Polygamy 411 » Section 3

Let’s Do Some Analytics

ana — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 06:03:19 +0000

Muslim men have guidelines for how they should engage in polygamy. If they are not meeting the mark, and are neglectful in their duties and responsibilities, they will have to account to Allah for what they have done, and are doing. We must remember they are human. They are feeling their way around in this life of polygamy, just as we are. Just as we didn’t ask for this type of lifestyle, they may not have asked for it either.

It is a continuous uphill battle for us to move forward in our lives after our husbands become polygamous. Nonetheless, it is a battle we must fight, if we stay in the marriages. We have to analyze ourselves, and do a lot of self-introspection. We must recognize what is wrong with us, if anything. What is keeping us in a rut? What is preventing us from moving forward? Why can’t we progress to the next level? What is the next level?

Most importantly, we must ask ourselves where Allah fits in the equation. When we begin to make our lives all about Allah, the pain goes away. We become content and happy more times than not. Our lives take on a whole new meaning.

I can attest that the pain absolutely and completely goes away, once we get our priorities in order. As stated, we must begin by looking inward. We must analyze ourselves, our husbands, our marriages. Most of all, we must take a close look at our relationship with our Creator (Allah). What is our relationship with Allah? How do we view Him? What role does he play in our lives?

Allah (Great and Glorious is He) says in Quran:

“So, verily with every difficulty, there is relief.”
Surah 94, Iyat 5

“Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.”
Surah 94, Iyat 6

“Therefore, when thou art free (from thine immediate task), still labor hard,”
Surah 94, Iyat 7

“And to thy Lord turn (all) thy attention.”
Surah 94, Iyat 8

If one is suffering indefinitely with absolutely no sign of any type of relief in sight, it very well could be one may not be doing something right.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

We Must Stop Envying!

ana — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 02:30:45 +0000

Envy causes unhappiness in polygamous marriages.The one thing I cannot stress enough is that as long as our thoughts are on the other wife; what she gets; how much the husband gives her; what he does for her; how much more attention he gives her; and things of that nature, we will be unhappy, upset and in pain. There is no “and”, ”if”, or “but” about it. We will be upset and there is no one to blame, but ourselves.

One way to find happiness and contentment in a polygamous marriage is to know that whatever the other wife receives is from Allah. It is not from the husband. Allah has allocated it for her. Allah is the one that provides. Allah provides what she has through the husband. Get angry with Allah for giving her whatever she has, if one must get angry. When a wife concerns herself with what the other wife gets, she is envious. I’ve been there. We should not envy anyone, but ask Allah to give us what we want. Allah has everything. He can give us whatever we want. We have to ask and believe, but keep in mind that if He doesn’t give us what we ask for, He knows what is best for us.

I envied Carolinah, and didn’t want her to have anything. I hated that my husband Alex gave her money; worked on her house; paid for repairs on her house; paid half her mortgage; took care of her non-believing, non-Muslim family and the list goes on. I was MISERABLE, terribly unhappy and complained to Alex at every turn. I then realized what I felt was envy.

I began to understand and accept that Allah gave Carolinah everything she has. Allah allowed Alex to do all that he has done for her, all that he does for her, and all that he will do for her. It was all Allah’s decision. When I began to think that way and believe it, my life changed. I asked Allah to allow me to accept what He has decided for Carolinah and for Alex, to give me the best in this world and the best in the Hereafter, and to protect me from His wrath and His Hellfire. Consequently, Allah sent down his bounties and blessings to me in abundance.

We don’t need to envy. We need only ask Allah for what we want, and know that Allah knows what is best for us.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.



To Be Polygamous or Not…
ana — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 02:55:30 +0000
What should a Muslim man do when torn between becoming polygamous or not? I received an email from a brother who posed the question to me. He said he and some brothers were conversing about polygamy. He gave the scenario of a brother-in-faith has a good wife. She is a “good person.” They are married for many years. They get along really good.  At the current time he is not physically attracted to her, although they still have sexual relations. She does not turn him on like she used to. Meanwhile, he loves women and wants another wife. He looks at other women and thinks about them, but he doesn’t see any other woman. He want someone else, though. He asked what I would tell the brother to do.
I replied, “The scenario that you presented is heartfelt by Muslim men throughout the world. It’s the story of most men throughout time.
It’s impossible for the brother’s wife to have the beauty and youth that she once had. It has dissipated with time, which, of course, makes him not as attracted to her as he once was. It’s inevitable.
I would suggest to the brother that he keep his wife – keep her and know that this life is very short and will be over soon. He should revere the pleasure that he once had with his wife and hold the memories and thoughts of it. In exercising patience and forgoing added pleasure, doing so seeking the pleasure of Allah, Allah will reward him in Paradise with a reward that will stretch beyond his imagination.
If Allah doesn’t grant him another wife in this life, it’s OK. He shouldn’t pursue another, but wait on Allah to decide for him. His relationship can never be like it used to with his wife because no day is ever the same. If he patiently persevere, Allah will grant him a reward beyond measure in Paradise, which is what Allah says.”
He replied, “How will he know when Allah will decide that for him??? He still loves her,spends time with her, releations etc.He does not want to loose her…..so by him

Seeking another… You think that It will destroy the first??? Then if that is the case…is the brother expected to just endure when Allah made it lawful to him regardless of his reasoning?? As I stated he has ” power” and still enjoys her…so grin and bear it???”
My response was, “I don’t think he should pursue another wife simply because we weren’t instructed by Allah to pursue anything in in life, except righteousness. Allah has already written the script and the ink is dry, so if Allah decided polygamy for the brother it will happen without the brother having to do anything. (Most people, including Muslims don’t understand how it works to do nothing). It could happen like this, for instance: his wife may suggest he take another wife (I doubt it happens often for men-just my guess); someone could approach him and say they know a sister that is looking for a wife; the brother could meet a sister and from there polygamy becomes an option for him; or who knows how it’ll happen. Maybe the current wife will pass away and he’ll marry another.”
Allah tell us that whatever was for us will never pass us and whatever passes us was never for us. If we believe it, we know we don’t have to pursue anything. It could be polygamy is not for the brother. What happens if he pursue another wife and it’s not for him? He aggravates himself, aggravates his wife and become totally dissatisfied with her; he ruins his life and the life of those he love and everyone becomes miserable. In his desperation for another wife, he may settle and get the worse addition to his already existing family than he could ever imagine. It could be a potential nightmare.
Throughout Quran, Allah tells us to be patient and persevere. Why does he tell us to be patient? Because He has a plan. He never tells us we have to try to make things happen. He is in control. I suggest the brother be patient. In the interim, I suggest he speak with his wife about his desire for another wife and about polygamy in general. In doing so, he would be preparing her for it if it happens.  There would be no secrets. Furthermore,  it wouldn’t be sprung on her suddenly, which could potentially destroy her. Most likely she won’t be receptive and the thought of it will cause her much pain. But it is part of our religion and we should accept all of the Quran. We should accept polygamy even if it doesn’t happen in our lives. Accepting polygamy helps her accept the whole Quran and we can only enter Paradise if we accept the entire Quran.
Once he lets her know that he is interested in marrying another, she may begin to make an effort to spice up the marriage and renew it again, which would make it more bearable for him while he waits on Allah’s decision. I suggest he pray long and hard for Allah to guide him regarding his desire for another wife and if it is meant for him to have another wife, He grants him a righteous, pious wife that is the delight of his eyes so they can live together in peace and tranquility.”
What are your thoughts?
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

 



How to Accept Polygamy
ana — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 22:07:01 +0000
 How do one accept polygamy? It is a question I ask myself, as accepting polygamy is something I truly want to do. I think acceptance comes with acknowledging and believing that Allah says polygamy is permissible. Since Allah has allowed polygamy, we should take no exception to it.
When polygamy becomes a part of our lives, we must view it as something good even if people do wrong in it and hurt others. People do wrong and hurt others daily in many things in life. Does it mean that the things are wrong and bad? For example, many people are “cheated” on and lied to in monogamous marriages. Does it mean monogamous marriages are bad, wrong and shouldn’t be permitted? Some people wrong others in business. Maybe they scam other, don’t give fair weight and measure, or embezzled money from the business. Does it mean business is wrong, is bad, and we should not allow it?
My closest Muslim friend had said to me, “Ana, you haven’t accepted your situation (polygamy) yet. I thought you would have accepted it by now.” He said my faith would be increased if I accepted it and I would drawer nearer to Allah. It made me wonder, how? How do I accept it?
I concluded that to accept polygamy I must believe Allah knows what is best for me and Allah decided this for me. Allah decided I would live a life of polygamy. When I began to think and believe the aforementioned, my life changed completely for the better. I became content with my life and I actually, more often than not, find myself happy in it.
Reading a post by one of polygamy 411 commentators, “Justme”, inspired me to write this article. She spoke of “acceptance” and it caused me to think further about the subject. I thank “Justme” for being a part of our family at polygamy 411, and for sharing with all of us here.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

 



Thank You for Being With Us at  Polygamy 411!
ana — Sat, 06 Aug 2011 23:25:43 +0000
I’d like to take a moment to apologize if I have been too rough, tough, or harsh in the manner in which I relate to some people here on this blog. I apologize if I have offended anyone or have caused harm to anyone by my words. I thank everyone for being patient with me when I become overbearing. I know I could use more patience, and have asked Allah for it, as patience is from Allah. 

I especially thank you all for being a part of our family here at polygamy 411. Without your loyalty and commitment to this site, it could not exist. Everyone here has helped one another, and has helped me too, to become much stronger people. Most importantly, I hope we have helped one another to grow in faith and be better servants of Allah.
I pray again all is having a blessed Ramadan and peace to all our friends and family here 
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

 



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ana — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 10:17:33 +0000
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Is She an Unbeliever?
ana — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 03:15:14 +0000

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

 



Why Can’t We Wives Accept Polygamy Wholeheartedly?
ana — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:17:53 +0000
Holding a state of ignorance can hinder wives from accepting polygamy. The inability to accept polygamy wholeheartedly in our lives is what makes our lives miserable. When Allah has decreed polygamy for a particular woman, she must let go of the days of old (ignorance). Her marriage as she once knew it, will never again be the same. For a woman who was never in a marriage before she married a married man, what she imagined her married life would be like would never become a reality. 
We could forever discuss the differences between the life we once lived of monogamy and the life we now live of polygamy. We could indefinitely discuss how our marriages and lives have changed, but there comes a time when we must accept Allah’s decision, and move on without having blameworthy characteristics such as jealousy, envy, selfishness, hatred etc. Belaboring the issue of how our lives have changed or how our lives are not what we expected only causes us to focus on the negative and negativity never yields any positive results. It leave us in a stagnant place. It causes our lives to stand still. Negativity breeds negativity. Ridding oneself of blameworthy characteristics could, Insha Allah, bring us closer to Allah and, as well, Insha Allah, can cause us to become our husbands’ favorite wives provided the husbands seek the pleasure of Allah.
Wanting our marriages how they were when we were monogamous, hinders us from living a fulfilling life with our husbands based on the conditions and circumstances that exist today. Polygamy is our life now, so we must move on in it. It’s no longer a matter of who suffers the most in a life of polygamy – whether it’s a first wife or a later wife. The wives that suffer the most are the wives that reject what Allah has decided for them. Let’s try to accept Allah’s decision with enthusiasm and realize the beauty and blessing that go with a polygamous marriage.
We can recognize the differences, but we must go forward from there. It serves no useful purpose to dwell on who hurts more. It doesn’t matter who is in the most pain. If we stay in a polygamous marriage, we need to begin to look at our lives today and how each of us in the marriage can work together to make the marriage work, whether it’s just the husband and wife that make this effort together or the husband and all the wives together. Today is what is important. Today is a new day. Yesterday no longer exists. Yesterday is no longer a reality.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

 



Do Muslim Wives Worship Their Husbands?
ana — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 10:32:05 +0000
It seems there are many Muslim women that are so much into their husbands to the point they have made the husband as important or more important than Allah. I was thinking about it today, and had considered writing a post, but didn’t have much more to say about it.
Subsequently, a commentator wrote a comment that inspired me to say what I think about the subject. She stated the following: “Who cares about him, him, him. He cares enough about himself and his world not shattering around him, him, him. The world does not revolve around him, him, him.” The commentator obtained a divorce from her polygamous husband. She stated, “He was a master manipulator and a liar. I could not feel like myself after I found out that he married another woman. This changed everything. I had to get out.”
It appears to me that many Muslim women (not the commentator mentioned above, of course) place far too much emphasis on their husbands, which is not what we are to do. When I first married my husband, I didn’t focus on him. After he became polygamous, however, I made an EXTREME effort to please him. My efforts to please him were for all the wrong reasons. I think I did it to compete with his other wife. It was wrong, and is wrong for anyone to do.
Our living, our prayers, our dying and our sacrifice should not be for husbands. They are for Allah. On the same hand, no husband should worship his wife either. Another commentator pointed this out in one of his comments, as well. If we make a husband or wife more important or equal to Allah it is shirk and shirk is an unforgivable sin.
I think many people lead Muslim women astray in Islam by placing far too much emphasis on a wife’s husband being pleased with her to the point women begin to worship their husbands, thinking it alone would get them into Paradise. They cite sayings from books that are not Quran, but hold the books as equal to the Quran. It too is shirk. Anytime anyone makes anything equal to Allah, it is shirk.
Many times, when a wife worships a husband the husband turns on the wife, or obtains another wife, and shatters her entire world. When we turn our attention to Allah, He turn His creation to us. When we turn our attention to created things, Allah turn’s His creation away from us.
I think we all should consider what role our husbands should play in our lives and what role we should play in theirs.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

 



No Warning. No Mercy.
ana — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 10:34:12 +0000
I had no warning he was going to take another wife and become polygamous. Just out of no where, he told me. He hit me with it just like that.
I was thinking about what a commentator stated just yesterday. She said, “And than out of the blue this falls in my lap no warning nothing.” She was speaking of her husband who had recently informed her that he intends to marry another, making their marriage polygamous. I think it hits most first wives somehow this way. Sometimes our husbands may even allude to the fact that they want to engage in polygamy or flat-out tells us, but we dismiss them or simply don’t believe them.
To help me better understand what happened, and it may work for you, as well, I see it like this: It’s sort of like having a car accident; falling down the stairs; hitting the lottery; or being sexually assaulted (raped). Was anyone forewarned when it happened to them? Maybe with regards to the lottery, the husband wanted it to happen or had hoped that it would, but didn’t know until it happened. Just as Allah decreed all the aforementioned to happen, He decreed polygamy for those of us in it.
With polygamy it’s so easy to blame our husbands for not forewarning us or blame them for simply engaging in polygamy. It’s the most difficult thing not to do. When we begin to look at polygamy and why it happens from the perspective of “Truth” we make progress. We begin to accept Allah’s decisions and our lives become much easier.
We become disappointed and angry with our husbands because we “trusted” them. We “trusted” them not to hurt us. We “trusted” them not to marry another. It is where we went wrong to begin with. Allah never advised us to “trust” our husbands. He said those that “trust” put their “trust” in Me (Allah). We’re not supposed to “trust” created things. Created things have no power and no might. Allah says there is no power and no might except in Him.
Many dislike polygamy. Allah tells us that we love a thing that is bad for us and we hate a thing that is good for us. Could this be the case with polygamy?

 



About Polygamy 411
ana — Fri, 27 May 2011 04:05:03 +0000
At polygamy 411, most of us here are already living a life of polygamy. Our husbands are polygamous and we live polygamy. There are men here too that are polygamous or are considering becoming polygamous one day. We are all here to discuss our situations and how living polygamy affects us; our children, (if we have any); our husbands; our family members; and our friends. We speak of how the marriages came about, whether the marriages came to exist in an innocent way; by way of adultery; dating; fornication; mating or however it happened. Bottom line is we are in this lifestyle called polygamy/polygyny.
It is useless for those to come along; stop in here and tell us that it is not right to live polygamy for whatever reason, be it that it goes against the laws of the land or blah, blah, blah. Guess what? We are already living polygamy, so we don’t care what your thoughts are about polygamy and the laws of the land. Nine times out of ten, no one violates any law of the land, especially in the USA, with regard to polygamy, as there is no law that directly addresses polygamy.
Furthermore, some come here saying polygamy is not practiced right by many husbands. Well, yes; that is correct. We know that. It’s what many of us talk about. No person or marriage is perfect. We’re here dealing with our problems, about how our husbands, their other wives, and we live polygamy. We don’t need someone’s text-book version of how it ought to exist. We already know how it is, firsthand.
We should talk about our situations and help make one another’s lives easier and better. Holding  anger and hatred and blaming is not the way to get through this.
There are those that believe we are what we want to be and do what we want to do in life. There are those that believe the contrary; they understand that Allah is the doer of all things. He rules and regulates all affairs. Whichever one you believe, good for you.
There are those here that aren’t living polygamy.  They have an interest in polygamy, and want to learn more about it. They want to share their thoughts and feelings about polygamy. It’s all good. You are welcome here. We help stimulate one another minds. Sharing knowledge is good.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

 



He Has a Favorite Wife, So What?
ana — Fri, 13 May 2011 21:26:31 +0000
So he has a “favorite wife.” With regard to the “favorite Wife”, I think many of us miss the point. The husband will have a “favorite” when he has more than one wife. That fact is not in question. 
I think we ask too much when we expect a husband to hide his feelings for the wife that he loves the most. Why should he have to conceal his feelings? Why should he have to act or pretend it is any other way? He should be able to relax and be himself. Shouldn’t the wives already know that their husband will have a “favorite wife”? I certainly can understand how painful it may be for the wife that is not the “favorite” to accept that he loves someone else more, but…
Women in polygamous marriages need to accept that there will be a “favorite wife”, as difficult as it may be to swallow, especially, if the “favorite” is not them. The husband will love all the wives in different ways, and to varying degrees. Why should he be made to feel badly because he loves one more than the other?  Allah placed the love in the husband’s heart for the wife that he (the husband) loves best. The only thing he has to do is make sure he doesn’t leave one “hanging” as in suspension so she questions whether she has a husband or is left without one that won’t divorce her. 
I think many women are deceived when they marry a married men. They think just because he went and got her, he must have been unhappy with the other(s) and the new wife, thinks she instantly becomes the “favorite.”  Does a new wife automatically assume she will be the “favorite” just because she is “new”? A wife that is asked by the husband not to tell anyone of their marriage and is a “secret” should know she will not be the “favorite”.
Are we wives expecting more than what is possible from men that married more than one woman?
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

 



Is Polygamy the Problem or A Need to Control?
ana — Sat, 07 May 2011 10:37:00 +0000
While sorting through some papers yesterday, I came across an older comment from the blog that I had made a copy of. The comment was from a commentator named “Garibaldi.” I re-read it and it seemed to address my situation with Alex that I have been speaking of – my frustration with him and his degree of interest in Islam. I have become frustrated with Alex all over again. I found “Garibaldi’s” comment right at the time that I needed it most, just when I again was contemplating whether my marriage was worth remaining in or not.
“Garibaldi” stated, “I’ve enjoyed reading your posts Ana. And, I’ve formed an opinion about the thing you seem most bothered by.
The divorce rate in America is over 50% and women file over 70% of the divorces. America is still The World Leader. Hence, consensus opinions in regards to divorce/fidelity should be approached with Mistrust (fear). Remember, consensus opinions are creating those statistics.
My take on your marital problem is much less dramatic than divorce and really doesn’t involve your husband; it involves you. I think you are frustrated with your husbands behavior and you desire to change it. This desire appears to have become an obsession. You should let it go. Getting rid of your husband will not solve the problem; it is within yourself.
We are all powerless to control things like this (including our desire to control). Ultimately, we all have to draw our strength from God. Still, we can analyze it. The primary emotion appears to be Shame: it is humiliating to have something/someone out of our control. Also, to be treated in a way we know we are entitled not to be is Offensive. That’s outrage at the Guilt of another. Finally, to be under the control of someone who isn’t following all the rules they are supposed to be is Scary (we don’t Trust them to get the job done right, because they keep doing it wrong). In the end, we cannot dictate to another how they will actually live, particularly when we are in a subordinate/inferior position to them. So, what should we do? We should learn to deal with our Fear, Shame and Guilt the way God intended us to and then do that religiously (constantly). Then, living with the faults of others and ourselves is much easier. And, as a result, so is Fidelity.”
~Garibaldi

October 18th, 2009
What “Garibaldi” related may apply to others here on the blog, as well, and may be helpful.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

 



What I Learned About Mormon Polygamy
ana — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 04:18:58 +0000
I’ve been curious about Mormons, and how they live polygamy; but, I’ve never researched the subject indepth.  In the course of searching for a DVD movie to rent, I came across one that immediately caught my attention. It was entitled “The 19th Wife.”  It’s about Mormons and polygamy.  So, I rented it, took it home, climbed into bed and I watched it. I enjoyed it immensely. What I learned about Mormon polygamy from watching the movie is that it is a sin for the women to cut their hair. Their hair must be long so that they can wash their husband’s feet with it when they get to Heaven. It is forbidden for a woman in the First Church to cut her hair.
I learned that when a husband dies, and leaves wives behind, another man steps in and marries all the wives of the deceased husband.  “Sister Wives” are as one. If a woman does not marry, she cannot enter Heaven. She has to be a wife to enter Heaven. If the husband dies and she doesn’t remarry, she will not enter Heaven.  “The Prophet” chooses the 2nd and more wives for the man. The Mormons believe “plural marriage” is not a choice, but is God’s Will. A Mormon wife cannot use preventive measures to avoid having children. She is expected to have as many children as she can. Her purpose is to procreate.  
A husband keeps a book – “A Marriage Management Book” to keep track of information, regarding each of his wives, such as birthdays.  A wife can be taken off “The “List”. I assume it means she gives up her rights to sex and time with her husband. If a wife is taken off “The List”, “she steps aside for the potency of youth.”  She is replaced for “younger blood.” When a wife is replaced, the new wife takes the number of the wife that was replaced. For instance, if wife number 19 was replaced, the new wife becomes wife number 19.  It is common for a 15 year old girl to be given in marriage to an “old man.”  Young boys are “tossed out” of the community to prevent competition for the “old” men.
Throughout the movie, a woman named Ann Eliza was referred to. “Ann Eliza escaped Utah, and lectured against plural marriage. In 1875, she spoke before congress. Shortly thereafter, the “Poland Act” was passed, enabling the successful prosecution of Mormon polygamists. In 1908, Ann Eliza disappeared. It has been suggested that she was murdered in retribution for her crusade against polygamy.”
She wrote the book, “Wife No. 19. The story of a Life in Bondage, a Complete Exposé of Mormonism, and Revealing the Sorrows, Sacrifices and Suffering of Women in Polygamy,  by Ann Eliza Young, Brigham Young’s apostate Wife, 1875”
Except from the book: “She thought they had a happy family till the day he came home with a new wife. She was a strong & assured woman until he brought a second and then a third wife home. She became one of those sad wives that begs for her husband’s attention and weeps when she’s alone. This is what polygamy does to even the strongest among us.”  She was “betrayed by her husband and trapped by her faith.”
The above information was taken from the DVD that I watched, “The 19th Wife.”   Perhaps there are some visitors and friends from the Mormon faith that can add or subtract from the above or confirm or deny it. It was an interesting movie to watch, and very enlightening.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.
 

 



Pride, Arrogance and Polygamy
ana — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 18:23:09 +0000
Pride and arrogance, many times, prevent us from having successful polygamous marriages. We often remember ourselves more than we remember Allah, our Creator, when we consider a polygamous marriage or while being in one.  We are more concerned with our husbands, children, finances, wealth, material possessions, and with having more than and being better than the other wife/wives. Most of us don’t want to be better than the other wives for spiritual reasons. We don’t want to be the best wife so it could help us enter Paradise, but want to be the best wife so our husband will love us more than the other(s). So we think. It’s an absolute illusion because Allah puts affection in the hearts. So nothing we do can help put the affection there. Wow, how we delude ourselves. We chase after a husband that has no power, as only Allah has power.
We were created to serve Allah and Allah alone, but how many of us factor that into the equation when we consider a polygamous marriage? I think a problem many of us have is that we concern ourselves with what we as individuals can derive from polygamous marriages and we forget Allah. Most of us are out to take or receive, probably that is with any marriage, whether monogamous or polygamous. We aren’t as concerned with giving or how living polygamy could possibly help us enter Paradise. We don’t see the big picture.
In many of our marriages we are arrogant and prideful. For many of us, it’s all about us and about what we want and what we’re not getting. We don’t worship Allah, but worship our evil selves. Instead of repeating in our hearts that there is nothing worthy of worship but Allah, we repeatedly say there is nothing worthy of worship except myself, but yet we don’t recognize it.  We are deaf to truth, and our ideas about ourselves and reality are distorted and false. We refuse to believe in Allah and submit to Him. We believe too much in ourselves.
Pride and arrogance get in the way of successful polygamous marriages for most of us, as we are so concerned with what we perceive is not going right in our marriages – how our needs and our wants are not being fulfilled. We don’t worship Allah, and accept what Allah has placed us in, but worship ourselves and everything else. For instance, we worship our husbands and our children. To hear some speak of their husbands, one would think they were speaking about gods. The husbands have been made by the wives to be mini gods. In a sense, he is her god. You don’t hear the women speak of Allah as much and with such enthusiasm and delight, as one hears her speak of her husband. We talk about that which means most to us. We think about that which means most to us.
There is no place for pride and arrogance in Islam, so pride and arrogance definitely have no place in a polygamous marriage. We all have a long way to go to fulfill our purpose in life. We, however, must not despair. We must recognize our faults, and have a desire to be better. It could be a good beginning for us all. Life isn’t all about us.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.