La polygamie 411

Thirty-two-year-old Hagar Gouda is a divorcée. Married in her mid-twenties, she gave birth to a baby boy and divorced her husband three years later. She has spent the past six years raising her son and looking for a husband. So far, she has not found a man she likes well enough who is willing to help raise her son.

A potential solution is for her to enter into a misyar (traveler’s) le mariage: a marriage which would allow her to spend as much time as she wants with her son in her home. The catch? Her new husband would not be obligated to buy her an apartment, nor live with her or spend money on her. Her answer: “Over my dead body.”

In mid April, headlines such as “Dar Al-Ifta Legalizes Prostitution” and “Misyar: Prostitution with Another Name” were everywhere, with local newspapers furiously editorializing on a supposedly new fatwa (religious edict) saying misyar marriages were sanctioned by Islam.

Misyar Matchmaking

Sunni Islam has always been adamant in its refusal to recognize mut’a (pleasure) marriages—a marriage with a specified end date, often entered into by couples with motives more temporary than setting up a home and bringing up children. Recognized as legal by the Shi’a sect of Islam, it is a type of marriage that is often exploited by men who ‘buy’ wives for a short duration of time. Unlike misyar marriages, a mut’a marriage needs no witnesses and no guardian.

A misyar marriage, d'autre part, seemingly strips women of even more rights. Rather than getting money from a short-term marriage, the wife gets absolutely nothing in terms of finances. She willingly gives up her right to live with her husband, her right to housing, and her right to nafaqa, a woman’s Islamic right to have her husband pay for her living and maintenance costs.

According to Dr. Ibrahim Negm, media spokesperson and advisor to Grand Mufti of Egypt Aly Gomaa’, Dar Al-Ifta did not issue a fatwa in April. What happened was that a reporter unearthed a reference to misyar in a list of decrees published last year by Al Azhar’s Islamic Research Academy, the highest Islamic authority in the nation.

The decree in question (Decree no. 218 of April 2007) listed types of marriage that are both Islamic as well as legal and those that are not — such as mut’a, boyfriend-girlfriend, and partner swapping. Number four on the list deals with misyar:

“It is the marriage which fulfills the pillars and conditions of Shariah [Islamic law], and has been recorded as an official document through a specialist intermediary. The summary of the matter is that the issue decided upon — in the contract or otherwise — is that the husband does not live with the wife, but visits her when he gets the opportunity. And it is a marriage built on all Shariah expectations [of marriage], except what the wife agrees to give up.”

There are four requirements for a marriage to be legal in Islam: consent of both parties, mahr (a gift from the groom to the bride), presence of two witnesses, and that it is made public. Historically, misyar was considered an option when the man traveled extensively and so could not live with his wife or had absolutely no financial means to give her a home.

An internet search turns up at least six online misyar matchmakers, with Msyaronline.com one of the largest in terms of members. Representatives from Msyaronline did not respond to interview requests, but the website offers four reasons promoting this type of marriage: “an increase in the number of spinsters and widows and those of special circumstances; the refusal of women to have a co-wife, leading men to marry the misyar way so his first wife doesn’t find out; the desire of unmarried men to get halal pleasure reconcilable with his circumstances; and the escape of some from the responsibilities of marriage and its costs, and this way is present [largely] in young men looking for this kind of marriage.”

Alexa.com, which tracks website traffic, ranks Msyaronline number 11,550 among the most-visited sites in the world, based on a three-month average. To put that into context, at press time, AhlyEgypt.com ranked number 9,056 and AmrKhaled.net ranked 6,851. Oprah Winfrey’s website ranked 1,579.

More than half of Msyaronline’s visitors come from just two countries: 32.6 percent of visitors are from Saudi Arabia, where it is ranked 441 on the list of most visited sites, while 24.9 percent are from Egypt, where it ranked 612. No more than 5 percent of its visitors come from any other country.

In Islam — according to Sunni scholars — a misyar contract is permissible because it follows all the conditions for marriage. Cependant, says Negm, “a fatwa or decree on the validity of the misyar contract doesn’t mean [Dar Al-Ifta or the Islamic Research Academy] is advocating this type of marriage or that we are presenting it as a way to solve marriage problems in our society. It is not a license to marry this way.”

Many Islamic scholars have actually disallowed the practice of misyar marriage because of its perceived adverse effect on women, families, and societies at large.

Marriage on the Cheap

The proponents of misyar usually offer three reasons why it should be allowed: it allows couples with limited economic means to marry, it is a viable solution for spinsters or divorced women with limited marriage options or those of financial means who do not want a ‘full-time’ husband, and because a woman’s renunciation of her financial rights is only a moral and not a legal commitment, she can change her mind at any time.

Cependant, even Msyaronline admits on the website that misyar marriage is not the “ideal desired picture of marriage, though it is legally correct.”

Costs of marriage, admit misyar opponents, are indeed high. En Arabie Saoudite, dowries — the sum of money given to women by their fiancées — are so exorbitant that a group of young Saudi men launched a nationwide “Let her become a spinster campaign” this year, boycotting marriage because of the high costs. An average Saudi woman, says an article in the country’s Arab News, usually demands a dowry in the range of SR 50,000 (LE 75,000).

In April 2006, Saudi Arabia’s Islamic Fiqh Academy issued a fatwa saying that misyar was legal and valid. Arab News conducted an informal survey of 30 Saudi men and women regarding misyar: 60 percent of the men surveyed said they would consider misyar for themselves, while 86 percent of the women said they would not consider it. Only four women — all in the over-40 category — said they would.

Ma’aly Al-Faqih, a 29-year-old Saudi woman, believes misyar only compounds problems for Saudi women. “We already have a problem with polygamy because so many men can afford to have a second wife,” says Al-Faqih, a dentist and a TV presenter on a show called Hewar Melawen (Colored Dialogue). “But with misyar, so many more men would re-marry because it’s cheap to do so — they won’t have any financial rights or obligations! — and there’s less chance of their first wives finding out. But there are so many other problems to consider. What if the misyar wife gets pregnant?"

In Egypt, urfi marriage — where a couple signs a secret, unregistered marriage contract — is already stigmatized as a sex license for men who can easily ‘quit’ the marriage with few consequences. The Islamic Research Academy decree lists urfi as haram. Some see misyar as more of the same — a way to shirk responsibilities.

“It’s a great idea,” laughs 42-year-old shoe-shiner Khalid Abdel-Rahman. “It’s like being married without being married. Why would any man choose the hassle of financial burden when they can marry for free?"

No True Choice

That is partly what the Egyptian Center for Women’s Rights (ECWR) fears. In a mid-April press release responding to the news that misyar was halal, the center states: "[Misyar] erodes family values by encouraging infidelity and immorality and facilitates multiple marriages built on secrecy and lies. [Il] will lead to a deterioration of the family by opening the door to second marriages dissociated from the structure of the family. En outre, these marriages are detached from the personal, financial and family duties of both parties and are at the expense of the stability of the first/previous family.”

But what about all the spinsters, ask misyar advocates, who would be marrying of their own free will? According to government statistics, there are currently 9–10 million unmarried women in Egypt over the age of 30.

Not one woman interviewed by Egypt Today was go on record in favor of misyar — perhaps not surprising, given the social stigma attached to it — although one said she would consider it. Thirty-four-year-old beautician Amina, who asked that her real name not be used, says that after her father passed away, she spent her twenties taking care of her four brothers and sisters, unable to leave home. “I’m very old and I’m poor and I’m not beautiful. I haven’t received a suitor in three years. I do want a normal marriage and children, but I don’t think it’s going to happen,” she says. “If a good man offers to marry me the misyar way, I might say yes.”

To get people to register with the website, Misyaronline’s homepage lists screen names and personal ads for 10 women and 10 men who recently signed up. The full database is only available to registered users. According to the posts, the women, who were between 22 et 48 ans, were from Saudi Arabia, Egypte, Morocco and other countries. Among the new additions was ‘Eman,’ a 48-year-old Egyptian widow with older children who is looking for a “respectable man, knowledgeable, who can spend luxuriously on his wife and has a strong personality.”

Alwaleed Adel, owner and founder of Universal Marriage Office, the only marriage counseling and matchmaking office registered with the Ministry of Social Solidarity, rejects the idea of misyar. “It exploits women and it’s naive to say they are choosing this out of choice. Removing her options and saying she chose is no option. [] I bet you very few unmarried, childless women would choose misyar by choice. [] Misyar is a male convenience in a male-dominated country.”

The fear is that, in a country that puts a severe stigma on being unmarried, women who have not married by a certain age would agree to a misyar marriage even though they may have wanted a normal one, says Adel. They would agree to it even though misyar carries the stigma of being a lust-based alliance, tainting a woman’s reputation since it is believed that “she is giving herself away for free, marrying to have sex.”

Yomna Mokhtar, journalist and founder of “Spinsters for Change,” an informal Egyptian group that wants to change the negative attitude about unmarried women, believes this type of marriage is “a balwa soda [a horrible burden].” Unmarried at 27, she says that the pressures to marry are not enough to coerce her into a misyar marriage, ever. “It basically means marriage is only about a sexual relationship — this is what it has been reduced to,” she says. “There is no living together, no affection, no family, no kids, no security. I don’t even recognize this as marriage; if it becomes normal it will ruin the cornerstone of society — the family.”

Adel adds, “The nucleus and brain cell of any society is family and it is already problematic in Egypt. It’s hard enough to force neglectful fathers in normal marriages to fulfill their rights, what will happen to any children born from a misyar marriage?"

The Universal Marriage Office founder, who also has a TV show and appears on the radio once a week to talk about the family, conducted a study in March 2009, surveying 500 random young men ages 25–35 who had never been married. Adel found that 18.7 percent of them said they were not married because of the new updates in the family law that demand too much of them financially — alimony, maintenance, custody etc.

He also quoted a statistic saying the average age of marriage has increased by 50 percent for women and 38 percent for men in one generation.

Ghada El-Bedawi, one of the founding members of Mawada, a non-profit organization that gives courses to young couples beginning their married lives, agrees. “Marriage should be more than this,” she says. “It should be to build a home and generations. Misyar marriage is even worse than mut’a because at least in mut’a we admit it’s just about sex. Misyar tries to pass itself off as respectable. How will sons born of this marriage be raised as responsible, hardworking men who will raise a family? [How will girls] respect themselves as worthy of more than what their mothers settled for?"

In the end, many scholars agree that although misyar sticks to the letter of Islamic law, it does not stick to the spirit of the religion. Islam considers marriage a mithaq, a solemn covenant that should not be undertaken lightly. Negm says that even though the Grand Mufti and the Islamic Research Academy have said that misyar is technically permissible, “it does not mean that we advise the youth to practice it. [] This is an issue where we must open the door to discussion to the sheikhs to discuss the social and human dimensions of its [application]. And only then [can we] release a general fatwa saying whether [misyar] is a potential substitute or solution to problems like lack of housing and spinsterhood, or that it results in bad consequences to the society and family.” Et

Crédit pour l'info ci-dessus: By Ethar El-Katatney-Egypt Today, Novembre 2009, volume 30, issue 11,

Abu Bakr el-Gendy, director of Central Authority for Public Mobilization and Statistics, declared at a press conference yesterday that marriage contracts reached 660,100 au cours 2008, d'un 7.4 per cent increase over the previous year

El-Gendy said that marriage rates in rural areas composed 67.3 per cent of the total, compared to 32.7 per cent in urban areas, noting that the number of unmarried Egyptian adults reached 13.3 million, according to the 2006 census. Of the 13 million, 7.6 million are male and 5.7 are female.

El-Gendy added that there were 84,400 divorces during 2008, an increase of 8.4 per cent over the previous year. Il y avait 44,500 divorce cases in urban areas, compared to rural areas where there were 39,800 thousands.

Port Said Governorate had the highest number of marriage contracts, representing 14 per 1000 Egyptian marriages. Giza came in last, with a share of 3.1 per 1000 marriages nationwide. Port Said also topped the list in divorce rates with 3.6 per 1000, with Giza again in the last rank by .5 per 1000.

El-Gendy said that the highest rate of marriage was among people between 25 et 30. This age range recorded 265,000 marriage contracts, 40.2 per cent of the national total. The lowest marriage rate was among people over 65.

He added that the highest divorce ratio among males was in the age group between 25 and 30, and females between 20 and 25.

Written by Egypt News, Dimanche, 11 Octobre 2009

Voici un article bien connu de la recherche médicale sur la polygynie, écrit par Al Alean – Krenawi, PhD., une bien respecté professionnels musulmans de la santé mentale qui a consacré sa pratique clinique à l'étude de l'effet de la polygamie sur les femmes et les enfants.

Une comparaison du fonctionnement familial, La vie et la satisfaction conjugale, et la santé mentale des femmes dans des mariages polygames et monogames

Alean Al-Krenawi
Université Ben Gourion

John R. Graham
Université de Calgary, Calgary, Canada

Contexte: Une masse considérable de recherche conclut que la structure de la famille polygame a un impact sur les enfants et les épouses «psychologiques, fonctionnement social et familial.

Buts: La présente étude est parmi les premiers à considérer dans le même ethnoraciales communautaires tels que des facteurs essentiels du fonctionnement familial, satisfaction dans la vie, satisfaction conjugale et le fonctionnement de la santé mentale chez les femmes qui sont dans des mariages polygames et les femmes qui sont dans les mariages monogames.

Méthode: Un échantillon de 352 femmes ont participé à cette étude: 235 (67%) ont été dans un mariage monogame et 117 (33%) ont été dans un mariage polygame.

Résultats: Les résultats révèlent des différences entre les femmes dans des mariages polygames et monogames. Les femmes dans des mariages polygames a montré significativement plus élevé de détresse psychologique, et des niveaux plus élevés de somatisation, phobie et autres problèmes psychologiques. Ils ont également eu beaucoup plus de problèmes dans le fonctionnement de la famille, relations conjugales et la satisfaction de la vie.

Conclusion: L'article invite les politiques publiques et des services sociaux pour sensibiliser le public sur l'importance des structures familiales polygames pour le bien être des femmes.

International Journal of Social Psychiatry, Vol. 52, Dans. 1, 5-17 (2006)

Rawang, Novembre 14 — Don’t marry young virgin girls; marry single mothers or widows instead. This was a suggestion made recently by a Kelantan state official to would-be polygamists.

But the idea drew flak from some critics, who said instead that more efforts should be made to reduce divorce rates and assist single mothers.

The issue of polygamy is being hotly debated now, with the controversial Kelantan official’s suggestion and the emergence of a Polygamy Club founded in August by the wife of a polygamist.

Hatijah Aam, 55, said she started the club with the aim of curbing social ills such as prostitution and adultery. It has 300 members.

“After sharing the same man for 30 ans, we are like sisters,” Hatijah told The Straits Times. Sitting beside her, Noraziah Ibrahim, 52, the younger wife of Hatijah’s husband, smiled.

Noraziah met Hatijah’s husband after her own partner had died.

“She had children to feed. Can you imagine? She needed help,” said Hatijah.

The two are married to 72-year-old Ashaari Muhammad, patriarch of a clan spawned from five marriages — he has since divorced one wife, while another died in a car accident while on a pilgrimage to the holy city of Mecca in 2003.

Of his 38 enfants, 19 sons and four daughters are also polygamists. Ashaari has 200 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren.

“Some people think polygamy is bad, but it is actually a beautiful thing,” said Hatijah.

Most Malaysians remember Ashaari as having led a deviant Islamic sect that was banned in 1994 because of his claims that he was able to absolve sins, and that an Islamic messiah from the east would appear ahead of a prophesied doomsday.

Ashaari suffered a stroke in 2003, and is now unable to speak. His third wife was not present at the interview as she was tending to him.

The family’s story is just one example of polygamous marriages in Malaysia.

Muslim men are allowed up to four wives under Islamic law. Critics say the practice is cruel and has been distorted from its original purpose.

The practice was prevalent during Prophet Muhammad’s era to provide for the many widows and orphans, as a consequence of men dying in frequent wars.

Activists say most modern polygamists in Malaysia marry younger women and neglect their first wives.

While Hatijah’s family seems to be living harmoniously, rights groups argue that most polygamous families suffer abuse and jealousy.

Sisters in Islam (SIS), a non-governmental organisation which upholds the rights of Muslim women and campaigns against the practice, says polygamy is not a solution to prostitution.

“Marriage — whether polygamous or not — cannot be a cure-all for an issue as complex as sex work,” SIS programme manager Masjaliza Hamzah told The Straits Times.

“Society should stop seeing marriage as the one-stop answer to the issues and concerns faced not only by women sex workers, but also single mothers, widows and older women.”

She quoted verses from the Quran which discourage polygamy, and pointed out that although Prophet Muhammad practised it, he did not allow his son-in-law to marry another woman unless he divorced the Prophet’s daughter.

Seuls les 2.8 per cent of Muslim marriages here are polygamous.

Different states also have varying criteria for would-be polygamists.

Kuala Lumpur requires a written consent or views from existing wives. In Perak, a man’s promise to treat wives fairly is sufficient.

Hanafiah Hamzah, a 53-year-old television cameraman, said strangers look down on him for having more than one wife. “Society looks down on polygamists. People always think it is for the sex,” he told The Straits Times.

Hanafiah married his first wife, who is now 47, two decades ago. Seven years later, he married his second wife, aujourd'hui 36.

While both wives are cordial to each other, he admits it is not easy.

“You cannot be fair to both of them. If a wife or a child is sick, who do you go to?

“If my friends say they want to be polygamous, I always tell them, you better not. My first wife never used to complain, but now she gets frustrated easily. It is my mistake,»At-il dit.

Masjaliza said there is some stigma attached to the practice: “People don’t wear it like a badge of honour. There is a level of discomfort. Maybe people are ashamed.”

Indeed, while some top leaders in the ruling Umno and the opposition PAS have more than one wife, most of them attend official functions accompanied by only one wife.

But this is not deterring Hatijah, who is branching out Polygamy Club to Indonesia.

The government has warned that the club could be a ploy.

The family has been ‘trying very hard to deceive the public’ into reviving the banned religious cult through religious, business and social activities, Wan Mohamad Sheikh Abdul Aziz, director-general of the Department of Islamic Development Malaysia, told the New Straits Times. — Straits Times

Crédit pour l'info ci-dessus: The Malaysian Insider, Jeudi, Novembre 19, 2009

Jakarta, 2 Novembre. (AKI) – Indonesian pro-polygamy groups are not only facing protest from angry housewives and women’s rights activists; a new group of men calling themselves the Men’s Coalition against Polygamy (Kolmi) has also joined the struggle.

Kolmi spokesman Abdul Hamim Fauzie said via a statement in the capital Jakarta on Sunday that the coalition considered the practice of polygamous marriage degrading, not only to women, but to men as well.

“Facts show that polygamy leads to nothing but domestic violence, discrimination and the abuse of human rights,»At-il dit.

“However, polygamists often argue that polygamy is necessary to avoid infidelity and love affairs. They also claim that polygamy is a part of their religious beliefs. Men use these arguments to justify their polygamous practices,” he added.

The coalition also said that it regretted a number of discriminative articles in the current marriage law in Indonesia.

“The law legalises men to have more than one legal wife when their spouses are seriously ill or sexually incapable.

“This is very unfair, especially to women, because the law only accommodates the needs of men,” Abdul said.

Pendant ce temps, Muslim scholar Siti Musdah Mulia said that people practising polygamous marriages who quoted verses from the Muslim holy book or Koran to justify their behaviour were misinterpreting the message.

“Those people must not quote the Koran by verse. They need to read the whole context and understand its real essence before saying the Koran endorses polygamy,"Dit-elle.

Musdah said the Koran actually says that Islam aimed to eradicate polygamous practices, not to endorse them.

“Islam considers polygamy an unjust practice that originated in the dark ages. Par conséquent, Islam sought to eradicate such practices, but due to the severe reaction it caused, it took some time to fully eradicate the practice from the culture at that time,"Dit-elle.

Musdah said that she was not surprised to see that a number of men decided to bond together and fight against polygamy.

“Actually, anti-polygamy figures in the past were mostly prominent male clerics. The Prophet Muhammad himself was very angry when one of his son-in-laws planned to engage in polygamy,"Dit-elle.

Récemment,, controversy has sparked following an official launch of a polygamy club, dubbed the Global Ikhwan, in Bandung, the capital of West Java province.

The club, originating from Malaysia, cites the noble aim of helping single mothers, reformed prostitutes and aging single women find spouses. As soon as the club was established, condemnation poured in, especially from housewives and women’s activists.

Ironically, the club is chaired by a woman named, Hatijah Binti Am, who has insisted the club could introduce people to the ‘belle’ side of polygamy.

Previously, a number of polygamy scandals have reduced the popularity of public figures engaged in the practise.

Over 85 percent of the 240 million Indonesians are Muslim and most of them practice a moderate version of the religion.

Crédit pour l'info ci-dessus: Adnkronos International, Novembre. 15, 2009

“Family gathering in rural Siberia, where life can be very hard for women on their own. Photograph: Caroline Humphrey”

A study of polygamy in Russia suggests we have a lot to learn about how to beat the recession.

A study of polygamy in Russia might not seem an obvious place to look for insights into how the financial crisis might play out in suburban Kent or rural Yorkshire. But Caroline Humphrey, Sigrid Rausing professor of collaborative anthropology at Cambridge University, says central Asia and Russia have much to teach us.

“In the 1990s, Russia and central Asia experienced huge economic change: what a bank was, how your career was going, what you could expect from life, everything changed overnight,” she explains. “And of course it had a huge impact on people’s lives, from family life to politics, and polygamy is part of that whole scene. So far, we haven’t had such dramatic change in the west, but you never know.”

Humphrey specialises in the anthropology of communities on the edges of the former Soviet Union, and has spent much of her career studying the Buyrat people who live north of the Mongolian border in Siberia. Humphrey says that anthropologists slowly build a deep knowledge and understanding of a place and culture, but nevertheless, her discovery that there is a polygamy lobby was a surprise.

“Friends of mine in Siberia told me that their friends were lobbying parliament to legalise polygamy,” dit-elle. “I always knew that there were men who like the idea of polygamy, but what I found fascinating was that women were also in support.”

So is the recession going to turn the good burghers of Tunbridge Wells into polygamists? It’s unlikely. But it remains the case that the reasons why men – and, even more interestingly, women – are advocating polygamy in Russia and Mongolia are as much about economics as they are about sex. The critical issue is demography. The Russian population is falling by 3% a year – and there are 9 million fewer men than women. Nationalists, such as the eccentric leader of the Liberal Democratic party, Vladimir Zhirinovsky, claim that introducing polygamy will provide husbands for “10 million lonely women” and fill Mother Russia’s cradles.

Elsewhere, in the former Islamic regions of Russia, men argue that polygamous marriage is traditional and will encourage men to take greater responsibility – thereby alleviating poverty and improving “moral” education.

Improbably, for both groups, this is polygamy as a solution to contemporary social ills – and, according to Humphrey, is appearing outside Islamic regions. In rural areas the “man shortage”, exacerbated by war, alcoholism and mass economic migration, is even more serious. But when it comes to polygamy, rural women have a quite different agenda from their nationalist male counterparts.

“A lot of women live on what were collective farms, which are often deep in the forest and miles away from the nearest town,” Humphrey says. “You live very close to nature, and life can be very hard – your heating is entirely through log stoves, there’s no running water and inside sanitation is rare. If you are lucky enough to keep animals, you must care for and butcher them yourself. So if you are looking after children as well, life can be near impossible for a woman on her own.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly then, Humphrey’s investigations have uncovered women who believe that “half a good man is better than none at all”. “There are still some men around – they might be running things, with a job as an official, par exemple,, or they might be doing an ordinary labouring job, but either way, there aren’t very many of them,” dit-elle. “Women say that the legalisation of polygamy would be a godsend: it would give them rights to a man’s financial and physical support, legitimacy for their children, and rights to state benefits.”

Legalising polygamy has been repeatedly proposed and discussed in the Russian Duma, or parliament – and always turned down. For the urbanites of Moscow and St Petersburg it is a step too far.

In Mongolia, trop, the legalisation of polygamous marriage is anathema. Yet in Ulan Bator, the thrusting capital city, well-educated women are combining traditional and modern to create something that looks suspiciously like a form of polygamy.

Étonnamment, it starts with the dowry. Eschewing the traditional gifts (horses, cushions, clothes), successful Mongolian families are increasingly giving their daughters a good education in place of a dowry. In contrast, their brothers often have to leave school early to either manage the herds or run the family business.

“In Mongolian culture, the bride’s family are the senior family; and a bride should be clever. And they had 70 years of communism, so the idea that women should be well-educated is not new,” Humphrey explains. “Since Mongolia, in common with Russia, also has a problem with alcoholism, there is an imbalance between urban educated women and the number of men these educated women deem to be suitable husband-material.”

The solution is simple: they just don’t get married. Au lieu de cela, they take what is known as a “secret lover” – usually a well-educated man who just happens to be married to someone else. Any children resulting from the union are brought up by their mother and the maternal family.

“It is completely accepted. These women are among the elite of Mongolian society – they might be a member of parliament or a director of a company and they are tremendously admired,” Humphrey says. “They would be horrified by the idea of polygamous marriage because they don’t want to risk their independence.”

So what does this mean for marital relations in Russia and central Asia? Humphrey says it’s unlikely that polygamous marriage will ever be legalised in Russia – but perhaps that doesn’t matter.

“An insufficiency of men, educated women who want to realise themselves, rural women who want to protect themselves, all these things are going to give rise to arrangements like polygyny,” says Humphrey, “whether it’s called that or not.”

Crédit pour l'info ci-dessus: By Mira Katbamna- The Guardian,Mardi, 27 Octobre 2009, guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media Limited 2009

LE CAIRE, Egypte (AP) - Hayam Dorbek son mari veut se marier. Encore.

En lui demandant - et le reste de l'Egypte - à être plus ouverts à la polygamie, tel qu'approuvé par l'islam, le journaliste de 42 ans, a déclenché un vif débat dans son pays et le reste du monde arabe en tuning, TV par satellite.

Dorbek dit qu'elle se sent son travail était tellement occupé à garder son que son mari avait besoin d'une seconde épouse. Elle dit qu'il a refusé, “mais mon fils m'aide à promouvoir l'idée,” dit-elle.

Elle estime que le concept islamique de la polygamie est la réponse à beaucoup de maux sociaux de l'Egypte. Elle a écrit des articles avec des titres comme “Une femme n'est pas assez,” et a contribué à former une association appelée “Tayseer Al-,” ou la facilitation, qui promeut la polygamie.

Certains sont furieux, dire qu'il fait de l'Egypte ressemblent conservatrice Arabie Saoudite et est mauvais pour les femmes - équivaut à “les affichant dans une esclaves’ marché,” selon Nihad Aboul-Qomsan, chef du Centre égyptien pour les droits de la femme.

Le débat illustre le remorqueur de guerre entre conservateurs et libéraux dans un pays qui regorge de symboles occidentaux et des idées tout en devenant plus islamique.

Beaucoup de renouveau de l'Islam conservateur ont pris une rhétorique moderne, se présentant comme une alternative à un Occident décadent. Dorbek refonte de la licence que l'Islam donne aux hommes d'épouser jusqu'à quatre femmes et lui donne une saveur moderne, pertinentes pour le monde d'aujourd'hui.

“Je suis en faveur des droits des femmes: leur droit de se marier, même si à un homme marié,” Dorbek a déclaré à l'Associated Press. La polygamie est une “licence de Dieu à stabiliser la société et de résoudre ses problèmes.”

Pour des problèmes familiers de la vie familiale comme l'adultère et le divorce, Dorbek ajoute “spinsterism” - Les femmes restent célibataires dans leur 30s, et étant peut-être stigmatisés comme des proies faciles pour les hommes ou les tentatrices s'attaquent aux hommes pour le sexe.

Sa solution: Attelage simple, les femmes veuves ou divorcées aux hommes mariés qui ne peuvent soutenir financièrement et également prévoir plus d'une famille. Cela arrêtera les hommes ayant des affaires et d'offrir aux femmes avec un gardien, elle fait valoir.

La loi égyptienne permet la polygamie, mais il est moins fréquent que dans les pays du Golfe Persique et l'Arabie saoudite. Pour une chose, c'est cher. Pour un autre, certains programmes de télévision et les films ont tendance à souligner ses inconvénients - maris incapables de faire face à plusieurs femmes, femmes dans la douleur émotionnelle.

“Les courants laïques de la société museler les voix islamiques et les noyer,” Dorbek dit. “Je donne la parole arabes et musulmanes à accepter les lois de Dieu.”

Mais Dorbek reconnu que l'opposition ne vient pas que de laïcs ou de militants des droits de, mais aussi de certaines personnes religieuses qui croient qu'il ya des conditions strictes pour la polygamie.

Elle dit qu'elle a eu une éducation religieuse et a décidé de rendre publique la polygamie après qu'un ami lui a dit qu'elle envisageait de divorcer de son mari pour avoir secrètement prendre une seconde épouse. Dorbek rappelle en lui disant: “Pourquoi voulez-vous détruire votre maison et résoudre un problème en créant un autre?”

Sociologue Alya Ahmed appelle à la polygamie reflètent une tentative de réconcilier la religion et la satisfaction sexuelle dans une société dominée par les hommes que les opinions des femmes comme des objets sexuels.

“Culture et traditions ne leur permettent pas (mais) faire l'imbécile, le prévoit la polygamie une échappatoire et leur permet de prétendre qu'ils sont apaiser Dieu,” dit-elle. “Mais il s'agit vraiment de désir et de plaisir.”

Et que dire des enfants? Le camp pro-polygamie dit que c'est bon pour eux, car il empêche le divorce et la garde de la famille ainsi que. Les opposants disent que les enfants souffrent lorsque les femmes dans une famille polygame querelle.

Dorbek fils est 20. Elle a également une fille de 18 ans.

Elle dit que des centaines d'hommes ont répondu à sa campagne en cherchant son aide à trouver une seconde épouse, et des dizaines de femmes ont également contacté en lui disant qu'ils sont prêts à épouser un homme marié.

Certaines femmes acceptent la polygamie sur la solitude, piété religieuse ou la crainte d'un divorce. D'autres la trouvent trop humiliant et choisir de divorcer de leur mari.

Nagwa, qui a demandé de retenir son nom de famille afin de protéger sa vie privée, dit-elle épouser un homme déjà marié et heureux plutôt que de rester seule à 40. Elle a dit qu'il se proposait d'elle avec le consentement de sa première femme, car il se sentait une obligation religieuse pour protéger une femme musulmane.

“Au début, j'étais inquiet,” dit Nagwa, qui vit dans la ville du Sinaï el-Arish. “Mais quand tu es avec une personne qui craint Dieu, il prendra soin de vous.”

Nagwa dit qu'il essaie de traiter les femmes de la même, mais elle sait qu'il aime sa femme d'abord plus.

“Il fait un peu mal,” dit-elle, “mais il essaie de ne pas montrer sa préférence.”

Arafat Sayed, un homme d'affaires de la ville méridionale de Louxor, a trois épouses et envisage de se marier quart. “Vous pourriez être marié à un seul, mais avoir une liaison. Quel est le meilleur?” at-il dit

Crédit pour l'info ci-dessus: Rome Nouvelles-Tribune, par l'Associated Press “il ya quatre ans”

“Burnt clothes and debris remain outside the scene of a wedding party fire in Jahra, west of Kuwait City.”

AFP – A Kuwaiti woman denied in court on Tuesday that she set fire to a wedding tent and caused a blaze that killed 55 women and children.

Nasra Yussef Mohammad al-Enezi simply replied “Dans” when judge Adel al-Sager asked her if she had started the fire and killed the people.

It was the only word the 23-year-old spoke during the brief hearing which opened her trial on charges including premeditated murder.

Looking frail and pale, Nasra initially refused to speak after two female prison guards had helped her to the judge’s rostrum.

Her three defence lawyers called for her release pending the full trial and alleged mistreatment by prison officials.

The public prosecutor presented no arguments during the hearing, but lawyer Zaid al-Khabbaz told reporters that the woman is charged with “premeditated murder and starting a fire with the intent to kill.”

Nasra was arrested on August 16, a day after 41 women and children died in a fire at a wedding tent in Jahra, west of Kuwait City. The death toll later rose to 55, according to the interior ministry.

The woman was initially believed to be the groom’s ex-wife, but her defence lawyers say that she is still his wife. Polygamy is allowed in this Muslim Gulf state.

Defence lawyers also allege that Nasra was two-months pregnant when arrested and was “deliberately aborted” by a prison guard with the help of an Asian nurse.

The judge was due to make his decision later in the day on the lawyers’ applications.

Crédit pour info ci-dessus: France 24 (International news 24/7)- 27 October 2009-11H44

Followup article: Sentence

http://polygamy411.com/2010/12/19/death-penalty-for-kuwati-woman-in-polygamy-case/

la polygamie 411

Je blogue sur la polygamie et ça m'aide. J'espère que ce sera  aider les autres aussi. J'ai été dans un mariage polygame pour deux ans et onze mois maintenant. J'ai commencé le blog polygamie 411.com après que je avait vécu la polygamie juste un peu plus de deux ans. Il est absolument incroyable de voir comment blogging a changé ma vie tant pour le mieux dans une période aussi courte – dix mois.  Ma santé mentale et bien-être émotionnel se sont considérablement améliorées.

Comment bloguer sur la polygamie m'a aidé?  Eh bien, quand je blogue sur la polygamie, il est un peu comme thérapie d'entretien ou de «traitement de parler". Opposé à aller voir un thérapeute, et ayant de counseling de groupe, Je mène ma thérapie sur le blog.  Je parle avec les gens sur le blog qui ont des problèmes similaires qui vivent la polygamie ou ceux qui ont un intérêt à la polygamie et que vous voulez apprendre à ce sujet ou d'en parler.  Je dégage ma détresse sur la polygamie en écrivant à ce sujet et de parler à d'autres personnes qui s'en préoccupent. J'écris et je parle à d'autres qui sont dans un état semblable de détresse, ou avaient été là avec la polygamie.  Quand je parle avec d'autres sur la polygamie qu'il m'aide à trouver mes sentiments et ma façon de penser, qui m'aide à mieux faire face à la polygamie. Sans aucun doute, la polygamie vie a été difficile pour moi.

Avoir un blog qui met l'accent sur la polygamie a contribué à plus de façons aussi.  C'est gratuit pour parler, écrire et lire sur le blog, opposition à voir un psychothérapeute. Pensez à l'argent que j'ai économisé. Je n'ai pas de quitter ma maison pour aller au bureau d'un thérapeute.  J'aurais pu “psychothérapie,” pour ainsi dire, chaque jour, toute la journée, et ne pas se limiter à une ou deux fois par semaine. Je n'ai pas pour afficher des informations personnelles, ma vraie identité qui seraient documentées. Je n'ai pas d'avoir un sujet thérapeute me aux médicaments, qui, je pense souvent fait plus de mal à une personne que de bien.

Oui. Bloguer sur la polygamie m'a aidé et je pense qu'il a aidé et aide les autres, ainsi.  S'il vous plaît ne vous méprenez pas; Je ne suggère pas de blogs ou de recommander sur la polygamie comme un substitut à la psychothérapie professionnelle pour ceux qui croient qu'ils en ont besoin, en aucun cas. Bloguer n'est pas un substitut pour un traitement médical pour ceux qui en ont besoin.  Les opinions exprimées dans ce message sont les miennes et personnels.

Il s'agit d'une journée portes ouvertes. Pas besoin de frapper. Il suffit de venir dans.