Problém plánování opakované My polygamní manželství
podle Ann května.04, 2009, během můj příběh dnes
Ano. Slyšeli jste to pravé. Plánování problém v mém polygamní manželství přehodnotit mě. Jak se ve světě se to stalo?Myslel jsem, že ne za milion let by Alex, Carolinah, a já se vrátím, kde jsme byli, dohadovat o programu, dohadovat o dnech. Harmonogram je jednoduchá věc, zjistit a dát dohromady ... Právo?Člověk by si to.
Budu se snažit, aby to co nejstručněji, protože jsme byli v průběhu plánování problémy sem poměrně často, než. Jsem trochu v rozpacích předložit vám jej znovu. Jsem zvažoval, proč tak neučinila, ale vy všichni se mnou byli celou tu dobu, cestování se mnou, tak jsem pocit, že jste měl být se mnou na to taky.
V poslední době jsme mluvili o plánu, Jsem vás informoval, že byla dokončena pro zbytek roku 2009. Chcete-li rekapitulovat, Alex myslel Carolinah byl kvůli delší dovolené,ale já jsem si nemyslel, že ona byla. Nicméně, ona dostala čtyři dny. Rozvrh změnila trochu, co jsem naposledy psal. Alex bude se mnou během Vánoc a Novinky let, ale nemáme slavit. Carolinah by neměla takovou péči, jak se má k práci dovolenou. Má tento typ práce. Takže, harmonogram je kompletní pro zbytek roku.
Alex je naplánován začít zůstat doma dovolenou s Carolinah zítra celých jedenáct dní (sedm dnů plus čtyři dny make-up, který jsem uvedl výše). Before Alex left me on Thanksgiving Day to go be with Carolinah, Najednou jsem dostal zjevení, že čtyři dny, které Alex dal Carolinah nebyly kvůli ní vůbec. Světlo přišlo v mé hlavě a všechno se živě mi jasné,. Přinesl jsem ji pozornost Alex a vysvětlil. Tento řídil jej šílený samozřejmě. Nenávidí zabývající se otázkami plánování. On pokračoval dál a dál o tom, jak program byl již připraven pro zbytek roku. Radil jsem mu, že jsem neměl touhu ho ke změně harmonogramu, nebo převzít dnů od Carolinah. Radil jsem mu, že jsem jen chtěl být náhrada za dny, dáván čtyři dny stejně, whether this year or next.
Že rozhovor se konal čtvrtek (Den díkůvzdání). Včera, Sobota, Našel jsem důkaz, že Carolinah nebyla způsobena ty čtyři dny. Našel jsem plán, že Alex byl připraven s dny make-up všech Carolinah a dovolená. I e-mailem mu to. To je, když začal chaos. Alex a já jsem e-mailem a zpátky skoro celý den. Alex se mě ptá, jak jsem se počítá; když se dostala dnů, a jaké dny byly atd, etc, atd.… Trval na tom, ona nedostala své dny. On byl stále starý způsob, jak jsme byli zvyklí dělat plánování (dokud mi Wali zasáhl) zmatený s tím, jak si vedeme plánování od června 2009. Založený na starých způsob, jak dělat věci, což je doba, v otázce,všechny její dny byly vyúčtovány. Alex, na jednom místě, stopped responding to my emails and I had become worked up in a tizzy by then.
I e-mailem Alex počet vícekrát v průběhu večera a v časných ranních hodinách se můj důkaz, že byla způsobena žádná Carolinah dní. Snažil jsem se dělat to tak jasné a jednoduché, jak jsem mohl. Ve skutečnosti, Právě jsem dokončil mailování ho těsně předtím, než jsem začal psát tento příspěvek, aby zjistili, zda on přišel k závěru,. Neměl email mě zpátky. Zavolal jsem mu na jeho mobilní telefon; však, on neodpověděl. Je to kvůli domů brzy, takže jsem měl zjistit, konec příběhu.
Jsem velmi znepokojen tím, co se stalo, protože vím, Carolinah byl dobře vědom, že to není kvůli té době, že ona byla dána, ale ona nepromluvila až. Jsem znepokojen, protože Alex, kdo by měl být v horní části programu, jednoduché základní části mnohoženství, nemůže nikdy dostat to pravé. Jsem znepokojen, jako já nevím, kolik podvodů dopustil Alex a Carolinah v minulosti, kdy se připravoval plán. Ano, Vím, že to bylo částečně moje vina, za to, že aktivní účast při vytváření plánu pro přibližně dva a půl roku. Jen jsem nemohl zvládnout manželství na plánu v té době.
Jak Alex zpracovává v této věci by zjistit, jak se naše manželství postupuje. Já jsem mu poradil, toho v jednom z e-mailů. Nemůže-li být spravedlivý, a právě se se mnou po tom všem oběti jsem se v tomto manželství pro něj být s Carolinah, pak jsem třeba položit si otázku, zda musím zůstat v ní. Pokud se Alex nemůže dostat jednoduchý plán právo, jsme při pohledu na některé závažné problémy, před.
Budu vás průběžně!
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.
11/29/09
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Jak Salaamu Alaikum!
Vítejte na Polygamie 411! Náš domov je pro muslimy a ne-muslimy. Je pro každého, kdo chce mluvit o polygamii, nebo kdokoli, kdo je v polygamní manželství nebo uvažují o vstupu na jedno. Líbí se nám s firemní. Udělejte si pohodlí a vstoupit do diskuse zanecháním komentáře. Těšíme se na setkání s Vámi sem zase brzy a často.
cestování 4 méně!
November 29th, 2009 na 6:31 PM
V “feel you” girl. And I also feel FOR you. You need a lot of LOVE, WISDOM and GRACE from the SPIRIT of GOD to deal with this successfully – however you decide to handle it. I suggest that as long as you stay in the relationship – live in love toward them. Don’t be nit-picky about your schedule or anything else. But do require honesty from them or else.
If Alex doesn’t want to be honest with you or FAIR or JUST then He is violating His right to have a Polygamous marriage – according to the Koran right?
I suggest that you bring this to your “elders” attention and have them deal with it. Let Alex know that you are not playing. Don’t be his fool. You do not want to appear as the weak or “needy” one.
Be strong. Don’t be afraid of being alone. You can find a much better husband than Alex if need be. I believe you have a lot to offer which the right person would sincerely appreciate. Perhaps you have outgrown your relationship with Alex.
Just some food for thought.
November 29th, 2009 na 7:42 PM
Oooh, that is so very sweet and comforting. Thank you Curtis Farmer!
I have good news; at least I think it is. Alex and I came to a resolution. At first it entailed somewhat of a heated argument and then we calmed down and he conceded I was right about the schedule. Takže, I’ve selected my days, which I’ll take in February. I truly felt this was the turning point…not so much about getting my way, but about fairness and justice.
Mimochodem, I swung by your blog. It’s very, very nice. I think when Alex leaves tomorrow, I’ll get a chance to visit and spend some time with you there
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.
November 30th, 2009 na 2:49 AM
Dobře, what did I say about ‘flexibility’ ?
November 30th, 2009 na 5:42 AM
I hear you (LOL), but flexibility is out the door when it comes to me. There is no flexibility when there is no love in the heart of a wife for a husband’s other “manželka.” I’m sure flexibility would be nice
November 30th, 2009 na 6:40 AM
Oh, I almost forgot; I was flexible. Alex was quite generous. He insisted that I take three additional days that I accused him and Carolinah of taking from me this past July. I declined and said I wouldn’t revisit the issue with those three days again. I wonder how many days were misplaced when I was in a semi-comatose state.
Stejně, it’s all good. With my four days in February, I secured Valentine’s Day although I shouldn’t celebrate (I can’t help it. Love is in the air everywhere that day). With President’s Day attached, it bought me seven days. I may treat Alex to a cruise on those days, if I can find a convenient one, Insha Alláh.
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.
November 30th, 2009 na 9:56 PM
I think this man likes to see women fight over him.
Don’t give him the satisfaction. Be independent and strong.
December 1st, 2009 na 2:50 AM
CHATELAINE, I think you have a point there. “Independent and strong” is good. I was wondering whether Alex was enjoying the dissention.
One of my sisters, just this evening, said to me, “He must have a big head (ego)” with Carolinah and me fighting over spending time with him.
Alex spent part of the day with me today. He left late this afternoon. I was very strong when he left, no mushy, gushy, Miluji tě, crying, sad stuff. Thank God much for that. As Curtis Farmer stated, I shouldn’t be a “weak”, “needy”, fool”.
I feel at peace and content with his absence at the moment. I can only pray that I’ll steadily continue to grow and get better.
Děkuji, CHATELAINE.
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.
December 1st, 2009 na 2:55 AM
Haji Rafiq, I was expecting you to get hit with a lot of questions, since you live polygamy and could possibly shed some light on the subject from a male’s perspective. I can say you’ve enlightened me, regarding some things.
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.
December 1st, 2009 na 11:16 AM
Hi Ana,
Could I ask you to share with us some time what the positives are in your relationship with Alex? These are the things I’ve heard so far: (using my own words)
1. It could be worse.
2. Even though there is a second wife, at least it makes me feel that I’m first.
3. Everthing is ordained to be the way it is. I’m free to leave, but if that happens, it will have been ordained.
Thanks Ana, as always, J.
December 1st, 2009 na 7:48 PM
Yes Judith. I certainly could do that. I’m so used to venting about the negative, and not talking about the good things that happen in my marriage; I could see how it appears there is only bad in it. I surmise that is why I haven’t been writing much lately about my life, as there hasn’t been much drama to speak of. I’ve just been settling in. Ale, it is part of my journey so I should write about it.
Takže, I will move on. It may be awkward initially. I feel in talking about the good in my life, I’m gloating. I’ll try to get past that though and share.
Judita, thanks for helping me move my writing forward in a new direction.
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.
December 1st, 2009 na 8:14 PM
As I stated before, Alex likes to see the two of you struggle over him. Stop struggling, and simply make yourself less available to him. Explore other interests outside of your home. Consider taking classes at a university, or perhaps take practical classes in the arts for your entertainment and self development. You will find this to be a pleasant diversion, and you may meet interesting people as well. Too much of your life and your time is focused on Alex, his needs, and your need to have him in your life. He hardly spends any time taking your needs into consideration, so why make his needs your priority? What exactly does Alex offer to you, other than the title “Mrs.” in front of your name?
December 1st, 2009 na 9:06 PM
CHATELAINE, you offered good advice. There are good things happening in my life with Alex that I don’t speak of. I intend for that to change. I’m glad Judith brought it to my attention today. I’ve been intending to take the blog in a different direction to show the positive aspects of polygamy as I know of them, and see them in my life.
I am quite busy and not totally pre-occupied with Alex. I have begun preliminary work on my business, but need to spend more time with it and take it further. It is going to entail a tremendous amount of work, putting together the business plan and obtaining financing and all. It concerns me, as I’ve grown so attached to spending so much time with everyone here, writing and reading and I dislike the thought of not being able to communicate as often with everyone. I can’t even find enough time to visit all my friends’ blogs and I feel badly about it.
I’ve been trying to get the new marriage site up and running, stejně. It’s technically challenging. I hope to have that in effect by the New Year. Takže, I have been quite busy with things besides Alex. I guess there’s no way of anyone knowing that unless I speak up about it. Thank you much, Chatelaine for your earnest concern, and all your suggestions. It mean very much to me
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.
December 2nd, 2009 na 11:54 PM
What are your expectations of a relationship with a man?
What was the nature of your relationship with your father ?
What was the nature of the relationship between
your mother and your father ?
December 3rd, 2009 na 1:25 AM
CHATELAINE, those are very good questions. Why do you ask?
I’m going to contemplate my answers to those questions and contemplate how those relationships may have impacted my life and my expectations of a relationship.
Do you think there is a relation between the answers to those questions and the reason women end up accepting polygamous relationship?
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.
December 3rd, 2009 na 1:33 PM
Sounds ok, but please ignore such advice as be less available to him. What do such people have in mind? I see that you came to a solution. With love, flexibility and good intentions you can always find a solution. Your flexibility will be a good investment as you will be appreciated and lobed more.
December 3rd, 2009 na 10:46 PM
Domů,
My theory is that women who accept polygyny may be willing to accept a relationship with a man who is only partially available to them physically and emotionally. Perhaps a woman would accept this polygynous relationship model as being acceptable because her parents had a relationship where there was significant emotional or physical distance, or because the woman had an unavailable or distant father. That is my hypothesis.
December 4th, 2009 na 6:06 AM
Haji rafiq, it’s funny, Alex is with Carolinah on vacation this week and part of next. He emailed me on Wednesday and said he’d like to come over Thursday. I said OK. He’s done that in the past when he’s been with her and I used to try to analyze it all. Was he not having such a good time with her? Did he rather be with me than her? This time, I didn’t do that, as it didn’t matter and it felt good not caring.
The main reason I wouldn’t make myself less available to Alex is because I believe that was part of what got him and me into the situation that we currently are in. I wasn’t available for him before he married Carolinah. I was not, despite my reasons for not being.
I think being less available may work in a dating relationship, but not necessarily a marriage. Now I can certainly see the importance of a wife having “a life” and not being “needy”, otherwise her husband could be put off by her or he becomes her lord and that’s not good either. The way I see it; there needs to be a balance.
I’m happy he and I reach a solution.
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.
December 4th, 2009 na 6:55 AM
CHATELAINE,
I think there may be truth in your theory. I believe what happens in our lives, during our formative years gives shape to who we are. I had a “distant”, “unavailable” biological father. My mother was cold, aloof, and emotionally detached from my stepdad. She didn’t realize she loved him until after she divorced him. I was the same toward Alex and didn’t take notice of him until he “ženatý” Carolinah. It’s all so interesting.
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.
December 4th, 2009 na 6:02 PM
I see you have great insight.
May it guide your decision making in your relationship.
January 20th, 2010 na 5:54 PM
Are you sure you are not married to my husband?? Seriously Ana, I feel for you. My family goes down this road off and on also, and when it’s on it can be miserable. Some people, in particular people who don’t adjust well to schedules or who refuse to accept them in their hearts, aren’t meant for polygamy. At least that is how I feel. A schedule kept is the only way, with some flexibility of course, to maintain tranquility and respect in my belief. Grr I hate the schedule.
January 20th, 2010 na 11:32 PM
You said a mouth full New#3. Refusing in our hearts to accept a schedule is a huge problem. It’s sooooo difficult. I still sit down and study the schedule often to make sure Carolinah doesn’t have any advantage over me. I hate the way it makes me feel, so petty and obsessive.
There was an incident recently. When Alex and I last went away on vacation in November, he left Carolinah early in the a.m., earlier than he normally would have left her if he had to go to work, as we had a plane to catch. Myslel jsem, že; I’m going to hear this again one day soon.
Opravdu, I heard it. The past recent holidays, Carolinah had to work them. I guess she had off a Saturday after to make up for it. Alex spoke to me about leaving me early that Sat. He wanted to leave around 10:00 a.m instead of 4:00ish p.m. He cited he had some hours to make up with her from our vacation. I said no. Make them up the next time she has vacation. I know it was petty and mean, but I’m sorry. Why should I accomodate her? She won’t even acknowledge I exist.
New#3, I understand exactly what you speak of. No one knows it better than me. Haji Rafiq, wouldn’t like what we say. He’s an advocate for flexibility. You mentioned flexibility is good. I believe flexibility is good too. I’m just having a difficult time with flexibility.
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.
January 21st, 2010 na 9:29 AM
‘flexibility’. One of the ways mean people take advantage of kind people. Ne, díky. I prefer the sound of ‘backbone.’
January 21st, 2010 na 1:12 PM
I hear you! Give a person an inch and they take a mile. By saying no to that Saturday request, it prevents me from having to deal with anymore of them. And you know they would have been coming. I have no reason to have any consideration for Carolinah.
Jedná se o den otevřených dveří. Není třeba klepat. Jen pojďte dál.