Hello World!
af Ann on Apr.25, 2009, i løbet af min rejse
For at beskytte den sande identitet af parterne og at forblive tro mod mine livserfaringer, navnene på de tegn, her (på polygami 411) er fiktive; dog, min situation, omstændigheder, og oplevelser er reelle.
Jeg er Anabellah. Du kan kalde mig Ana. Jeg har været i et polygamt ægteskab, nævnt af mange som polygami, for kun lidt over to år. Min mands navn er Alex. Han “married” Carolinah (Carol) mens gift med mig. Jeg bruger Rgiftied” i citater, simpelthen fordi jeg ikke var på Alex og Carolinah bryllup ceremoni. Jeg talte ikke med nogen, der deltog i ceremonien, heller ikke jeg ser nogen dokumentation af det. Jeg er nødt til at acceptere Alex ord for, at det skete. Alex, CarolCarolinahjeg lever i polygami, der er lovligt til mig som en muslim, for alle hensigter og formål.
Jeg beder Allah om tilgivelse for noget, jeg kan sige eller har sagt her på flerkoneri 411 der ville utilsigtet, eller på nogen måde vildlede andre. Min intention her på flerkoneri 411 er at hjælpe andre med at håndtere en livsform (polygami) det er godt for mig og på samme tid, jeg har fundet det er yderst vanskeligt.
Jeg vil gerne dele med dig her på flerkoneri 411 min rejse og svar mange af dine spørgsmål, så ærligt og hurtigt som muligt. Insha Allah, du vil dele nogle af dine følelser, tanker, og erfaringer med mig og andre, samt.
Jeg ønsker at huske, at Allah gjorde det lovligt for en mand at have mere end én kone i islam. Så, husk på polygami 411 er ikke en polygami bashing blog. Jeg ønsker ikke at gøre ulovligt det, som Allah har gjort lovlige. Dette har været en del af min kamp, da jeg kamp med sandheden og mine personlige ønsker.
På polygami 411, Jeg kan ikke, kan ikke, og vil ikke fortælle nogen, hvordan at praktisere polygami, Jeg vil heller ikke udtale sig om, hvorvidt det er rigtigt for dig. Jeg kan kun dele med dig, hvad jeg har erfarne, lært om mig selv, og lærte fra andre.
Al lovprisning skyldes, at Allah.
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Som Salaamu Alaikum!
Velkommen til Polygami 411! Vores hjem er for muslimer og ikke-muslimer. Det er for alle, der ønsker at tale om polygami, eller enhver, der befinder sig i et polygamt ægteskab eller overvejer at indtaste en. Vi kan godt lide at have selskab. Gør dig det behageligt, og deltage i diskussionen ved at efterlade en kommentar. Vi glæder os til at se dig her igen snart, og ofte.
rejser 4 mindre!
March 2nd, 2009 om 8:41 PM
As salaamu Alaikum,
I have been married just shy of seven years. My husband married another woman, besides me, just a little over two years ago. I am finally beginning to be at peace with it, and actually feel very happy. That’s weird; I can smile now while writing about it instead of crying. It was a tough road and I felt like I wasn’t going to finish the journey.
We all have a tendency to place blame and rationalize why we don’t like something. The main reason we reject polygamy is because it goes against our personal desires. Efter alle, who wants to share love, especially a husband – unless we’re just tired of him, therefore encourage him to take another wife. Hvis det er tilfældet, polygamy probably wasn’t our test; something else was.
Alligevel, I’m blogging about polygamy, as I now feel I can be a whole lot more objective about it. I thank Allah SWT much for it, as He has allowed me to see my many faults, my shortcomings, and my weakness in my Faith. It has made me a better person. Insha Allah, it will help me get into Paradise.
Dette er en åbent hus. Ingen grund til at banke. Bare komme videre i.
March 3rd, 2009 om 11:55 AM
Som Salaamu Alaikum,
I contemplated divorcing Alex so many times after he married Carolinah. Dog, after giving it much thought, I said I was not going to give her the satisfaction of prevailing. I said I was going to win because, besides having the husband that Allah SWT has chosen for me, I would be victorious over Satan. Satan wants me to be ungrateful to Allah SWT.
Do we feel at times we would rather have no one than to share? Do we ask ourselves questions like, “Why should I have to share?” or do we say, “Not me, I’m not going to do that.” Do we sometimes become arrogant like Iblis, and let that attitude influence our feelings about polygamy?
September 9th, 2009 om 11:57 AM
As salaamu alaikum wa rahamtullah… my dearest sister in Islaam. I am seriously struggling with this very trial as I type. My husband is intended to a sister now and I feel like I’m losing it. It consumes me constantly. I barely eat to a point where I have lost almost 30lbs in a few short months. Everyone arounds me says I look sickly and like I have suffered a major loss. To be honest this is exactly how I feel. Financially our sitution is not very good. Emotionally our marriage is unstable. I don’t want to leave my husband either even though I asked him to choose between the two. I don’t want to drive him from me I just want him to see and understand what I’m feeling and going through. Help me please!!
September 9th, 2009 om 10:31 PM
Umm Mahmood, As Salaamu Alaikum wa rahamtuallah. I truly know the severe hurt and pain that you are suffering, as I have lived it myself. It is agonizing more than anyone can imagine without having gone through it. The significant weight loss in a few short months, and feeling constantly consumed by all that is happening to you, as your husband prepares to take another wife, if it pleases Allah SWT, are too well known to me. What you must understand is that what you are feeling is “normal”, are the usual feelings that many sisters have experienced that are in Islamic polygamous marriages. You could read many comments on the blog here and learn that you are not alone in your feelings. Perhaps many others will come forward as well so you could hear from them about their experiences.
You say you feel like you have suffered a major loss. From what I have read from other sources, and have learned here on the blog from many, what you’re feeling is real. If your husband takes another wife, you will leave behind something, whether it will be your husband all together or you will no longer have your husband all to yourself anymore. Either way, there will be a loss as you divorce or transition from monogamy to polygamy, leaving monogamy behind. I’ve heard it referred to by some that the change in your marriage is like a death of it, the marriage. I suppose that is why we grieve the way that we do. We go through the same stages in our transition from monogamy to polygamy as we do when we loose a loved one to death. We experience anger, sadness, denial, depression and much more, for eksempel.
The important thing for you to do is try to hold on and be strong as best you can. Turn all your attention to Allah SWT and try to remember Him, as best you can. It is important that you try to stay focused (on Allah and your trial) now at a time when it is so terribly difficult to think of anything other than your crisis situation. The important thing for you to do, as much as you can, is try to take good care of you.
You said you want your husband to understand what you are feeling and going through. I don’t really know if he can. Again I ask the question how a husband can cause his wife so much hurt and pain by taking another wife and still say he loves her. But apparently it is possible. I wouldn’t expect to get many answers from him, if I were you. Your marriage is bound to continue to be unstable for a while, but you must put your faith and trust in Allah that with hardship comes ease and things will get better if you decide to stay.
You should take into consideration that your husband probably loves you just as much as he always has, and that taking another wife does not diminish his love for you. I don’t think it would be that easy for your husband to chose between you and his new intended, otherwise he would have divorced you, if the decision was that easy for him.
You must try not to blame yourself for your husband’s decision to take another wife, although it will be difficult not to. The blame part is a stage as well. You are not to blame for his decision. You must remember that. Jeg har stadig, 2 years and nine months later, play the blame game with myself, and have to squash it.
You’re going to be alright sister. We all are here for you!
Dette er en åbent hus. Ingen grund til at banke. Bare komme videre i.