We know some women agree to marry married men (Islam permits Muslim men to have up to four wives at one time). Men are responsible for the protection and maintenance of women. Some women who agree to accept polygamy and marry married men give up their right to have the men maintain them. They don’t require the men to maintain them financially or materially or if they do, it is minimally. Many such marriages do not work when the women relinquish their right. Let’s take a look at why it is.
One reason the marriages do not work when women give up their rights is because they built their marriages on false illusions that seem real. Once the woman settles into the marriage, reality begins to set in. Reality is totally different from the fantasy that she had in her mind. The conditions that she thought she could tolerate based on the thoughts she had in her head are very different from what actually exists. What she expected was not what Allah swt had decreed. What she had imagined would be was not how Allah decided it. She then is in a state of turmoil. She does not accept how things are.
It is why we should not try to envision the future about anything. People have a tendency to live in their minds and in the future. They don’t live for today and what exists now. They don’t stay in the moment. A true believer does not envision what will happen in the future, as he or she knows nothing is absolute except Allah. Allah (swt -Great and Glorious is He) may put a man in a situation in which he cannot maintain his wife or family. It is when, as believers, he and his family must exercise patience, persevere and pray until Allah changes their condition. It’s where faith comes in. We may make our intention, but we must know that only Allah knows the future.
This world that we live in is not Paradise. Everything will NOT go the way we want it to go. Things go the way Allah decided they would. When we find ourselves in a situation, we must believe Allah made the right decision, although the decision may cause us pain. We have to accept Allah and His decisions and know that one day we will not have the pain any longer. Having the correct beliefs gets us into Paradise.
Some think to have the correct belief in Allah means merely that one offers salat (the five daily prayers); pray the Holy Month of Ramadan; go to Jumuah (Friday Congregational prayer); don’t drink alcohol; don’t eat pork; don’t smoke a cigarette; don’t have a dog in the house; don’t wear makeup; do this and don’t do that. There is far more to belief than any of those things mentioned. Those things mention are the acts of Allah. Acts and intentions are for a discussion for another time, and probably another place. I talk a lot about belief here at polygamy 411. Belief is about accepting Allah’s decisions – accepting everything that Allah has decided – what He has decreed. Belief is to accept in its entirety what is in the Holy Quran.
This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.