Poligamija 411

To protect the true identity of the parties and to stay true to my life experiences, the names of the characters here (at polygamy 411) are fictitious; however, my situation, circumstances, and experiences are real.

I’m Anabellah. You could call me Ana. I have been in a polygamous marriage, referred to by many as polygyny, for over two years. My husband and I were married for four years and seven months before he took another “wife.”

My husband’s name is Alex. He “married” Carolinah (Carol) while married to me. I use “married” in quotations, simply because I wasn’t at Alex and Carolinah’s wedding ceremony. I didn’t speak with anyone that attended the ceremony, nor did I see any documentation of it. I have to accept Alex’s word that it occurred. Alex, Carolinah, and I live polygamy, which is lawful to me as a Muslim, for all intent and purposes.

I ask Allah’s forgiveness for anything that I may say or have said here at polygamy 411 that would unintentionally, or in any way mislead others. My intention here at polygamy 411 is to help others cope with a way of life (polygamy) that is good for me and at the same time I have found it extremely difficult.

I’d like to share with you here at polygamy 411 my journey and answer many of your questions, as honestly and quickly as possible. Insha Allah, you will share some of your feelings, thoughts, and experiences with me and others, as well.

I want to remember that Allah made it lawful for a man to have more than one wife in Islam. So, please keep in mind polygamy 411 is not a polygamy bashing blog. I don’t want to make unlawful that which Allah has made lawful. This has been part of my struggle, as I battle with the Truth and my personal desires.

At polygamy 411, I do not, cannot, and will not tell anyone how to practice polygamy, nor will I give advice on whether it is right for you. I can only share with you what I have experienced, learned about myself, and learned from others.

This is an open house. No need to knock. Just come on in.

I accepted Islam and became Muslim approximately 25 years ago. My introduction to Islam and polygamy began like this: I met a man at a business affair. (He owned the business.) After seeing him a few more times, I asked if he was Muslim. On je rekao, “Da.” (I assumed he was Muslim based on his Arabic name.) I advised him that I was interested in knowing more about his religion. I had been searching for something in my life although I didn’t know what it was. I had felt something was missing in my world. I had stopped doing the things that I normally did, as those things just weren’t doing it for me anymore. I was tired of going out, having “a good time.”  It just seemed old and I envisioned my life many years from then. I visualized where I’d be and I saw myself being in the same place, but just older.

U svakom slučaju, he bought me a Quran. I read it and then Ramadan was a couple months later so I fasted-my first fast as a Muslim in Islam. I wanted to get married and I thought he’d be ideal.  Then he hit me with poligamija. He said he believed in having more than one wife. Wow, when he told me that, it knocked the wind right out my sails. I wasn’t going for that…No Way, No How.  He advised me that he had an intended (He was already engaged to a woman). So I thought I’d find a way to get him to ditch her, but it didn’t happen. Nonetheless, ever since then, he, she (His  intended became his wife), and me remained the very best of friends and he and I are good business associates.

Tako, niz cestu, I met Alex…my ideal man for a husband-educated, good job, enough money, liked traditional life (a little bit too much) but that was OK. He said he didn’t know much about Islam, but was willing to learn. He said he was not interested in polygamy, and couldn’t see how anyone would want more than one wife.  He said he wouldn’t take a second wife, as his job wouldn’t allow for it anyhow.  That was enough for me. So we were compatible and we decided we’d marry.  That is what he and I thought we were supposed to do in Islam- meet and marry.

I knew how important it was in Islam to accept the entire Quran, the whole Book, and not pick and choose what parts I liked, and wanted to follow. Polygamy is a part of  Islam and I was strongly opposed to polygamy.  I always was very uneasy about not truly accepting the whole Quran (rejecting polygamy). Although I didn’t have to live polygamy, I wondered if it was still OK for me not to like it.  I asked myself, did polygamy really matter in my life anymore?  The unrest in my soul kept haunting me about not accepting the entire Quran. I feared how it would affect my life after this life.  And then it happened…

I got hit with the unexpected in my life-poligamija. It was forced upon me. It didn’t happen by choice, not my choice. In practicing polygamy, I now have an opportunity to accept the whole Quran. I can’t remove polygamy from it. The only difference is I need to accept polygamy with enthusiasm, as we are supposed to accept all of Allah’s decisions with enthusiasm. That is what I aspire to do.

So there you have it in a nutshell-my introduction to polygamy and Islam.

To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.

To je važno da vi znate to o mom mužu Alex, moje Wali (moj vodič), i mene. Nisam slušati ništa moj Wali imao za reći o mojoj odluci da se uda Alex. U ignorirao moje Wali je upozorenja i savjete, kao što sam već počeo komunicirati s Alex.  Imala sam duge razgovore s njim, i da mu u susret. Sam počeo da postane emocionalno pričvršćena za njega.  Postao sam oslijepio moja želja da se uda. Ja sam htjela da se posebna obveznica i  seksualna intimnost. Bio je to lijep osjećaj živ,  sretan i koketni. Radost planiranje “moj poseban dan” i tradicionalno vjenčanje prijem me ispunjavalo radošću.

JA nije 'ostvariti tek nakon Alex i ja smo bili braku koji znao gotovo ništa o islamu, niti je stalo da znaju. Prije nego što smo u braku, Alex ode Ut. Jum'ah (Petak Molitva). On povremeno nosio kufi i jalabiyyah (Musliman Odora).  Uzeo je nekoliko nastavu u mesdžid (džamija), kao i. Iako je imao neke članove obitelji koji su muslimanske (neki koji su bili muslimani i prakticira islam, a neki koji su bili muslimani i nije praksa), nije znao koje namirnice su halal (zakonit) i  stvari te prirode. Tek Alex i ja su daleko za dva tjedna na našem “medeni mjesec” sam jasno vidjeti tko sam ja udala. Alex nije ni razgovarati Allaha, ili islam.  On je spomenuo ni Allah ili islam  osim ako sam broached teme.

Rano u našem braku, Počeo sam primjećivati ​​suptilne stvari o njemu. Naročito, jednog dana Alex mi je rekao, “Nisam znala sam da se sprema.” Ja sam ga uzeo da znači da je previše vjerski za njega.  Drugom prilikom je pukla na mene, rekavši da je riječ o radu, ne islam. Je li bio svjestan da Islam obuhvaća sve, uključujući i rad?  On imao mnogo razloga koji nisu na brzo nekoliko dana tijekom svetog mjeseca ramazana. Vidio sam njegovu reakciju kad član njegove obitelji pitao ako on je Musliman; Vidio sam ga odmahivao glavom, govoreći: ne iza mojih leđa.  Njegovo ne-muslimanska majka nam nude non-Halal hrana i je zašutjela. On nije joj reći da nije mogao jesti svoju hranu, jer to  nije bilo halal hrane. Ipak, nije ga jesti, , ali nije rekao zašto je bilo. On nije prakticirao islam prije nego što smo u braku i, sada, Sam ljepušan velik dio je prisiljavajući ga da. To ne mora biti lako za njega, osjećaj prisiljen ponuditi salat (molitva) pet puta na dan, imaju ograničenja na hranu, i koji imaju novi način života staviti na njega.

Znao sam prije nego smo se vjenčali da on ne zna mnogo o islamu, ali sam mislio da uče. Uostalom, on mi je rekao prije nego što smo se vjenčali da on ne zna mnogo o islamu, ali je bila spremna učiti. Problem je u tome treba žele znati nešto prije može naučiti. Počeo sam osjećati prevareni, prevaren. U je na čelu mu vjerovati je bio netko da on nije bio. Postao sam pun mržnje, ljutnja i ogorčenost prema njemu.  Sve što smo imali zajedno je površna. Mi smo bili kompatibilni gospodarski. Mi uživali u odmoru i sl., ali nije imao zajednički interes u Allah swt, nema veze s islamom.

Jedino Alex povezan snažno u Islamu je poligamija. Od svega jedan Muslimanke u svijetu više od, Alex izabrao nemuslimana Žena postati poligamni i otići s  živjeti s. On  “oženjen” Žena koja je imala nemuslimanski tinejdžer, kao i ne-muslimana odraslo dijete živi u svom domu. Imala je dvoje djece koji nisu bili djeca ili mališani.  Alex je odlučio me ostaviti sa skraćenim radnim vremenom živjeti s nemuslimanima. On je koristio islam (poligamija) imati odnos izvan našeg braka?  Alex ne uključite daleko od mene.  On se okrenuo od islama (što je način života) prema “oženio” joj i ide živjeti s njima. Moj Wali čini se da mislite prijevara praveći se da žele islam (pretvarajući se da žele islamski život) bio je previše za Alex za počinjenje bilo koji više. Sada vjerujem da je bio u pravu.

Slijedio sam svoju nižu Naf (moja sebična želja). Imam i dalje trpe posljedice. Wali je iznimno važna u pomaganju jedna odlučiti tko će napraviti supruga. Žena treba Vali koji je cilj, i može pomoći ženi vidi sliku jasno, jer on (Wali) nije na slici. Ne može biti u slici i vidjeti sliku u isto vrijeme. Žena treba skloniti se u stranu i primiti pomoć od svog Wali u odabiru partnera.

To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.