Scheduling Problem Erneute Besuche Mein Mehrehe
durch Anna Mai.04, 2009, während meine Geschichte heute
Ja. Sie hörten es richtig. Die Scheduling Problem in meinem Mehrehe hat mich revisited. Wie in aller Welt konnte das passieren?Ich dachte nicht in einer Million Jahre hätte Alex, Carolinah, und mir gleich wieder, wo wir waren sein, Streit über den Zeitplan, darüber zu streiten, die Tage. Ein Zeitplan ist eine einfache Sache, um herauszufinden, und zusammen ... Right?Sie würden so denken.
Ich werde versuchen, diese so kurz wie möglich, da haben wir über Scheduling-Probleme wurden hier oft vor. Ich bin etwas beschämt, um es zu präsentieren wieder. Ich überlegte nicht zu tun, aber Sie alle haben mit mir die ganze Zeit, reist mit mir, Ich fühle mich so sollten Sie mit mir an diesem werden auch.
Das letzte Mal haben wir über den Zeitplan gesprochen, Dies teilte ich Ihnen, dass es für den Rest des Jahres hatte abgeschlossen 2009. Zur Erinnerung, Alex dachte Carolinah wurde wegen mehr Urlaub für die Zeit,aber ich hätte nicht gedacht, sie war. Dennoch, sie bekam 4 Tage. Der Zeitplan hat sich etwas verändert, seit ich zuletzt geschrieben. Alex wird mit mir über Weihnachten und News Jahre, obwohl wir nicht feiern wollen. Carolinah sollte nicht viel Pflege, wie sie die Ferien arbeiten. Sie hat diese Art der Arbeit. So, der Zeitplan für den Rest des Jahres abgeschlossen.
Alex soll zu einem Aufenthalt zu Hause Urlaub mit Carolinah beginnen morgen für 11 Tage (7 Tage plus die vier Make-up Tage, die ich oben erwähnt).Bevor Alex ließ mich am Thanksgiving Day gehen mit Carolinah sein, Ich plötzlich eine Offenbarung, dass die vier Tage, die Alex Carolinah hatte nicht wegen ihr überhaupt. Ein Licht kam in meinem Kopf und es wurde alles anschaulich mir klar,. Ich brachte es Alex aufmerksam und erklärte,. Dies trieb ihn verrückt natürlich. Er hasst mit Scheduling Befassung. Er ging weiter und weiter, wie der Zeitplan war bereits für den Rest des Jahres vorbereitet. Ich riet ihm, daß ich nicht Lust ihn zu Änderungen des Flugplans oder nehmen Sie die Tage vom Carolinah. Ich riet ihm, daß ich wollte nur für die Tage kompensiert werden, bei vier Tagen sowie, ob dieses oder nächstes Jahr.
Das Gespräch fand Donnerstag (Erntedankfest). Gestern, Samstag, Ich fand Beweis dafür, dass Carolinah nicht aufgrund dieser vier Tage. Ich fand den Plan, dass Alex mit allen Carolinah Make-up Tage und Urlaubstage vorbereitet hatte. Ich mailte sie ihm. Das ist, wenn das Chaos begann. Alex und ich per E-Mail hin und her meiste Zeit des Tages. Alex fragen mich, wie ich berechnet; wenn sie bekam den Tagen, und welche Art von Tagen waren sie usw, etc, usw.… Er bestand darauf, sie nicht bekommen ihre Tage. Er bekam die alte Art, wie wir verwendet, um die Planung zu tun (bis meine Wali intervenierte) verwechseln mit, wie wir tun das Scheduling seit Juni 2009. Basierend auf der alten Art, die Dinge, Welches ist der Zeitraum, in Frage,alle ihre Tage waren für bilanziert. Alex, an einer Stelle, reagiert nicht mehr auf meine E-Mails und ich geworden in einem tizzy arbeitete bis dahin.
Ich mailte Alex eine Reihe von mehrmals im Laufe des Abends und in den frühen Morgenstunden mit meinem Beweis dafür, dass Carolinah fällig war keine Tage. Ich habe versucht, es so klar und so einfach wie ich konnte. In der Tat, Ich habe gerade eine E-Mail ihn, kurz bevor ich diesen Beitrag schreibe gestartet, um zu sehen, ob er zu einer Schlussfolgerung kommen. Er wusste nicht E-Mail mich zurück. Ich rief ihn auf seinem Handy; aber, er antwortete nicht. Er ist wegen bald nach Hause, also sollte ich wo der Ende der Geschichte.
Ich bin sehr beunruhigt, was stattgefunden hat, weil ich weiß Carolinah war sehr wohl bewusst, dass sie nicht durch jenen Tagen, daß sie angesichts, aber sie wollte nicht sprechen. Ich bin da Alex gestört, wer oben auf dem Programm stehen, eine ganz einfache Teil der Polygamie, kann nicht immer alles richtig. Ich bin beunruhigt, da ich nicht weiß, wie viel Betrug durch Alex und Carolinah wurde in der Vergangenheit begangen, wenn sie den Zeitplan vorbereitet. Ja, Ich weiß, es war zum Teil meine Schuld nicht ein aktiver Teilnehmer bei der Herstellung der Zeitplan für etwa zwei und ein halbes Jahr. Ich konnte einfach nicht umgehen Ehe auf einen Zeitplan zu diesem Zeitpunkt.
Wie Alex Griffe dieser Angelegenheit würde bestimmen, wie unsere Ehe Erlös. Ich habe ihn dieser riet in einer der E-Mails. Wenn er es nicht fair und gerecht sein mit mir nach all den Opfern ich in dieser Ehe für ihn, mit Carolinah werden gemacht haben, dann muss ich die Frage, ob ich darin bleiben müssen. Wenn Alex kann nicht einen einfachen Zeitplan Recht, Wir haben uns einige schwerwiegende Probleme vorausschauend.
Ich halte euch auf dem Laufenden!
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.
11/29/09
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Als Salamu Alaikum!
Willkommen in Polygamie 411! Unser Haus ist für Muslime und Nicht-Muslime. Es ist für jeden, der über Polygamie sprechen will, oder jemand, der in einer polygamen Ehe oder erwägt die Eingabe eines. Wir möchten mit Unternehmen. Machen Sie es sich bequem und sich der Diskussion, indem Sie einen Kommentar. Wir freuen uns auf Ihren Besuch hier bald wieder und oft.
Reise 4 weniger!
November 29th, 2009 auf 6:31 PM
In “feel you” girl. And I also feel FOR you. You need a lot of LOVE, WISDOM and GRACE from the SPIRIT of GOD to deal with this successfully – however you decide to handle it. I suggest that as long as you stay in the relationship – live in love toward them. Don’t be nit-picky about your schedule or anything else. But do require honesty from them or else.
If Alex doesn’t want to be honest with you or FAIR or JUST then He is violating His right to have a Polygamous marriage – according to the Koran right?
I suggest that you bring this to your “elders” attention and have them deal with it. Let Alex know that you are not playing. Don’t be his fool. You do not want to appear as the weak or “needy” one.
Be strong. Don’t be afraid of being alone. You can find a much better husband than Alex if need be. I believe you have a lot to offer which the right person would sincerely appreciate. Perhaps you have outgrown your relationship with Alex.
Just some food for thought.
November 29th, 2009 auf 7:42 PM
Oooh, that is so very sweet and comforting. Thank you Curtis Farmer!
I have good news; at least I think it is. Alex and I came to a resolution. At first it entailed somewhat of a heated argument and then we calmed down and he conceded I was right about the schedule. So, I’ve selected my days, which I’ll take in February. I truly felt this was the turning point…not so much about getting my way, but about fairness and justice.
Übrigens, I swung by your blog. It’s very, very nice. I think when Alex leaves tomorrow, I’ll get a chance to visit and spend some time with you there
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.
November 30th, 2009 auf 2:49 AM
Gut, what did I say about ‘flexibility’ ?
November 30th, 2009 auf 5:42 AM
I hear you (LOL), but flexibility is out the door when it comes to me. There is no flexibility when there is no love in the heart of a wife for a husband’s other “Frau.” I’m sure flexibility would be nice
November 30th, 2009 auf 6:40 AM
Oh, I almost forgot; I was flexible. Alex was quite generous. He insisted that I take three additional days that I accused him and Carolinah of taking from me this past July. I declined and said I wouldn’t revisit the issue with those three days again. I wonder how many days were misplaced when I was in a semi-comatose state.
Sowieso, it’s all good. With my four days in February, I secured Valentine’s Day although I shouldn’t celebrate (I can’t help it. Love is in the air everywhere that day). With President’s Day attached, it bought me seven days. I may treat Alex to a cruise on those days, if I can find a convenient one, Insha Allah.
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.
November 30th, 2009 auf 9:56 PM
I think this man likes to see women fight over him.
Don’t give him the satisfaction. Be independent and strong.
December 1st, 2009 auf 2:50 AM
Schlossherrin, I think you have a point there. “Independent and strong” is good. I was wondering whether Alex was enjoying the dissention.
One of my sisters, just this evening, said to me, “He must have a big head (ego)” with Carolinah and me fighting over spending time with him.
Alex spent part of the day with me today. He left late this afternoon. I was very strong when he left, no mushy, gushy, Ich liebe dich, crying, sad stuff. Thank God much for that. As Curtis Farmer stated, I shouldn’t be a “schwach”, “needy”, fool”.
I feel at peace and content with his absence at the moment. I can only pray that I’ll steadily continue to grow and get better.
Danke, Schlossherrin.
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.
December 1st, 2009 auf 2:55 AM
Haji Rafiq, I was expecting you to get hit with a lot of questions, since you live polygamy and could possibly shed some light on the subject from a male’s perspective. I can say you’ve enlightened me, regarding some things.
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.
December 1st, 2009 auf 11:16 AM
Hi Ana,
Could I ask you to share with us some time what the positives are in your relationship with Alex? These are the things I’ve heard so far: (using my own words)
1. It could be worse.
2. Even though there is a second wife, at least it makes me feel that I’m first.
3. Everthing is ordained to be the way it is. I’m free to leave, but if that happens, it will have been ordained.
Dank Ana, as always, J.
December 1st, 2009 auf 7:48 PM
Yes Judith. I certainly could do that. I’m so used to venting about the negative, and not talking about the good things that happen in my marriage; I could see how it appears there is only bad in it. I surmise that is why I haven’t been writing much lately about my life, as there hasn’t been much drama to speak of. I’ve just been settling in. Aber, it is part of my journey so I should write about it.
So, I will move on. It may be awkward initially. I feel in talking about the good in my life, I’m gloating. I’ll try to get past that though and share.
Judith, thanks for helping me move my writing forward in a new direction.
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.
December 1st, 2009 auf 8:14 PM
As I stated before, Alex likes to see the two of you struggle over him. Stop struggling, and simply make yourself less available to him. Explore other interests outside of your home. Consider taking classes at a university, or perhaps take practical classes in the arts for your entertainment and self development. You will find this to be a pleasant diversion, and you may meet interesting people as well. Too much of your life and your time is focused on Alex, his needs, and your need to have him in your life. He hardly spends any time taking your needs into consideration, so why make his needs your priority? What exactly does Alex offer to you, other than the title “Mrs.” in front of your name?
December 1st, 2009 auf 9:06 PM
Schlossherrin, you offered good advice. There are good things happening in my life with Alex that I don’t speak of. I intend for that to change. I’m glad Judith brought it to my attention today. I’ve been intending to take the blog in a different direction to show the positive aspects of polygamy as I know of them, and see them in my life.
I am quite busy and not totally pre-occupied with Alex. I have begun preliminary work on my business, but need to spend more time with it and take it further. It is going to entail a tremendous amount of work, putting together the business plan and obtaining financing and all. It concerns me, as I’ve grown so attached to spending so much time with everyone here, writing and reading and I dislike the thought of not being able to communicate as often with everyone. I can’t even find enough time to visit all my friends’ blogs and I feel badly about it.
I’ve been trying to get the new marriage site up and running, sowie. It’s technically challenging. I hope to have that in effect by the New Year. So, I have been quite busy with things besides Alex. I guess there’s no way of anyone knowing that unless I speak up about it. Thank you much, Chatelaine for your earnest concern, and all your suggestions. It mean very much to me
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.
December 2nd, 2009 auf 11:54 PM
What are your expectations of a relationship with a man?
What was the nature of your relationship with your father ?
What was the nature of the relationship between
your mother and your father ?
December 3rd, 2009 auf 1:25 AM
Schlossherrin, those are very good questions. Why do you ask?
I’m going to contemplate my answers to those questions and contemplate how those relationships may have impacted my life and my expectations of a relationship.
Do you think there is a relation between the answers to those questions and the reason women end up accepting polygamous relationship?
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.
December 3rd, 2009 auf 1:33 PM
Sounds ok, but please ignore such advice as be less available to him. What do such people have in mind? I see that you came to a solution. With love, flexibility and good intentions you can always find a solution. Your flexibility will be a good investment as you will be appreciated and lobed more.
December 3rd, 2009 auf 10:46 PM
Startseite,
My theory is that women who accept polygyny may be willing to accept a relationship with a man who is only partially available to them physically and emotionally. Perhaps a woman would accept this polygynous relationship model as being acceptable because her parents had a relationship where there was significant emotional or physical distance, or because the woman had an unavailable or distant father. That is my hypothesis.
December 4th, 2009 auf 6:06 AM
Haji rafiq, it’s funny, Alex is with Carolinah on vacation this week and part of next. He emailed me on Wednesday and said he’d like to come over Thursday. I said OK. He’s done that in the past when he’s been with her and I used to try to analyze it all. Was he not having such a good time with her? Did he rather be with me than her? Dieses Mal, I didn’t do that, as it didn’t matter and it felt good not caring.
The main reason I wouldn’t make myself less available to Alex is because I believe that was part of what got him and me into the situation that we currently are in. I wasn’t available for him before he married Carolinah. I was not, despite my reasons for not being.
I think being less available may work in a dating relationship, but not necessarily a marriage. Now I can certainly see the importance of a wife having “a life” and not being “needy”, otherwise her husband could be put off by her or he becomes her lord and that’s not good either. The way I see it; there needs to be a balance.
I’m happy he and I reach a solution.
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.
December 4th, 2009 auf 6:55 AM
Schlossherrin,
I think there may be truth in your theory. I believe what happens in our lives, during our formative years gives shape to who we are. I had a “distant”, “unavailable” biological father. My mother was cold, aloof, and emotionally detached from my stepdad. She didn’t realize she loved him until after she divorced him. I was the same toward Alex and didn’t take notice of him until he “verheiratet” Carolinah. It’s all so interesting.
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.
December 4th, 2009 auf 6:02 PM
I see you have great insight.
May it guide your decision making in your relationship.
January 20th, 2010 auf 5:54 PM
Are you sure you are not married to my husband?? Seriously Ana, I feel for you. My family goes down this road off and on also, and when it’s on it can be miserable. Some people, in particular people who don’t adjust well to schedules or who refuse to accept them in their hearts, aren’t meant for polygamy. At least that is how I feel. A schedule kept is the only way, with some flexibility of course, to maintain tranquility and respect in my belief. Grr I hate the schedule.
January 20th, 2010 auf 11:32 PM
You said a mouth full New#3. Refusing in our hearts to accept a schedule is a huge problem. It’s sooooo difficult. I still sit down and study the schedule often to make sure Carolinah doesn’t have any advantage over me. I hate the way it makes me feel, so petty and obsessive.
There was an incident recently. When Alex and I last went away on vacation in November, he left Carolinah early in the a.m., earlier than he normally would have left her if he had to go to work, as we had a plane to catch. Ich dachte,; I’m going to hear this again one day soon.
Sicher genug, I heard it. The past recent holidays, Carolinah had to work them. I guess she had off a Saturday after to make up for it. Alex spoke to me about leaving me early that Sat. He wanted to leave around 10:00 a.m instead of 4:00ish p.m. He cited he had some hours to make up with her from our vacation. I said no. Make them up the next time she has vacation. I know it was petty and mean, but I’m sorry. Why should I accomodate her? She won’t even acknowledge I exist.
Neu # 3, I understand exactly what you speak of. No one knows it better than me. Haji Rafiq, wouldn’t like what we say. He’s an advocate for flexibility. You mentioned flexibility is good. I believe flexibility is good too. I’m just having a difficult time with flexibility.
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.
January 21st, 2010 auf 9:29 AM
‘flexibility’. One of the ways mean people take advantage of kind people. No thanks. I prefer the sound of ‘backbone.’
January 21st, 2010 auf 1:12 PM
I hear you! Give a person an inch and they take a mile. By saying no to that Saturday request, it prevents me from having to deal with anymore of them. And you know they would have been coming. I have no reason to have any consideration for Carolinah.
Dies ist ein offenes Haus. Keine Notwendigkeit zu klopfen. Nur hereinspaziert.