Kod problema raspoređivanja revisits Moj poligamni brak
prema Ana na Svibanj.04, 2009, vrijeme moja priča danas
Da. Vi ste ga čuli pravo. Kod problema raspoređivanja u mom poligamni brak ima mi Revisited. Kako u svijetu se to dogodilo?Mislio sam ne u milijun godina bi Alex, Carolinah, i meni se pravo vratiti gdje smo bili, tvrdeći o rasporedu, raspravljaju o dana. Raspored je jednostavna stvar za shvatiti i staviti zajedno ... Pravo?Vi mislite da bi tako.
Pokušat ću napraviti ovo kao kratki moguće, jer smo bili preko problemi rasporeda ovdje prilično često prije. Ja sam malo zbunjen da ga predstaviti vam opet. Bio sam s obzirom ne to, ali svi su bili uz mene sve ovo vrijeme, putuje sa mnom, tako osjećam te bi trebao biti sa mnom na ovom previše.
Zadnji put smo govorili o rasporedu, Sam Vas obavijestio da je bio finaliziran do kraja godine 2009. Za rekapitulacija, Alex misli Carolinah je zbog više vremena za odmor,ali ja ne mislim da je. Ipak, joj je četiri dana. Raspored je malo promijenio otkad sam zadnji napisao. Alex će biti sa mnom za vrijeme Božića i Novosti godina, iako mi ne slavimo. Carolinah ne treba puno briga, što ona mora raditi odmor. Ona je taj tip posla. Tako, raspored je kompletan za ostatak godine.
Alex je zakazan za početak ostanu kod kuće za odmor s Carolinah sutra za jedanaest dana (sedam dana plus četiri dana šminka koje sam spomenuo gore). Before Alex left me on Thanksgiving Day to go be with Carolinah, Iznenada sam dobio otkrivenje da je četiri dana da Alex dao Carolinah nisu joj zbog uopće. Svjetlost je došla u mojoj glavi i to je sve postalo živo mi je jasno. Donio sam je Alex pozornost i objasnio. Ovaj vozio ga ludim naravno. On mrzi bave pitanjima zakazivanja. On je otišao na i na o tome kako rasporedu je već bio pripremljen za ostatak godine. Sam mu savjetovao da nisam želju ga da promijeni raspored ili se dana od Carolinah. Sam mu savjetovao da sam samo htjela dobiti naknadu za dane, dao četiri dana, kao i, whether this year or next.
Taj razgovor je održan četvrtak (Dan zahvalnosti). Jučer, Subota, Otkrio sam dokaz da Carolinah nije bio zbog tih četiri dana. Otkrio sam da je raspored Alex je spreman sa svim Carolinah's šminka dana, a dane godišnjeg odmora. Ja ga e-poštom na njemu. To je kada je počeo kaos. Alex i JA elektronička pošta naprijed i natrag većinu dana. Alex me pitaju kako sam izračunava; kada je dobio dana, i kakva dana su bili i sl, etc, itd.… Istaknuo je kako ona nije 'dobiti svoje dane. On je bio uzimajući stari način smo se napraviti raspored (dok mi Wali intervenirala) zbunjen s koliko radimo raspoređivanja od lipnja 2009. Na temelju starog načina obavljanja stvari, što je vremensko razdoblje u pitanju,sve dane su činili. Alex, u jednom trenutku, stopped responding to my emails and I had become worked up in a tizzy by then.
JA elektronička pošta Alex broj više puta tijekom večeri, au ranim jutarnjim satima s mojim dokaz da je zbog Carolinah nije dana. Pokušao sam napraviti to kao jasno i kao jednostavan kao što sam mogao. Zapravo, Upravo sam završio ga slanjem pravo prije nego što sam počeo pisati ovaj post, da vidi da li je došao do zaključka. On nije elektronička pošta mene leđa. Sam ga pozvao na njegov mobitel; međutim, on nije odgovorio. On je zbog dom uskoro, pa sam trebala saznati završio na priču.
Ja sam vrlo uznemiren onim što se dogodio, jer znam Carolinah je bio svjestan da ona nije zbog onih dana koji joj je dao, ali ona ne govori gore. Ja sam uznemiren, jer Alex, koji bi trebao biti na vrhu rasporeda, jednostavan osnovni dio poligamije, ne može nikada dobiti Internet pravo. Ja sam poremećen, kao što ne znam koliko prijevara je počinio Alex i Carolinah u prošlosti kada su pripremili plan. Da, Znam da je dijelom moja krivnja jer nije aktivni sudionik u izradi rasporeda za otprilike dvije i pol godine. Ja jednostavno nisam mogao nositi brak na rasporedu je u to vrijeme.
Kako Alex obrađuje ovo pitanje bi se utvrdilo kako naš brak sredstava. Ja sam mu savjetovao to u jedan od e-pošte. Ako on ne može biti pravedna i sa mnom nakon svih odricanja sam napravio u ovoj brak za njega da se s Carolinah, onda moram pitanje da li treba ostati u njemu. Ako Alex ne može dobiti jednostavnim pravo raspored, mi smo gledajući neke ozbiljne probleme naprijed.
Ja ću držati te pošta!
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.
11/29/09
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Kao Salaamu Alaikum!
Dobrodošli na Poligamija 411! Naš dom je za muslimane i nemuslimane. To je za svakoga tko želi razgovarati o poligamiji, ili bilo tko tko je u poligamni brak ili je s obzirom na ulazak jedne. Mi kao da tvrtka. Osjećajte se ugodno i pridružite raspravi po ostavljajući komentar. Radujemo se Vašem dolasku ovdje opet uskoro, a često i.
putovanje 4 manje!
November 29th, 2009 na 6:31 PM
U “feel you” girl. And I also feel FOR you. You need a lot of LOVE, WISDOM and GRACE from the SPIRIT of GOD to deal with this successfully – however you decide to handle it. I suggest that as long as you stay in the relationship – live in love toward them. Don’t be nit-picky about your schedule or anything else. But do require honesty from them or else.
If Alex doesn’t want to be honest with you or FAIR or JUST then He is violating His right to have a Polygamous marriage – according to the Koran right?
I suggest that you bring this to your “elders” attention and have them deal with it. Let Alex know that you are not playing. Don’t be his fool. You do not want to appear as the weak or “needy” jedan.
Be strong. Don’t be afraid of being alone. You can find a much better husband than Alex if need be. I believe you have a lot to offer which the right person would sincerely appreciate. Perhaps you have outgrown your relationship with Alex.
Just some food for thought.
November 29th, 2009 na 7:42 PM
Oooh, that is so very sweet and comforting. Thank you Curtis Farmer!
I have good news; at least I think it is. Alex and I came to a resolution. At first it entailed somewhat of a heated argument and then we calmed down and he conceded I was right about the schedule. Tako, I’ve selected my days, which I’ll take in February. I truly felt this was the turning point…not so much about getting my way, but about fairness and justice.
Usput, I swung by your blog. It’s very, very nice. I think when Alex leaves tomorrow, I’ll get a chance to visit and spend some time with you there
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.
November 30th, 2009 na 2:49 PM
Dobro, what did I say about ‘flexibility’ ?
November 30th, 2009 na 5:42 PM
I hear you (LOL), but flexibility is out the door when it comes to me. There is no flexibility when there is no love in the heart of a wife for a husband’s other “žena.” I’m sure flexibility would be nice
November 30th, 2009 na 6:40 PM
Oh, I almost forgot; I was flexible. Alex was quite generous. He insisted that I take three additional days that I accused him and Carolinah of taking from me this past July. I declined and said I wouldn’t revisit the issue with those three days again. I wonder how many days were misplaced when I was in a semi-comatose state.
U svakom slučaju, to je sve dobro. With my four days in February, I secured Valentine’s Day although I shouldn’t celebrate (I can’t help it. Love is in the air everywhere that day). With President’s Day attached, it bought me seven days. I may treat Alex to a cruise on those days, if I can find a convenient one, Insha Allaha.
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.
November 30th, 2009 na 9:56 PM
I think this man likes to see women fight over him.
Don’t give him the satisfaction. Be independent and strong.
December 1st, 2009 na 2:50 PM
Chatelaine, I think you have a point there. “Independent and strong” is good. I was wondering whether Alex was enjoying the dissention.
One of my sisters, just this evening, said to me, “He must have a big head (ego)” with Carolinah and me fighting over spending time with him.
Alex spent part of the day with me today. He left late this afternoon. I was very strong when he left, no mushy, gushy, Volim te, crying, sad stuff. Thank God much for that. As Curtis Farmer stated, I shouldn’t be a “weak”, “needy”, fool”.
I feel at peace and content with his absence at the moment. I can only pray that I’ll steadily continue to grow and get better.
Hvala vam što ste, Chatelaine.
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.
December 1st, 2009 na 2:55 PM
Haji Rafiq, I was expecting you to get hit with a lot of questions, since you live polygamy and could possibly shed some light on the subject from a male’s perspective. I can say you’ve enlightened me, regarding some things.
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.
December 1st, 2009 na 11:16 PM
Bok Ana,
Could I ask you to share with us some time what the positives are in your relationship with Alex? These are the things I’ve heard so far: (using my own words)
1. It could be worse.
2. Even though there is a second wife, at least it makes me feel that I’m first.
3. Everthing is ordained to be the way it is. I’m free to leave, but if that happens, it will have been ordained.
Thanks Ana, as always, J.
December 1st, 2009 na 7:48 PM
Yes Judith. I certainly could do that. I’m so used to venting about the negative, and not talking about the good things that happen in my marriage; I could see how it appears there is only bad in it. I surmise that is why I haven’t been writing much lately about my life, as there hasn’t been much drama to speak of. I’ve just been settling in. Ali, it is part of my journey so I should write about it.
Tako, I will move on. It may be awkward initially. I feel in talking about the good in my life, I’m gloating. I’ll try to get past that though and share.
Judith, thanks for helping me move my writing forward in a new direction.
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.
December 1st, 2009 na 8:14 PM
As I stated before, Alex likes to see the two of you struggle over him. Stop struggling, and simply make yourself less available to him. Explore other interests outside of your home. Consider taking classes at a university, or perhaps take practical classes in the arts for your entertainment and self development. You will find this to be a pleasant diversion, and you may meet interesting people as well. Too much of your life and your time is focused on Alex, his needs, and your need to have him in your life. He hardly spends any time taking your needs into consideration, so why make his needs your priority? What exactly does Alex offer to you, other than the title “Mrs.” in front of your name?
December 1st, 2009 na 9:06 PM
Chatelaine, you offered good advice. There are good things happening in my life with Alex that I don’t speak of. I intend for that to change. I’m glad Judith brought it to my attention today. I’ve been intending to take the blog in a different direction to show the positive aspects of polygamy as I know of them, and see them in my life.
I am quite busy and not totally pre-occupied with Alex. I have begun preliminary work on my business, but need to spend more time with it and take it further. It is going to entail a tremendous amount of work, putting together the business plan and obtaining financing and all. It concerns me, as I’ve grown so attached to spending so much time with everyone here, writing and reading and I dislike the thought of not being able to communicate as often with everyone. I can’t even find enough time to visit all my friends’ blogs and I feel badly about it.
I’ve been trying to get the new marriage site up and running, kao i. It’s technically challenging. I hope to have that in effect by the New Year. Tako, I have been quite busy with things besides Alex. I guess there’s no way of anyone knowing that unless I speak up about it. Thank you much, Chatelaine for your earnest concern, and all your suggestions. It mean very much to me
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.
December 2nd, 2009 na 11:54 PM
What are your expectations of a relationship with a man?
What was the nature of your relationship with your father ?
What was the nature of the relationship between
your mother and your father ?
December 3rd, 2009 na 1:25 PM
Chatelaine, those are very good questions. Why do you ask?
I’m going to contemplate my answers to those questions and contemplate how those relationships may have impacted my life and my expectations of a relationship.
Do you think there is a relation between the answers to those questions and the reason women end up accepting polygamous relationship?
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.
December 3rd, 2009 na 1:33 PM
Sounds ok, but please ignore such advice as be less available to him. What do such people have in mind? I see that you came to a solution. With love, flexibility and good intentions you can always find a solution. Your flexibility will be a good investment as you will be appreciated and lobed more.
December 3rd, 2009 na 10:46 PM
Početna stranica,
My theory is that women who accept polygyny may be willing to accept a relationship with a man who is only partially available to them physically and emotionally. Perhaps a woman would accept this polygynous relationship model as being acceptable because her parents had a relationship where there was significant emotional or physical distance, or because the woman had an unavailable or distant father. That is my hypothesis.
December 4th, 2009 na 6:06 PM
Haji rafiq, it’s funny, Alex is with Carolinah on vacation this week and part of next. He emailed me on Wednesday and said he’d like to come over Thursday. I said OK. He’s done that in the past when he’s been with her and I used to try to analyze it all. Was he not having such a good time with her? Did he rather be with me than her? Ovaj put, I didn’t do that, as it didn’t matter and it felt good not caring.
The main reason I wouldn’t make myself less available to Alex is because I believe that was part of what got him and me into the situation that we currently are in. I wasn’t available for him before he married Carolinah. I was not, despite my reasons for not being.
I think being less available may work in a dating relationship, but not necessarily a marriage. Now I can certainly see the importance of a wife having “a life” and not being “needy”, otherwise her husband could be put off by her or he becomes her lord and that’s not good either. The way I see it; there needs to be a balance.
I’m happy he and I reach a solution.
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.
December 4th, 2009 na 6:55 PM
Chatelaine,
I think there may be truth in your theory. I believe what happens in our lives, during our formative years gives shape to who we are. I had a “distant”, “unavailable” biological father. My mother was cold, aloof, and emotionally detached from my stepdad. She didn’t realize she loved him until after she divorced him. I was the same toward Alex and didn’t take notice of him until he “oženjen” Carolinah. It’s all so interesting.
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.
December 4th, 2009 na 6:02 PM
I see you have great insight.
May it guide your decision making in your relationship.
January 20th, 2010 na 5:54 PM
Are you sure you are not married to my husband?? Seriously Ana, Osjećam za vas. My family goes down this road off and on also, and when it’s on it can be miserable. Some people, in particular people who don’t adjust well to schedules or who refuse to accept them in their hearts, aren’t meant for polygamy. At least that is how I feel. A schedule kept is the only way, with some flexibility of course, to maintain tranquility and respect in my belief. Grr I hate the schedule.
January 20th, 2010 na 11:32 PM
You said a mouth full New#3. Refusing in our hearts to accept a schedule is a huge problem. It’s sooooo difficult. I still sit down and study the schedule often to make sure Carolinah doesn’t have any advantage over me. I hate the way it makes me feel, so petty and obsessive.
There was an incident recently. When Alex and I last went away on vacation in November, he left Carolinah early in the a.m., earlier than he normally would have left her if he had to go to work, as we had a plane to catch. Mislio sam da; I’m going to hear this again one day soon.
Svakako dovoljno, I heard it. The past recent holidays, Carolinah had to work them. I guess she had off a Saturday after to make up for it. Alex spoke to me about leaving me early that Sat. He wanted to leave around 10:00 a.m instead of 4:00ish p.m. He cited he had some hours to make up with her from our vacation. Rekao sam ne. Make them up the next time she has vacation. I know it was petty and mean, but I’m sorry. Why should I accomodate her? She won’t even acknowledge I exist.
Novo # 3, I understand exactly what you speak of. No one knows it better than me. Haji Rafiq, wouldn’t like what we say. He’s an advocate for flexibility. You mentioned flexibility is good. I believe flexibility is good too. I’m just having a difficult time with flexibility.
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.
January 21st, 2010 na 9:29 PM
‘flexibility’. One of the ways mean people take advantage of kind people. No thanks. I prefer the sound of ‘backbone.’
January 21st, 2010 na 1:12 PM
I hear you! Give a person an inch and they take a mile. By saying no to that Saturday request, it prevents me from having to deal with anymore of them. And you know they would have been coming. I have no reason to have any consideration for Carolinah.
To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.