to do what you had to do.

I hope you don’t take offense, but your blog was like my daily soap
opera. I will miss knowing what happened to Nura, Del, and Lynn. I
will miss hearing all of your stories. Including, Jenny. Yes, she
boasted a lot, but I understood that her way of thinking is influenced
by her culture. Plus, maybe she was not boasting, maybe she just
wanted us, her sisters in Islam to feel happy for her.
I am happy for her, but I don’t think that people who are struggling
financially appreciated to hear all that.

Anyways, I pray to Allah that he will bring joy and happiness to all
who seek for his help. Especially you since you have done so much
good.

Last night, I finished chapter five of your journey. Whewww. It’s been
a difficult journey. But you put your trust in Allah and Alhamduillah
you are happy now.

Your blog also helped me. You know how? I was very impress being so
knowledgeable in Islam and practicing it better than born Muslims.
Especially you. You have been a good example for me.

Maybe you will consider one day doing a blog helping converts
understand Islam better. Or do you know any good blogs for this? Maybe
you can recommend to your Wali to do such blog. I would be the first
one to follow it.

Ok, Ana. Take good care of yourself. I will finish your journal and
then check back once is a while to see if you had a change of heart
and re-open.

Allah Hafiz

Maryam”

***Please note: Maryam made a correction to her statement above, which is as follows:

“I  re-read my earlier email, and what the heck was I saying here: “Your blog also helped me. You know how? I was very impress being so knowledgeable in Islam and practicing it better than born Muslims. Especially you. You have been a good example for me.”

LOL. I meant, I was impress to see so many converts practicing Islam better than me and being so knowledgeable in Islam. It was a good example for me, especially you. “

We at polygamy 411 will be on a hiatus for an indeterminate time. We thank you all for being loyal supporters of the blog!

Everything has a life, so does a blog…

Peace and blessings to you all

Salaams,

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

It is a continuous uphill battle for us to move forward in our lives after our husbands become polygamous. Nonetheless, it is a battle we must fight, if we stay in the marriages. We have to analyze ourselves, and do a lot of self-introspection. We must recognize what is wrong with us, if anything. What is keeping us in a rut? What is preventing us from moving forward? Why can’t we progress to the next level? What is the next level?

Most importantly, we must ask ourselves where Allah fits in the equation. When we begin to make our lives all about Allah, the pain goes away. We become content and happy more times than not. Our lives take on a whole new meaning.

I can attest that the pain absolutely and completely goes away, once we get our priorities in order. As stated, we must begin by looking inward. We must analyze ourselves, our husbands, our marriages. Most of all, we must take a close look at our relationship with our Creator (Allah). What is our relationship with Allah? How do we view Him? What role does he play in our lives?

Allah (Great and Glorious is He) says in Quran:

“So, verily with every difficulty, there is relief.”
Surah 94, Iyat 5

“Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.”
Surah 94, Iyat 6

“Therefore, when thou art free (from thine immediate task), still labor hard,”
Surah 94, Iyat 7

“And to thy Lord turn (all) thy attention.”
Surah 94, Iyat 8

If one is suffering indefinitely with absolutely no sign of any type of relief in sight, it very well could be one may not be doing something right.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

Female genital mutilation practice still common in Egypt

AYA BATRAWY | CAIRO, EGYPT – Nov 18 2010 10:15

Abdul Rahman, a 25 year-old Bedouin from North Sinai, is trying to change 2 000 years of tradition.

Through a local non-governmental organisation in a remote village called el-Gora, Abdul Rahman has met with local tribesmen to talk about a sensitive topic — the ending of the practice of female genital mutilation (FGM).

The procedure, which involves the partial or total removal of the external female genitalia, is estimated to have been performed on 91% of Egyptian women between the ages of 15 and 49, according to a United Nations’ 2008 report based on Egyptian government figures.

Rahman said the tradition is hard to break because most believe it is a religious norm for both men and women to be circumcised. He admits that his own wife has undergone FGM and she will be the one to decide if his daughters will also have it performed on them.

He was given training by the Egyptian government and brought to Cairo to meet with religious leaders, who told him that the practice was not Islamic.

But carrying the message back home, Rahman acknowledged that he has not been successful at convincing locals to stop the practice on young girls.

Control her sexual desire
“Those who perpetuate the practice are often motivated by the belief that FGM makes a girl eligible for marriage, controls her sexual desire and prevents adultery,” a new UN study stated.

Sheikh Abu Malak, a father in his late 20s from one of Egypt’s poorest governorates Beni Sweif, said in a phone interview that “the government and the Ministry of Islamic Affairs are taking a position that this is tradition and not religion”.

But Malak said that the official government position has not convinced the large majority of people to stop the practice. In fact, he said that his newborn daughter will likely be circumcised by a medical professional when she is around 12 years old.

FGM, while prevalent among Egypt’s middle and lower classes, is not as widespread in the more educated elite, according to government studies.

The Egyptian Parliament criminalised FGM and banned medical professionals from performing the procedure in 2008.

“My opinion is that this is Sunna, the way of the Prophet Muhammad,” said Malak.

Despite a religious edict from the country’s highest Islamic authority al-Azhar, explaining that FGM has no basis in Islamic law and is a sinful action, which should be avoided, Malak represents a common sentiment felt in Egypt.

Although the procedure, if carried out correctly, is not particularly dangerous, there have been cases where young girls bled to death or were cut using unhygienic tools.

Lasting consequences
FGM’s most lasting consequences are the inability of the woman to fully enjoy sexual intimacy and orgasms, while others have reported suffering mental trauma.

The UN characterises FGM as “a serious violation of human rights”, which can cause severe, lifelong health problems including bleeding, problems urinating, childbirth complications and newborn deaths.

Most Islamic countries do not report high FGM figures, but Egypt and several other African nations continue to struggle to convince parents that the procedure is an outdated tradition rather than a religious practice.

It is estimated that between 70-million to 140-million girls and women have undergone the FGM procedure worldwide.

“It is truly a tradition, but a tradition we do for God,” insists Malak. — Sapa-dpa

Source: Mail & Guardian Online
Web Address: http://mg.co.za/article/2010-11-18-female-genital-mutilation-practice-still-common-in-egypt

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

One way to find happiness and contentment in a polygamous marriage is to know that whatever the other wife receives is from Allah. It is not from the husband. Allah has allocated it for her. Allah is the one that provides. Allah provides what she has through the husband. Get angry with Allah for giving her whatever she has, if one must get angry. When a wife concerns herself with what the other wife gets, she is envious. I’ve been there. We should not envy anyone, but ask Allah to give us what we want. Allah has everything. He can give us whatever we want. We have to ask and believe, but keep in mind that if He doesn’t give us what we ask for, He knows what is best for us.

I envied Carolinah, and didn’t want her to have anything. I hated that my husband Alex gave her money; worked on her house; paid for repairs on her house; paid half her mortgage; took care of her non-believing, non-Muslim family and the list goes on. I was MISERABLE, terribly unhappy and complained to Alex at every turn. I then realized what I felt was envy. 

I began to understand and accept that Allah gave Carolinah everything she has. Allah allowed Alex to do all that he has done for her, all that he does for her, and all that he will do for her. It was all Allah’s decision. When I began to think that way and believe it, my life changed. I asked Allah to allow me to accept what He has decided for Carolinah and for Alex, to give me the best in this world and the best in the Hereafter, and to protect me from His wrath and His Hellfire. Consequently, Allah sent down his bounties and blessings to me in abundance.

We don’t need to envy. We need only ask Allah for what we want, and know that Allah knows what is best for us.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.