Полигамията Върнете се в моногамията

от Ann on Dec.23, 2009, по време на полигамия - след, Раздел 2

Is it easy or difficult to return to monogamy after being in a polygamous marriage? Why, or why not? The question is for both males and females. I’m just curious to know. For those who have experienced the transition, please be so kind and share your experience and thoughts about it with us. Any and all thoughts from everyone about the return from polygamy to monogamy are most welcomed. Thank you!

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4 коментари за този пост:

Начало
December 23rd, 2009 за 7:33 PM
I would imagine once a man has been polygamous, it is difficult for him to return to monogamy. Although, I have heard of many cases where it has happened.

Even me, for that matter, I don’t think I’d like going back to monogamy, having Alex sitting up under me every night again. And like my best friend said, polygamy is good for a woman, as she doesn’t have to worry about her husband trying to jump up and down on her all the time.

Being polygamous for a woman allows her to live in two worlds, that of being single and married. I’d imagine it would be different if children are involved, as it means less help with the kids. I don’t have first hand knowledge about that.

Това е една отворена къща. Няма нужда да се чукам. Просто хайде в.
Начало
December 24th, 2009 за 7:45 В
Our guest visitor Moroni Jessop answered this question under the post, “Men that Live Polygamy”, Раздел 1 of “Polygamy General Info.” Той каза,, “I definitely would not want to go back to just one wife…” He shared a little about his life with his two wives in his comment.
Summaya
December 28th, 2009 за 2:47 В
Salamu alaikom

I have recently discovered your blog sis, your transformation is amazing! I truly ask Allaah to ease your pain and grant you khair both in this world and hereafter. You seem very nice, интелигентен, considerate sis. It’s normal to have reacted like you have in the past especially when you were not open to polygamy, and trust me most women react/ will react that way in the initial stages of their polygamy life.

My husband and I have been married for a decade now and it just hit me that he is really serious about getting another wife. He is in a little bit of funk, lol, bored with life in general. We are really each other’s best friends and love/trust one another. I realize that if it was not for the fear of Allaah and Islam, my husband would have cheated for a period, hide it from me to spare me the pain and, once he’s had some adventure he would settle for a monogamous life. Since I know that, I feel sort of selfish to deny the opportunity to have another wife to spare him the feeling of being muslim man sucks.

We all know that all men want more than one wife, regardless of the first wife being perfect in every way. I have been contemplating so much about this for the past 5 yrs. Initially I hated it, threatened to leave, and now, I feel sorry for him. I don’t know how to explain it. He recently told me that he has been making dua to Allaah to open up my heart and accept to try to help him find a wife and promise, no matter what, not leave him with the kids. He has worked so hard to raise his kids with me, provide a good life, and take us from darul kufr to that of Islam, so I feel ashamed in the site of Allaah to be greedy. I know in my heart, he really deserves another sis and would not miss treat her. I know he is not perfect, but in my heart, I really feel he would strive to treat us justly. Allaah knows what the future holds, but I hope and pray that I don’t regret my decision to help him and stand by him.

With that said, I want to say, you have been a source of benefit for me through your blog. I feel inspired to step up to the challenge in wanting for my sister what I have/want for myself. It wasn’t so long ago that I remember being 19 yr old practising muslimah, longing/praying to Allaah to send me an adorable, kind muslim bro to share my life with. And today I know many young sisters are making the same dua to Allaah, weeping in their prayers as they know they can’t date their way to find a good Muslim man. I wanna put my trust in Allaah, and let it be good or bad. If some how it fails, I would know that it was not meant to be, therefore Allaah has something better awaiting.

I could use some advice in dos/don’t of polygamy so I will frequenting your blog. Write a way!
Начало
December 28th, 2009 за 7:30 В
Sister Summaya, Wa Alaikum Както Салам

It is a pleasure to hear from you. I’m glad you’ve joined us here at polygamy 411, and that you were so kind and generous to share your story. I admire your high spirit and enthusiasm.

It sounds as though Allah has blessed you with a wonderful husband who loves you, and you love and want the best for. Allah blessed you with a decade of having your husband all to yourself and now you are willing to consider helping him find another sister to marry; that is very special and I pray Allah blesses you for putting your selfishness aside in wanting for your sister what you want for yourself. Your husband could only love you more for helping him find another wife and look at the benefits for you as well to be able to choose a wife for him that would be compatible with you. I wasn’t given that opportunity, nor knew it was an option that’s encouraged in Islam. I now see the value and benefits of being privy to participate in the process.

I think it’s truly a blessing for you to be able to communicate with your husband about polygamy and his desire for another wife and that he would like you to be part of the decision making process for selecting that wife. He appears to be going about entering polygamy in the right way, being considerate of you and your feelings. You know the story of many polygamous relationships that didn’t start off properly and have been living hell on earth, mine included. You wouldn’t want to be in that boat and it appears you’ve missed it.

I pray that you and your husband continue to be happy and stand together firm as in a cement structure as you embark upon a new lifestyle together. I’m so happy to meet you and look forward to chatting with you again. Summaya, thank you again for sharing!

Това е една отворена къща. Няма нужда да се чукам. Просто хайде в.