Poligamija 411

I have written “My Journey” i “My Story Today” in book like form  (read from top to bottom), which does not conform to how one normally reads a blog. Da biste postavili postove gore na taj način, Morao sam promijeniti datume spisi. This explains why the dates of the posts do not coincide with the dates of the comments, odgovori, ili odgovora od komentatora.

Budući da je novi u blogging, I did not do so well with the timeline in the posts. Da bi vam dati bolju ideju o vremenskoj, Alex i ja postali smo poligamni u prosincu 2006 (Kada Alex “oženjen” Carolinah). Počela sam blog u veljači 2009. Tako, možete vidjeti počeo sam bloganje o našim životima nešto više od dvije godine postaje poligamski. Bio sam još uvijek kompletan nered (psihički) na vrijeme.

Nadam se da ovo objašnjenje je korisna.

To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo dolaze na.

Da bi zaštitili pravi identitet stranaka i ostati vjerni moj život iskustva, imena likova ovdje (na poligamiju 411) su izmišljena; međutim, moja situacija, okolnosti, i iskustva su stvarne.

Ja sam Anabellah. Možete me zvati Ana.  Ja sam bio u braku poligamni, iz po mnogima višeženstvu, za samo nešto više od dvije godine.  Moj suprug ime je Alex.  On “married” Carolinah (Pjesma) dok je u braku s mene.  Koristim &oženjenarried” u kotacije, jednostavno zato što nisam bio na Alex i Carolinah je svadbene svečanosti.  Nisam razgovarao ni s kim da nazočili svečanosti, niti vidim nikakvu dokumentaciju o tome.  Moram prihvatiti Alex riječ da se dogodila.  Alex, Carolinah, i Carolinah poligamiji, koja je zakonito za mene kao musliman, za sve namjere i svrhe.

Molim Allaha oprost za sve što mogu reći ili imaju kazao je ovdje na poligamiju 411 koji bi nehotice, ili na bilo koji način dovesti u zabludu druge.  Moja namjera ovdje na poligamiju 411 je pomoći drugima u suočavanju s načinom života (poligamija) to je dobro za mene au isto vrijeme sam ga pronašao je vrlo teško.

Htio bih podijeliti s vama ovdje na poligamiju 411 moje putovanje i odgovor mnoga vaša pitanja, kao iskreno i brže.  Insha Allaha, ćete dijeliti neke svoje osjećaje, misli, i iskustva sa mnom i drugima, kao i.

Želim da zapamtite da je Allah učinio dopušteno čovjeku da ima više od jedne žene u islamu. Tako, imajte na umu poligamiji 411 nije poligamija bashing blog. Ne želim da se nezakonito ono što je Allah od zakonite. To je dio moje borbe, kao što sam bitku s Istinom i moje osobno želje.

Na poligamija 411, Ne znam, ne mogu, i neće nikome reći kako u praksi poligamije, niti ću dati savjet o tome je li prava stvar za Vas. Ja mogu samo podijeliti s vama ono što sam iskusan, naučili o sebi, i naučio od drugih.

Sve pohvale zbog Allaha.

I should give you a bit of background information on Alex and me…the beginning.  Prije Alex i ja oženjen, On je rekao da bi mogao brinuti za mene. Rekao sam fino i dobro, but I will keep working.  I liked what I did and the money I made.  I think if a man gives you money, you give him control.  No way did I want Alex to have that much control of me.  I needed to make my money.

Alex and I shared the expenses.  Why should he pay for everything?  In sharing expenses, on bi imati dovoljno novca za pomoć njegovoj obitelji i prijateljima. That is what he continued to do-help his family and friends.  I didn’t know Alex one day would misliti on je dosta dovoljno novca da se brine o drugom ženom.

Ja trajno prestao raditi, about one year after Alex married Carolinah.  Na…Nisam prestati raditi staviti teret Alex, as that would only put a burden on me.  I fully knew I had enough money to take care of myself, ako Alex i moje marriage did not work out.  Osim toga, I kept in mind that Alex had a legal responsibility to me given by our State Marriage License.

U took my emotional, psychological and physical well-being into consideration before retiring my career (godinu dana nakon Alex oženio Carolinah.)  The tremendous amount of stress that I had suffered from living my new life polygamy (da žive sada za godinu dana), not only effected my mental and physical health, but my work as well…not sleeping at night, mogućnosti da se usredotočite na poslu, se depresivno i samo ne mareći više, most definitely took a toll on me.

Carolina had resurfaced in Alex’s life.  I found out about three months before he told me that he was going to marry her.  (She and Alex had been together for a few years or so before he and I met and married, to my understanding.)

Alex advised me one evening that Carolina was thinking about becoming Muslim.  He said he told her to go to the Mosque, but then told her that he would teach her.  Sam rekao, “OK, go ahead , teach her.” 

On a subsequent occasion,  Bio sam having an emergency, and tried to reach Alex.  He didn’t answer his cell phone.  When I later questioned him about it he said, “I was at Carolina’s house.”  Dobro, I was a bit taken back for a moment, but life went on.  On another day he said, ” I wonder what you would do if she becomes Muslim.”  I ignored the statement and, as usual, life went on.

One night, soon afterwards,  we were preparing to have dinner and I asked him if Carolina had decided to become Muslim yet.  On je rekao, “Ne.”  I asked him what was taking her so long to decide if Allah was good for her?  Not many days later, he said she had become Muslim.

Tako, everything seemed as usual in our home; I was content; I guess you could even say I was happy. Ali, I did notice Alex was still in his mind, somewhat distant.  And then, spontaneously, out of nowhere,  he said to me, “I’m going to marry Carolina.”

Wow, I didn’t see that one coming…. I just remember saying,  “Dobro, I’m going to get a divorce.”  He said he didn’t want a divorce.  I said I didn’t care.  He said I couldn’t divorce him in Islam, as I had no reason to.

I frantically threw on some street clothes and a coat, grabbed my cell phone, and ran out into the street. (I live in a quiet cul-de-sac. It was a Sunday evening, nighttime, and conversations outside could be heard clearly by anyone inside.)  I called my best friend (of 20 plus years, who introduced me to Islam, moje Wali).  I was absolutely hysterical, screaming loudly, and crying uncontrollably… I felt like I was in the middle of nowhere, looking up at the sky, at the stars and the houses all around. Nothing seemed real accept the voice on the other end of the phone.

I told him what Alex had said. My friend’s response was, “ It’s OK; he’s allowed to do that.”  I screamed, “I can’t do it. I can’t. I can’t.”  Sam rekao, “ I want a divorce.”  He said I had no reason to divorce him.  He said I couldn’t divorce him just because I didn’t like Allah’s decision.  He said I had to try to accept Allah’s decision and if I couldn’t, he would help me get a divorce.  He told me to stop crying.  On je rekao, “Go back inside, and don’t let him see you crying.”

OK, so now I knew he was going to have an extra wife. Alex and I were going to be part and parcel of polygamy. Sljedećeg jutra Alex me zove na putu na posao, to check on me.  He said his stomach had been in knots and still was, kao što je vozio. JA ljepušan velik dio je bio osjećaj obamrlosti u tom trenutku, from what I could remember. 

Dan ili dva kasnije, u stanju poricanja, Pitao sam Alex if he was really going to marry Carolinah. He said yes, i pitao ako sam mislio da bih dijete o nečemu kao što je to. It was now the end of Studenog. U asked when he might do it. On je rekao, “U Jan. ili veljača” 

On  a later day, Pitao sam Alex to give me more time, kao što je bio previše, prebrzo. I needed more time na digest it all. On je rekao, “Ne.”  He said delaying it would be like pulling a band-aid off a wound. Bilo bi bolje da to učinite brzo i dobiti ga s više, he said. 

Nepotrebno reći, Bio sam zbunjen i potišten. I spoke with my wali about it. On mi je savjetovao da se ne brinem, as only Allah SWT knew whether it was actually going to happen or not. The thought that it might not happen comforted me.

A onda jednog dana, soon afterwards, U received a phone call from Alex while I was at work.  With a bit of excitement in his voice, he said the wali for Carolinah advised him that she was ready and the wedding could take place. Alex said he set the date for mid Dec. (He gave me the exact date).  I was totally unprepared for brak, unprepared for polygamy in my life to take place so soon. After All, he had said it would take place in either Jan. ili veljača  

Za nekoliko dana da slijede, U continued to ask Alex to give me more time and not do it so quickly.  I asked if  he would wait until Aug. ili rujan. da će mi dati vremena da se prihvati stanje. On je rekao, “Na”. Počeo sam da se izjasni da mnogo puta više vremena, dok sam shvatio sam je molio. I again asked him if I was going to meet her.  On je rekao nema, kao što se bojao bih pokušati ga zaustaviti.

I spoke to a few people about how Alex had denied me more time.  One person said he treated me like a ”No.” My oldest sister said, to je bio like he had given me a huge piece of steak and made me swallow it, bez daje mi priliku da žvakati.

Tako, sada…what do U od? Poligamija je brzo postaje više od stvarnosti za mene.

Alex advised me, before and after he married mene, da nije imao interesa u poligamiji. Now things changed and he was going to marry Carolinah. Naravno, I had questions.

Alex je already said when his marriage to Carolinah would take place. I asked Alex if he loved Carolinah.  On je rekao, “I briga o njoj.”  When I first realized Alex was seeing Carolinah again, he had told me that she “comforted” him. One of my sisters looked at a photo that I had shown her of Carolinah and said, “On (Alex) mora da je bio reeeeeal tužan.”  

Alex gave me various replies at varying times about why he was going to marry Carolinah. Some of the reason he gave were: She needed help. He said the only way he could help her and be around her was by being married to her. He said she had a teenage son that she needed help with. Alex , rekao je Carolinah was a nice person and people were taking advantage of her; osoba borave u svojoj kući, and wouldn’t leave.  Alex, na drugom prilikom, said he needed to feel needed.

Ja sam uzimajući malo ispred sebe u priči ovdje, ali approximately a couple months after he had married Carolinah, on said he married her jer she wanted sex. I asked him if he was paying her mortgage.  He said he was paying half her mortgage (her mortgage was one of those no money down, balloon type mortgages that doubled or something like that.)

The weeks and days before my forthcoming experience s polygamy came rapidly, sparking within me various feelings and emotions. Bio sam jako ljut na Alex za ono što je o to učiniti…poligamija?  

U večeri kad je stigao kući, Ja ranted i ja raved. Sam vikao na njega s vrha moje pluća, spurting iz odvratnosti. Ja ne mogu ponoviti te riječi i fraze ovdje, kao they are totally inappropriate. I’m sure you could imagine what they were.  

Sometimes when he was watching TV or was on the computer, I’d rush right in from another room and explode-from a distance. I never got too close.  I’d leave the room, opet, i then would rush back. Ja sam to više puta. I kept physical distance from Alex, tijekom moje ispadima bijesa, fearing he’d clobber me and I’d end up laid out on the floor. Čak iu moje stanje bijesa, Bio sam strašno, ne želeći da se moja djela i ponašanje predaleko. Bio sam poput “luda žena.”  I’m sure the neighbors heard.  (Bio sam totally mortified and humilitated; Drago mi je što su se preselili.)

Alex nikada nije odgovorio na moje uvreda. On je samo nastavio raditi ono što je bio događaj, as though I wasn’t even there.  I don’t know how he did it.  I mean this went on throughout the night, za mnoge noći, svaku večer?  I went on and on about how Carolinah just wanted his money and wanted sex. How she nor he knew anything about Islam. Kako je slijep vodeći slijepe. How he was going to practice polygamy just to hurt me, as I had hurt him by not living our lives the way he wanted me to.

U drugim vremenima, I became reasonable. I actually began to get to know Alex better. I had an underlying motive.  I’m sure Carolinah thought she was very special right about now. The two of them were preparing psychologically and physically for their steamy, hot encounters.  Dobro, to je sada vrijeme za mene da upozna moj muž bolje…da ponovno pokrene požar ili, I vjerojatno bi trebao reći, ignite it, as I don’t think it had ever been lit to begin with.

 And that is what I did.

It's amazing da je za gotovo pet godina nisam uistinu sebe poznajem, niti znam da moj suprug Alex. Bio sam toliko zaljubljen u sebe, sebičan i arogantan namah. I hadn’t taken any significant time to know Alex.  I focused primarily on what he did and didn’t do, moje želi i moje potrebe, and my likes and dislikes. Alex had almost been superficial to me.

Za mene, polygamy was and is a humbling experience.  I never, ever dreamed Alex would consider polygamy. I used to come home and tell him stories about people in neighboring communities who were polygamous, and were getting divorced.  He even told me a couple of similar stories. 

A problem arose with realizing polygamy in my life. I now began to attach myself and focus too much attention on Alex. I swung far, way over to the opposite side.  Although I was still staying conscious of Allah SWT, I had now postati much too attentive to Alex. 

My Wakeel kept telling me, “What you chase runs from you. What you run from chases you. That is what a chase is all about.” My wakeel advised me time in and time out that nothing should ever be more important than Allah SWT.

To je otvorena kuća. Ne trebate kucati. Samo doći u.

As the date for the marriage drew closer, I felt a need to have more details about it from Alex. Tako, Pitao sam.  

I already knew the date the marriage was going to take place. They scheduled it for a weekday, the beginning of the week. He said he was going to go to work the day of the marriage and it would take place after the Maghrib prayer, at a Masjid in Carolinah’s hometown. I asked if afterwards they were going to go on a “Honeymoon.” On je rekao, ne; they were going to go away sometime during the next year. It didn’t seem at all romantic or glamorous to me and that made me feel much bolje. 

Carolinah didn’t live in the same geographical location as me, which made me feel much better as well.  Although, she didn’t live very, very far away, she was far enough away from me.   

Alex and I had revived the passion in our marriage or I should say brought alive passion that hadn’t existed before.  We now had a really nice connection. It felt like I had just met him.  Alex could very well say he was beginning new lives, one with Carolinah and one with me, simultaneously. 

He said he would stay four days with her and then would come back home.  I thought she was only supposed to get three days, but I didn’t bother to check it out or squabble about it. 

It didn’t feel that weird to me either, tada, kao it wouldn’t be the first time he was going to be with Carolinah…remember, they were together for a couple of years or so before he and I got married.  Maybe once they resumed the relationship he’d remember why he didn’t marry her to begin with (osmijeh).  Žao mi je!  That was way harsh.