Polygamy 411

I was inspired to ask the question: “Is it man’s nature to be polygamous or “cheat”, based on a question posed to us all by a dear reader Ibnu Adam. Under the post, “Why Do Men Engage in Polygamy in 2009?” Ibnu Adam asked, “Are we men really born with the desire for more than one woman, of which one of the solutions is by having multiple wives? Or is it something than men have to conquer in order to achieve a higher level of imam?”

No one responded to his question. Nonetheless, I began to ponder it. Without any facts, I’d venture to say many men have an innate desire to be with more than one woman. He was born with that characteristic. I think it is evident by the number of men that “cheat”.  I really don’t like using the word “Cheat”, as it’s not very descriptive; although, we all know what it means.

I wonder what it would be like if everywhere in the world men were permitted to lawfully have more than one wife; how many men would do so? That would be interesting. Of course it’s a big “if”. “If’s” are useless. I know there are some women out there that want to rush in, in mad haste and say, “My husband doesn’t want more than just me (her).” Well, of course that could be true, as I’m not speaking of every man on the planet.

Regarding the second part of Abnu Adam’s question, I think yes; polygamy is sometimes something that men must conquer in order to achieve a higher level of imam. I think in cases where men tried polygamy and it didn’t work and they remained monogamous thereafter, it’s a prime example of how it could help him on his spiritual path. This could possibly happen because he could put behind him that quest for more than one wife (as he had been there and done that), and can now focus on what’s more important, his spirituality.

What are your thoughts about it?

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

Since polygamy 411 has recommended Magic Power Coffee to its readers, friends, and family, I thought it would be good for me to share with you vaguely my experience with it.  If you have visited the Magic Power Coffee site on the blog, you may have listened to some of the testimonials from persons who drink Magic Power Coffee. But, what better testimonial could you hear from than someone you know…me?  You may ask what coffee has to do with polygamy. Well, polygamy is marriage and marriage is about intimate relationships, more than one. So there is a connection.  Everybody is looking to improve their love life, and would like more intimacy, energy, stamina, and better health.

Before I begin, I would like to speak a little about what I know about marriage and intimacy from communicating with others and from my own experience. Before I got married, I used to hear all the time, everywhere, from so many people, and from reading many articles and books, that intimacy wanes between couples once they marry. Many men complain of lack of intimacy that happens almost immediately after marriage. I swore it would never happen to me. I couldn’t fathom how it happened and why it seemed to happen to everybody. Well guess what? I got married and it happened to me. How the heck did that happen? I wondered. It bothered me tremendously. I just had no desire. I tried herbal supplements, to no avail. I even purchased something from an advertisement in the back of a magazine. Can you believe it? Needless to say, it didn’t work.

After five years of marriage, apparently my husband became bothered by my lack of desire as well, as he married another woman and we became polygamous. The truth be told, polygamy spiced up my love life tremendously. Competition must have ignited the fire.  I don’t know entirely what that’s all about. I’ve heard people say no one wants someone no one else wants. Perhaps knowing he was wanted had something to do with me wanting him too.

Nonetheless, just recently I heard about Magic Power Coffee, and allowed someone to advertise on the site for free. I tried the world’s first aphrodisiac coffee, Magic Power Coffee, which is all natural and consists of premium Colombian coffee beans, antioxidants, herbs, a non-dairy creamer and sweetener. I drank it one morning by myself. It was a unique, wonderful experience that was difficult to describe. I couldn’t think of the words. The other day I was reading about the coffee and read it gives a feeling of euphoria, like a natural high. I thought, this is something I could drink every day, not for intimacy, but just for the nice, natural feeling it gave me.

So, of course I decided to drink it for the right time. You know what I mean…Not wanting to sound trite, but it was like magic. They say Magic Power Coffee is a fantasy beverage. It was magic in that it set the mood for intimacy in an easy, subtle way.  Any anxiety or stress that I had been feeling from just dealing with the day to day, completely vanished. I was calm, receptive and at peace, before, during and after. I felt complete satisfaction in my relationship…all naturale.  Since we are somewhat PG rated here, I won’t say much more. You’ll have to drink the coffee, and experience that part for yourself.

I noticed additonal benefits as well in other aspects of my life besides the intimacy part. I love health and nutrition. I take vitamins and herbal supplements, and drink herbal teas etc.etc. etc. Nonetheless, after drinking Magic Power Coffee for a few days, I noticed my complexion was more healthy, bright and glowing and my hair was more beautiful. It must have something to do with Magic Power Coffee and all the antioxidants and nutrients in it, as I hadn’t added anything different to my diet, beside the coffee.

Anyway, in wrapping up, I’d like to say the reason I felt a need to write this post is because I know the effects the day to day struggles with life has on couples, diminishing their desire, passion, and the like. I used to be in the work force, so I know how drained one can be when he/she comes home from a long, hard day at work. I know how a relationship can become strained with so many stressors (financial, physical, emotional, and more) that creep into your life, robbing you of desire and passion. Then there are the problems that comes with the monotony of marriage, the mundane routine of it all. All the aforementioned can take the liveliness, passion and desire out of a marriage. I think Magic Power Coffee can be the answer to a better love life and a healthier, energetic, vibrant life for many.  That’s my testimony…

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I initially thought the “Polygamy Club” in Malaysia was not a bad idea.  It helps get prostitutes off the street and taken care of; doesn’t it? Now I’m beginning to question whether the “Polygamy Club” in Malaysia is good after all. The good in the “Polygamy Club” may not be as good as it seems.

I think a question of morality comes into play. Who is to say the “reformed” prostitute is not still full of abomination?  Perhaps the former prostitute is not reformed and her morals are still corrupt. After all, not all women that can’t earn a living turn to prostitution for income. Who’s to say the “reformed” prostitute, now labeled “wife”, won’t continue to sell her body for additional money to supplement the monies that her husband gives her? How much money is enough for her?

Some further questions I ask:

Does the “reformed” prostitute now become the private prostitute of one of the husband’s in the “Polygamy Club?” It appears it’s just a matter of geography. The “reformed” prostitute is just moved from one location to another. She’s removed from the street or brothel, and is taken to the “Polygamy Club.”

Does the reformed prostitute go from being prostitute to mistress? 

Are health risks involved for the first wife? Say for instance the first wife wasn’t a former prostitute. Her husband marries a “reformed” prostitute as a second, third or fourth wife. The “reformed” prostitute returns to prostitution on the days she’s not with her husband, as her husband is with one of his other wives. Doesn’t that present a problem for the first wife or other wives that weren’t former prostitutes, but chaste, as they risk contracting sexually transmitted diseases?

I no longer see a significant deal of good in the “Polygamy Club” in Malaysia.  Let a prostitute decide she no longer wants that profession (prostitution), find Islam, reform and find herself a husband. Then the likelihood that she reformed and accepted Islam is more acceptable and less questionable.  

The “polygamy Club” in Malaysia may have just created more problems opposed to alleviating them or may have just transferred the problem from one place to another-from the street or brothel to the “Polygamy Club”. What do you think?

For those not familiar with the “Polygamy Club” in Malaysia, please read the post “Polygamy Club in Malaysia” under Polygamy in the Media, on this blog- polygamy 411 .com.

Why do men engage in polygamy in 2009?  I’m referring to a man that has wives living in separate dwellings. I’ve been giving that question much thought for quite some time now.

The Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) wives all lived in close proximity to one another. Regarding the family, I’d imagine the emphasis was placed on feeding, clothing, and providing them spiritual guidance. With gross materialism evident in the world today, there is much more to maintaining and protecting women in 2009. How does a man find the time to do all that needs to be done?

I’ve been thinking about my husband Alex and me, for instance. Regarding maintenance, I’ve noticed a difference since he’s been married to Carolinah. Things he used to do such as unpacking and putting suitcases away after we return from trips and vacations, he doesn’t do readily anymore.  Usually we get home so late from traveling and he’s due at Carolinah’s home the next day. So things are left undone until he returns. It has taken him a month or more to do little things that need to be done such as putting a battery in the huge clock on the wall. I know what I’ve described seems insignificant, but they all begin to add up. 

I try not to pressure Alex to do anything, as I know he has a lot on his plate, a lot of responsibilities.  He has my household, Carolinah’s household, his job, his mother and her home, his mother is in the hospital as I write, by the way.  So, I pretty much leave Alex alone. After all, I don’t want him to snap, crackle, or pop.

Next comes the protection part. I’m thinking how Alex could protect me in the time of an emergency, if he’s with Carolinah on her night. It’s not like he lives next-door and can come over and help me. I’ve decided my intention is to do whatever I need to do, if an emergency arises when Alex is not home. My intention is not to call him, even if someone in my family dies. When it comes down to me having to do for myself all the time, I have to ask myself why I need Alex…Is sex the only thing I need him for? 

My friend whom I have referred to so often said man is supposed to maintain and protect his wives in a spiritual way.  They should study Islam together, learn together, and read Quran and pray together, worship together. The husband is to give his wives good Islamic advice and guidance in an effort to assist them in their journey toParadise.

I get no Islamic guidance from Alex. We do none of the things mentioned above. Alex’s conversations consist of discussing additional educational degrees that he wants to earn, his professional work and retirement plans for the future, his recreational plans and physical fitness plans. His conversations all pertains to his pursuit of worldly pleasures, and not the pursuit of Paradise. He never encourages me to strive for Paradise. Every now and again Alex spouts off something from an Islamic perspective when he knows I’ve become frustrated with the lack of Islamic focus in our marriage. It becomes very frustrating for me when I know that Islam is a way of life, part of everything I do and Islam is not Alex’s way.

I would suggest that Muslim men contemplating polygamy seriously consider whether they can maintain and protect more than one wife in 2009 or whether they are being moved to enter polygamy to satisfy some of their selfish desires.

Are there any wives out there feeling a lack of maintenance and protection from their husbands, and would like to share some of their experiences or thoughts?  Are there any men willing to take a position on this topic?  Thoughts of everyone who would like to comment are welcome.

This is an open house.  No need to knock.  Just come on in.

Are you a “secret wife?”  If you are, why? Does a man commit shirk when he marries a woman and make her a secret wife?  My understanding of shirk, for those unfamiliar with the term, is associating any created thing or human being with the Creator. Shirk is unforgivable.

“Secret wives” is undoubtedly an interesting topic. If polygamy in Islam is permissible, why make a wife a secret?  We briefly, in previous posts, touched upon reasons for the secrecy. The reasons were: The husband’s parent(s) didn’t approve of the wife that the husband selected or the husband’s recognized wife didn’t approve of polygamy or wouldn’t accept polygamy.  The husband, therefore, makes the other wife a secret.

Firstly, we must assume that the husband accepts polygamy as being permissible in Islam, which is why he engaged in polygamy in the first place.  If a man has acted upon his right to engage in polygamy, then why does he let the fear of repercussions from his parent(s) or his recognized wife prevent him from dealing with his other wife in a fair and just manner? Why must she be a secret? Why not let her be recognized, rightfully known, and respected the way a wife should be?

In secret wives situations, it appears the husband fears man-his parent(s) or the recognized wife more than he fears his Creator.  Does the husband place his recognized wife and/or his parent(s) above or equal with his Creator when he concerns himself with pleasing his recognized wife and parent(s) while depriving his secret wife of her right to be known and respected as a recognized wife in Islam? 

The husband that has a secret wife should ask himself, “Who do I serve?”  Does he serve his parent(s) or his recognized wife when he marries and makes another woman his secret wife, as it certainly doesn’t appear he serves his Creator in such a situation?  Who does he fear?  Does he fear his parent(s), recognized wife or his Creator?  It appears the husband fears his parent(s) or recognized wife more than he fears his Creator at the time of having a secret wife.   Does a husband commit the unforgivable sin of shirk when he fears others (his parent or recognized wife) beside his Creator when he takes a Secret Wife.

I think it becomes a tricky situation when the man makes unlawful what his Creator has made lawful for him. The man who hides his wife, in essence, has made her unlawful at the same time as making her lawful.  He married her in a polygamous situation; however, at the same time hides her out of fear of others when we should only fear our Creator.  What are your thoughts?

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.