A Comparison of Family Functioning, Life and Marital Satisfaction, and Mental Health of Women in Polygamous and Monogamous Marriages

Alean Al-Krenawi
Ben-Gurion University

John R. Graham
University of Calgary, Calgary, Canada

Background: A considerable body of research concludes that the polygamous family structure has an impact on children’s and wives’ psychological, social and family functioning.

Aims: The present study is among the first to consider within the same ethnoracial community such essential factors as family functioning, life satisfaction, marital satisfaction and mental health functioning among women who are in polygamous marriages and women who are in monogamous marriages.

Method: A sample of 352 women participated in this study: 235 (67%) were in a monogamous marriage and 117 (33%) were in a polygamous marriage.

Results: Findings reveal differences between women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Women in polygamous marriages showed significantly higher psychological distress, and higher levels of somatisation, phobia and other psychological problems. They also had significantly more problems in family functioning, marital relationships and life satisfaction.

Conclusion: The article calls on public policy and social service personnel to increase public awareness of the significance of polygamous family structures for women’s wellbeing.

International Journal of Social Psychiatry, Vol. 52, No. 1, 5-17 (2006)

polygamy 411

I blog about polygamy and it helps me. I hope it will  help others as well. I have been in a polygamous marriage for two years and eleven months now. I began the polygamy 411.com blog after I had lived polygamy just a little over two years. It is absolutely amazing how blogging has turned my life around so much for the better in such a short period – ten months.  My mental health and emotional well-being have improved dramatically.

How has blogging about polygamy helped me?  Well, when I blog about polygamy it is somewhat like talk therapy or “talking treatment”. Opposed to going to see a therapist, and having group counseling, I conduct my therapy on the blog.  I talk with people on the blog who have similar problems living polygamy or those who have an interest in polygamy and want to learn about it or talk about it.  I relieve my distress about polygamy by writing about it and talking to others who care about it. I write and talk to others who are in a similar state of distress, or had been there with polygamy.  When I talk with others about polygamy it helps me to find my feelings and the way I think, which helps me to better cope with polygamy. Without question, living polygamy has been difficult for me.

Having a blog that focuses on polygamy has helped in more ways as well.  It’s free to talk, write and read on the blog, opposed to seeing a psychotherapists. Think about the money I’ve saved. I don’t have to leave my home to go to a therapist’s office.  I could have “psychotherapy,” so to speak, every day, throughout the day, and not be limited to once or twice a week. I don’t have to show personal information, my true identity that would be documented. I don’t have to have a therapist subject me to medication, which I think often does more harm to a person than good.

Yes. Blogging about polygamy has helped me and I think it has helped and is helping others, as well.  Please don’t get me wrong; I am not suggesting or recommending blogging about polygamy as a substitute for professional psychotherapy for those who believe they need it, by no means. Blogging is not a substitute for medical treatment for those in need.  The views expressed in this post are my own and personal.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

One thing that keeps haunting me when I think about wives that marry married men is how they feel so wronged and hurt when they knew what they were embarking upon when they married an already married man.  I understand how a wife that a husband deceived by not letting her know he had another wife could experience a lot of pain and heartache. But, I can’t quite grasp how a woman who entered a polygamous marriage willingly and knowingly could complain about not liking it.

If anyone, particularly 2^nd, 3^rd’ and 4^th wives, could shed some light on the subject, I would greatly appreciate it. We are all trying to learn here, so we welcome any and all comments from everyone.

I don’t mean to diminish the value of any wife be she 2^nd, 3^rd, or 4^th by numbering them. It is the only way I know how to put them in sequence.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

I initially thought the “Polygamy Club” in Malaysia was not a bad idea.  It helps get prostitutes off the street and taken care of; doesn’t it? Now I’m beginning to question whether the “Polygamy Club” in Malaysia is good after all.

I think a question of morality comes into play. Who is to say the “reformed” prostitute is not still full of abomination?  Perhaps the former prostitute is not reformed and her morals are still corrupt. After all, not all women that can’t earn a living turn to prostitution for income. Who’s to say the “reformed” prostitute, now labeled “wife”, won’t continue to sell her body for additional money to supplement the monies that her husband gives her? How much money is enough for her?

Some further questions I ask:

Does the “reformed” prostitute now become the private prostitute of one of the husband’s in the “Polygamy Club?” It appears it’s just a matter of geography. The “reformed” prostitute is just moved from one location to another. She’s removed from the street or brothel, and is taken to the “Polygamy Club.”

Does the reformed prostitute go from being prostitute to mistress?

Are health risks involved for the first wife? Say for instance the first wife wasn’t a former prostitute. Her husband marries a “reformed” prostitute as a second, third or fourth wife. The “reformed” prostitute returns to prostitution on the days she’s not with her husband, as her husband is with one of his other wives. Doesn’t that present a problem for the first wife or other wives that weren’t former prostitutes, but chaste, as they risk contracting sexually transmitted diseases?

I no longer see a significant deal of good in the “Polygamy Club” in Malaysia.  Let a prostitute decide she no longer wants that profession (prostitution), find Islam, reform and find herself a husband. Then the likelihood that she reformed and accepted Islam is more acceptable and less questionable.

The “polygamy Club” in Malaysia may have just created more problems opposed to alleviating them or may have just transferred the problem from one place to another-from the street or brothel to the “Polygamy Club”. What do you think?

For more information on the “polygamy Club”, please read the following post:

http://polygamy411.com/2009/10/08/the-polygamy-club-in-malaysia/

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

Are you a “secret wife?”  If you are, why? Does a man commit shirk when he marries a woman and make her a secret wife?  My understanding of shirk, for those unfamiliar with the term, is associating any created thing or human being with the Creator – Allah. Shirk is unforgivable!

“Secret wives” is undoubtedly an interesting topic. If polygamy in Islam is permissible, why make a wife a secret?  In earlier posts we briefly touched upon reasons for the secrecy. The reasons were: The husband’s parent(s) didn’t approve of the wife that the husband selected or the husband’s first wife didn’t approve of polygamy, and wouldn’t accept it.  The husband, therefore, makes the other wife a secret.

Firstly, we must assume that the husband accepts polygamy as being permissible in Islam, which is why he engaged in polygamy in the first place.  If a man has acted upon his right to engage in polygamy, then why does he let the fear of repercussions from his parent(s) or his recognized wife prevent him from dealing with his other wife in a fair and just way? Why must she be a secret? Why not let her be recognized, be rightfully known, and be respected as a wife?

In secret wives situations, it seems the husband fears man (human being), in this case meaning his parent(s) or the recognized wife more than he fears his Creator. Does the husband place his recognized wife and/or his parent(s) above or equal with his Creator when he concerns himself with pleasing his recognized wife and parent(s) while depriving his secret wife of her right to be known and respected as a wife in Islam? The husband that has a secret wife should ask himself, “Who do I serve?”   

Who does he fear?  Does he fear his parent(s), his recognized wife or his Creator?  It appears the husband fears his parent(s) or recognized wife more than he fears his Creator when he has a secret wife. In that case, does the husband commit the unforgivable sin of shirk?

I think it becomes a tricky situation when the man makes unlawful what his Creator has made lawful for him. The man who hides his wife, in essence, has made her unlawful at the same time as making her lawful.  He married her in a polygamous situation; however, at the same time, hides her out of fear of others when we should fear no one except Allah.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

I am a bit concerned with where exactly polygamy is leading Muslim men, particularly my husband Alex, in the 21st century.  Is polygamy in Islam an obstacle to Paradise for some Muslim men? It seems to me that Alex has added a huge burden to his life, as he now has a second wife, Carolinah, and has the challenge of dealing with us as equals.  One marriage is a tremendous trial in and of itself for a man without adding a second marriage.

I think in 2009, having only one wife gives a man a better chance to enter Paradise.  Life is not as simple today, regarding marriage, as it was in the time of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him). Living conditions are not the same. Some wives married to the same man don’t live in close proximity to each other, so the man has to travel farther.  It’s significantly more costly to clothe, feed and house wives today than it was years ago. How do men manage and maintain two households, two women or more, with all the stressors of modern day, today?

An additional obstacle to a man in Islam entering Paradise could be regarding the controversy that exists about when and why polygamy is permissible.  Some Islamic scholars and theorist believe polygamy was permitted to ensure the welfare of orphans. Polygamy was linked to the treatment of orphans and it was believed that men were given the responsibility of managing the welfare of orphaned children. If the men were incapable of doing so in a just manner, they could take them as wives to avoid any unjust mismanagement.

So, if the above is the case, what will become of the man who married a second wife that was not widowed with orphaned children? Some scholars believe he should have married the second wife to prevent unfair treatment of her orphans. An orphan has been defined as a juvenile who has not reached puberty, and has lost his or her father, and lives with his mother.

Granted, there are cases where polygamy could be a means to help a man enter Paradise, if he is charitable, helping a woman with children, and the like. But, truly, I would like to know how many men are practicing polygamy to seek the good pleasure of Allah SWT and how many men are practicing polygamy merely to seek their own good pleasure.

I think a safer, easier route for a man to take when striving for Paradise may be monogamy. I wonder whether many men consider that polygamy in Islam may be an obstacle to them entering Paradise. What do you think?

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

I understand some Muslims are entering marriage contracts in which a clause(s) is added that forbids the husband from practicing polygamy, during their marriages. The man agrees he would not marry another woman while married to the first wife.

I think a clause(s) in an Islamic marriage contract forbidding the husband from taking another wife is haram (not lawful).  Allah SWT has made polygamy permissible, so who would I be to add a clause to my marriage contract stating my husband couldn’t take another wife while married to me.

I think it is perfectly OK for it to be indicated in the contract that the husband would consult the wife if he decides he’d like to engage in polygamy and that he would be compassionate enough to give the first wife amply time to adjust to the decision and decide whether she’d like to stay married to him.

Putting a clause in the contract forbidding the husband from practicing polygamy during the course of the marriage amounts to a woman telling Allah SWT that she doesn’t like a portion of the book (Quran) and she rejects it. It’s like her saying I accept everything you say, but I don’t like polygamy, so I’m not having it.  I think it becomes a serious situation when we start picking and choosing parts of the Quran that we want to accept and rejecting other. I’d caution Muslims to be careful in engaging in marriage contracts that prohibits polygamy.  We shouldn’t make unlawful what Allah has made lawful. We don’t know what Allah SWT has decided for us for tomorrow.

Do we sometimes become like Iblis (Satan), become arrogant and tell Allah SWT what we’ll accept and won’t. Allah SWT made polygamy permissible, so who are we to make polygamy impermissible for our husbands.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

We know secret wives exist in Islam. However, are secret wives viewed as mistresses, as well? What are the benefits of a woman being a secret wife in Islam? Polygamy is permissible in Islam. Islam permits a man to have more than one wife at one time simultaneously, as long as the number does not exceed four at a time.  So, why would a man keep his second wife a secret from his first wife and family, his relatives, maybe even her family, and society? Keeping polygamy a secret is an issue in and of itself, but what happens when a secret wife is added?

There are men who keep secret wives in Islam as they know or believe their first wives would not approve of them having second wives. The men don’t want to displease their first wives and his and her families. The woman that he wants to be with besides his first wife becomes his secret wife, the equivalent of mistress, as it is a secret marriage.

Islam elevated the status of women and allowed Muslim men to marry them as second, third and fourth wives.  In Islam, the marriage (Nikah) should be made known to the public, and should be followed by a Walima feast. Is that not so?  The Islamic system rules and regulations encourage modesty and Chastity and make an effort to close all loopholes of evils and corruption. Isn’t this the reason Islam regard publicity of marriage (Nikah) very essential?  The marriage should be publicized to close all loopholes through which immorality can gain access in society.   

If the marriage is not given publicity, people would bring their illicit sexual relationships also under marriage, thus opening a backdoor for the sin to find access to society.  Modesty and chastity are the objects of marriage and not the gratification of sexual appetite alone.

If a husband does not let society know that he has a second wife, does it not open the door for people to suspect the man of having an affair and the woman as being his mistress?  Does a man that has a secret wife deprive that wife of the honor and respect of being known as wife? Polygamy is many times secretive. Do some people add secret wives to the secret lifestyle of polygamy?

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

The fact that married women, in Islam, live secretly as first or second wives  is a reality that is totally new and foreign to me.  Until recently, I was unaware it exist, and is prevalent among Muslims in Islam.  Lately, I have read much here and there from and about women who say they are wives, living secretly as ”secret wives.”  The realism of secret wives to me is astounding as is the idea of polygamy for some people.

Anyhow, I’ve thought much about secret wives, and have given the concept a good deal of attention. I understand there are cultural issues that come into play about secret wives, as well.  I am learning and I have an interest in knowing more.

From what I have gathered thus far, some women are secret first or second wives due to demands placed on sons by their parents, in particularly their mothers. A parent selects a certain woman or type of woman for her son to marry. The parent doesn’t approve of the woman who the son loves and wants to marry, thus the disapproved of wife becomes the son’s secret first or second wife. The son doesn’t want to disrespect his mother so he secretly marries the disapproved of woman. I think I’ve even heard it said by some that “Paradise is at the foot of the mother”, which is why “respect” is so important, if I’m not mistaken.  This is what confuses me.

The son still married the woman who his parents, more specifically his mother, disapproved of, and essentially disrespected his parents or his mother by doing so. The son had placed so much emphasis on respect for his mother, but at the same time, he disrespected her behind her back by marrying the same woman his mother disapproved of.  If the parent’s approval of his mate was so crucial and his parent didn’t approve of a certain woman for him to wed, why did he marry the (secret) woman? Just because the parent doesn’t know about the secret wife makes it OK?  If the son was so concerned about the welfare of his mother, and gaining or maintaining her respect, why doesn’t the son just marry the woman who his mother approved of? It is so contradictory.

I guess I’m just confused. I thought Islam raised the status of women, and allowed a man to marry more than one woman so the woman would be respected with the title of wife and be known as such. What has it come to when men tuck women away as secrets, and cause women to take on the characteristics of “mistress?”

Are secret wives victims of selfish, manipulative, controlling, lustful, deceitful men who prey on the emotions and vulnerability of women,  and take advantage of a women’s gentle, loving nature?  When did wives in Islam become secrets? Again, I thought Islam raised the status of women, and  gave them full protection, respect and honor by their husbands, children and society.

I was just wondering and pondering the secrets of secrets.

Here’s a video that may help shed some light on the subject:
forced marriages

This is an open house.  No need to knock.  Just come on in.

Polygamy is costly. A vast majority of people probably know how costly polygamy could be without having to live it. When I speak of how costly polygamy is, in this particular post, I’m referring to the husband that actually provides for and maintains his wives that live in separate households.  I am not referring to the husbands that let the “system” pay for their wives or the husbands that don’t provide and maintain at all, the ones that are in what I would describe as similar to the polygamy dating game, moving from one home to another without any financial responsibility.

I tried to explain to my husband Alex just how costly polygamy could be. I can’t remember whether I admonished him before we became polygamous or only after. I was so devastated about he, she, and me becoming polygamous; consequently, I may not have broached the subject prior to our polygamous marriage.  Nonetheless, immediately after he married Carolinah, I tried to explain to Alex that he was no millionaire and that many persons with one household were struggling to make ends meet.  But no…he thought he had it all figured out. I told him that if things get tough, he had better not even think about cutting me (reducing the monies he gives me); he had better cut her (Carolinah).

Now tough economic times have hit us in America. What to do? I like organic food; it’s nothing new. When Alex and I got married, I went all out organic. I’ve always been health conscious since I could remember. Well, a short while ago or so, Alex began bringing home non-organic food. Organic products are very costly; most people probably know (I’m not trying to insult any one’s intelligence. I’m just trying to be clear). I asked Alex what he was doing bringing that stuff home, as he knows I eat organic.  He said, “Well buy your own if you want organic.”  On another few occasions he started bringing home store brand products.  I don’t do store brand (no offense to anyone).  I’m not liking what’s going on now. What?  I have to change my lifestyle because the reality of how costly polygamy is has set in and times are hard.  NO! I DON’T THINK SO!

Alex said to me on a few occasions that he was trying to cut costs in every way he could think of. It was as though he was asking me for help or suggestions. I had none. I’m thinking-look, you wanted polygamy. You got it. Now figure out how you’re going to pay for it.  I said nothing.  I’m not going to suggest he cut anything over here (with me).  I wanted to say-you need to get rid of that extra butt. But no, I don’t want to be blamed by him, if he does leave her. So I opted for the silent treatment.

Anyhow, the other day I emailed Alex (It was Carolinah’s turn to be with him). I explained to him that he is to add to my life, not take away. I advised him that I ate organic before, and was going to continue to eat it now. After he tried that whole door closing thing on me (Carolinah likes the doors in her home closed), I’ve began to fume. I advised him not to impose his way of life “down the road” with Carolinah on me. I advised him to always remember which one of us (his wives) he is with and what we each like.

Is polygamy costly? Whose problem is it when the husband didn’t consult his first wife before he engaged in polygamy?  Whose problem is it when he thought he had it all figured out?

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

When a husband has decided that he will exercise his right and engage in polygamy (in Islam), should his first wife help him select a second wife? I have read material in which people have recommended that a first wife participate in the decision making process of selecting a second wife for her husband.

Regarding me, I think I should not be privy to participate in the selection. First of all, I am not the person that would be marrying the woman. My husband is the one that has to be attracted to her. He is the one that will have to live with her, love her, and have sexual relations with her, have intimate conversations with her, and spend his wealth on her, and more. 

I contemplated the reasons that a first wife would want to be part of the selection process, and whether there is a valid reason for her participation, in Islam. Does it really matter whether the first wife likes the potential second wife or not?  What does the first wife’s likes and dislikes regarding the potential second wife really have to do with her husband liking the woman?  Does the first wife have to do any of the above mentioned acts with the second wife?

A first wife’s need for involvement in selecting her husband’s second wife could serve a primary purpose that I could see; it would be control. She could prolong the process by not being able to agree on a suitable person. She could select someone that her husband entirely does not want, and wouldn’t be happy with. She could attempt to sabotage the marriage to someone her husband does have a sincere interest in and desire to marry. I know this for a fact; I wanted to meet my husband Alex’s prospective second wife so I could attempt to influence the relationship in some negative way. 

I see a benefit in a current wife not getting involved in the selection. If the marriage to the second wife is not successful, the husband cannot look to the first wife to blame if he doesn’t like the new wife. After all, it was his decision.

Please do not misunderstand me.  I am not talking about mutual consultation. I believe firmly that a husband should consult his first wife about his decision to engage in polygamy and if he is “kind” give her some time to adjust to the decision before he rushes off into it.

I think a husband should introduce his first wife to the potential second wife, as well, so first wife and potential second wife could communicate if they choose to do so. But I think the selection process as to whom he marries should be entirely the husband’s decision. There is nothing wrong if a husband requests his first wife’s assistance, but to say it should be a right of a first wife, I beg to differ. 

What do you think the benefits would be for a first wife assisting her husband in choosing his second wife?

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

I’ve often wondered about rivalry between wives in polygamy, wives that have the same husband, but the wives live in separate dwellings. I consider my husband Alex’s wife, Carolinah, to be my rival. We compete with one another for Alex’s attention and more. For example, she had concerns about me being his “favorite” wife.  I had concerns about her manipulating our marriage schedule.

I think what can keep rivalry under control in polygamy is the wives not being that familiar with each other. I don’t know Carolinah, and haven’t been inside her home; I can’t size her up, nor take inventory of her possessions.  I can’t accuse Alex of giving Carolinah more or less than he gives me. I don’t have to compare myself to her regarding weight and figure, as I don’t see her.  Is it true that what you don’t know can’t hurt you? 

Whether the wives see each other or not, I don’t think it completely does away with the rivalry.  It’s natural for me to want to be the better fit, more attractive wife, simply because I have a love for fitness and nutrition. I still think wives in polygamy compete for the attention, love and affection of their husbands in numerous ways, even in the bedroom, each probably wanting to be the more seductive wife, the more desired wife. 

In the previous post I questioned whether wives in polygamy are friends. Can wives in polygamy be sincere friends with each other when they are rivals?  I know in my past dealings with rivals in my life, friendship was not something I was trying to achieve with my competitors.  I was trying to find out what they looked like, what they thought, what they liked and disliked, what they were like, and how they interacted with  the person that we wanted to be with etc. I wanted all that information to allow me to gain the upper hand.  

Are wives rivals…wives married to one man?  Is true, sincere, friendship between rival wives possible?  What are the thoughts going on in the heads of those rival wives when they communicate with each other?

My interest in knowing more about Carolinah and meeting her stemmed from a desire to know how we compared. What does she look like?  Is she overweight or thin? Is she intelligent?  Where does she live? Since Alex never allowed me to meet Carolinah and she refused to meet me, I had to conduct my own investigation.  The one thing I can say is I should be grateful that Alex has Carolinah as his other wife. I can’t imagine how much more devastated I would have been had Alex’s second wife been a very young, beautiful, educated, personable woman. 

I still view Carolinah and me as rivals.

Since the day my husband Alex married another woman Carolinah and became polygamous, I wondered if she and I needed to be friends.  Is there a need for polygamous wives to be friends with each other or one another when they share a husband? 

The answer to the question for me is “No!”-not only because I don’t like Carolinah, but because I believe there is no reason for me to be her friend in Islam. I understand polygamous wives that live together have a need to befriend one another for peaceful living conditions.  Is there the same need for friendship between the wives when they don’t live in the same household with each other?

One thing I believe I need to do regarding Carolinah is to say “As Salaamu Alaikum” to her and return the greeting if and when she says it to me. I think I should be kind and cordial to her, if we ever communicate, and shouldn’t bother her otherwise. 

Are we to be best friends to every Muslim we meet?  If not, then what makes my husband’s wife any different than other Muslims?  Oh, she’s his wife…so what.

Instructions are given to men in Islam that opt to engage in polygamy. I have come across no instructions for me as a Muslim female with regards being married to a polygamous man.  

Should I try to make life easier for my husband Alex by befriending his other wife Carolinah?  Would being her friend actually make my husband’s life easier or more complicated?

My husband’s wife Carolinah and I are not friends, nor do I desire to be her friend.  Why do wives of polygamous men befriend their husbands’ wives?

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

I’ve come across numerous articles on the web, referencing the comparison of polygamous marriages to gay marriages. Some people are voicing the opinion that if gay marriages are legalized, polygamous marriages should be as well.  I just couldn’t see the correlations between the two. I didn’t contemplate it much. I just thought it was a bazaar comparison. Now giving it some consideration, I still think the two are not quite relevant.

Gay marriages are a lot like monogamous heterosexual marriages-the only difference is the persons in Gay marriages are of the same sex.  Still, there are only two Gay persons married to each other at one time. Gay couples that marry would receive the same rights under the USA state, family/domestic laws etc, and would be given the same rights as any heterosexual married couple. 

Should polygamous marriages be legally recognized in America, if Gay marriages are?  Well, I think polygamous marriages should not be on the same agenda as Gay marriages. To legalize polygamy, the USA would have to revamp the laws of the country-Family Law, health care, benefits, just to name a few.

Divorce Courts and Family Courts in the USA have an overwhelming caseload. They can barely keep up. They are totally backlogged with cases. Sometimes it takes three to four years or more for couples to get legally divorced in America.

Why would America want to take on the overwhelming burden of mediating polygamous marriages? How is it feasibly possible for the court system in America to figure out what going on in polygamous marriages? 

America gives man the right to exercise his religious freedom by putting its blinders on when it comes to polygamy, unless the polygamous marriages have allegation of abuse associated with them. America steps in if those engaged in polygamous marriages breach the laws referencing the protection of women and children from child abuse, domestic violence etc, bigamyor if there is abuse of the system, including welfare fraud and the like.

What are your thoughts?

Is an inferiority complex common in women who marry married men?

When I first began living a polygamous life, I searched for help everywhere on the net. I came across a statement that made me say, wow, and made me question the truthfulness of the statement. I copied the statement, and save it for Alex (My husband) to read. It read as follows:

“They end up becoming second or third wives. How? The answer: Pity and a need for self-worth. Some women grow up depressed, have always been mistreated, or are just plain lonely. The only time they feel good about themselves is when they are helping someone else. Now you know women like this. At college, these are the those girls that come into where the boys are sitting, take everyone’s order for what they want from McDonalds and then go and buy food for everyone; and they don’t just do this once, they do it all the time.

Doing stuff for others make them feel needed; and being needed gives them self-affirmation. When a man who wants a second wife come across such women, all the men have to say to them is “Dear Bla Bla, my life with my current wife has been quite miserable. We do not click at the intimacy level. I was forced to marry her to make my mother happy. I really wish I was given the opportunity to be an individual and to pick my own wife: I’d pick you! But alas, I cannot divorce her because she’s reliant on me. The only option is for you to be my second wife!” Women who have for too long served other people, want, out of pity, and their own need, to help this poor guy out and, quite often, acquiesce into becoming his second wife. They don’t realize how horribly they have been manipulated. The sad truth is that they have, almost throughout their whole life, been manipulated like this.”

Please remember-those were not my words. It’s a quote.

How much truth is there in what was said? Does being a second, third or fourth wife make a woman feel inferior to the first?

Umm Ibraheem’s statement, as a commenter here at polygamy411, inspired me to write this post.