Polygamy 411

Polygamy411.com recommends Magic Power Coffee as an excellent home based business. We would like to help our readers, commentators, friends and family achieve financial success in these tough economic times. The pressure’s on to secure a financial future in 2010, a year that has brought difficulties for many, financially.

Magic Power Coffee has an excellent compensation plan. The product, Magic Power Coffee is an aphrodisiac coffee for males and females. It is a nutritious, healthy, all natural, tasty drink that is accepted by the wellness community, so it’s easy to promote.

The Magic Power Coffee Company will take the product global this year. It was first launched in the USA on September 15, 2009. It is in Canada and is now available in Germany and Puerto Rico, as well. Every distributor receives a personal website. Websites are now available in the German and Spanish languages for your convenience.

View our video at  www.powermagiccoffee.com for additional information. 

Visit our  German website at:  http://www.magicpowercoffeepro.com/3282701/?l=de 

Visit our Spanish website at: http://www.magicpowercoffeepro.com/3282701/?l=es

Oh, read about my experience with Magic Power Coffee: http://polygamy411.com/2010/01/my-experience-with-magic-power-coffee/

Yes We Can!

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

www.polygamy411.com will introduce a new and fun marriage site for you very soon. We hope to debut by April 1, 2010.  Our team here at polygamy 411 is in the process of adding the final touches to the site.

To assure that the marriage site includes all that you would like to receive, we kindly ask you to give us any and all suggestions, recommendations and comments to assist us in making it the best marriage site for you. 

For your convenience you could use the Contact Form (Contact Us) provided at polygamy 411. com or leave a comment on the post page. We value what you have to say. Everything you say is significant and your suggestions are neither too big nor small for us to consider. We look forward to hearing from you, and having you visit our new marriage site real soon. Thank you and stay tuned!

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

I stumbled upon a blog from 2006 - ”The Becker-Posner Blog”. The blog’s hosts were Gary Becker, an American economist and recipent of the 1992 Nobel Prize in economics and Richard Posner, a Judge on the United States Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit in Chicago. Becker posed the question: “Should Polygamy be Legal?” and Posner commented. I found some of what he said to be interesting, and have included an except below:

“In polygamous households, the father invests less time in the upbringing of his children, because there are more of them. There is also less reciprocal affection between husband and wife, because they spend less time together. Household goverance under polygamy is bound to be more hierarchical than in monogamous marriage, because the household is larger and the ties of affection weaker; as a result, “agency costs” are higher and so the principal (the husband, as head of the household) has to devise and implement means of supervision that would be unnecessary in a monogamous household. (An additional factor is that women in a polygamous household have a greater incentive to commit adultery since they have less frequent sex with, and affection for, their husband, so the husband has to watch them more carefully to prevent their straying.) This managerial responsibility deflects the husband from more socially productive activities.

A woman who wanted a monogamous marriage could presumably negotiate a marital contract that would forbid the husband to take additional wives without her consent. However, she would have to buy this concession from the husband, which would make her worse off than if he were denied the right (in the absence of a contractual waiver of it) to take additional wives. Allowing polygamy would thus alter the distribution of wealth among women as well as among men.

Against all this it can be argued that polygamy would be uncommon in a society such as that of twenty-first century United States. But the less common it is, the fewer the benefits to be anticipated from legalizing it. And I am not sure that it would be all that uncommon. Although few American couples want to have more than two or three children, a polygamous union is not a couple. If a couple has three children, the ratio of adults to children is 2:3. In a polygamous household consisting of a husband, two wives, and four children, the ratio of adults to children is higher: 3:4. So the per-parent burden is less, even though there are more children.

Because polygamy is illegal everywhere in the United States, few Americans think of it as an option. If it were made respectable by being legalized, who knows? There are 400 American billionaires, and several million Americans with a net worth of at least $6 million. Nor, with most women working, is it obvious that a man would have to be wealthy in order to attract multiple wives, though presumably men who wanted to be polygamists would have to be able to offer some financial inducements, since most women would prefer to be a man’s only wife. As more and more men attempted to become polygamists, the “price” they would have to pay for a wife would rise, so polygamy would be a distinctly minority institution. But it would not necessarily be trivial in size or harmless in its social consequences, which would be likely to exceed those of homosexual marriage. Polygamy is banned in most advanced societies and flourishes chiefly in backward ones, particularly in Africa. This is some evidence against legalizing it.”

I was inspired to ask the question: “Is it man’s nature to be polygamous or “cheat”, based on a question posed to us all by a dear reader Ibnu Adam. Under the post, “Why Do Men Engage in Polygamy in 2009?” Ibnu Adam asked, “Are we men really born with the desire for more than one woman, of which one of the solutions is by having multiple wives? Or is it something than men have to conquer in order to achieve a higher level of imam?”

No one responded to his question. Nonetheless, I began to ponder it. Without any facts, I’d venture to say many men have an innate desire to be with more than one woman. He was born with that characteristic. I think it is evident by the number of men that “cheat”.  I really don’t like using the word “Cheat”, as it’s not very descriptive; although, we all know what it means.

I wonder what it would be like if everywhere in the world men were permitted to lawfully have more than one wife; how many men would do so? That would be interesting. Of course it’s a big “if”. “If’s” are useless. I know there are some women out there that want to rush in, in mad haste and say, “My husband doesn’t want more than just me (her).” Well, of course that could be true, as I’m not speaking of every man on the planet.

Regarding the second part of Abnu Adam’s question, I think yes; polygamy is sometimes something that men must conquer in order to achieve a higher level of imam. I think in cases where men tried polygamy and it didn’t work and they remained monogamous thereafter, it’s a prime example of how it could help him on his spiritual path. This could possibly happen because he could put behind him that quest for more than one wife (as he had been there and done that), and can now focus on what’s more important, his spirituality.

What are your thoughts about it?

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

Since polygamy 411 has recommended Magic Power Coffee to its readers, friends, and family, I thought it would be good for me to share with you vaguely my experience with it.  If you have visited the Magic Power Coffee site on the blog, you may have listened to some of the testimonials from persons who drink Magic Power Coffee. But, what better testimonial could you hear from than someone you know…me?  You may ask what coffee has to do with polygamy. Well, polygamy is marriage and marriage is about intimate relationships, more than one. So there is a connection.  Everybody is looking to improve their love life, and would like more intimacy, energy, stamina, and better health.

Before I begin, I would like to speak a little about what I know about marriage and intimacy from communicating with others and from my own experience. Before I got married, I used to hear all the time, everywhere, from so many people, and from reading many articles and books, that intimacy wanes between couples once they marry. Many men complain of lack of intimacy that happens almost immediately after marriage. I swore it would never happen to me. I couldn’t fathom how it happened and why it seemed to happen to everybody. Well guess what? I got married and it happened to me. How the heck did that happen? I wondered. It bothered me tremendously. I just had no desire. I tried herbal supplements, to no avail. I even purchased something from an advertisement in the back of a magazine. Can you believe it? Needless to say, it didn’t work.

After five years of marriage, apparently my husband became bothered by my lack of desire as well, as he married another woman and we became polygamous. The truth be told, polygamy spiced up my love life tremendously. Competition must have ignited the fire.  I don’t know entirely what that’s all about. I’ve heard people say no one wants someone no one else wants. Perhaps knowing he was wanted had something to do with me wanting him too.

Nonetheless, just recently I heard about Magic Power Coffee, and allowed someone to advertise on the site for free. I tried the world’s first aphrodisiac coffee, Magic Power Coffee, which is all natural and consists of premium Colombian coffee beans, antioxidants, herbs, a non-dairy creamer and sweetener. I drank it one morning by myself. It was a unique, wonderful experience that was difficult to describe. I couldn’t think of the words. The other day I was reading about the coffee and read it gives a feeling of euphoria, like a natural high. I thought, this is something I could drink every day, not for intimacy, but just for the nice, natural feeling it gave me.

So, of course I decided to drink it for the right time. You know what I mean…Not wanting to sound trite, but it was like magic. They say Magic Power Coffee is a fantasy beverage. It was magic in that it set the mood for intimacy in an easy, subtle way.  Any anxiety or stress that I had been feeling from just dealing with the day to day, completely vanished. I was calm, receptive and at peace, before, during and after. I felt complete satisfaction in my relationship…all naturale.  Since we are somewhat PG rated here, I won’t say much more. You’ll have to drink the coffee, and experience that part for yourself.

I noticed additonal benefits as well in other aspects of my life besides the intimacy part. I love health and nutrition. I take vitamins and herbal supplements, and drink herbal teas etc.etc. etc. Nonetheless, after drinking Magic Power Coffee for a few days, I noticed my complexion was more healthy, bright and glowing and my hair was more beautiful. It must have something to do with Magic Power Coffee and all the antioxidants and nutrients in it, as I hadn’t added anything different to my diet, beside the coffee.

Anyway, in wrapping up, I’d like to say the reason I felt a need to write this post is because I know the effects the day to day struggles with life has on couples, diminishing their desire, passion, and the like. I used to be in the work force, so I know how drained one can be when he/she comes home from a long, hard day at work. I know how a relationship can become strained with so many stressors (financial, physical, emotional, and more) that creep into your life, robbing you of desire and passion. Then there are the problems that comes with the monotony of marriage, the mundane routine of it all. All the aforementioned can take the liveliness, passion and desire out of a marriage. I think Magic Power Coffee can be the answer to a better love life and a healthier, energetic, vibrant life for many.  That’s my testimony…

View our video at: www.powermagiccoffee.com 

Purchase Magic Power Coffee at www.magicpowercoffeepro.com/3282701/retail.htm 

Magic Power Coffee is available in USA, Canada, Puerto Rico and Germany. It will soon be available globally this year.

Polygamy 411 strongly recommends Magic Power Coffee for numerous reasons. One is because it has been tried and tested by quite a few of our readers, all of whom have had nothing but good things to say about it.  Second, is because Magic Power Coffee is accepted by the Wellness Industry. Third, is because of the company’s comprehensive compensation plan that appears to be the best we’ve seen thus far.  Furthermore, it is a product that could be very beneficial to our readers who all, I could say with certainty, would like to have a better love life with improved intimacy.

To tell you a little bit about Magic Power Coffee, it is the first aphrodisiac coffee in the world and it is for both males and females. It is made with all natural ingredients, including premium coffee beans, vitamins, minerals, and herbs. It has no harmful side effects. It has been referred to as being like a Starbucks Latte with two Viagras, but only better.  Magic Power Coffee works quickly within thirty to forty-five minutes and works before, during, and after the right time. It’s been referred to as liquid foreplay. It not only works physiologically, but psychologically, as well. For women, not only does it give them energy, but is known to alleviate stress, is a mood elevator, and creates a sense of euphoria.

Besides improving one’s love life, Magic Power Coffee improves one’s financial situation, as well. The Magic Power Coffee compensation plan for its Independent Sales Associates includes: Product Order Bonus; Matching Bonus; Matrix Commissions; and Cash Bonuses, plus a free website.  An Independent Sales Associate could make up to $25,000.00 a month.  The coffee is very easy to sell.  Coffee is a 70 billion dollar a year business. All one has to do is pass out a business card with a sample of the coffee and the coffee sells itself.

To give you some information regarding the company, the coffee launched on September 15, 2009. The company is located in Florida (USA). The coffee and income opportunity is now available in the USA and Canada. It will launch in Germany within the next 30 days and Russia within 90 days. The company plans is to go global in 2010.

View our video at: www.powermagiccoffee.com  and to purchase Magic Power Coffee visit: www.magicpowercoffeepro.com/3282701/retail.htm. 

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

Stress, quarrels and neglect: the “normal” polygmaous family-A large-scale study currently underway across Malaysia uncovers proof that polygamy harms everyone involved: from emotionally scarred children, to wives who think they’d be better off as single-parent households, and even husbands who admit “I wouldn’t recommend it for my son; it’s quite stressful.”

When Malaysian women’s rights organisation Sister in Islam (SIS) argued that polygamy causes social problems and has a negative emotional impact, leading figures of the Islamic establishment in Malaysia would ask, “What proof do you have?”. When SIS cited cases of women who had approached the organisation for legal services or support, the rejoinder was “That’s only isolated cases” or “When it’s properly practiced, polygamy can create harmonious family life.”

To provide concrete data to support its anecdotal evidence about the impact of polygamy, in late 2007 SIS launched an ambitious research project whose findings are now beginning to come in. Working with academics from three universities, the research has completed about 1,500 qualitative and quantitative questionnaires from across all 12 states of peninsular Malaysia, along with dozens of in-depth interviews. The SIS research may make a significant contribution to global analysis of polygamy because unlike most studies which focus on the impact on wives, this study is also interviewing husbands and children.

Under pressure from Islamic neo-conservatives who have a highly patriarchal view of gender and marital relations, Malaysia’s law on polygamy which was once considered among the most rights-protecting for women, has been significantly relaxed. The 1984 federal Islamic Family Law had five conditions a Muslim man had to fulfil before he could take another wife: that he had the financial means; could guarantee equal treatment of the wives; no harm would be caused to the existing wife/wives; the additional marriage was “just and necessary”; and that the proposed marriage should not directly or indirectly lower the existing wife and dependants’ standard of living.

In 1996, the last condition was deleted and in 2004 “just and necessary” was amended to “just or necessary”. This removed the Qur’anic requirement of justice and fairness, and since ‘necessary’ was not defined in law in Malaysia’s increasingly Islamised atmosphere many men found it easier to obtain permission for a polygamous marriage and exploit legal loopholes without fear of legal or social rebuke. The impact of this shift remains anecdotal since the research found that the Religious Department’s records for 1993-2007 are very uneven. Whether or not actual numbers of polygamous marriages have increased in recent decades, there has been a noticeable normalising of the practice. Many conservative Malay-Muslim politicians ironically claim they have women’s needs at heart, saying: “In the modern context, there are more and more educated, professional women who remain unmarried so we should encourage polygamy”.

Preliminary findings from the SIS research show that many children of first wives report a strong negative emotional impact. Most reported neglect from the father once he got a second wife and more so when he started having children from her. Especially where fathers had more than two wives or more than 10 children, daughters and sons often claim their father can hardly recognise them. When they went to ask for pocket money or school fees, their father would look at them clueless and say “Which mother are you from?”. This happened across the classes.

Polygamy also negatively affects the relationship between children and their mothers, with the former resenting the mother for being unable to make sure the father does not neglect them or for becoming depressed and also neglecting their emotional needs. Regardless of gender, they lack of confidence in their own ability to have stable relationships because they have only experienced a family life filled with traumatic quarrels and resentment. The children of second wives usually cope better because from birth they know their father has another family. But the children from the first family can see the comparison: the lack of time, lack of resources, their father’s absence when they needed him. Some of the children insisted SIS help them set up a support group to help them cope with feelings of isolation; at school they cannot relate their problems to anyone as they feel embarrassed about the situation.

The findings about the impact on children may offer an important opening for advocacy and change that can ultimately benefit women. Historically, changes to patriarchal interpretations of Muslim laws have often come in an effort to protect children’s rights. For instance, many Muslim countries now follow the principle of the best interests of the child when deciding custody, rather than rigidly applying traditionalist interpretations which deny mothers custody.

The impact of polygamy on women has both economic and emotional aspects. The research has found that many men in both lower and middle economic groups marry second wives so that they will contribute to the economic maintenance of their polygamous families. Women contribute to the nafaqa (the Muslim husband’s responsibility for maintenance) which polygamous husbands tend not to fulfil. Thinking through the last month’s expenditures, one second wife discovered for herself that the husband only provides one-third of the family’s basic needs: rice, sugar, coffee, vegetables, school fees, expenditure for school books, etc. The social reality is that most Malaysian women are breadwinners for their families, but women in polygamous families even more so. Many have some cottage business such as catering or making snacks without which there won’t be food on the table. A number of polygamous wives reported “I might as well be a single mother.” Under current government welfare policy, a single mother (divorced or widowed) can apply for welfare support but a polygamous wife, at least on paper, has a husband and cannot get that support. The interviews have challenged the traditional perception that second wives are ‘husband stealers’ who will benefit from the marriage as they reveal that most, even in the middle classes, live a hard life.

SIS’ research also looks at nafkah batin, a Malay term referring to sexual and emotional support. Those who support polygamy invariably claim that polygamy works if the husband properly follows the practice of giliran, or ‘turn-taking’: dividing time between the wives. All polygamous men claim they practice giliran, perhaps reflecting a subconscious recognition that the Qur’an enjoins equal treatment of multiple wives. But the in-depth interviews show that giliran is in fact unworkable: unplanned domestic crises such as a child falling sick or work crises all intervene to derail any giliran. Some polygamous men even seem to be trapped in the fable of masculine prowess. Taxi drivers with wives in two different states, or those who lose time travelling between families, say they are sometimes simply too tired to give time to their other family. When asked “Would you recommend polygamy to your children, your son?” a number of the better educated, professional middle class men said, “Seriously, I have to admit I wouldn’t. It’s quite stressful.”

Not just unworkable, the giliran ‘roster’ in fact seems to be largely a myth. When husbands were asked “So who’s turn is it today?” they were unable to answer, while wives simply said “Oh my husband keeps track of that.” Thus expected to follow the husband’s lead, women have evolved strategies for keeping their man. Interviews with rural women found widespread reliance on black magic to make sure the first husband does not forget her or to hex the second family. But the rural women also said “Don’t underestimate this. Even women in the Klang Valley area [where the capital Kuala Lumpur is situated] resort to this. They come back home to Kelantan and Terengganu, and consult the local bomoh.”

Husbands also report that the first wife becomes sexually competitive and manipulative. One said, “Before I took another wife, our sexual relations had waned a bit but as soon as I got married she is making more demands and I’m getting exhausted and I think it’s affecting my heart problem.” A second wife in Kelantan said “He asked me to give him a massage in order to ‘revive’ him. Hell, I gave him such a good massage and he fell asleep and started snoring and that ‘thing’ would not even go up!” The women quite openly discuss these problems. Although some of the interviews verge on the farcical, this should not detract from the fact that polygamous wives clearly suffer profound emotional and economic harm, two powerful grounds for future campaigning. But Malaysia may not yet be ready for a public discussion about the right to a satisfying sexual relationship, clearly also an issue in polygamous situations.

Far from the traditional Muslim ideal of a harmonious family with a male breadwinner providing all the family’s needs, the SIS research is revealing how polygamy leads to unstable and dysfunctional families and how the possibility of being just between wives and avoiding economic harm is a myth.

Masjaliza Hamzah and Norami Othamn 14 January 2010

About the authors

Norani Othman is a professor of Sociology at the Institute of Malaysian and International Studies (IKMAS)

Masjaliza Hamzah manages the research and publications unit at Sisters in Islam (SIS).

The research findings will be discussed at the 7th biennial Malaysian Studies Conference (MSC7) in March. SIS also plans booklets based on the findings.  

It matters whether a wife is first, second, third, or fourth in numerical order in a polygamous marriage, although it shouldn’t. There are a lot of stigma and negative connotations associated with being a second, third, or fourth wife. Is there a way to curtail the stigma and negative connotations? After all, isn’t numbering a way to keep track of who is who?

 I think there is a way to keep the ranking in perspective. The key is for us to always remember that the most honored in the eyesight of our Creator is the most righteous. If we keep that fact in mind, I believe we would strive for righteousness, and always remember how insignificant a number is.  It is wrong to weigh a wife’s position of rank and honor based on her numerical order in a polygamous marriage.

A second, third, or fourth wife in polygamous marriages has, in many cases, received a bad reputation, which has a lot to do with society and its perception. In many societies, especially in the USA, first is symbolic of best.  A winner is always first in sports or any type of contest, in line or just in the order of things.  First is the winner; first is the best. Second, third, or fourth is just that- runner ups so to speak, next in line, almost as good, but not quite good enough.  Thus, this negative perception is carried over into polygamous marriages for many second, third, and fourth wives.

Second wives not only have to deal with numerical ranking, but with the stigma of being called home wreckers, intruders, mistresses, concubines, and other not so polite titles, to boot.  I would venture to say second wives may have more prestige and honor in polygamous marriages initially, as seconds probably believed something was wrong with the first wives that warranted the husbands taking second wives to begin with. This sense of superiority for the second wives probably reigns until number three wives come onto the scene. Should a number three enter the marriage equation, second wives probably also begin to feel that sense of inferiority for a time.

Ideally, none of this ranking in polygamous marriages should be. My intention is to make an assertive effort to remember what is most important. What is most important is not numerical rank, but righteousness. The most honored in the eyesight of our Creator is the most righteous.

I was inspired to write this post after having the pleasure of meeting Zainab, my little sister in Faith.  I pray Allah is well pleased with her.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

Is it easy or difficult to return to monogamy after being in a polygamous marriage?  Why, or why not?  The question is for both males and females. I’m just curious to know. For those who have experienced the transition, please be so kind and share your experience and thoughts about it with us.  Any and all thoughts from everyone about the return from polygamy to monogamy are most welcomed. Thank you!

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

Dr. Omar Zaid M.D.
Research Fellow, ISTAC, IIUM, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Physician, Author, Editor, ozaidmd@gmail.com

Dr. Omar Zaid is a retired Emergency Room Physician now Research Fellow at ISTAC (IIUM) since July 2007. He is Contributing Editor to ISTAC’s quarterly Bulletin; Assistant Editor for ISTAC’s Journal Al Sajarah and various other publications in English. He is also Freelance Editor for IAIS, Islamic Books Trust, KL, and EQHO Communications Ltd., an international translation Co. in Bangkok. Prior to his conversion to Islam in 2004, Dr. Zaid was an Evangelical Christian Missionary in Sarawak East Malaysia. He currently does research on Church History, Gnosticism, Mystery Religions, Fertility Cults, the history of Hermetic Societies and Human Development and Sexuality. In addition to several essays and monographs, he has authored Trinity: The Metamorphosis of Myth (Penpress, Brighton, England, 2008); The Hands of Iblis: Summary Observations on the Hidden Hand of the New World Order (AS Nordeen, KL, 2009). His next book, Cain’s Creed: The Cult of Rome, a Deconstruction and Revision of Church history, is scheduled for release by AS Nordeen in 2010.