Is it Man’s Nature to be Polygamous or to Cheat?

από Άννα on Jan.26, 2010, κατά τη διάρκεια της πολυγαμία - τα επακόλουθα, Ενότητα 2

I was inspired to ask the question: “Is it man’s nature to be polygamous or “cheat”, based on a question posed to us all by a dear reader Ibnu Adam. Under the post, “Γιατί οι άνδρες συμμετέχουν σε πολυγαμία 2009?” Ibnu Adam asked, “Are we men really born with the desire for more than one woman, of which one of the solutions is by having multiple wives? Or is it something than men have to conquer in order to achieve a higher level of imam?”

No one responded to his question. Παρ 'όλα αυτά, I began to ponder it. Without any facts, I’d venture to say many men have an innate desire to be with more than one woman. He was born with that characteristic. I think it is evident by the number of men that “cheat”. I really don’t like using the word “Cheat”, as it’s not very descriptive; παρόλο, we all know what it means.

I wonder what it would be like if everywhere in the world men were permitted to lawfully have more than one wife; how many men would do so? That would be interesting. Of course it’s a big “if”. “If’s” are useless. I know there are some women out there that want to rush in, in mad haste and say, “My husband doesn’t want more than just me (εδώ).” Καλά, of course that could be true, as I’m not speaking of every man on the planet.

Regarding the second part of Abnu Adam’s question, I think yes; polygamy is sometimes something that men must conquer in order to achieve a higher level of imam. I think in cases where men tried polygamy and it didn’t work and they remained monogamous thereafter, it’s a prime example of how it could help him on his spiritual path. This could possibly happen because he could put behind him that quest for more than one wife (as he had been there and done that), and can now focus on what’s more important, his spirituality.

Ποιες είναι οι σκέψεις σας γι 'αυτό?

Πρόκειται για ένα ανοικτό σπίτι. Δεν χρειάζεται να χτυπήσει. Απλά έλα σε.

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12 σχόλια για αυτή την καταχώρηση:

Rebeckah
January 26th, 2010 Ali 3:39 PM
From a biological/evolutionary point of view, yes there are genetic benefits to males by having children with more than one woman. (Mainly it spreads out your genes givin them more of a chance to survive and possibly thrive.) Γυναίκες, αφ 'ετέρου, have a genetic advantage in having one mate devoted to the survival of herself and their offspring — that is the ideal situation for HER genetics to survive and thrive. Even more interestingly, there are biological components to fidelity. Men who are inherently unable to remain faithful to one woman actually have a different biological makeup than those who ARE faithful to one woman (and there are a lot more of those than you’d think). Scientists have found the presence of a specific chemical in the brains of faithful men that is lacking in unfaithful men. (I don’t remember the name but I can do some research if you’d like.)

To be honest, I think polygyny is unhealthy for the genetic diversity of our species and should be abandoned for that reason as well. One man fathering too many children creates genetic “choke points” and places further generations at higher risks for inheritable genetic diseases like hemophilia, autism, cystic fibroses, κλπ..
ibnu adam
January 26th, 2010 Ali 6:52 PM
Thank you Ana for putting this up for further discussion. Maybe we can discuss this topic with a good reference. Even better if we are able to discuss this topic scientifically. I’d love that.

ΦΠΑ, I’m also smiling looking at that picture you put up there.
CM
January 26th, 2010 Ali 7:47 PM
Ana, it seems you have no comments on your question yet! So here is the first one – from a confirmed monogamous wife – that is not a Muslim no less! lol Don’t forget, you asked the question – so here is my opinion!

Σε, I do not believe it is man’s nature to be polygamous or to cheat. It is a choice they make to do either of them. They also have the choice to be monogamous and faithful. Do some men have an innate desire to be with more than one woman? Ίσως – but they also have the capability to control their desires and choose not to act on them.

It is my understanding that the Muslim religion allows men to choose to be polygamous, although I am still not clear if that is an open ended choice or only a choice in a given perimeter. Εντούτοις,, just because one can, does not mean one should! (I have really wanted to say that for a long time. lol)

Given that the choice to be polygamous affects more than just the man, I don’t believe choosing to live polygamy should be based solely on his innate desire to do so. And I am willing to take that thought a step farther. I believe to base his decision solely on his desires is just plain selfishness.

As for cheating – to choose this behavior is just plain wrong! Period!

And just in case you are wondering – that cherrio statement that is floating around here – Yes it applies to me today! lol
CM
January 26th, 2010 Ali 7:51 PM
Opps! I guess I am not the first one to comment after all!
Ana
January 26th, 2010 Ali 8:03 PM
I apologize to everyone for being so late getting everyone’s comments out there. I was out most of the day, and just got back in.

Abnu Adam, thank you for giving us a good, interesting, refreshing topic to discuss. I’m eager to hear everyone’s imput. I’m so very tired of hearing myself talk and I’m sure you all need a break from me too. Everybody, please enlighten me and all of us

Πρόκειται για ένα ανοικτό σπίτι. Δεν χρειάζεται να χτυπήσει. Απλά έλα σε.
Reva
January 28th, 2010 Ali 12:59 PM
Everybody would want to have fun with multiple partners if there are no (or less) consequences attached to it. I am sure if women subconsciously knew that their husband will take them back even if they cheat, more women would do it. Mostly men do it because they know they will be taken back and no harm will be done to them. I want to admit that if I had similar liberties I would have tried it just for the heck of it.

I was disappointed with Elizabeth Edwards taking her husband back after what he did. I bet if it was she who cheated, John would have not waited for 3 years to start divorce process.
ibnu adam
February 19th, 2010 Ali 1:40 AM
I just wanted to share a very insightful explanation from another website on why a wife is forbidden to take more than one husband

In a delightful report about how Imam Abu Hanifah received his name (his original name was Numan bin Thaabit bin Zuta bin Mah), an account of why the wife is forbidden to take more than one husband is recounted. ‘Abu Hanifah’ is an unusual name because it means ‘the father of Hanifah’, and Hanifah was his daughter. It was not the custom in those days to do this. Normally, the name would be ‘the father of the name of a son.’How this came about is quite edifying.

One day the great Imam Abu Hanifah was asked a question that, for the first time in his illustrious career, he was unable to answer. The question was, “Why were women forbidden to marry more than one husband at a time?”

Για να πραγματοποιήσετε μια μακρά ιστορία σύντομη, Abu Hanifah’s daughter said that she knew the answer and would solve this question if her father would make a promise to her that if she succeeded in solving this problem, he would then assure her a place in history. Abu Hanifah agreed.

So she gathered a group of women together and gave each of them a cup. Then she brought in a large bowl of milk and asked each of them to dip their cups in the milk and to fill their cups. They did so. She then asked them to pour back the milk into the bowl. They did this too. She then asked them to re-fill their cups taking back only their own milk that they had poured into the bowl. Αυτό, obviously, was impossible to do.

Hanifah had clearly demonstrated the kind of predicament that would be created if a woman had several husbands. With more than one husband, if she were to become pregnant, she would have exceptional difficulties determining who the actual father was. Identifying parentage and lineage would then be insurmountable for the offspring.

Imam Abu Hanifah was so pleased with her answer that he took the name ‘Abu Hanifah’, ‘the father of Hanifah’, so his daughter did indeed earn a place in history.
Ana
February 19th, 2010 Ali 6:44 AM
Ibnu Adam,

That was a really cute story. Thank you for sharing it with us . In history, I think there were only a few tribes whose people engaged in the practice of women having more than one husband. It occurred in tribes in which there were more men than women. I remember that from an anthropology course. I think in actuality it is far from something the average woman would ever want, which is why there is so little talk of it.

Πρόκειται για ένα ανοικτό σπίτι. Δεν χρειάζεται να χτυπήσει. Απλά έλα σε.
Ana
February 19th, 2010 Ali 7:00 AM
CM,

I just realized I never responded to your comment and I apologize. You qestioned whether the option of polygamy for men was open ended or had perimeters. There are perimeters such as the man being able to be fair an just between the women regarding his time and wealth. So if he can’t do that then he shouldn’t engage in polygamy. A woman can, ωστόσο, forego her rights to his wealth and time. That’s just a short little recap of it.

Hence I think you are right that even if men have a desire for more than one wife, In Islam, they are restricted from acting on those desires, if they can’t meet the criteria.

CM, That was a very nice comment you made!

Πρόκειται για ένα ανοικτό σπίτι. Δεν χρειάζεται να χτυπήσει. Απλά έλα σε.
tina
April 12th, 2010 Ali 4:06 PM
That story about parentage is cool and all but in the age of DNA testing it is not a problem… and if you are married to more than one man..he is in essence committing to taking on the role as a father for your child…so it wouldnt matter if he were the biological father or not..

Επίσης,… if polygamy is a solution for a man cheating because he wants variety…what happens when he tires of the wives he has and wants more???
ibemuslim
April 13th, 2010 Ali 6:40 PM
The institute of marriage is NOT one made by man. The word marriage was introduced into the speech of man by the Creator of man Himself.

Not only did He create man, marriage and woman He also gave clear guidence on the matter. It is those who attempt to advance their own views in preference to this guidence that corrupt this valuable institution.

When asked, “what is your dalil(proof)” for multiple husbands, they invariably resort to “conclusory conjecture”( in other words they use their tiny little logic).

When Iblis was ORDERED to bow down before Adam(as) he to used his ‘ tiny little brain” to conclude(incorrectly) that he was superior to Adam(as) because he was made from fire, and Adam(as) was made of mud. And in his estimation fire is superior to mud therefore, if anything Adam(as) should bow down to him. He was the first, according to Imam Al-Basri(ra) to employ “conclusory conjecture”. He is the Imam of those who super-impose their reason and judgement over divine instruction.

His followers are no less in error.

Since neither of us are the creators of marriage, please show us where it is ordained in either of the scriptures for a woman to have morethan one husband. Never will you be able to produce instruction for such an obscene thing. It is a concoction of preverted minds of those who abandon God’s instruction to further their own way. May Allah(περιοχή ta) protect us from those who would pervert His instructions…ameen.

There are those who marvel at their own opinions. They sit in awe at their ideas and view points. They even sometime remark “wow did you hear what I just said”. These same people are absent from the Islamic classes where challenging information both encouraged and expected. Failure to seek knowledge is a crime in itself. It is a crime that one commits against one’s selves.

May the lines for salah be filled with those who love the truth. And those who earnestly seek it seek out those who have the answers.

your brother in Oakland

“προσεύχονται ν oftn πολύ”
Ana
April 13th, 2010 Ali 7:00 PM
I don’t think the average woman would find polygamy significant for her. There probably aren’t many women interest in it. It’s one thing for a woman to sleep around with many men on a whim, but I think it would probably be quite different for a woman to live with more than one man on a regular daily basis as their wife. Men are very territorial, and wouldn’t accept such an arrangement. The average woman would have difficulty with intimacy with more than one man on a regular scheduled basis. Οπωσδήποτε, a Muslim woman wouldn’t concern herself about having more than one husband, as she knows it’s not permissible in Islam and she wouldn’t want it. Those are just my thought.

Regarding polygamous men tiring of their wives and wanting more, I’m sure that happens with regard to men that enter polygamous marriages only for lust and sex. In Islam a man is encouraged to marry a woman for her chastity, piety and righteousness. The men are encouraged to marry women to be of a help to them, to maintain and protect them. He should seek knowledge of Allah and be a help and guide to his wife in helping her grow nearer to Allah, helping her serve and worship Him so she could enter Paradise and vice versa. If the man seeks his wives with that criterion in mind, he wouldn’t randomly exchange one wife for another out of boredom, or to satisfy his lustful desires.

Πρόκειται για ένα ανοικτό σπίτι. Δεν χρειάζεται να χτυπήσει. Απλά έλα σε.