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About the Author

Naim A. Samad’s online articles about marriages reveal the truth, myths, illusions and deceptive activities associated with marriage.

Naim A. Samad is also the author of the newly release book, “Don’t Leave Home without It.” It is the author’s field leveling, investigative masterpiece that arms readers with powerful information designed to help them avoid all forms of manipulation.

The Art of Selection

Manuals as thick as telephone directories have been written on the subject of selecting the right marriage partner. The key to the selection process is not to focus on a potential partner, but to focus on our ingrained human instincts. What are these human instincts?” They are imagination and desire. When we approach marriage from our own point of view, many of us fall short in reaching our goals. There are countless reasons why most of us finish last when setting out to build healthy marriages. Imagination and desire are our enemies! Imagination and desire will cripple a marriage before the relationship begins and ends. Before you know it, you are right back at the starting gate with a new partner, or wish you were!

When beginning the selection process, we often focus on what we want in our partner and not on our partner’s present composition. Our rational self is captured by our imagination and blinded by desire. The moment we are introduced to someone or view some photos, profiles, or personal ads online, we immediately enter an imaginary world, especially if the person is physically attractive. It is our own little world constructed by our imagination. At this point, we lose all sense of reality. Reality is what exists now and imagination is what we want to exist. The two are opposites. Our reliance on our intoxicated senses, intoxicated by imagination and desire, leads us into total darkness. Stoga, our objectivity fades away into the background.

This unreal portrayal depicts a fictional fairytale hero that originates from the desire to realize the storybook romance. On the surface, the storybook romance syndrome appears to be harmless. When individuals attempt to convert their imagination into a reality, total destruction visits the relationship, leaving the residue of psychological devastation behind. The storybook romance syndrome has defaced the truth about relationships, retarding them from ever having a chance of realizing success.

To achieve a blissful, long lasting marriage, you must not select a partner based on your imagination. You must remain focused on reality. You must also focus on objectivity and not subjectivity. In the absence of having an objective criterion to assist you in selecting your partner, you should turn to a sincere, trusted family member or friend for help in the selection process. A family member or friend would be more inclined to exercise an objective approach. Zapamtiti, when you are in the picture, you can’t see the picture!

Before You Say I Do

One out of every two marriages ends in divorce. Millions of Americans are filing for divorce.

Social scientists have led us in the wrong direction, as they embrace incorrect solutions to a momentous problem. They are sending forth a message that is misleading about marriage. This message from social scientists will continue to mislead individuals who sincerely want to establish healthy marriages, those who hope to embrace an everlasting marriage. In this article, we will explore the truth behind the soaring divorce rate. In our search for a remedy, we spend billions of dollars annually, chasing solutions that are illusions.

In the previous article, “The Art of Selection”, we explored how the selection process is retarded when selecting our mates. One’s selfish soul perverts the meaning of selecting a mate for marriage by focusing on imagination and desires. Take it a step further; let’s look at imaginary pleasures and security. Trapped in the Fairy Tale Syndrome, we pursue a mate in an effort to receive immediate and future gratification from him or her. The selfish soul commits acts that weaken the foundation for a healthy marriage from the very start. The potential mate commits blameworthy acts to make a good impression. He or she gives a misleading representation of oneself. Being overly kind, spending extravagantly, being conscious of one’s appearance, always appearing truthful, having late night telephone marathons, and displaying a disposition of caring and commonality of interests are commonplace when painting a handsome picture of deception.

In one’s effort to insure the acquisition of his or her desires, he or she resorts to deception to consummate personal relationships that eventually end in disaster. This activity is the beginning of the breakdown in the marriage union before a potential marriage couple says, “I do”.

Before marriage, the relationship seems magical. Every day is a heartwarming experience. It feels so surreal and no one likes to be aroused from a dream. This state of elation takes total control of us, blocking out any semblance of rational thought. Helplessly hypnotized, we become a servant to an oppressive master, our own desires. We absorb this form of deception similar to a sponge that absorbs water that eventually transforms into tears.

Allowing our desires to be the criteria to make decisions exposes us to the most destructive form of a relationship. It becomes impossible to be fair, just, equitable, impartial, unprejudiced, unbiased, objective or dispassionate with others or ourselves. If the family structure is the foundation of society, then we must rethink our strategy when approaching marriage.

As the dawn of reality rushes in and the dusk of deception slowly fades away, reflecting the light of reason, it becomes apparent we are in an undesirable relationship. It is no surprise that our mate’s disposition changes. He or she goes from being overly kind to being overly aggressive, mentally and physically. Sexual passion dissipates, extravagant spending dissolves, the truth becomes lies, commonality of interest changes to two strangers passing by one another in the night and the list of deceptions continues to unfold.

At the End of the Rainbow

The journey to a healthy marriage starts at the beginning of the rainbow. Experiencing the joy of childbirth is analogous to viewing a beautiful rainbow. Many women love being pregnant. They feel sexy and sensual, busty and beautiful. Osim toga, every time they gaze upon their expanding bellies, they must realize part two of this phenomenal and splendid act is about to commence.

Many loving and responsible parents verbalize a common statement in anticipation to the birth of their newborn. The universal statement is: “I want to give my son or daughter those things that I never had.” That statement made by parents echoes around the world. During the elation of having the newborn, we fail to realize our traditional ways may have a negative impact on our newborn’s disposition, as she or he develops.

Manipulated by tradition, we believe there is no other means to an end other than the way of those who went before us. Fraud, manipulation, and deception have led us to believe that it is appropriate behavior to expose our children to fairy tales. We also accept the belief that fairy tales are morality tales that will strengthen the moral disposition of our children. This statement is far from the truth, as children around the world who are exposed to fairy tales grow up trying to unravel the complexities in their lives caused by being trapped in the “Fairy Tale Syndrome.”

Our Fantasies Begin to Dominate our Minds; Our Desires Dominate Reason; We Begin to See Life, as We Desire Life to Be.

Fairy tales and fictional characters harbor illusions in our minds, constantly generating a false sense of reality. We begin to believe what we imagine to be real, losing all perspective of reality. If we fail to focus on the moment (Nekretnine), we may experience severe agony in the future. We are always concentrating on imaginary future events, as the present moment and its life giving lessons pass us by. We find our marriages crumbling to pieces and we do not know why. We wake up in a state of dizziness; our marriages resemble the workings of a revolving door; everyone is jumping on and off and it seems like life is spinning out of control.

Our fantasies begin to dominate our minds; our desires dominate reason; we begin to see life, as we desire it to be. We begin to fantasize about the type of intimate relationships we are going to have, even taking it to the extent of perceiving how we are going to act within the relationship. We create images in our minds, fantasizing about our knight in shining armor, or a Britney Spears; Ashanti look alike, or just the girl next door. We begin to fantasize about all sorts of things. It is similar to parachute jumping without a parachute. It is an enormous mistake, as every action has a reaction. Not knowing what the next moment will bring places us in an unprotected state.

When our fantasies fail to turn into reality, intoxicants seems to be an alternative. Our relationship with others turns sour and we turn on our best friends (even our imaginary ones). Fear increases, as well as our imaginary fears about future events that will never happen. Life for many becomes fragmented and unpleasant. We begin to experience feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and pessimism. The aforementioned is the reaction to focusing on our desires (fantasies) instead of reality.

In the United States 44.3 million people, 18 and older – oko 1 u 5 adults, suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder.”

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, “mental disorders are common in the United States and internationally. An estimated 22.1 percent of Americans ages 18 and older- oko 1 u 5 adults- suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. When applied to the 1998 SAD-a. Census residential population estimate, this figure translates to 44.3 million people. Dodatno, 4 of the 10 leading causes of disability in the U.S. and other developed countries are mental disorders-major depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Many people suffer from more than one mental disorder at a given time.” This is no surprise.

As the rainbow appears to fade away, the beautiful picture is no longer clear. What is now apparent is reality. Reality is tolerable when we accept it. Reality only becomes unbearable when we refuse to accept it. For those who are planning to experience that beautiful rainbow on the horizon, remember that universal statement – “I want to give my son or daughter those things I never had.”

We must give our children the opportunity to experience healthy marriages and embrace reality by encouraging them to focus and live in the moment. Many were denied opportunities to learn the truth about the harmful effects of fairy tales, fikcija, and desires. Countless marriages have ended as nightmares due to a universal misconception that children grow out of everything. Children do not grow out of anything, except clothing and they just grow into other things.

Fairy tales, fantasies, and fiction are vehicles that cause our children to experience gross disappointments in life and destroy any hope of a healthy marriage. We must ask ourselves the question – Do we want to foster disappointments and blameworthy characteristics in our children? Let’s build healthy marriages, zajedno!

What Destroys a Marriage?

Many marriages fail years before the loving couples meet. The exposure to a value system that promotes the acquisition of material possessions has a direct effect on our development as children. We learn early in life to take control of our material possessions.

This activity awakens our selfish nature and fortifies it as we mature. We learn to believe that we can do what we want with those possessions, my wife, my husband, my money, my toys, my bike, my car, my woman, my man, and mine, mine, mine! Unconsciously we believe these possessions are our slaves, and should be at our beckon call or perform a particular function that we desire. At anytime, when our possessions do not conform to our desires or expectations, we become outraged. The reality is these are not our possessions, especially human beings.

We want our mates to take a subservient position to our desires. This is the beginning of the end of a healthy marriage. The core of the problems in marriages today is that, for profit, we rely on traditions and false promises from others and institutions that manipulate our hopes and dreams. We have been led to believe that institutions are held to a higher standard, and do not fall into the same category as others who are motivated by selfish desires; ali, they are!

There are in excess of 400,000 marriage counselors, workshops, and therapy sessions posted on the Internet. Marriage counselors are professing to have the solution for a fee. Do you think they care about your marriage? The Judicial Branch of government is pointing the finger at the Legislative Branch. The Legislative Branch is pointing the finger at the Judicial Branch, and church organizations are partnering with social scientist to qualify for federal funding to rebuild marriages. Where is the solution?

Marriage is a fundamental institution deeply rooted in all societies. To uphold and defend the institution of marriage, we must place emphasis on the truth. The institutions of marriage should not be built on the traditional foundation of the past. The institution of marriage must be built on a strong foundation, representing truth, sincerity, sacrifice, and cooperation, mutually putting our desires and opinions to bay.

Individual who enter marriage with an opposing objective, which is to fulfill their own desires, will have a failed marriage. Both participants must understand that each of their desires and opinions are furthest from the truth. The truth is what exists at the moment and, or incident that occurred in the past. The truth is not what one may think is going to happen in the future, nor is it what one may believe should have or could have happened. Falsehood, seeking to fulfill individual desires, and imposing one’s opinions on another are destructive ingredients for all marriages. It is time for us to face the truth and to adopt a different posture when seeking a partner for marriage. We must change our perspective and evaluate why living together in harmony is such a momentous task. We then must apply the true meaning of love and togetherness and then we can begin to live happily ever after!