Problema Pianificazione rivisita mio matrimonio poligamo
da Ann maggio.04, 2009, durante la mia storia di oggi
Sì. Lo avete sentito bene. Il problema di pianificazione nel mio matrimonio poligamo mi ha rivisitato. Come nel mondo è potuto accadere?Io non pensato in un milione di anni sarebbe Alex, Carolinah, e me be right back in cui eravamo, a discutere del programma, a discutere del giorno. Un programma è una cosa semplice da capire e mettere insieme ... Destra?Si potrebbe pensare così.
Cercherò di renderlo il più breve possibile, poiché siamo stati più di problemi di schedulazione qui molto spesso, prima. Sono un po 'imbarazzato a presentare a voi di nuovo. Stavo considerando non farlo, ma tutti voi siete stati con me in tutto questo tempo, cammino con me, Mi sento così si dovrebbe essere con me anche su questo.
L'ultima volta che abbiamo parlato del calendario, Ho comunicato che era stato ultimato per il resto dell'anno 2009. Per ricapitolare, Alex pensiero Carolinah era dovuto più tempo per le vacanze,ma non pensavo fosse. Ciononostante, le fu dato quattro giorni. Il calendario è cambiato un po 'dall'ultima volta che ho scritto. Alex sarà con me durante gli anni Natale e notizie, anche se noi non celebriamo. Carolinah non dovrebbe molta cura, come lei deve lavorare ferie. Ha quel tipo di lavoro. Così, il programma è completo per il resto dell'anno.
Alex è programmato per iniziare un soggiorno in casa vacanza con Carolinah domani per undici giorni (sette giorni, più i quattro giorni trucco che ho detto sopra). Before Alex left me on Thanksgiving Day to go be with Carolinah, All'improvviso ho ricevuto una rivelazione che i quattro giorni che Alex aveva dato Carolinah non erano dovute a tutti i suoi. Una luce è venuto nella mia testa e tutto è diventato chiaro per me vividamente. L'ho portato a conoscenza di Alex e spiegato. Questo ha fatto impazzire di corso. Odia si occupano di questioni di pianificazione. Lui è andato avanti e avanti su come il programma era già stato preparato per il resto dell'anno. Gli ho comunicato che non ho voglia di lui di modificare il programma o prendere i giorni dal Carolinah. Gli ho comunicato che volevo solo essere risarciti per i giorni, dato quattro giorni e, whether this year or next.
Quella conversazione ha avuto luogo Giovedi (Giorno del Ringraziamento). Ieri, Sabato, Ho trovato la prova che non era dovuto Carolinah quei quattro giorni. Ho trovato il programma che Alex aveva preparato con i giorni di tutti gli Carolinah trucco e giorni di vacanza. L'ho inviata a lui. In quel momento che cominciò il caos. Alex e ho inviato via email avanti e indietro la maggior parte della giornata. Alex mi chiede come ho calcolato; quando arrivò il giorno, e che tipo di giorni in cui furono etc, etc, ecc… Ha insistito che non ha ottenuto i suoi giorni. Egli era sempre il vecchio metodo che abbiamo usato per fare la programmazione (fino al mio wali intervenuti) confuso con quanto stiamo facendo la programmazione a partire dal giugno 2009. Sulla base del vecchio modo di fare le cose, che è il periodo di tempo in questione,tutti i suoi giorni sono stati contabilizzati. Alex, A un certo punto, stopped responding to my emails and I had become worked up in a tizzy by then.
Ho inviato via email un numero di Alex più volte durante la sera e nelle prime ore del mattino con la mia prova che Carolinah è dovuto senza giorni. Ho cercato di renderlo il più chiaro e semplice come ho potuto. Di fatto, Ho appena finito di inviare email a destra prima di lui ho iniziato a scrivere questo post, per vedere se era arrivato a una conclusione. Non mi ha email di nuovo. L'ho chiamato al cellulare; tuttavia, lui non rispose. E 'a casa a causa presto, quindi dovrei trovare il finale della storia.
Sono molto turbato da ciò che è avvenuto perché so Carolinah era ben consapevole che non era dovuta quei giorni che le fu dato, ma lei non parlano di. Sono turbato perché Alex, che dovrebbe essere in cima al programma, una parte semplice di base della poligamia, non può mai fare la cosa giusta. Sono disturbato, come io non so come frode molto è stato commesso da Alex e Carolinah in passato quando hanno preparato il calendario. Sì, So che era in parte colpa mia, per non essere un partecipante attivo nel fare il calendario per circa due anni e mezzo. Non riuscivo a gestire il matrimonio su un programma in quel momento.
Come Alex gestisce questa materia sarebbe determinare in che modo procede il nostro matrimonio. Gli ho consigliato di che in uno dei messaggi di posta elettronica. Se non può essere equo e giusto con me, dopo tutti i sacrifici che ho fatto in questo matrimonio per lui di essere con Carolinah, quindi ho bisogno di chiedersi se ho bisogno di rimanere in essa. Se Alex non è possibile ottenere un diritto semplice calendario, abbiamo, cercando in alcuni gravi problemi in anticipo.
Io Vi terremo aggiornati!
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
11/29/09
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Come Alaikum salaamu!
Benvenuti alla poligamia 411! La nostra casa è per i musulmani e non musulmani. E 'per tutti coloro che vogliono parlare di poligamia, o chiunque sia in un matrimonio poligamico o sta pensando di entrare in uno. Ci piace avere compagnia. Mettetevi comodi e partecipare alla discussione, lasciando un commento. Non vediamo l'ora di vedervi di nuovo qui presto e spesso.
viaggio 4 meno!
November 29th, 2009 su 6:31 PM
In “feel you” girl. And I also feel FOR you. You need a lot of LOVE, WISDOM and GRACE from the SPIRIT of GOD to deal with this successfully – however you decide to handle it. I suggest that as long as you stay in the relationship – live in love toward them. Don’t be nit-picky about your schedule or anything else. But do require honesty from them or else.
If Alex doesn’t want to be honest with you or FAIR or JUST then He is violating His right to have a Polygamous marriage – according to the Koran right?
I suggest that you bring this to your “elders” attention and have them deal with it. Let Alex know that you are not playing. Don’t be his fool. You do not want to appear as the weak or “needy” one.
Be strong. Don’t be afraid of being alone. You can find a much better husband than Alex if need be. I believe you have a lot to offer which the right person would sincerely appreciate. Perhaps you have outgrown your relationship with Alex.
Just some food for thought.
November 29th, 2009 su 7:42 PM
Oooh, that is so very sweet and comforting. Thank you Curtis Farmer!
I have good news; at least I think it is. Alex and I came to a resolution. At first it entailed somewhat of a heated argument and then we calmed down and he conceded I was right about the schedule. Così, I’ve selected my days, which I’ll take in February. I truly felt this was the turning point…not so much about getting my way, but about fairness and justice.
A proposito, I swung by your blog. It’s very, very nice. I think when Alex leaves tomorrow, I’ll get a chance to visit and spend some time with you there
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
November 30th, 2009 su 2:49 AM
Bene, what did I say about ‘flexibility’ ?
November 30th, 2009 su 5:42 AM
I hear you (LOL), but flexibility is out the door when it comes to me. There is no flexibility when there is no love in the heart of a wife for a husband’s other “moglie.” I’m sure flexibility would be nice
November 30th, 2009 su 6:40 AM
Oh, I almost forgot; I was flexible. Alex was quite generous. He insisted that I take three additional days that I accused him and Carolinah of taking from me this past July. I declined and said I wouldn’t revisit the issue with those three days again. I wonder how many days were misplaced when I was in a semi-comatose state.
Comunque, it’s all good. With my four days in February, I secured Valentine’s Day although I shouldn’t celebrate (I can’t help it. Love is in the air everywhere that day). With President’s Day attached, it bought me seven days. I may treat Alex to a cruise on those days, if I can find a convenient one, Insha Allah.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
November 30th, 2009 su 9:56 PM
I think this man likes to see women fight over him.
Don’t give him the satisfaction. Be independent and strong.
December 1st, 2009 su 2:50 AM
Chatelaine, I think you have a point there. “Independent and strong” is good. I was wondering whether Alex was enjoying the dissention.
One of my sisters, just this evening, said to me, “He must have a big head (ego)” with Carolinah and me fighting over spending time with him.
Alex spent part of the day with me today. He left late this afternoon. I was very strong when he left, no mushy, gushy, Ti amo, crying, sad stuff. Thank God much for that. As Curtis Farmer stated, I shouldn’t be a “debole”, “needy”, fool”.
I feel at peace and content with his absence at the moment. I can only pray that I’ll steadily continue to grow and get better.
Grazie, Chatelaine.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
December 1st, 2009 su 2:55 AM
Haji Rafiq, I was expecting you to get hit with a lot of questions, since you live polygamy and could possibly shed some light on the subject from a male’s perspective. I can say you’ve enlightened me, regarding some things.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
December 1st, 2009 su 11:16 AM
Hi Home,
Could I ask you to share with us some time what the positives are in your relationship with Alex? These are the things I’ve heard so far: (using my own words)
1. It could be worse.
2. Even though there is a second wife, at least it makes me feel that I’m first.
3. Everthing is ordained to be the way it is. I’m free to leave, but if that happens, it will have been ordained.
Thanks Ana, as always, J.
December 1st, 2009 su 7:48 PM
Yes Judith. I certainly could do that. I’m so used to venting about the negative, and not talking about the good things that happen in my marriage; I could see how it appears there is only bad in it. I surmise that is why I haven’t been writing much lately about my life, as there hasn’t been much drama to speak of. I’ve just been settling in. Ma, it is part of my journey so I should write about it.
Così, I will move on. It may be awkward initially. I feel in talking about the good in my life, I’m gloating. I’ll try to get past that though and share.
Judith, thanks for helping me move my writing forward in a new direction.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
December 1st, 2009 su 8:14 PM
As I stated before, Alex likes to see the two of you struggle over him. Stop struggling, and simply make yourself less available to him. Explore other interests outside of your home. Consider taking classes at a university, or perhaps take practical classes in the arts for your entertainment and self development. You will find this to be a pleasant diversion, and you may meet interesting people as well. Too much of your life and your time is focused on Alex, his needs, and your need to have him in your life. He hardly spends any time taking your needs into consideration, so why make his needs your priority? What exactly does Alex offer to you, other than the title “Mrs.” in front of your name?
December 1st, 2009 su 9:06 PM
Chatelaine, you offered good advice. There are good things happening in my life with Alex that I don’t speak of. I intend for that to change. I’m glad Judith brought it to my attention today. I’ve been intending to take the blog in a different direction to show the positive aspects of polygamy as I know of them, and see them in my life.
I am quite busy and not totally pre-occupied with Alex. I have begun preliminary work on my business, but need to spend more time with it and take it further. It is going to entail a tremendous amount of work, putting together the business plan and obtaining financing and all. It concerns me, as I’ve grown so attached to spending so much time with everyone here, writing and reading and I dislike the thought of not being able to communicate as often with everyone. I can’t even find enough time to visit all my friends’ blogs and I feel badly about it.
I’ve been trying to get the new marriage site up and running, nonché. It’s technically challenging. I hope to have that in effect by the New Year. Così, I have been quite busy with things besides Alex. I guess there’s no way of anyone knowing that unless I speak up about it. Thank you much, Chatelaine for your earnest concern, and all your suggestions. It mean very much to me
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December 2nd, 2009 su 11:54 PM
What are your expectations of a relationship with a man?
What was the nature of your relationship with your father ?
What was the nature of the relationship between
your mother and your father ?
December 3rd, 2009 su 1:25 AM
Chatelaine, those are very good questions. Why do you ask?
I’m going to contemplate my answers to those questions and contemplate how those relationships may have impacted my life and my expectations of a relationship.
Do you think there is a relation between the answers to those questions and the reason women end up accepting polygamous relationship?
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December 3rd, 2009 su 1:33 PM
Sounds ok, but please ignore such advice as be less available to him. What do such people have in mind? I see that you came to a solution. With love, flexibility and good intentions you can always find a solution. Your flexibility will be a good investment as you will be appreciated and lobed more.
December 3rd, 2009 su 10:46 PM
Home,
My theory is that women who accept polygyny may be willing to accept a relationship with a man who is only partially available to them physically and emotionally. Perhaps a woman would accept this polygynous relationship model as being acceptable because her parents had a relationship where there was significant emotional or physical distance, or because the woman had an unavailable or distant father. That is my hypothesis.
December 4th, 2009 su 6:06 AM
Haji rafiq, it’s funny, Alex is with Carolinah on vacation this week and part of next. He emailed me on Wednesday and said he’d like to come over Thursday. I said OK. He’s done that in the past when he’s been with her and I used to try to analyze it all. Was he not having such a good time with her? Did he rather be with me than her? This time, I didn’t do that, as it didn’t matter and it felt good not caring.
The main reason I wouldn’t make myself less available to Alex is because I believe that was part of what got him and me into the situation that we currently are in. I wasn’t available for him before he married Carolinah. I was not, despite my reasons for not being.
I think being less available may work in a dating relationship, but not necessarily a marriage. Now I can certainly see the importance of a wife having “a life” and not being “needy”, otherwise her husband could be put off by her or he becomes her lord and that’s not good either. The way I see it; there needs to be a balance.
I’m happy he and I reach a solution.
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December 4th, 2009 su 6:55 AM
Chatelaine,
I think there may be truth in your theory. I believe what happens in our lives, during our formative years gives shape to who we are. I had a “distant”, “unavailable” biological father. My mother was cold, aloof, and emotionally detached from my stepdad. She didn’t realize she loved him until after she divorced him. I was the same toward Alex and didn’t take notice of him until he “sposato” Carolinah. It’s all so interesting.
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December 4th, 2009 su 6:02 PM
I see you have great insight.
May it guide your decision making in your relationship.
20 gennaio, 2010 su 5:54 PM
Are you sure you are not married to my husband?? Seriously Ana, I feel for you. My family goes down this road off and on also, and when it’s on it can be miserable. Some people, in particular people who don’t adjust well to schedules or who refuse to accept them in their hearts, aren’t meant for polygamy. At least that is how I feel. A schedule kept is the only way, with some flexibility of course, to maintain tranquility and respect in my belief. Grr I hate the schedule.
20 gennaio, 2010 su 11:32 PM
You said a mouth full New#3. Refusing in our hearts to accept a schedule is a huge problem. It’s sooooo difficult. I still sit down and study the schedule often to make sure Carolinah doesn’t have any advantage over me. I hate the way it makes me feel, so petty and obsessive.
There was an incident recently. When Alex and I last went away on vacation in November, he left Carolinah early in the a.m., earlier than he normally would have left her if he had to go to work, as we had a plane to catch. Ho pensato; I’m going to hear this again one day soon.
Certo, basta, I heard it. The past recent holidays, Carolinah had to work them. I guess she had off a Saturday after to make up for it. Alex spoke to me about leaving me early that Sat. He wanted to leave around 10:00 a.m instead of 4:00ish p.m. He cited he had some hours to make up with her from our vacation. I said no. Make them up the next time she has vacation. I know it was petty and mean, but I’m sorry. Why should I accomodate her? She won’t even acknowledge I exist.
New#3, I understand exactly what you speak of. No one knows it better than me. Haji Rafiq, wouldn’t like what we say. He’s an advocate for flexibility. You mentioned flexibility is good. I believe flexibility is good too. I’m just having a difficult time with flexibility.
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21 gennaio, 2010 su 9:29 AM
‘flexibility’. One of the ways mean people take advantage of kind people. No thanks. I prefer the sound of ‘backbone.’
21 gennaio, 2010 su 1:12 PM
I hear you! Give a person an inch and they take a mile. By saying no to that Saturday request, it prevents me from having to deal with anymore of them. And you know they would have been coming. I have no reason to have any consideration for Carolinah.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.