Yemeni women: Polygamy faces off spinsterhood
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Amira Olaya And Yemen Times Staff
The practice of polygamy was and still is the convention in such an Islamic and Arab country as Yemen. It used to be more common and practiced in rural areas where women were accustomed to being second, third, or forth wives. Even in the modern era, more women in Yemen are beginning to consider and accept the idea of becoming second wives of married men. Women in urban areas like Sana’a, Taiz, and Aden are starting to consent to enter and actually be in polygamous unions.
As a Muslim country, Yemen considers polygamy legal. Islam permits a man to have up to four wives at a time, provided the husband treats all of them equally. Yet Yemeni law doesn’t legislate the structure or functioning of a polygamous marriage and leaves it up to the individual families.
Moreover, the Personal Status law arbitrates against a wife, as it gives a man the absolute right to polygamy without provisions mandating that he inform his wife of his plans. “The law doesn’t restrict polygamy according to Sharia rule, which stipulates non-harassment, equality and justice among wives,” said Hooria Mashour, Deputy Chairperson of the Women’s National Committee. “The same law discriminates against divorced women to the same degree when it comes to alimony and child custody.”
In 1997, a survey about marriage was conducted by specialists from the US company Macro International Inc. and the Central Statistical Organization of Yemen. The survey included 10,414 women and showed that the proportion of women who have married already married men increases from around 5 percent among women aged 20-24 years to 11 percent among 30-34 year women, and then rises to 16 percent among women in their forties.
Ten years later, more than half of the polled women by the Yemeni Polling Center in December 2007 indicated that they would agree to a polygamous marriage to escape spinsterhood. The catch is that these women agreed to be the second wife, not the first one.
The poll was mainly on the legal rights of women and was funded by the Middle East Partnership Initiative. It included 434 men and women divided into 22 electoral districts throughout the four governorates of Sana’a, Aden, Ibb, and Hadramout.
The survey was the first in the draft ‘community involvement in the legislative decisions’ that will include eight public opinion polls on the eight draft laws to be discussed by the parliament in the coming period. Part of the polling regarded the minimum age of marriage and whether women considered marrying a married man.
The survey asked whether the sample thought it was a woman’s right to be informed of their husband’s desire to marry another woman. 97 percent of sampled women said men should inform their wives, while around 83 percent of the men agreed. Yet regarding women’s right to ask for divorce if they discover that their husbands have taken a second wife, 71 percent of the women said yes while the majority of men disagreed, as more than 65 percent of the men said women do not have the right.
The 2007 poll’s results also indicated that women considered expensive dowries and high demands from the girls’ families to be some of the reasons behind women being passed up by the marriage train.
However, considering the point of view of the second wife, there has never been a survey of this sort. And while the women and men interviewed for this story is not an accurate representation of the Yemeni population, the change in the social trend is quite visible as more Yemeni women are marrying an already married man.
The reason for this widespread consent to be in polygamous marriages has nothing to do with either being literate or illiterate, or belonging to one social class or another. In fact, it has to do more with the greatest fear for many women: never getting married. “I would rather be married to a married man than to be called a spinster for the rest of my life,” said Amal, a 25-year-old university student.
Though the increasing rate of women who agree to be married to other women’s husbands for fear of becoming spinsters is generalized across Yemen, answers vary from one area to another. For example, women from Sana’a were found to be more willing to be second wives then those from Taiz and Aden.
“Yes, I accept to be a second wife as long as the man I’m going to marry is able to support me financially and can provide me with a separate house to live in far away from his first wife,” said Fatima, a 28-year-old Sana’ni teacher. When Fatima was asked why she would accept such a marriage, she explained that spinsterhood is the worst thing that could happen to any woman. “We are living in a cruel society that thinks badly of unmarried women,” she explained. Nawal, a friend of Fatima’s, agrees with her. “I really hate it when people feel sorry for me for not being married yet,” commented Nawal. “They make me feel as if it is something to be ashamed of!”
Moreover, divorced women and widows according to the YPC study are more likely to marry a married man than women who had not been married yet.
Nadia is a 27-year-old housewife who is the third wife of a very wealthy man. Nadia is a highly educated individual; she has her MA degree in Business Administration and several certificates in languages and computers. Nevertheless, she strongly believes in polygamy and thinks that due to the increase of the female population in comparison to the male population, polygamy is the best solution to contain the increasing number of unmarried females.
While the number of women in favor of polygamous marriage has increased, there are some women who don’t believe in polygamy whatsoever. They believe that a man should not be shared with any other women and should belong to one woman only. Most of these women are from Taiz and Aden.
“I don’t think I would agree to be a second wife because I just can’t bear the thought of having to share my man with another woman,” said Mona, a 25-year-old woman from Aden. She said she prefers being a spinster to being a second wife. Nora, a 30-year-old working woman from Taiz, thinks the same. She believes that a typical marriage in itself has a lot of challenges and enough troubles to deal with, let alone all the troubles of a polygamous marriage.
And while the concept of polygamy remains controversial as to what taking more than one wife requires, most Yemeni men and some Yemeni women think of it as a religious right with no moral or even economic obligations to any of the wives, especially the first one.
Researcher Hanan Yahya Alwadee who has an MA in Human Rights from the University of London explains that the masculine society originates from the family, the street, one’s friends and the media, all of which promote intentionally or unintentionally an incorrect perception of polygamy. Men tend to believe in it so that they are able to justify their second, third, fourth and even tenth marriage, and are permitted to keep divorcing and marrying women until they have turned God’s permission for practicing polygamy into what resembles prostitution.
In his book “Fi Thilal Al-Quran” or “In the Shadows of Quran,” Sayed Qutub says, “If a generation misused that permission and made it an opportunity to make marital life a stage for animal delights, and when a man keeps moving between wives as a man between his mistresses in such an awful way, then that generation is not related to Islam and does not represent it. Those who plummeted to that level are far from Islam and do not comprehend its pure and noble spirit. The reason is that they live in a society that is not ruled by Islam and its legislation. The society is not ruled by an Islamic authority and does not guide people by Islam’s true directions, rules, morals and customs.”
Still, even including these women from Taiz and Aden who say no to polygamy, the majority are not against polygamy, especially for women in their mid thirties and older.
“I truly think that the older and more unlikely to be married a woman gets, the more rational she must think and let go of the idea of the perfect man. As for myself, I would marry a married man lest I never get married and have no man to look after me in the future,” said Sumia, a 27-year-old woman from Taiz.
Women like Sumia feel that the most important thing in a woman’s life is to get married and start her own family, without which, according to them, a life won’t have any meaning. Sumia feels that it doesn’t matter how successful a woman can be in her career.
“A woman needs a man… this is life,” she stated simply. But the idea is not just about randomly marrying any man. A man has to be given his first wife’s consent before proposing. In addition, he should possess the following attributes: good manners, good reputation, and financial stability.
When men were asked the same question about whether or not they would consider marrying more than one woman, the answers varied. “Why not? This is one of my rights as a Muslim and there is nothing wrong about it as long as I have the means to do so,” said Ahmed, a 30-year-old working man. Another 29-year-old employee explained that “there is a big difference between the question ‘do I want to have a second wife’ and whether I am really considering marrying a second wife. For most, the answer to the first question would be yes because 99 percent of men want to have as many wives as they can get. However, would they actually consider it? I think only 50 percent would really consider marrying a second wife for a lot of different reasons,” he said.
Similar to women, the majority of men whose answers were affirmative are from Sana’a. As for men from Taiz, Aden and Hodeida, the majority answered ‘No.’ Yet if this rate is compared with the past, the number of people accepting polygamous marriages is on the rise.
All in all, the constant fear of becoming spinsters turns out to be the main reason why women may consider being second wives, regardless of how, when or where. We as a society should take into account the major role society is playing in directing women towards polygamy as opposed to spinsterhood.
Credit for above info: Yemen Times- Sunday May 17, 2009 – Issue: (1258), Volume 16 , From 11 May 2009 to 13 May 2009
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