Polygami 411

Thirty-two-year-old Hagar Gouda is a divorcée. Married in her mid-twenties, she gave birth to a baby boy and divorced her husband three years later. She has spent the past six years raising her son and looking for a husband. Hidtil, she has not found a man she likes well enough who is willing to help raise her son.

A potential solution is for her to enter into a misyar (traveler’s) ægteskab: a marriage which would allow her to spend as much time as she wants with her son in her home. The catch? Her new husband would not be obligated to buy her an apartment, nor live with her or spend money on her. Her answer: “Over my dead body.”

In mid April, headlines such as “Dar Al-Ifta Legalizes Prostitution” and “Misyar: Prostitution with Another Name” were everywhere, with local newspapers furiously editorializing on a supposedly new fatwa (religious edict) saying misyar marriages were sanctioned by Islam.

Misyar Matchmaking

Sunni Islam has always been adamant in its refusal to recognize mut’a (pleasure) marriages—a marriage with a specified end date, often entered into by couples with motives more temporary than setting up a home and bringing up children. Recognized as legal by the Shi’a sect of Islam, it is a type of marriage that is often exploited by men who ‘buy’ wives for a short duration of time. Unlike misyar marriages, a mut’a marriage needs no witnesses and no guardian.

A misyar marriage, på den anden side, seemingly strips women of even more rights. Rather than getting money from a short-term marriage, the wife gets absolutely nothing in terms of finances. She willingly gives up her right to live with her husband, her right to housing, and her right to nafaqa, a woman’s Islamic right to have her husband pay for her living and maintenance costs.

According to Dr. Ibrahim Negm, media spokesperson and advisor to Grand Mufti of Egypt Aly Gomaa’, Dar Al-Ifta did not issue a fatwa in April. What happened was that a reporter unearthed a reference to misyar in a list of decrees published last year by Al Azhar’s Islamic Research Academy, the highest Islamic authority in the nation.

The decree in question (Decree no. 218 of April 2007) listed types of marriage that are both Islamic as well as legal and those that are not — such as mut’a, boyfriend-girlfriend, and partner swapping. Number four on the list deals with misyar:

“It is the marriage which fulfills the pillars and conditions of Shariah [Islamic law], and has been recorded as an official document through a specialist intermediary. The summary of the matter is that the issue decided upon — in the contract or otherwise — is that the husband does not live with the wife, but visits her when he gets the opportunity. And it is a marriage built on all Shariah expectations [of marriage], except what the wife agrees to give up.”

There are four requirements for a marriage to be legal in Islam: consent of both parties, mahr (a gift from the groom to the bride), presence of two witnesses, and that it is made public. Historically, misyar was considered an option when the man traveled extensively and so could not live with his wife or had absolutely no financial means to give her a home.

An internet search turns up at least six online misyar matchmakers, with Msyaronline.com one of the largest in terms of members. Representatives from Msyaronline did not respond to interview requests, but the website offers four reasons promoting this type of marriage: “an increase in the number of spinsters and widows and those of special circumstances; the refusal of women to have a co-wife, leading men to marry the misyar way so his first wife doesn’t find out; the desire of unmarried men to get halal pleasure reconcilable with his circumstances; and the escape of some from the responsibilities of marriage and its costs, and this way is present [largely] in young men looking for this kind of marriage.”

Alexa.com, which tracks website traffic, ranks Msyaronline number 11,550 among the most-visited sites in the world, based on a three-month average. To put that into context, at press time, AhlyEgypt.com ranked number 9,056 and AmrKhaled.net ranked 6,851. Oprah Winfrey’s website ranked 1,579.

More than half of Msyaronline’s visitors come from just two countries: 32.6 percent of visitors are from Saudi Arabia, where it is ranked 441 on the list of most visited sites, while 24.9 percent are from Egypt, where it ranked 612. No more than 5 percent of its visitors come from any other country.

In Islam — according to Sunni scholars — a misyar contract is permissible because it follows all the conditions for marriage. Dog, says Negm, “a fatwa or decree on the validity of the misyar contract doesn’t mean [Dar Al-Ifta or the Islamic Research Academy] is advocating this type of marriage or that we are presenting it as a way to solve marriage problems in our society. It is not a license to marry this way.”

Many Islamic scholars have actually disallowed the practice of misyar marriage because of its perceived adverse effect on women, families, and societies at large.

Marriage on the Cheap

The proponents of misyar usually offer three reasons why it should be allowed: it allows couples with limited economic means to marry, it is a viable solution for spinsters or divorced women with limited marriage options or those of financial means who do not want a ‘full-time’ husband, and because a woman’s renunciation of her financial rights is only a moral and not a legal commitment, she can change her mind at any time.

Dog, even Msyaronline admits on the website that misyar marriage is not the “ideal desired picture of marriage, though it is legally correct.”

Costs of marriage, admit misyar opponents, are indeed high. I Saudi-Arabien, dowries — the sum of money given to women by their fiancées — are so exorbitant that a group of young Saudi men launched a nationwide “Let her become a spinster campaign” this year, boycotting marriage because of the high costs. An average Saudi woman, says an article in the country’s Arab News, usually demands a dowry in the range of SR 50,000 (LE 75,000).

In April 2006, Saudi Arabia’s Islamic Fiqh Academy issued a fatwa saying that misyar was legal and valid. Arab News conducted an informal survey of 30 Saudi men and women regarding misyar: 60 percent of the men surveyed said they would consider misyar for themselves, while 86 percent of the women said they would not consider it. Only four women — all in the over-40 category — said they would.

Ma’aly Al-Faqih, a 29-year-old Saudi woman, believes misyar only compounds problems for Saudi women. “We already have a problem with polygamy because so many men can afford to have a second wife,” says Al-Faqih, a dentist and a TV presenter on a show called Hewar Melawen (Colored Dialogue). “But with misyar, so many more men would re-marry because it’s cheap to do so — they won’t have any financial rights or obligations! — and there’s less chance of their first wives finding out. But there are so many other problems to consider. What if the misyar wife gets pregnant?"

In Egypt, urfi marriage — where a couple signs a secret, unregistered marriage contract — is already stigmatized as a sex license for men who can easily ‘quit’ the marriage with few consequences. The Islamic Research Academy decree lists urfi as haram. Some see misyar as more of the same — a way to shirk responsibilities.

“It’s a great idea,” laughs 42-year-old shoe-shiner Khalid Abdel-Rahman. “It’s like being married without being married. Why would any man choose the hassle of financial burden when they can marry for free?"

No True Choice

That is partly what the Egyptian Center for Women’s Rights (ECWR) fears. In a mid-April press release responding to the news that misyar was halal, the center states: "[Misyar] erodes family values by encouraging infidelity and immorality and facilitates multiple marriages built on secrecy and lies. [It] will lead to a deterioration of the family by opening the door to second marriages dissociated from the structure of the family. Desuden, these marriages are detached from the personal, financial and family duties of both parties and are at the expense of the stability of the first/previous family.”

But what about all the spinsters, ask misyar advocates, who would be marrying of their own free will? According to government statistics, there are currently 9–10 million unmarried women in Egypt over the age of 30.

Not one woman interviewed by Egypt Today was go on record in favor of misyar — perhaps not surprising, given the social stigma attached to it — although one said she would consider it. Thirty-four-year-old beautician Amina, who asked that her real name not be used, says that after her father passed away, she spent her twenties taking care of her four brothers and sisters, unable to leave home. “I’m very old and I’m poor and I’m not beautiful. I haven’t received a suitor in three years. I do want a normal marriage and children, but I don’t think it’s going to happen,” she says. “If a good man offers to marry me the misyar way, I might say yes.”

To get people to register with the website, Misyaronline’s homepage lists screen names and personal ads for 10 kvinder og 10 men who recently signed up. The full database is only available to registered users. According to the posts, the women, who were between 22 og 48 år gammel, were from Saudi Arabia, Egypten, Morocco and other countries. Among the new additions was ‘Eman,’ a 48-year-old Egyptian widow with older children who is looking for a “respectable man, knowledgeable, who can spend luxuriously on his wife and has a strong personality.”

Alwaleed Adel, owner and founder of Universal Marriage Office, the only marriage counseling and matchmaking office registered with the Ministry of Social Solidarity, rejects the idea of misyar. “It exploits women and it’s naive to say they are choosing this out of choice. Removing her options and saying she chose is no option. [] I bet you very few unmarried, childless women would choose misyar by choice. [] Misyar is a male convenience in a male-dominated country.”

The fear is that, in a country that puts a severe stigma on being unmarried, women who have not married by a certain age would agree to a misyar marriage even though they may have wanted a normal one, says Adel. They would agree to it even though misyar carries the stigma of being a lust-based alliance, tainting a woman’s reputation since it is believed that “she is giving herself away for free, marrying to have sex.”

Yomna Mokhtar, journalist and founder of “Spinsters for Change,” an informal Egyptian group that wants to change the negative attitude about unmarried women, believes this type of marriage is “a balwa soda [a horrible burden].” Unmarried at 27, she says that the pressures to marry are not enough to coerce her into a misyar marriage, ever. “It basically means marriage is only about a sexual relationship — this is what it has been reduced to,” she says. “There is no living together, no affection, no family, no kids, no security. I don’t even recognize this as marriage; if it becomes normal it will ruin the cornerstone of society — the family.”

Adel adds, “The nucleus and brain cell of any society is family and it is already problematic in Egypt. It’s hard enough to force neglectful fathers in normal marriages to fulfill their rights, what will happen to any children born from a misyar marriage?"

The Universal Marriage Office founder, who also has a TV show and appears on the radio once a week to talk about the family, conducted a study in March 2009, surveying 500 random young men ages 25–35 who had never been married. Adel found that 18.7 percent of them said they were not married because of the new updates in the family law that demand too much of them financially — alimony, maintenance, custody etc.

He also quoted a statistic saying the average age of marriage has increased by 50 percent for women and 38 percent for men in one generation.

Ghada El-Bedawi, one of the founding members of Mawada, a non-profit organization that gives courses to young couples beginning their married lives, agrees. “Marriage should be more than this,” she says. “It should be to build a home and generations. Misyar marriage is even worse than mut’a because at least in mut’a we admit it’s just about sex. Misyar tries to pass itself off as respectable. How will sons born of this marriage be raised as responsible, hardworking men who will raise a family? [How will girls] respect themselves as worthy of more than what their mothers settled for?"

In the end, many scholars agree that although misyar sticks to the letter of Islamic law, it does not stick to the spirit of the religion. Islam considers marriage a mithaq, a solemn covenant that should not be undertaken lightly. Negm says that even though the Grand Mufti and the Islamic Research Academy have said that misyar is technically permissible, “it does not mean that we advise the youth to practice it. [] This is an issue where we must open the door to discussion to the sheikhs to discuss the social and human dimensions of its [application]. And only then [can we] release a general fatwa saying whether [misyar] is a potential substitute or solution to problems like lack of housing and spinsterhood, or that it results in bad consequences to the society and family.” Et

Kredit til ovenstående info: By Ethar El-Katatney-Egypt Today, November 2009, volume 30, issue 11,

Abu Bakr el-Gendy, director of Central Authority for Public Mobilization and Statistics, declared at a press conference yesterday that marriage contracts reached 660,100 i løbet af 2008, en 7.4 per cent increase over the previous year

El-Gendy said that marriage rates in rural areas composed 67.3 per cent of the total, compared to 32.7 per cent in urban areas, noting that the number of unmarried Egyptian adults reached 13.3 million, according to the 2006 census. Of the 13 million, 7.6 million are male and 5.7 are female.

El-Gendy added that there were 84,400 divorces during 2008, an increase of 8.4 per cent over the previous year. Der var 44,500 divorce cases in urban areas, compared to rural areas where there were 39,800 thousands.

Port Said Governorate had the highest number of marriage contracts, representing 14 per 1000 Egyptian marriages. Giza came in last, with a share of 3.1 per 1000 marriages nationwide. Port Said also topped the list in divorce rates with 3.6 per 1000, with Giza again in the last rank by .5 per 1000.

El-Gendy said that the highest rate of marriage was among people between 25 og 30. This age range recorded 265,000 marriage contracts, 40.2 per cent of the national total. The lowest marriage rate was among people over 65.

He added that the highest divorce ratio among males was in the age group between 25 and 30, and females between 20 and 25.

Written by Egypt News, Søndag, 11 Oktober 2009

Her er et velkendt medicinsk forskning artikel om polygami, skrevet af Alean Al – Krenawi, PhD., et godt respekteret muslimsk mental sundhed professionelle, der har viet sit klinisk praksis til undersøgelse af effekten af ​​polygami på kvinder og børn.

En Sammenligning af Family funktionsmåde, Liv og Ægteskabelig Tilfredshed, og psykiske sundhed Kvinder i Polygame og monogame ægteskaber

Udstedelse af Al-Krenawi
Ben-Gurion Universitet

John R. Graham
University of Calgary, Calgary, Canada

Baggrund: A considerable body of research concludes that the polygamous family structure has an impact on children’s and wives’ psychological, social and family functioning.

Aims: The present study is among the first to consider within the same ethnoracial community such essential factors as family functioning, life satisfaction, marital satisfaction and mental health functioning among women who are in polygamous marriages and women who are in monogamous marriages.

Method: A sample of 352 women participated in this study: 235 (67%) were in a monogamous marriage and 117 (33%) were in a polygamous marriage.

Results: Findings reveal differences between women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Women in polygamous marriages showed significantly higher psychological distress, and higher levels of somatisation, phobia and other psychological problems. They also had significantly more problems in family functioning, marital relationships and life satisfaction.

Conclusion: The article calls on public policy and social service personnel to increase public awareness of the significance of polygamous family structures for women’s wellbeing.

International Journal of Social Psychiatry, Vol. 52, I. 1, 5-17 (2006)

RAWANG, November 14 — Don’t marry young virgin girls; marry single mothers or widows instead. This was a suggestion made recently by a Kelantan state official to would-be polygamists.

But the idea drew flak from some critics, who said instead that more efforts should be made to reduce divorce rates and assist single mothers.

The issue of polygamy is being hotly debated now, with the controversial Kelantan official’s suggestion and the emergence of a Polygamy Club founded in August by the wife of a polygamist.

Hatijah Aam, 55, said she started the club with the aim of curbing social ills such as prostitution and adultery. It has 300 members.

“After sharing the same man for 30 år, we are like sisters,” Hatijah told The Straits Times. Sitting beside her, Noraziah Ibrahim, 52, the younger wife of Hatijah’s husband, smiled.

Noraziah met Hatijah’s husband after her own partner had died.

“She had children to feed. Can you imagine? She needed help,” said Hatijah.

The two are married to 72-year-old Ashaari Muhammad, patriarch of a clan spawned from five marriages — he has since divorced one wife, while another died in a car accident while on a pilgrimage to the holy city of Mecca in 2003.

Of his 38 børn, 19 sons and four daughters are also polygamists. Ashaari has 200 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren.

“Some people think polygamy is bad, but it is actually a beautiful thing,” said Hatijah.

Most Malaysians remember Ashaari as having led a deviant Islamic sect that was banned in 1994 because of his claims that he was able to absolve sins, and that an Islamic messiah from the east would appear ahead of a prophesied doomsday.

Ashaari suffered a stroke in 2003, and is now unable to speak. His third wife was not present at the interview as she was tending to him.

The family’s story is just one example of polygamous marriages in Malaysia.

Muslim men are allowed up to four wives under Islamic law. Critics say the practice is cruel and has been distorted from its original purpose.

The practice was prevalent during Prophet Muhammad’s era to provide for the many widows and orphans, as a consequence of men dying in frequent wars.

Activists say most modern polygamists in Malaysia marry younger women and neglect their first wives.

While Hatijah’s family seems to be living harmoniously, rights groups argue that most polygamous families suffer abuse and jealousy.

Sisters in Islam (SIS), a non-governmental organisation which upholds the rights of Muslim women and campaigns against the practice, says polygamy is not a solution to prostitution.

“Marriage — whether polygamous or not — cannot be a cure-all for an issue as complex as sex work,” SIS programme manager Masjaliza Hamzah told The Straits Times.

“Society should stop seeing marriage as the one-stop answer to the issues and concerns faced not only by women sex workers, but also single mothers, widows and older women.”

She quoted verses from the Quran which discourage polygamy, and pointed out that although Prophet Muhammad practised it, he did not allow his son-in-law to marry another woman unless he divorced the Prophet’s daughter.

Only 2.8 per cent of Muslim marriages here are polygamous.

Different states also have varying criteria for would-be polygamists.

Kuala Lumpur requires a written consent or views from existing wives. In Perak, a man’s promise to treat wives fairly is sufficient.

Hanafiah Hamzah, a 53-year-old television cameraman, said strangers look down on him for having more than one wife. “Society looks down on polygamists. People always think it is for the sex,” he told The Straits Times.

Hanafiah married his first wife, who is now 47, two decades ago. Seven years later, he married his second wife, nu 36.

While both wives are cordial to each other, he admits it is not easy.

“You cannot be fair to both of them. If a wife or a child is sick, who do you go to?

“If my friends say they want to be polygamous, I always tell them, you better not. My first wife never used to complain, but now she gets frustrated easily. It is my mistake,"Sagde han.

Masjaliza said there is some stigma attached to the practice: “People don’t wear it like a badge of honour. There is a level of discomfort. Maybe people are ashamed.”

Faktisk, while some top leaders in the ruling Umno and the opposition PAS have more than one wife, most of them attend official functions accompanied by only one wife.

But this is not deterring Hatijah, who is branching out Polygamy Club to Indonesia.

The government has warned that the club could be a ploy.

The family has been ‘trying very hard to deceive the public’ into reviving the banned religious cult through religious, business and social activities, Wan Mohamad Sheikh Abdul Aziz, director-general of the Department of Islamic Development Malaysia, told the New Straits Times. — Straits Times

Kredit til ovenstående info: The Malaysian Insider, Torsdag, November 19, 2009

Jakarta, 2 November. (AKI) – Indonesian pro-polygamy groups are not only facing protest from angry housewives and women’s rights activists; a new group of men calling themselves the Men’s Coalition against Polygamy (Kolmi) has also joined the struggle.

Kolmi spokesman Abdul Hamim Fauzie said via a statement in the capital Jakarta on Sunday that the coalition considered the practice of polygamous marriage degrading, not only to women, but to men as well.

“Facts show that polygamy leads to nothing but domestic violence, discrimination and the abuse of human rights,"Sagde han.

"Men, polygamists often argue that polygamy is necessary to avoid infidelity and love affairs. They also claim that polygamy is a part of their religious beliefs. Men use these arguments to justify their polygamous practices,” he added.

The coalition also said that it regretted a number of discriminative articles in the current marriage law in Indonesia.

“The law legalises men to have more than one legal wife when their spouses are seriously ill or sexually incapable.

“This is very unfair, especially to women, because the law only accommodates the needs of men,” Abdul said.

I mellemtiden, Muslim scholar Siti Musdah Mulia said that people practising polygamous marriages who quoted verses from the Muslim holy book or Koran to justify their behaviour were misinterpreting the message.

“Those people must not quote the Koran by verse. They need to read the whole context and understand its real essence before saying the Koran endorses polygamy,” she said.

Musdah said the Koran actually says that Islam aimed to eradicate polygamous practices, not to endorse them.

“Islam considers polygamy an unjust practice that originated in the dark ages. Derfor er, Islam sought to eradicate such practices, but due to the severe reaction it caused, it took some time to fully eradicate the practice from the culture at that time,” she said.

Musdah said that she was not surprised to see that a number of men decided to bond together and fight against polygamy.

“Actually, anti-polygamy figures in the past were mostly prominent male clerics. The Prophet Muhammad himself was very angry when one of his son-in-laws planned to engage in polygamy,” she said.

Nyligt, controversy has sparked following an official launch of a polygamy club, dubbed the Global Ikhwan, in Bandung, the capital of West Java province.

The club, originating from Malaysia, cites the noble aim of helping single mothers, reformed prostitutes and aging single women find spouses. As soon as the club was established, condemnation poured in, especially from housewives and women’s activists.

Ironically, the club is chaired by a woman named, Hatijah Binti Am, who has insisted the club could introduce people to the ‘smuk’ side of polygamy.

Previously, a number of polygamy scandals have reduced the popularity of public figures engaged in the practise.

Over 85 percent of the 240 million Indonesians are Muslim and most of them practice a moderate version of the religion.

Kredit til ovenstående info: Adnkronos International, November. 15, 2009

“Familie sammenkomst i landdistrikterne Sibirien, hvor livet kan være meget svært for kvinder på deres egen. Foto: Caroline Humphrey”

En undersøgelse af polygami i Rusland foreslår, at vi har meget at lære om hvordan man kan slå den økonomiske afmatning.

En undersøgelse af polygami i Rusland måske ikke synes et oplagt sted at lede efter indsigt i, hvordan finanskrisen kan spille i forstæder Kent eller landdistrikter Yorkshire. Men Caroline Humphrey, Sigrid Rausing professor samarbejde antropologi ved Cambridge University, siger Centralasien og Rusland har meget at lære os.

“I 1990'erne, Rusland og Centralasien har oplevet enorme økonomiske forandringer: hvad en bank, var, hvordan din karriere gik, hvad man kunne forvente fra livet, Alt ændrede natten,” forklarer hun. “Og selvfølgelig haft en enorm indflydelse på folks liv, fra familielivet til politik, og polygami er en del af denne helhed scene. Hidtil, Vi har ikke haft så dramatisk ændring i vest, men man ved jo aldrig.”

Humphrey er specialiseret i antropologi af fællesskaber på kanten af ​​det tidligere Sovjetunionen, og har brugt meget af sin karriere at studere de Buyrat mennesker, der bor nord for den mongolske grænse i Sibirien. Humphrey siger, at antropologer langsomt bygge en dyb viden og forståelse af et sted og kultur, men ikke desto mindre, hendes opdagelse, at der er en polygami lobby var overraskende.

“Venner af mine i Sibirien fortalte mig, at deres venner var lobbyarbejde parlamentet til at legalisere polygami,” siger hun. “Jeg har altid vidst at der var mænd, der kan lide tanken om polygami, men hvad jeg fandt fascinerende var, at kvinder var også i støtte.”

Så er recessionen kommer til at vende gode Borgerne i Tunbridge Wells i polygamister? Det er usandsynligt. Men det er stadig tilfældet, at årsagerne til mænd - og, endnu mere interessant, kvinder - går ind for polygami i Rusland og Mongoliet er lige så meget om økonomi, som de er om sex. Det kritiske spørgsmål er demografi. Den russiske befolkning er ved at falde af 3% et år - og der er 9 million færre mænd end kvinder. Nationalisterne, som den excentriske leder af Det Liberale Demokratiske Parti, Vladimir Zhirinovsky, hævder, at indføre polygami vil give ægtemænd for “10 million ensomme kvinder” og fylde Mor Ruslands vugger.

Andetsteds, i de tidligere islamiske regioner af Rusland, mænd hævder, at polygame ægteskaber er traditionel og vil tilskynde mænd til at tage et større ansvar - og dermed bekæmpe fattigdom og forbedre “moralske” uddannelse.

Usandsynligt, For begge grupper, Dette er polygami som en løsning på nutidens sociale dårligdomme - og, ifølge Humphrey, bliver vist uden islamiske regioner. I landområderne “Manden mangel”, forværret af krig, alkoholisme og masse økonomisk migration, er endnu mere alvorlig. Men når det kommer til polygami, kvinder i landdistrikterne har en helt anden dagsorden fra deres nationalistiske mandlige kolleger.

“Mange kvinder lever på hvad der var kollektivbrug, som ofte er dybt inde i skoven og miles væk fra den nærmeste by,” Humphrey siger. “Du bor meget tæt på naturen, og liv kan være meget svært - din opvarmning er helt igennem log brændeovne, der er ingen rindende vand og inde sanitet er sjælden. Hvis du er heldig nok til at holde dyr, du skal drage omsorg for og slagter dem selv. Så hvis du er på udkig efter børn samt, livet kan være næsten umuligt for en kvinde på hendes egen.”

Måske ikke overraskende derefter, Humphrey undersøgelser har afdækket kvinder, der mener, at “halv et godt menneske er bedre end slet ingen”. “Der er stadig nogle mænd rundt omkring - de kan køre ting, med et job som en officiel, for eksempel, eller de kan gøre en almindelig arbejdende job, men enten måde, Der er ikke mange af dem,” siger hun. “Kvinder siger, at en legalisering af polygami ville være en Guds gave: det ville give dem rettigheder til en mands finansielle og fysiske støtte, legitimitet for deres børn, og rettigheder til statslige ydelser.”

Legalisering af polygami er gentagne gange blevet foreslået og diskuteret i den russiske Duma, eller Parlamentet - og altid skruet ned. For urbanites i Moskva og Sankt Petersborg det er et skridt for langt.

I Mongoliet, Også, legalisering af polygame ægteskab er bandlyst. Men i Ulan Bator, den stak hovedstaden, veluddannede kvinder kombinerer traditionel og moderne at skabe noget der ser mistænkeligt som en form for polygami.

Overraskende, det begynder med den medgift. Eschewing de traditionelle gaver (heste, puder, tøj), succesrige mongolske familier i stigende grad give deres døtre en god uddannelse i stedet for en medgift. I modsætning, deres brødre ofte nødt til at forlade skolen tidligt at enten styre de besætninger eller køre familieforetagendet.

“I mongolsk kultur, brudens familie er senior familien; og en brud skal være smart. Og de havde 70 år med kommunisme, så tanken om, at kvinder bør være godt uddannede er ikke ny,” Humphrey explains. “Siden Mongoliet, i lighed med Rusland, har også et problem med alkoholisme, der er en ubalance mellem byerne uddannede kvinder og antallet af mænd, disse uddannede kvinder anser for at være egnet mand-materiale.”

Løsningen er simpel: de bare ikke gifte sig. I stedet, they take what is known as a “hemmelige elsker” - Normalt en veluddannet mand, der bare sker for at være gift med en anden. Alle børn som følge af EU bliver opdraget af deres mor og moderens familie.

“Det er helt accepteres. Disse kvinder er blandt eliten af ​​mongolske samfund - de kan være medlem af parlamentet eller en direktør for et selskab, og de er enormt beundret,” Humphrey siger. “De ville blive forfærdet ved tanken om polygame ægteskaber, fordi de ikke ønsker at risikere deres uafhængighed.”

Så hvad betyder det for samliv i Rusland og Centralasien? Humphrey siger, at det er usandsynligt, at polygame ægteskaber nogensinde vil blive legaliseret i Rusland - men måske det betyder ikke noget.

“En mangel på mænd, uddannede kvinder, der ønsker at realisere sig selv, kvinder i landdistrikterne, der ønsker at beskytte sig selv, alle disse ting vil give anledning til arrangementer som polygami,” siger Humphrey, “uanset om det hedder det eller ej.”

Kredit til ovenstående info: Ved Mira Katbamna- The Guardian,Tirsdag, 27 Oktober 2009, guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media Limited 2009

CAIRO, Egypten (AP) - Hayam Dorbek ønsker hendes mand at gifte sig. Igen.

At opfordre ham - og resten af Egypten - at være mere åbne for polygami som godkendt af islam, den 42-årige journalist har modregne en livlig debat i sit land og resten af den arabiske verden tuning ind på satellit-tv.

Dorbek siger, at hun følte hendes arbejde var at holde hende så travlt, at hendes mand havde brug for en anden hustru. Hun siger, at han nægtede, “men min søn hjælper mig fremme idéen,” sagde hun.

Hun føler den islamiske begreb polygami er svaret på mange af Egyptens sociale dårligdomme. Hun har skrevet artikler med titler som “Én kone er ikke nok,” og har medvirket til en forening kaldet “Al-Tayseer,” eller lettelse, der fremmer polygami.

Nogle er rasende, siger det gør Ægypten ligne konservative Saudi-Arabien og er dårligt for kvinder - svarer til “vise dem i en slaver’ marked,” i henhold til Nihad Aboul-Qomsan, leder af den egyptiske Center for Kvinders Rettigheder.

Debatten eksemplificerer tug-of-krig mellem konservative og liberale i et land, der er fyldt med vestlige symboler og ideer, samtidig med at blive mere islamisk.

Mange revivalists af konservativ islam har taget en moderne retorik, præsentere sig selv som et alternativ til en dekadent Vesten. Dorbek omarbejdning af licensen, at islam giver mænd at gifte sig op til fire kvinder og giver det en moderne smag, relevante for nutidens verden.

“Jeg ringer for kvinders rettigheder: deres ret til at gifte sig, selv om en gift mand,” Dorbek fortalte The Associated Press. Polygami er en “licens fra Gud til at stabilisere samfundet og løse sine problemer.”

Til velkendte problemer i familielivet såsom utroskab og skilsmisse, Dorbek tilføjer “spinsterism” - Kvinder resterende enkeltskrogede i 30'erne, og blive måske stigmatiseret som et let bytte for mænd eller temptresses jagter mænd til sex.

Hendes løsning: hitch enkelt, enker eller fraskilte kvinder til gifte mænd, der kan yde økonomisk støtte og lige mulighed for en mere end én familie. Dette vil stoppe mændene fra at have anliggender og give kvinderne en vicevært, Hun argumenterer.

Egyptisk lovgivning tillader polygami, men det er mindre udbredt end i den Persiske Golf-stater og Saudi-Arabien. For én ting, det er dyrt. For en anden, nogle tv-programmer og film har tendens til at understrege sin negative - ægtemænd i stand til at klare flere koner, koner i følelsesmæssig smerte.

“Den sekulære strømninger i samfundet næsepartiet den islamiske stemmer og drukne dem ud,” Dorbek sagde. “Jeg opfordrer arabiske og muslimske kvinder til at acceptere Guds love.”

Men Dorbek erkendt, at oppositionen ikke bare kommer fra sekularister eller rettigheder aktivister, men også fra nogle religiøse mennesker, der mener, at der er strenge betingelser for polygami.

Hun siger, at hun havde en religiøs opdragelse, og besluttede at gå offentligheden om polygami efter en ven fortalte hende, at hun overvejede at skilles hendes mand for hemmeligt at tage en anden hustru. Dorbek minder fortælle hende: “Hvorfor ville du ødelægge dit hjem og løse et problem, ved at skabe en anden?”

Sociolog Alya Ahmed sagde opfordrer til polygami afspejler et forsøg på at forene religion og seksuel tilfredsstillelse i en mandsdomineret samfund, synspunkter kvinder som sexobjekter.

“Kultur og traditioner ikke giver dem mulighed (men) at fjolle rundt, så polygami giver et smuthul, og giver dem mulighed for at kræve de er pacificerende Gud,” sagde hun. “Men det er virkeligheden handler om lyst og nydelse.”

Og hvad med børnene? Den pro-polygami lejr siger, at det er godt for dem, fordi det forhindrer skilsmisse og holder familien sammen. Modstanderne siger, børn lider, når kvinderne i et polygamt familie skænderi.

Dorbek søn er 20. Hun har også en 18-årig datter.

Hun siger hundredvis af mænd har reageret på hendes kampagne ved at søge hendes hjælp med at finde en anden hustru, og dusinvis af kvinder har også kontaktet hende sige, at de er villige til at gifte sig en gift mand.

Nogle kvinder accepterer polygame ægteskaber ud af ensomhed, religiøse fromhed eller frygt for skilsmisse. Andre finder det for ydmygende og vælger at blive skilt deres ægtemænd.

Nagwa, har bedt om at tilbageholde hende efternavn for at beskytte hendes privatliv, siger, at hun viet en allerede lykkeligt gift mand end at blive samlet på 40. Hun sagde, at han foreslog hende med sin første kones samtykke, fordi han følte en religiøs pligt at beskytte en muslimsk kvinde.

“Først var jeg bekymret,” sagde Nagwa, der bor i Sinai byen el-Arish. “Men når du er sammen med en person, der frygter Gud, han vil tage sig af dig.”

Nagwa sagde, at han forsøger at behandle både kvinder samme, men hun ved, at han elsker sin første kone mere.

“Det gør ondt lidt,” sagde hun, “men han forsøger ikke at vise sin præference.”

Arafat Sayed, en forretningsmand fra den sydlige by Luxor, har tre koner og overvejer at gifte sig fjerdedel. “Du kan blive gift med én, men har en affære. Der er bedre?” sagde han

Kredit til ovenstående info: Rom Nyheder-Tribune, af Associated Press “fire år siden”

“Brændt tøj og snavs forbliver uden for scenen af ​​en bryllupsfest brand i Jahra, vest for Kuwait City.”

AFP – En kuwaitiske kvinde nægtede i retten tirsdag, at hun satte ild til et bryllup telt og forårsagede en blis, der dræbte 55 kvinder og børn.

Nasra Yussef Mohammad al-Enezi simpelthen svarede “I” når dommer Adel al-Sager spurgte hende, om hun havde startet ilden og dræbte folket.

Det var det eneste ord, den 23-årige talte i løbet af den korte retsmøde, som åbnede hendes forsøg på afgifter herunder overlagt mord.

Leder du skrøbelig og bleg, Nasra første omgang nægtede at tale efter to kvindelige fængselsbetjente havde hjulpet hende til dommerens talerstolen.

Hendes tre forsvarsadvokater kaldte for hende løsladt i afventning af den fulde retssagen og påståede mishandling af fængselsfunktionærer.

Den offentlige anklager præsenteret nogen argumenter under den mundtlige forhandling, men advokat Zaid Al-Khabbaz fortalte reportere, at kvinden er sigtet for “overlagt mord og starte en brand med den hensigt at dræbe.”

Nasra blev arresteret i august 16, en dag efter 41 kvinder og børn døde i en brand i et bryllup telt i Jahra, vest for Kuwait City. Dødstallet senere steg til 55, ifølge indenrigsministeriet.

Kvinden var oprindeligt menes at være gommens ekskone, men hendes forsvarere siger, at hun stadig er hans kone. Polygami er tilladt i denne muslimske Golf-staten.

Forsvarets advokater også hævder, at Nasra var to måneder henne, når arresteret og blev “bevidst afbrudt” af en fængselsbetjent ved hjælp af et asiatisk sygeplejerske.

Dommeren skulle træffe sin beslutning senere på dagen på advokater’ applikationer.

Æren for ovenstående info: Frankrig 24 (Internationale nyheder 24/7)- 27 Oktober 2009-11H44

Opfølgning artiklen: Sætning

http://polygamy411.com/2010/12/19/death-penalty-for-kuwati-woman-in-polygamy-case /

polygami 411

I blog about polygamy and it helps me. I hope it will  help others as well. I have been in a polygamous marriage for two years and eleven months now. I began the polygamy 411.com blog after I had lived polygami just a little over two years. It is absolutely amazing how blogging has turned my life around so much for the better in such a short period – ten months.  My mental health and emotional well-being have improved dramatically.

How has blogging about polygamy helped me?  Godt, when I blog about polygamy it is somewhat like talk therapy or “talking treatment”. Opposed to going to see a therapist, and having group counseling, I conduct my therapy on the blog.  I talk with people on the blog who have similar problems living polygamy or those who have an interest in polygamy and want to learn about it or talk about it.  I relieve my distress about polygamy by writing about it and talking to others who care about it. I write and talk to others who are in a similar state of distress, or had been there with polygamy.  When I talk with others about polygamy it helps me to find my feelings and the way I think, which helps me to better cope with polygamy. Without question, living polygamy has been difficult for me.

Having a blog that focuses on polygamy has helped in more ways as well.  It’s free to talk, write and read on the blog, opposed to seeing a psychotherapists. Think about the money I’ve saved. I don’t have to leave my home to go to a therapist’s office.  I could have “psychotherapy,” så at sige, every day, hele dagen, and not be limited to once or twice a week. I don’t have to show personal information, my true identity that would be documented. I don’t have to have a therapist subject me to medication, which I think often does more harm to a person than good.

Ja. Blogging about polygamy has helped me and I think it has helped and is helping others, så godt.  Please don’t get me wrong; I am not suggesting or recommending blogging about polygamy as a substitute for professional psychotherapy for those who believe they need it, by no means. Blogging is not a substitute for medical treatment for those in need.  The views expressed in this post are my own and personal.

Dette er en åbent hus. Ingen grund til at banke. Bare komme videre i.