Author Archive
A Final Farewell to Polygamy 411!
by ana on Sep.15, 2011, under polygamy info., Section 4
As Salaamu Alaikum & Peace to All:
I received a very special email that I must share with you all from “Maryam” whom is a very beautiful member of our blog family here at polygamy 411. She stated:
“Hi Ana,
Ohhhh. Ok, Ana, I understand. You are right, people were just not
letting go of the topic. Yesterday I noticed that it had been a MONTH
of discussing the same issue.
I completely understand why you had to do what you had to do.
I hope you don’t take offense, but your blog was like my daily soap
opera. I will miss knowing what happened to Nura, Del, and Lynn. I
will miss hearing all of your stories. Including, Jenny. Yes, she
boasted a lot, but I understood that her way of thinking is influenced
by her culture. Plus, maybe she was not boasting, maybe she just
wanted us, her sisters in Islam to feel happy for her.
I am happy for her, but I don’t think that people who are struggling
financially appreciated to hear all that.
Anyways, I pray to Allah that he will bring joy and happiness to all
who seek for his help. Especially you since you have done so much
good.
Last night, I finished chapter five of your journey. Whewww. It’s been
a difficult journey. But you put your trust in Allah and Alhamduillah
you are happy now.
Your blog also helped me. You know how? I was very impress being so
knowledgeable in Islam and practicing it better than born Muslims.
Especially you. You have been a good example for me.
Maybe you will consider one day doing a blog helping converts
understand Islam better. Or do you know any good blogs for this? Maybe
you can recommend to your Wali to do such blog. I would be the first
one to follow it.
Ok, Ana. Take good care of yourself. I will finish your journal and
then check back once is a while to see if you had a change of heart
and re-open.
Allah Hafiz
Maryam”
***Please note: Maryam made a correction to her statement above, which is as follows:
“I re-read my earlier email, and what the heck was I saying here: “Your blog also helped me. You know how? I was very impress being so knowledgeable in Islam and practicing it better than born Muslims. Especially you. You have been a good example for me.”
LOL. I meant, I was impress to see so many converts practicing Islam better than me and being so knowledgeable in Islam. It was a good example for me, especially you. “
Hiatus for Polygamy 411
by ana on Sep.14, 2011, under polygamy info., Section 4
Salaamu Alaikum and Peace to All!
We at polygamy 411 will be on a hiatus for an indeterminate time. We thank you all for being loyal supporters of the blog!
Everything has a life, so does a blog…
Peace and blessings to you all 
Salaams,
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
Let’s Do Some Analytics
by ana on Sep.14, 2011, under polygamy info., Section 3
Muslim men have guidelines for how they should engage in polygamy. If they are not meeting the mark, and are neglectful in their duties and responsibilities, they will have to account to Allah for what they have done, and are doing. We must remember they are human. They are feeling their way around in this life of polygamy, just as we are. Just as we didn’t ask for this type of lifestyle, they may not have asked for it either.
It is a continuous uphill battle for us to move forward in our lives after our husbands become polygamous. Nonetheless, it is a battle we must fight, if we stay in the marriages. We have to analyze ourselves, and do a lot of self-introspection. We must recognize what is wrong with us, if anything. What is keeping us in a rut? What is preventing us from moving forward? Why can’t we progress to the next level? What is the next level?
Most importantly, we must ask ourselves where Allah fits in the equation. When we begin to make our lives all about Allah, the pain goes away. We become content and happy more times than not. Our lives take on a whole new meaning.
I can attest that the pain absolutely and completely goes away, once we get our priorities in order. As stated, we must begin by looking inward. We must analyze ourselves, our husbands, our marriages. Most of all, we must take a close look at our relationship with our Creator (Allah). What is our relationship with Allah? How do we view Him? What role does he play in our lives?
Allah (Great and Glorious is He) says in Quran:
“So, verily with every difficulty, there is relief.”
Surah 94, Iyat 5
“Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.”
Surah 94, Iyat 6
“Therefore, when thou art free (from thine immediate task), still labor hard,”
Surah 94, Iyat 7
“And to thy Lord turn (all) thy attention.”
Surah 94, Iyat 8
If one is suffering indefinitely with absolutely no sign of any type of relief in sight, it very well could be one may not be doing something right.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
How Does Female Genital Mutilation Tie in With Polygamy?
by ana on Sep.10, 2011, under polygamy in media
Female genital mutilation practice still common in Egypt
AYA BATRAWY | CAIRO, EGYPT – Nov 18 2010 10:15
Abdul Rahman, a 25 year-old Bedouin from North Sinai, is trying to change 2 000 years of tradition.
Through a local non-governmental organisation in a remote village called el-Gora, Abdul Rahman has met with local tribesmen to talk about a sensitive topic — the ending of the practice of female genital mutilation (FGM).
The procedure, which involves the partial or total removal of the external female genitalia, is estimated to have been performed on 91% of Egyptian women between the ages of 15 and 49, according to a United Nations’ 2008 report based on Egyptian government figures.
Rahman said the tradition is hard to break because most believe it is a religious norm for both men and women to be circumcised. He admits that his own wife has undergone FGM and she will be the one to decide if his daughters will also have it performed on them.
He was given training by the Egyptian government and brought to Cairo to meet with religious leaders, who told him that the practice was not Islamic.
But carrying the message back home, Rahman acknowledged that he has not been successful at convincing locals to stop the practice on young girls.
Control her sexual desire
“Those who perpetuate the practice are often motivated by the belief that FGM makes a girl eligible for marriage, controls her sexual desire and prevents adultery,” a new UN study stated.
Sheikh Abu Malak, a father in his late 20s from one of Egypt’s poorest governorates Beni Sweif, said in a phone interview that “the government and the Ministry of Islamic Affairs are taking a position that this is tradition and not religion”.
But Malak said that the official government position has not convinced the large majority of people to stop the practice. In fact, he said that his newborn daughter will likely be circumcised by a medical professional when she is around 12 years old.
FGM, while prevalent among Egypt’s middle and lower classes, is not as widespread in the more educated elite, according to government studies.
The Egyptian Parliament criminalised FGM and banned medical professionals from performing the procedure in 2008.
“My opinion is that this is Sunna, the way of the Prophet Muhammad,” said Malak.
Despite a religious edict from the country’s highest Islamic authority al-Azhar, explaining that FGM has no basis in Islamic law and is a sinful action, which should be avoided, Malak represents a common sentiment felt in Egypt.
Although the procedure, if carried out correctly, is not particularly dangerous, there have been cases where young girls bled to death or were cut using unhygienic tools.
Lasting consequences
FGM’s most lasting consequences are the inability of the woman to fully enjoy sexual intimacy and orgasms, while others have reported suffering mental trauma.
The UN characterises FGM as “a serious violation of human rights”, which can cause severe, lifelong health problems including bleeding, problems urinating, childbirth complications and newborn deaths.
Most Islamic countries do not report high FGM figures, but Egypt and several other African nations continue to struggle to convince parents that the procedure is an outdated tradition rather than a religious practice.
It is estimated that between 70-million to 140-million girls and women have undergone the FGM procedure worldwide.
“It is truly a tradition, but a tradition we do for God,” insists Malak. — Sapa-dpa
Source: Mail & Guardian Online
Web Address: http://mg.co.za/article/2010-11-18-female-genital-mutilation-practice-still-common-in-egypt
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
We Must Stop Envying!
by ana on Sep.05, 2011, under polygamy info., Section 3
Envy causes unhappiness in polygamous marriages.The one thing I cannot stress enough is that as long as our thoughts are on the other wife; what she gets; how much the husband gives her; what he does for her; how much more attention he gives her; and things of that nature, we will be unhappy, upset and in pain. There is no “and”, ”if”, or “but” about it. We will be upset and there is no one to blame, but ourselves.
One way to find happiness and contentment in a polygamous marriage is to know that whatever the other wife receives is from Allah. It is not from the husband. Allah has allocated it for her. Allah is the one that provides. Allah provides what she has through the husband. Get angry with Allah for giving her whatever she has, if one must get angry. When a wife concerns herself with what the other wife gets, she is envious. I’ve been there. We should not envy anyone, but ask Allah to give us what we want. Allah has everything. He can give us whatever we want. We have to ask and believe, but keep in mind that if He doesn’t give us what we ask for, He knows what is best for us.
I envied Carolinah, and didn’t want her to have anything. I hated that my husband Alex gave her money; worked on her house; paid for repairs on her house; paid half her mortgage; took care of her non-believing, non-Muslim family and the list goes on. I was MISERABLE, terribly unhappy and complained to Alex at every turn. I then realized what I felt was envy.
I began to understand and accept that Allah gave Carolinah everything she has. Allah allowed Alex to do all that he has done for her, all that he does for her, and all that he will do for her. It was all Allah’s decision. When I began to think that way and believe it, my life changed. I asked Allah to allow me to accept what He has decided for Carolinah and for Alex, to give me the best in this world and the best in the Hereafter, and to protect me from His wrath and His Hellfire. Consequently, Allah sent down his bounties and blessings to me in abundance.
We don’t need to envy. We need only ask Allah for what we want, and know that Allah knows what is best for us.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
To Be Polygamous or Not…
by ana on Aug.29, 2011, under polygamy info., Section 3
What should a Muslim man do when torn between becoming polygamous or not? I received an email from a brother who posed the question to me. He said he and some brothers were conversing about polygamy. He gave the scenario of a brother-in-faith has a good wife. She is a “good person.” They are married for many years. They get along really good. At the current time he is not physically attracted to her, although they still have sexual relations. She does not turn him on like she used to. Meanwhile, he loves women and wants another wife. He looks at other women and thinks about them, but he doesn’t see any other woman. He want someone else, though. He asked what I would tell the brother to do.
I replied, “The scenario that you presented is heartfelt by Muslim men throughout the world. It’s the story of most men throughout time.
It’s impossible for the brother’s wife to have the beauty and youth that she once had. It has dissipated with time, which, of course, makes him not as attracted to her as he once was. It’s inevitable.
I would suggest to the brother that he keep his wife – keep her and know that this life is very short and will be over soon. He should revere the pleasure that he once had with his wife and hold the memories and thoughts of it. In exercising patience and forgoing added pleasure, doing so seeking the pleasure of Allah, Allah will reward him in Paradise with a reward that will stretch beyond his imagination.
If Allah doesn’t grant him another wife in this life, it’s OK. He shouldn’t pursue another, but wait on Allah to decide for him. His relationship can never be like it used to with his wife because no day is ever the same. If he patiently persevere, Allah will grant him a reward beyond measure in Paradise, which is what Allah says.”
He replied, “How will he know when Allah will decide that for him??? He still loves her,spends time with her, releations etc.He does not want to loose her…..so by him
Seeking another… You think that It will destroy the first??? Then if that is the case…is the brother expected to just endure when Allah made it lawful to him regardless of his reasoning?? As I stated he has ” power” and still enjoys her…so grin and bear it???”
My response was, “I don’t think he should pursue another wife simply because we weren’t instructed by Allah to pursue anything in in life, except righteousness. Allah has already written the script and the ink is dry, so if Allah decided polygamy for the brother it will happen without the brother having to do anything. (Most people, including Muslims don’t understand how it works to do nothing). It could happen like this, for instance: his wife may suggest he take another wife (I doubt it happens often for men-just my guess); someone could approach him and say they know a sister that is looking for a wife; the brother could meet a sister and from there polygamy becomes an option for him; or who knows how it’ll happen. Maybe the current wife will pass away and he’ll marry another.”
Allah tell us that whatever was for us will never pass us and whatever passes us was never for us. If we believe it, we know we don’t have to pursue anything. It could be polygamy is not for the brother. What happens if he pursue another wife and it’s not for him? He aggravates himself, aggravates his wife and become totally dissatisfied with her; he ruins his life and the life of those he love and everyone becomes miserable. In his desperation for another wife, he may settle and get the worse addition to his already existing family than he could ever imagine. It could be a potential nightmare.
Throughout Quran, Allah tells us to be patient and persevere. Why does he tell us to be patient? Because He has a plan. He never tells us we have to try to make things happen. He is in control. I suggest the brother be patient. In the interim, I suggest he speak with his wife about his desire for another wife and about polygamy in general. In doing so, he would be preparing her for it if it happens. There would be no secrets. Furthermore, it wouldn’t be sprung on her suddenly, which could potentially destroy her. Most likely she won’t be receptive and the thought of it will cause her much pain. But it is part of our religion and we should accept all of the Quran. We should accept polygamy even if it doesn’t happen in our lives. Accepting polygamy helps her accept the whole Quran and we can only enter Paradise if we accept the entire Quran.
Once he lets her know that he is interested in marrying another, she may begin to make an effort to spice up the marriage and renew it again, which would make it more bearable for him while he waits on Allah’s decision. I suggest he pray long and hard for Allah to guide him regarding his desire for another wife and if it is meant for him to have another wife, He grants him a righteous, pious wife that is the delight of his eyes so they can live together in peace and tranquility.”
What are your thoughts?
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
How to Accept Polygamy
by ana on Aug.11, 2011, under polygamy info., Section 3
How do one accept polygamy? It is a question I ask myself, as accepting polygamy is something I truly want to do. I think acceptance comes with acknowledging and believing that Allah says polygamy is permissible. Since Allah has allowed polygamy, we should take no exception to it.
When polygamy becomes a part of our lives, we must view it as something good even if people do wrong in it and hurt others. People do wrong and hurt others daily in many things in life. Does it mean that the things are wrong and bad? For example, many people are “cheated” on and lied to in monogamous marriages. Does it mean monogamous marriages are bad, wrong and shouldn’t be permitted? Some people wrong others in business. Maybe they scam other, don’t give fair weight and measure, or embezzled money from the business. Does it mean business is wrong, is bad, and we should not allow it?
My closest Muslim friend had said to me, “Ana, you haven’t accepted your situation (polygamy) yet. I thought you would have accepted it by now.” He said my faith would be increased if I accepted it and I would drawer nearer to Allah. It made me wonder, how? How do I accept it?
I concluded that to accept polygamy I must believe Allah knows what is best for me and Allah decided this for me. Allah decided I would live a life of polygamy. When I began to think and believe the aforementioned, my life changed completely for the better. I became content with my life and I actually, more often than not, find myself happy in it.
Reading a post by one of polygamy 411 commentators, “Justme”, inspired me to write this article. She spoke of “acceptance” and it caused me to think further about the subject. I thank “Justme” for being a part of our family at polygamy 411, and for sharing with all of us here.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
Thank You for Being With Us at Polygamy 411!
by ana on Aug.06, 2011, under polygamy info., Section 3
I’d like to take a moment to apologize if I have been too rough, tough, or harsh in the manner in which I relate to some people here on this blog. I apologize if I have offended anyone or have caused harm to anyone by my words. I thank everyone for being patient with me when I become overbearing. I know I could use more patience, and have asked Allah for it, as patience is from Allah.
I especially thank you all for being a part of our family here at polygamy 411. Without your loyalty and commitment to this site, it could not exist. Everyone here has helped one another, and has helped me too, to become much stronger people. Most importantly, I hope we have helped one another to grow in faith and be better servants of Allah.
I pray again all is having a blessed Ramadan and peace to all our friends and family here 
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
Our Marriage Site is Free and has Polygamy Options!
by ana on Aug.04, 2011, under polygamy info., Section 3
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Every feature on our marriage site at Marriage in the Making 4 u, is available to every member. You don’t have to upgrade. Every member of Marriage in the Making 4 U receives free access to 3D city; 3D chat; instant messaging with Voice; video greetings so you can meet someone in real-time; email, and more. There are no hidden costs, nor any hidden fees associated with becoming a member. We don’t ask for any credit card information. We guarantee our marriage site is free!
Join www.marriageinthemaking4u.com today and take advantage of our free offer. You’ll be glad you did!
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As Salaamu Alaikum!
Welcome to Polygamy 411! Our home is for Muslims and non-Muslims. It is for everyone who wants to talk about polygamy, or anyone who is in a polygamous marriage or is considering entering one. We like having company. Make yourself comfortable and join the discussion by leaving a comment. We look forward to seeing you here again soon and often.
travel 4 less!
