Il mio Wali, Me e mio marito
da Ann su Aug.17, 2009, durante ciao a tutti
È importante che tu sappia questo di mio marito Alex, il mio wali (la mia guida), e me. Io non ascolto nulla il mio Wali aveva da dire sulla mia decisione di sposare Alex. In ignorato le mie Wali avvertimenti e consigli, come avevo già cominciato a comunicare con Alex. Ho avuto lunghe conversazioni con lui, e lo aveva incontrato. Ho cominciato a diventare emotivamente legato a lui. Sono diventato cieco dal mio desiderio di sposare. Volevo che la speciale obbligazionari e l'intimità sessuale. Era bella sensazione viva, felice e civettuola. La gioia di pianificazione “il mio giorno speciale” e un ricevimento di nozze tradizionale mi ha riempito di gioia.
Non mi rendevo conto fino a dopo Alex ed io eravamo sposata che sapeva quasi nulla di Islam, né si cura di sapere. Prima ci siamo sposati, Alex Went a Jum'ah (Venerdì Preghiera). Egli a volte indossava un kufi e jalabiyyah (Abito da musulmano). Ha preso un paio di corsi presso la Masjid (moschea), nonché. Anche se ha avuto alcuni membri della famiglia che erano musulmani (alcuni che erano musulmani e l'Islam praticato e alcuni che erano musulmani e non praticare), non sapeva quali alimenti sono halal (legale) e cose di questo genere. Non prima Alex ed io erano via per due settimane sul nostro “luna di miele” ho visto chiaramente che avevo sposato. Alex non ha nemmeno discutere di Allah, o l'islam. Egli ha menzionato né Allah e l'Islam se non affrontato i temi.
All'inizio del nostro matrimonio, Ho cominciato a notare cose sottili su di lui. In particolare, uno giorno Alex mi ha detto, “Non sapevo che dovevo essere salvato.” L'ho portato a dire che era troppo religioso per lui. In un'altra occasione scattò verso di me, dicendo che stava parlando di lavoro, non è l'Islam. Era consapevole del fatto che non Islam comprende tutto, compreso il lavoro? Egli ha avuto molte ragioni per non digiunare alcuni giorni durante il mese sacro del Ramadan. Ho visto la sua reazione quando un membro della sua famiglia ha chiesto se era musulmano; L'ho visto scuotendo la testa, dicendo no alle mie spalle. La sua non-musulmano madre ci ha offerto non Halal cibo e tacque. Egli non ha dirle che non poteva mangiare il suo cibo, perché non era cibo halal. Ciononostante, lui non lo mangia, ma non ha detto perché sia. Non aveva professato l'Islam prima di sposarci e, ora, Ho più o meno è stato costringendolo a. Non deve essere stato facile per lui, sentirsi obbligato per offrire salat (preghiera) cinque volte al giorno, restrizioni che hanno sul cibo, e con un nuovo stile di vita messo su di lui.
Sapevo prima di sposarci che non so molto di Islam, ma ho pensato che avrebbe imparare. Dopo tutto, mi aveva detto prima che ci sposassimo che non so molto di Islam, ma era disposto ad imparare. Il problema è che si deve voler sapere qualcosa prima si può imparare. Cominciai a sentirmi ingannato, ingannato. In era portare da lui a credere si trattava di qualcuno che non era. Sono diventato pieno di odio, rabbia e l'amarezza verso di lui. Tutto quello che abbiamo passato insieme è stato superficiale. Eravamo compatibili economicamente. Noi goduto di vacanza e simili, ma non aveva alcun interesse in comune Allah SWT, nessuna connessione con l'Islam.
L'unica cosa che Alex collegato fortemente l'Islam è la poligamia. Da tutta la singola Le donne musulmane in tutto il mondo oltre, Alex ha scelto un non-musulmano donna a diventare poligamo e andare con vivo con. Egli “sposato” una donna che aveva un non-musulmano teenager così come un non-musulmane che vivono figlio adulto nella sua casa. Aveva due figli che non erano neonati o bambini piccoli. Alex ha scelto di lasciarmi part-time a vivere con i non-musulmani. Ha usato l'Islam (poligamia) di avere una relazione al di fuori del nostro matrimonio? Alex non si voltò lontano dalla a me. Si voltò dall'Islam (che è un modo di vita) da “sposare” la sua e andare a vivere con loro. Il mio Wali sembra pensare la frode di fingere di volere l'Islam (fingendo di volere una vita islamica) Era troppo per Alex per perpetrare più. Ora credo che avesse ragione.
Ho seguito il mio basso NAF (il mio desiderio egoistico). Ho e continuano a soffrire le conseguenze. A Wali è estremamente importante per aiutare a decidere chi fare un marito. Una donna ha bisogno di un wali, che è l'obiettivo, e può aiutare una donna a vederci chiaro, dal momento che (Wali) non è nell'immagine. Non si può essere incluso nella foto e vedere l'immagine allo stesso tempo. Una donna ha bisogno di farsi da parte e ricevere l'aiuto di suo wali nella scelta di un compagno.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
Lascia un commento
-
Come Alaikum salaamu!
Benvenuti alla poligamia 411! La nostra casa è per i musulmani e non musulmani. E 'per tutti coloro che vogliono parlare di poligamia, o chiunque sia in un matrimonio poligamico o sta pensando di entrare in uno. Ci piace avere compagnia. Mettetevi comodi e partecipare alla discussione, lasciando un commento. Non vediamo l'ora di vedervi di nuovo qui presto e spesso.
viaggio 4 meno!
March 18th, 2009 su 12:41 PM
If my husband ever took another wife it would be too soon, baring in mind that when I was first with him I wasn’t muslim while he had been Muslim for 10 years at that point and time. Anche, we weren’t married. I barely had him to myself, most of the time she was also there; we were under one roof. Often times jealousy got the best of me because I noticed he shared more intimacy with her than he ever did with me. There was never at any time a spark or excitement in our relationship. I felt like I was a spare tire and the other woman was his four wheels. It hurt me daily, I didn’t feel desired as much as the desire other men had for me. Men before him appeared to be more in to me, lui. Then there would be other women he would notice and would talk to them right in front of my face! I would have to hear about some woman he saw or met or shared intimacy with. How beautiful she is, how pretty she is, the shape of her figure, what he would do to her or with her. I began to feel worthless and strung along for his sake. I felt ugly. I would often question his motives and reasons for being with me, spending time with me; and often times I wouldn’t get straight answers. I feel he’s using Islam to persue his desires of being with other women, for when I met him he wasn’t practicing it. He didn’t make any salats, he didn’t fast during Rhamadan, he all ways shaved, and he didn’t go to a masjid; tuttavia, he wouldn’t eat pork and he didn’t celebrate any of the non-Islamic holidays but he didn’t celebrate the Islamic holidays as well. I witnessed this for the two years I was with him until I imbraced Islam. I began to push the issue that we should go when I was invited to cook outs and classes up there…. a month later I converted. As soon as I converted I married Jihad for I knew what was to come once I stepped in that house with him. I did it out seeking protection for my deen. Now it’s just a question of whether I should divorce him or not. I don’t know why he ever became a Muslim in the first. I suspect he did so for his benifits.
19 marzo, 2009 su 11:08 AM
Thank you very much for commenting, Annonymous
I think your husband and mine were in the same boat. It seems they accepted Islam for whatever reason, but it wasn’t for the benefit of their own souls. My husband said he accepted Islam after someone advised him that he should become Muslim, as his family members already were (Hi ex-wife and her children were Muslim.)
As for whether to divorce your husband, I suggest you patiently persevere in the name of Allah, as Allah has already made the decision as to whether or not you will divorce. Try very had to be patient and Allah will reveal to you what that decision is.
August 14th, 2009 su 7:06 AM
As salaamu alaikum.
I had an experience which really comes to mind when I read this. While searching for a husband, I came across someone (through a friend of mine) who seemed like a “good catch.” He was attractive, just turning 40, had a PhD, was teaching in a university, and had been “Musulmano” for most of his life. Not only that, he was vegan and health conscious which was attractive to vegetarian/pescatarian/healthfoody me. As we corresponded by e-mail, I learned that he started out in some unusual branch of “Islam” and moved to another unusual branch. Although he said he was not formally associated with that anymore, it took over 1,000 e-mail and a week long trip to Bahrain for me to finally learn that he had been praying in English, did not know anything about istinjah, wudhu, formal salat, ecc. He was seriously into chess. He proposed while visiting me in Bahrain. I accepted, but afterwards Allah sent me sign upon sign about the man. In the end, I voiced my concerns to my friend and her husband, who agreed to act as my wali. I had provided him with books to read to learn more about Islam. As time went on, I asked if he was attending Jumuah prayer, to which the reply was “no.” When he said he was studying, I thought he meant reading his books, but he meant studying chess moves for an upcoming tournament. All that attractive package, but no deen. I knew in my heart that nothing can work without adherence to Islam. I’d lived that lie before. I turned him down on the same day that I had a chaperoned meeting with another prospect. That other prospect is my husband now. It was clear that it was a test, and in me choosing religion over dunya, I was rewarded literally within a couple of hours, lol.
It is important to be patient, because we never know what we are supposed to fully learn or reach in a relationship. Tuttavia, when the man is so deficient in religion, there is nothing of real value to hold on to.
May Allah guide Alex and all these men who are so far from His Path to realization and emaan – ameen.
October 15th, 2009 su 9:52 PM
At least he did not lie to you. That was a blessing.
October 16th, 2009 su 3:29 PM
Above comment should have been addressed to Mai.
December 1st, 2009 su 2:30 PM
I just got divorced. I am a born Muslim,from a good religious upbringing. I always had dreams, and lived for my dreams…sometimes without even knowing where the dream would lead i would chase it. I left my own country as i am amitious i usually do well at work. i wanted to live away from my home and experience life. I came to this new country and got lonely. a common friend actually he is someone i always respected and had known from my homeland. knew him for 7 years. and always admired him.just for simplicity lets call him MR M. I had secretly actually loved this Man for past 7 years. He was everything i ever wanted. I was nineteen when i met him first time. Thattime he was single, since he was 10 years elder to me. he was desperately looking to settle down, he was pious, use to pray five times. I liked that though i wasnt praying so much. then suddenly one day i learnt he got married. I was still just 20, did not understand anything musch but felt bad. We were just acquaintaince but there was some chemistry between us. but we never had a relationship or any such thing. we hardly saw eachother. but his name and feelings attached with his name got imprinted in my heart. Anyways, when i came to this new country i got to know thru a common person that he too is here. i fel so happy, i did not want anything from him, but that feeling i had for him since i met would just not go. Even when i would try to see other men i would always end up comparing them with him and finding them so dissappointing.
I tried to get in touch with him here, i get his tel nos through the company i know he works for. I wait for three weeks to gather the guts to call him. It was almost after three-four years and a lot of tears and missing him that i finally found him. I called him with butterflies in my stomach. He picks up the phone and the minute i say hi he recognises my voice immediatly and calls me by name. The first thing he asks is whther or not i am married. I say No- i am not married. Soon i learn that he has changed a lot now and has become very religious. he wears a beard and is involved a lot with the work of tabliqh. he gives me a lot of advice to follow the religion finally i ask him to meet me over coffee. He refuses aying its not right and allowed in islam to meet a woman like this. I feel a bit sad, but then i am ok back to my life. we speak once in 6 months. i did not ask him again ever to meet. one day i called him after 5 months as i saw him in my dream. I started to feel by now that thisman is the most important person in my life and the day ever i find someone i would take my to be to him for approval. i dont know why but i needed his approval. Anyways, when i called him he spoke well. after two days he called me again which is very rare as he would never call me. He told me that he found some one for me.
I found the events so strange, my dream then this thought of taking my to be to him for approval then he calling and suggesting that he had found someone for me. I felt may be this is it. I met the person he introduced as the most gentle man, a pious and reliegious man again with a beard. Mr M. said that i can give to you in vlood he will never cheat on you. Well.. i saw the man(lets call him MR.C) he was young just 2 years elder to me very eager to get married. Always talking of Allah and Islam and also involved in Tabliq. To cut the long story short withing 4 months of courtship which by the way happened inspite of MrC.’s such isalmic background, I got married. The marriage was forced on to me emotionally on the context that meeting ithout marriage is haram, this is haram, that is haram. I even told MR C. My feelings for Mr A. but he said he will take care of me and love me so muh tht i will forget all my past hurt and pain.
Meanwhile Mr A. suddenly saw that i was confused and not sure wheteher to marry or not. He asked me to marry him, inspite of his wife and a kid.
i was shocked to see this coming frm him.. however after a couple of months of thinking and being emotional i got married to MR. C who was persuing me like no ones business.
Its been a year plus. w got married last year in winter and now i am divorced, as MR C couldnt handle marriage, he did not like to take responsibility though the fact is that i was earning much more and supporting the house in every manner. I never ever bought the money or career topic up. I wasnt so religious but i was spiritual, staying with MRc. i started to offer Salat, i always fasted from childhood. I started to wear hijab in Ramadan. I read so much on islam that i was begining to understand the beauty of the religion just recently. I loved the way marriage is suppose to be in islam. I started to work on mine.
MR C always was violent man. he would get angry, everynow and then with no reason, break thing in the house, even hit me on an occasion. he use to fight unnecessarily and leave the house and me crying and then comeback after hours when he is tired to sleep. but would never make it up. it was alwasy me who would go to him.
he even pronounced Talaak to me thrice in his rage once. but i was told that it counts as one talaak so we can still be together. We continued staying for sometime but the fights got worse. The worst part was i never spoke a word about this to anyone. Jst suffered and tried harder to work on the marrieage. He got tired and exposed himself and his doing to my family and MR A.
And last month he broke hell in the house again without any reason broke the whole furniture, abused and made me call my dad to tell him what he was doing with me. i called my dad and Mr A as i was hystrical and did not knw wht to do.
MR A came with his wife and rescued me from this hell and gave me shelter in his own house. His wife treated me like a sister i opened up them abot whta was happening to me and also mentioned about Talaak. MR A and Mr C spoke to islamic scholars and found out that as per shariah the Talaak is done.
So there I was on my to embrace islam, abandoned and bruised by my husband who follows the religion to the dot. Staying with Mr A and knowing him well. I told him what all i went through and also confessed my feelings for him was one of the reason i took this husband as he was refered by him.
Mr A. immediately proposed me marriage. Even his wife said she is ok with me coming into their family as they cant have kids and would do well with another person and savings will be there too.
I was so lost. Just so broken from the current isalmic man. and a proposal from “THE MAN” of my life. I exused myself and bought some time… My mother came to stay with me. MR C. has fleed away from this country to his home country. Without even signing the legal divorce. MR M offered Marriage but since i was in no state to accept he shut his door on me. Now neither he nor his wife talk to me.
I am here wondering was i wrong or they actually didnt get what islam is all about..
I am continuing my journey alone now. I will embrace islam and walk towards ALLAH SBT with ot without these MR’s… Lesson learnt. La Illaha Ilallah. THere is NO GOD BUT ALLAH>.
Please let me know what your advice is for me. I am in my twenties and have a life ahead inshallah
December 1st, 2009 su 8:35 PM
Dia, Come Alaikum salaamu.
As you know, I’m no scholar, sheik, Imam or expert or anything like that here. Ma, I can offer you advice based on the little that I know. My advice to you would be to continue doing what you are doing, continue to “embrace Islam and walk towards ALLAH SBT with or without these MR’s.”
Perhaps Allah SWT is testing you to see whether you would turn back on your heels from Faith after the two men were out of your life. My understanding is that you began to practice Islam more once you began communicating again with the man that you’ve always loved and when you married your husband. Some people who experienced what you’ve just gone through would abandon Allah and go on their merry way, stop offering salat, stop reading Quran, and stop trying to serve Allah. By no means should you stop any of those things.
You are very young and I believe Allah has a good husband waiting for you. I think you just have to seek Allah’s help by patiently persevering and prayer. This is the time to turn all your attention to Allah. Ask Him for His help and guidance and don’t give up no matter what. I think it’s all a test for you and you could pass it. When it’s the right time, Allah would send you the husband that he has chosen for you; Credo che.
Regarding what happened with the man you love and his wife, we could only guess. Perhaps Satan entered in and jumped all over his wife. Maybe she thought she could handle polygamy and then realized she couldn’t. Perhaps they are just taking some time out to digest the whole thing and figure it all out without being hasty. We won’t know unless they tell you.
You could ask Allah to remove the love from your heart for the man. Sometimes we love holding onto the love because it feels good at the detriment of ourselves. I’m talking from experience. Ma, eventually we may realize the love is not good for us and let go, or it may all turn out favorably for us to continue with the love…only Allah knows. Conoscete il detto: Maybe it’s a blessing, maybe it’s a curse, only Allah knows.
Sounds like you’re going in the right direction though.
If anyone has advice for Dia, please comment. Everyone’s comments are welcome.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
December 2nd, 2009 su 6:32 PM
In- salaam. I am so glad to have your reply. This is the first time i actually wrote my life out and was wondering if its actually going to be read.
Thanks a lot for taking the time out and commenting.
I value each word you wrote. I am working hard to keep my self positive. The whole pain, hurt and confusion in my life is i feel turning out to be a blessing. The way Allah (SWT) helped me out and picked me rather gracefully just got me out of the painful marriage is no short of a miracle. I felt as if I am blessed among all the chaos.
Bene, I know how difficult it is to go through what i just went through specially when you dont have a support system and family around. But I understood the saying that ” Allah is sufficent for me”
I am doing Salats, this friday inshallah will start Quran Tajweed classes to perfect my Quran Pronunciation and also i participate in lectures held at islamic centers.
I cry sometimes, but then immediately take comfort in Dikhr and Salats and reading about Islam. I have understood its a such a perfect and beautiful religion and nothing is more better for a women of Islam than to Live in accordance to the same.
I have come to understand how a marriage is to be. How A MAN is required to be. A Man of Faith, a true believer of Allah and his Prophet and the one who walks on the path walked by the guided ones can be and is the best gift a woman can have.
I now only pray to My Allah (SBT) to bestow me with a righteous man. He who is close to Allah and fears him can never go too far from light. I pray for such a righlty guided partner.
I still feel the same way for the One I loved… However as you correctly advised i am not sure if this love is blessing or curse. I pray to Allah ot guide me and take him of My life and Heart if he is not good for me and my Emaan.
And if he is the one than to make it easier and guide us both to the right path. This only Allah knows and will decide for me.
Meanwhile I will continue my journey and allow myslef to be enriched with more Emaan and Wisdom Inshallah.
Please do Pray for me and I will also pray for you for allah to ease each confused souls burden and guide us all to the truth and Emaan.
Make this life and hereafter esier and better for us all. Ameen..
Thanks once again.
December 4th, 2009 su 7:14 AM
Dia,
What you said is extremely important. You said you will pray for Allah SWT to bestow on you a husband that is a “giusto” man. It is probably the only way you will have true happiness with a husband, only in a marriage built on a good, solid foundation…the right foundation.
I failed to pray for what you are praying for. My priorities were screwed up. I only asked Allah SWT for a husband with a good social standing and financially stability…things like that. You see where that has gotten me. I still wonder whether in the long term there is any lasting hope for Alex and my marriage when it’s built on such a weak foundation. Must it be torn down and built again?
I pray Allah SWT give you the best in this world and the best in the Hereafter, and protect you from His wrath and His Hellfire. Perhaps He will give you the man that you already love.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
December 5th, 2009 su 2:01 PM
Thanks Ana,
I am finally getting at least closer to what i should ask for from Allah. I had no clue earlier what is right for us.
I am not sure if one has to torn the structureime down to build a new one on the right foundations. Sometimes you may have to go beyond yourself and your current situation to find solution. Pray and leave the rest to Allah, however dont make your marriage everything. I know it sums up to be. But I read somewhere that people love people who hurt them all their life and for what, just because its too hard to give up the comfort zone of known people.
Its love that tie us down in marriage its the emotional cost of leaving. Like cattle if we find green pastures(love or something like love) we just get so stuck there that we sont want to leave, even when we understand that the land is barren. we stick in hope that all this wwhile we survive here so we will survive some more. We cannot just think of letting go its too tough on us.
We stay in relations because of fear.. fear of being lonely, fear of not finding love again, fear that others are still happyily married, fear of facing our own strength and coming to terms of who we really are.
We forget the very reason why we are with someone, that was because we decided to live with love and share life. Not share miseries by creating more. Take a step back from your current life. See it as a third person or from far above. Pray and Meditate. You will get your answer, you will have to give your self a chance to find the truth away from the chaos. you deserve this for yourself.
Prayers Help.. a lot but with right intention and right prayers life is right.
Let me know what your views are.
Lots of love and prayers.
Dia
December 6th, 2009 su 5:01 PM
Dia, Come Alaikum salaamu,
I like the analogy that you gave about the cattle and the green pasture. It’s true we have many fears that are debilitating, as the only fear we should have is the fear of Allah. Recognizing our fears is a beautiful thing, as at least we know what we need to work on, that those fears need to be removed.
About leaving a relationship and moving on, I don’t think it’s as easy as many people want to make it out to be. I believe moving on isn’t that simple because we can’t go anywhere until Allah decides. We’ve been told too often that we decide what happens in our lives and we chose our destiny, which is a lot of hog wash to me. If that’s the case, why are people poor when they want to be wealthy, why are they sick instead of healthy, why are they single when they want to be married or married when they want out of the relationship, ecc?
I believe we have limited free will and that free will is whether to worship Allah or not worship Him, free will to want to do good, or evil and that’s pretty much the extent of free will.
When it comes to removing ourselves from a relationship, I don’t think it’s as easy as just walking away. There’s a reason that we’ve been placed in the relationships that we’re in.
I think we put an unnecessary burden on ourselves when we feel we have to decide whether to stay in a relationship or leave, when we really just need to do as you’ve said, “pray and mediate”…lots of prayers. We’ll be removed when and if it’s time, or maybe not at all…no sooner or later. The same goes for being placed in a relationship when we’re seeking a mate.
I think you don’t have to pursue the man you love. If Allah wants to place the two of you together, He’ll make it happen, as He is the doer of what He wills. Whatever is for you will never pass you and whatever passes you was never for you. We have to remember that we aren’t the ones that make things happen; otherwise, we fall under the false concept that we have to do more than what we’re doing and we frustrate and aggravate ourselves, thus the undue burden. I think we agree we must exercise an extreme amount of patience, perseverance, and prayer, which is difficult except for those that are humble.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
December 7th, 2009 su 3:26 PM
Sister, you wrote, “I had lengthy conversations with him, and had met him. I began to establish an emotional attachment to him.”
Poi: “I did not realize until after Alex and I were married that he did not know anything about Islam, né si cura di sapere.”
How is it possible that you had lengthy conversations, yet did not realize that he knows nothing about Islam? What on earth did you talk about? When I was engaged we also had lengthy conversations, in which we talked about Islamic books we were reading, actually studied Islam together over the phone, discussed our visions of what our future family life would be like, shared our dreams (all of which are rooted in Islam), ecc.
In the end she broke up with me a month before our wedding, I suspect because I’m not her type physically.
This is one thing that annoys me about some women, that if they are attracted to a man physically they will ignore everything they see and hear about his character, and if they are not attracted, then the man stands no chance regardless of how good a person he is.
December 7th, 2009 su 9:34 PM
Musulmano, that experience, to which you refer must have been painful. But Muslim, you are not alone. The problem of illusion is something we all stumble and fall into, or feel we have been dealt at times.
Home, the question Muslim writes about though has puzzled me too. Clearly, Islam is not just important, it is of central importance to you. And yet it doesn’t seem to be a thriving point of your relationship with Alex. How can this be? I can understand feeling that you should accept polygamy, in the form in which it was brought into your life, you have explained it very well. Do you feel the same way about your practice of Islam? That you deal with it as it exactly as it was brought to you?
December 7th, 2009 su 9:38 PM
Musulmano, Come Alaikum salaamu! Welcome to polygamy 411. Thank you for commenting, and being forthright.
I agree with what you said. The only difference is it wasn’t about the physical for me, at least not his appearance. Appearance wise, he wasn’t the type of person that I dated when I used to date. It was about Alex’s educational background, his financial stability, his desire to take care of me, love me, and provide for me. Ha detto che non sapeva molto di Islam, but was willing to learn and said he believed I’d be good for his imam.
I spent the next several months planning our wedding reception, looking for my engagement and wedding rings and my gown…in search of fulfilling my dream. Dopo tutto, I had the rest of my life for us to learn Islam together. The problem was he had no true desire to learn and know anything about Islam.
If I had it to do all over again, my intention would be to do all of the things you described that you and your intended did. Some may ask why not get out of my marriage and start over. It’s easier said than done…
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
December 7th, 2009 su 10:13 PM
Judith, hai ragione; Islam was not a thriving point of my relationship with Alex. For the almost five years that we were monogamous, I had pretty much turned my attention and focus away from Alex, and fulfilled my quest for trying to live and learn Islam without him. I turned to my non-biological Muslim family.
Alex did not become a focal point in my life until he “sposato” Carolinah. Perhaps he had a legitimate reason to turn to another woman; nonetheless, there’s a proper way to do it in Islam. Isn’t that funny? What would he care or know about the proper way? Perhaps his interest in another woman sparked a desire for me to hold onto my husband and begin to see him as a husband.
Ora, I’ve begun again to turn my attention away from Alex, and have again begun to put my focus where it truly needs to be, Su Dio. I’m beginning to accept the fact that Alex and Carolinah probably have much in common. Alex and my commonality is strictly this wordly life. I would like the best in this world and the best in the Hereafter for me. There’s a strong possiblility Alex and I won’t be together in the Hereafter. I’m now focusing on me. I’m trying to get there, meaning-the Hereafter.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
December 13th, 2009 su 12:26 PM
so do you have a place set up on line for woman to go to find a husband to be a second or third wif???? or a place for the men to go either way
December 13th, 2009 su 4:59 PM
Maimunah, Sì! We do have a new marriage site that, Insha Allah, will be up and running soon; I’m hoping to have the fine tuning done by January 1, 2010. It will have polygamy options available.
Please, tutti, feel free to give any suggestions and recommendations for the marriage site, while were making the finishing touches. Kindly use the Contact Form on the site. All comments would be helpful to let us know what you’d like offered and provided.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
December 14th, 2009 su 6:54 PM
Salaam Per Tutti,
This string is most interesting. Mai’s experience shows the greatest wisdom, that of patience and diligent observation. Love has it’s physical attraction which belongs to the body and dictates what the body desires and responds to. But this is erotic love and not the love of the soul or of allah. All three loves must be in allignment for marital success.
That is: eros … affection … and respect … Regarding Ana and Alex, she showed respect for Alex as a provider, as a man of the world, but not as a man of allah, thinking this would come later. Obviously a mistake by placing allah last. Ora, could she have assessed his respect for God without his knowledge of Islam? “Sì” … is the answer and this is done by watching how a man reacts to one’s family and his own family and to his superiors. What one looks for is humility and the willingness to 1) learn, e 2) to admit one’s faults.
We must strive to rise above instinct and reach for virtue, this is what makes us human. Often, people react to and hold onto instinctual drives (erotic attraction) as if these were the sole form of guidance. Seeking physical security for a woman is instinctual… it is not virtuous, this was Ana’s mistake as a priority.
Chemistry, naturalmente, is important, but it should not dictate. A man’s circumstances as a capable provider are important, but should not dictate. A man’s religious habit is important, but should not dictate (as was Dia’s experience with the religious idiot)… Balance is the factor that decides for us when we sit and look at the peace of mind given for any circumstance. This as-Sakinnah is the sign-post.
You will recognize it by three things in any relationship, marraige or otherwise. The persons and circumstances who / that are good for you as companions are those who do three things whether they be Muslim of not consciously:
1) they always put a smile on you face and in your heart
2) they always give whether or not they receive
3) They always leave you in peace of mind
If these are not there … then that person or circumstance is not a “companion” but rather a trial of your discenment, or a lesson to be learned.
Wasalaam,
dr omar
December 15th, 2009 su 12:59 AM
Dr. Omar, Come Alaikum salaamu!
I’ve enjoyed reading what you have written in response to what you have read on the blog. Your assessment of many of our readers’ situations and circumstances has been very insightful, enlightening and informative. You’ll undoubtedly be a huge asset to the new site. We look forward to having him on board.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
December 15th, 2009 su 5:56 AM
Thanks Ana, I look forward to it, insh’Allah. No sense in having wisdom if you don’t share it. Looks like some of you will become replacements for my American children who’ve thrown me out with the bath water a,d my conversion to Islam (my family did too).
Wasalaam,
dr omar
December 15th, 2009 su 1:56 PM
Dr, Omar Zaid,
Thanks for reading my story. I coudnt have found a better term to define the Man (Religious Idiot) sounds perfect.
He abandoned me and left this foreign country where we both were staying. he told me he would be coming to the court to finalise the divorce legally. i came the said morning to court to find that he fled away.. what kind of religion teaches these things to a Man.
I am here now, with my mom. still going to the court as i have a case going where i have filed for divorce.just today the court dispatched summon to him in his homw country.. i wonder what comes next
Anyways, I am sure Allah is there for the ones who look for his guidance. I cannot agree more with you o Sakinah… that is what should be the aim… If you build, and maintain takwa. Inshallah Allah will relieve us from the worldly dependencies which involves even family specially spouse.
I am sure when Allah said I am sufficient for you, he meant it too. The question do we have that strong Iman to believe it. We still look for security blankets, wheteher emotional, fisico, financial or even mental… but how stupid are we.. because there is no greater provide than Allah himself.
For him its no big a deal to fulfill our desires..he is there to give.. but are asking him with faith.. can women today not act impulsive in getting the first security blanket(marito) and listen to their heart and understand Quran as they read about Man. Pateince and Prayers.. is the route for the rightly guided ones and not losers…
Do we Pray and keep Sabr… NO. Its difficult. But Its easy for those who believe. I have the desire and clarity this time in life. Nothing is more important to me than to maintain this fire in me to understand my creators command and read his manual(Noble Quran) which he slipped to us for our benefit. We are created by him and that is our user manual. its as simple as that.
When we but a juice or a griller..we read the manual to fix the thing and operate it safely. we are scared with new electronic item, scared that if you plug it the wrong way or not get the buttons right you might spoil the gadget worse risk more damage to your house..
However we dont have the time and inclination to see our own user manual.. Our guide which exactly tell us what should we do when, how do we conduct ourself in the world, in communities, in marriages.
Now thats what is wrong.. everyone is plugging wrong things here and there…people are guided by emotions or mental abilities or pure feelings…you cant run a gadget without the power supply… Allah is our power supply… matrimonio, famiglia, wealth, health are all addons to make life conveninet and joyful..these are his bounties for us..
Please dont get married, or start a family until you sort out your supreme relationship with Allah… once that is laid all your decisions will fall in place by default.. and please read the Manual..take refuge in the Noble Holy Quran.. its not for Allah, its for us.
I made mistakes and lost some battles..but i am not ready to loose my lessons.
Allah Hafiz.
Dia
16 dicembre, 2009 su 3:22 AM
Ah Dear Dia,
You have touched my heart, especially with the last two paragraphs.
Trouble is we do need security blankets, but they must be genuine and not synthetic. We are social creatures and physical creatures as well as spiritual, and our bodies have rights that are meant to be met within the mosque of marriage.
May Allah give you a new blanket “made for Jannah”.
Wasalaam,
dr o
17 dicembre, 2009 su 3:18 PM
Dear Dr Omar,
Thankyou for the lovely blessing and do remember me in prayers. Yes you are very right. Marriage is important to protect ones imaan..
Actually without marriage i do feel unprotected..Its not about the Man its about the sacred bond and its blessings..
I do pray to Allah, that i get the right one soon to keep my right path and ward off temptations.
Thanks again..
Salamelecco,
Dia
October 4th, 2010 su 10:52 PM
I met my soul mate when I was 14. We are now 39 e 41. He was released from prison last year June. He had found Islam in prision and I was overjoyed !!. When he was released, I was living in Arizona. We studied for a year over the phone long distance. The plan was to move where he was and marry in the Islamic faith.
Right before my move(too late to cancel) he stated he wanted to practice polygamy in our marriage. I asked that I be able to study the Quar’an more and be educated from your esteemed teachers before this happens, for I do not have an Islamic background.
When I arrived he had changed. He was not doing salat, nor going to any services. He has started drinking, smoking, stealing, lying, and carrying on with many women in search of a “moglie”. he has stated that he wants 2 wives for his sexual urges and that he does not have to have proper means to help support the homes because we are allowed to work.
He also stated that we could get a big house and that maybe I could have sexual relations with the 2nd wife because he would like to see that.
Just days ago I found out he has been having sexual relations with at least 2 other women. Both women profess to also have relations with numerous male friends.
Now sisters please don’t get me wrong, and please don’t comdem me, for I understand my part in this. I have been with him sexually and we are not married, and for that I know I am wrong. I want to seek help for myself, but he needs help also.
I thought about going respectfully to our local Islamic center where he first checked in when he was released from prison, and ask for counseling for both of us. Right now we are not speaking. I am afraid for his soul as well as his health. I see him on a downward spiral that has become worse in the 4 months that I have lived here. He hides behind Islam to justify what he does. I’m afraid he will be back in prison very soon. he has even started selling weed !!!!!
Ladies again, please don’t condem me, but give your opinions and advice.
Sincerly,
Tammy
October 5th, 2010 su 9:50 PM
Tammy,
I truly know the state of turmoil you are in, and how confused you must be. I read your comment over a few times in an effort to digest it all.
What really concerns me is that the man you love found Islam while in prison. Some refer to a person that does that as a “jailhouse Muslim”. No offense. We all know there are some that find Islam while in prison and come out being good Muslims and some become Believers. Malcolm X was a prime example. As you probably know, many accept Islam in prison for “protection” – somewhat like joining a gang, per così dire. Nobody bothers Muslims in prison, which is where the protection comes in. There’s not much to do in prison, but to read and study, lift weights and get buff, play board games, e simili. He had plenty of time to focus his attention on Islam, as there wasn’t much else for him to do. The true test was when he was released from prison. Did he continue to do as he had done while in prison, referencing Islam? NO! It sounds as though he resume his life, as it was before he entered prison. So Islam isn’t the issue here. He is.
You have to determine whether you want to be Muslim or not, regardless of whether he is or not. Your status as a Muslim shouldn’t depend on him and what he does. Trying to get help for someone is useless, unless the person realizes he/she has a problem and wants the help. Wanting help is the key. It sounds as though he likes his life the way it is now. We know we can’t change people.
You know he wants to have more than one wife, which is probably the most appealing part of Islam to him while out of prison. He likes that polygamy is permissible in Islam, as do most men. I agree with you when you say he hides behind Islam to justify what he does. If he doesn’t accept Islam, repent and change his ways, he will pay severely for it. Allah’s punishment is severe.
In Islam women are to be chaste, pure, e modesto. The man you love is requesting you do a despicable acts – have sex with your co-wife while he watches. That is not Islam.
I know how much you love this man, but Tammy, is love enough in comparison with all that he is, wants and does? Don’t you think you deserve more than a life of misery? What’s to say he won’t return to prison? Must you always wait and see, always wonder about what he’s doing and when the cops may come to your home, or you get the phone call saying he’s in jail? I think you could do better than that Tammy. Che ne pensi? It’s just the way I view it. I hope my input helps.
Tammy, I see you commented before under the post, “You Can Have Joy in Polygamy” http://polygamy411.com/?p=5927, in case you or others want to refer back to your comments there.
I’m wishing you the best, Tammy, and hope other comment to you, nonché
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
October 6th, 2010 su 10:32 AM
Thank You for your response. I am very interested in Islam and will persue on my own. I was thinking what you were saying. I don’t want to live like this and I deserve so much better. Right now I feel so disgraced and dishonored.We actually already had a police scare in which I talk to the officers in such a manner that they by the grace let him go.
It’s just that everyone around him knows and feels he is wrong in his actions and how he has treated me, but no one will speak up. So of course it looks like I am just nagging and not going with the program when in reality I’m the only one that’s standing up and saying this is not moral or right, any of it !
I just wanted people he would listen too and respect at the center to confirm and say out loud that this isn’t the right way, and maybe help him find his way. I guess that was a hope of mine that is not too realistic.
I appreciate the fact that you have said it as well. I really needed to hear that I’m not being crazy or unreasonable. I have not spoken to him in days, I don’t plan on it anytime soon. I just feel horrible.
October 6th, 2010 su 10:53 AM
I did comment before on this site Ana. At that time, he just bought it up as a thought so to speak and I was still in Arizona. Now it’s has become a definate and he is using this as an excuse to sleep around. I didn’t write back b/c I felt The lady that did comment was judging me for having children and not being married. But since that post the situation has become worse.
Thing is I don’t feel that he is happy at all. I see the misery and confusion in him. He can’t concentrate, and things are just going bad for him in all aspects except his sexual practices. No good is coming to him right now and I think he has no clue as to why. But your right, he does have to want help and realize he is wrong. problem is, he has no one telling him besides me he is wrong. The temptation and evil is stronger that my word and hurt right now. That’s why I was considering help from the Islamic Center.
Right now I need to heal myself and try to move on. It’s a very sad situation and I seem to be the only one hurt and worried.
October 6th, 2010 su 12:12 PM
Tammy, Come Alaikum salaamu!
I know you feel very badly right now about how things are. I pray that Allah will ease your pain and help you move forward without him. Here it is you accepted Islam with sincerity; you want to learn and live it and you have a man in your life that wants to bring you down to the lowest of the low. Allah is a just God and he (the man in your life) will have to pay for what he has done and is doing to you. Be thankful that Allah has protected you from contracting any type of sexually transmitted disease from him, and has protected you from being pimped by him. The man in your life gave you an indication of how life would be with him when he said his wives could work. He intended for you to support yourself and probably support him as well.
It’s commendable, Tammy, that you have chosen to stay with Islam. It’s a beautiful religion. Of course you’ll be tried and tested in your life, but if you hold onto Allah, He will see you through the trials and test and you will prevail. He’ll bring peace and happiness to your soul. You’ll be in a state of contentment, and will be protected by Him (Dio). Allah will guide you. Allah will be there for you when no one else is. You see how difficult it is to find anyone that would confirm how wrong the man is. Who can you turn to? Where can you go? You always have Allah. You have us here on the blog, nonché. There are many good people here. We all get caught up in some crazy stuff and find our lives turned upside down. In a movie someone said something like, “Sometime our lives have to get turn upside down so that it can be turn upside right.”
Tammy, hai ragione, you need to heal yourself with the help of Allah, and move on WITHOUT THE MAN. Ask Allah to remove the love from your heart for the man. Ask Allah to send you a BELIEVING, kind and generous Muslim man to marry you and love you, one that you will love too. Be patient, persevere, pray and never, ever despair of Allah’s soothing help and mercy.
Big hug!!! You’ll going to be just fine!
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
October 6th, 2010 su 10:13 PM
Thanks you Ana (tears ) . I just feel so alone right now.
October 6th, 2010 su 10:15 PM
I pray every day all day, for my healing and for his soul. Good things are happening in my life. In the last few days I have recieved many blessing and have had so many angels surround me.
October 6th, 2010 su 11:18 PM
Good things will keep happening for you, Tammy, as long as you keep the faith. La promessa di Allah è vera. Ricordare – Allah remember those who remember Him.
You referred to “soulmates” in one of your comments. I once thought someone was my soulmate and thought I couldn’t live without him. It felt magical whenever we were together. He took my breath away when I was near him. We only met with one another a few times, but were never alone. Nothing became of it. He wasn’t Muslim and I knew I couldn’t be with him, as he was staunch in his Christian belief. Bene, to make a long story short, a Budist co-worker once advised me that soulmates are sent from heaven; soulmates are never meant to stay together. The souls come together for a purpose, usually to heal each other or to take each other from point A to B. I don’t know if I explained it right. She certainly expounded on it better than me and in a beautiful way. I certainly didn’t want to believe that we weren’t meant to stay together. Perhaps you and your significant other came together so you could accept Islam and it’s time for you both to move on – something like that… I was just thinking. Maybe someone else out there knows something about “soulmates” and can explain it better???
You’ll be able to live without him, although you may not believe it’s possible right now. Trust me. Cheer up
Things will get better.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
October 7th, 2010 su 12:00 PM
That’s a very good point of view on that. Ha un senso. I talk to him finally. He is very angry that I spoke with the woman ( who proposes to have a Muslim background, but admits to sleeping with numerous men ). He says I embarrassed him and he never wants to speak or hear of me again. The other woman is no longer dealing with him as well. I guess things happen for a reason and he was sent to me yet again for the purpose of getting back home from Arizona and to find my true self.Still hurts like I can’t believe. I appreciate ur comments and listening to me. I feel so alone always
October 7th, 2010 su 1:17 PM
He doesn’t realize how much he’s doing you a huge, huge favor each time he says something like, I don’t ever want to speak to or hear from you again. It should be music to your ears loool.
Don’t be surprised to hear from him again once he lands himself back in prison. He’ll find Islam once more; he’ll call you and tell you what mistakes he made when he was out, and how he’s now reformed AGAIN. He’ll need a pen pal/friend again on the outside of those walls. Now you’ve got his number; you know what he’s all about so there should be no chance of you falling asleep on him again.
What a blessing it is that Allah opened your eyes to him before you got way in over your head with him. You need to be very strong and not succumb to him and his charming ways (I’m assuming he has some). Don’t listen to him. Don’t give in to him out of loneliness. It’s important to be strong and believe that Allah will send you someone way better than him. You just must be patient, pray and persevere!
I’m happy we could be of help to you here, Tammy. No need to feel alone. Always remember you have Allah and your angels with you at all times. Hang in there. You’re going to be A Ok!
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
October 7th, 2010 su 8:59 PM
Thanks Ana ! You are right, he is dong me a favor. He has his own little twisted world that I don’t want to be a part of at all ! Funny I was thinking the same thing that he will try to reach out to me when he gets in more trouble, be it going to jail or something while he is free.
I feel like I won’t fall for it because he has shown me an awful, crudele, misguided side of him that I have never seen and is a part of his whole makeup as a being.
I was actually glad to hear him say he never wanted to talk to me because it bought a lot of reality and closure. I was a little sad that it seems like he hates me, but in actuality, he really hates himself which is very sad.
I am grateful that it only took a Summer to find all of this out instead of 2-3 yrs down the road. I will be fine. it will take a little time but I will be ok and i will be blessed with someone who values me.
November 30th, 2010 su 2:49 PM
First and foremost, A muslim woman should not allow anything or any man/husband get between herself and her religion. It is funny how some woman say they ‘can’ live with polygyny when in reality they can’t. A woman is fragile and Allah ordains that men treat woman with ma3ruf and kindness. If a woman is going to be emotionally and mentally abused from this polygamous marriage than Islam encourages her to either be patient or ask for a khula. Allah does not like the oppressors. And we should fear Allah to our ability. If polygyny is something the wife cannot bear and doesnt mind being single she should just kindly ask her husband for a khula and just lead a righteous life in the way of Allah and devote her time all for the sake of Allah. In general, I would never let a man get the best of me by taking a second wife and cause me to be jealous and furious. I will simply ask him to leave me bil ma3ruf because i would rather be single than have to spend my life in discomfort and heartaches. How can I give him his rights if I am not happy with him? Not giving him his rights will be a sin upon me, but I am compelled to neglect his rigths because I would be uncomfortable with a man like him. I do not wish to get sins and have the angels curse me all night for not being respectful to him, quindi, in some cases divorce is an option. Not every woman can serve a man that is already being served by another wife. Polygyny is not for everyone. Yes the Prophet (peace be upon him did it) Yes it is halal, yes it is stated in the Quran, but the practice of polygyny is under strict guidelines and rules. And i just believe no one should be forced to be in a polygamous relationship if they cant handle it. And plus automatically in America a man will not be fair between the wives because it is illegal, and he will only be allowed to register one in the court to protect her matrimonial rights. The other wife is not even identified or looked at by the state if she needs help. Anche, we know that polygyny is not for everyone from the hadith of teh Prophet: Hadith – Sahih Bukhari 7.157, Narrated Al Miswar bin Makhrama
I heard Allah’s Apostle (sallallahu aleihi wa sallam) who was on the pulpit, dicendo, “Banu Hisham bin Al-Mughira have requested me to allow them to marry their daughter to Ali bin Abu Talib, but I don’t give permission, and will not give permission unless ‘Ali bin Abi Talib divorces my daughter in order to marry their daughter, because Fatima is a part of my body, and I hate what she hates to see, and what hurts her, hurts me.”
November 30th, 2010 su 4:28 PM
Come Alaikum salaamu, Muslima
Lei ha detto, “First and foremost, A muslim woman should not allow anything or any man/husband get between herself and her religion.”
What does that mean? As Muslims our marriages are part of our religion. Everything we do and that we are is are religion, if we are Muslims, as Islam is a way of life. Allah says He tests us with one another. A wife will be tested by her husband and a husband will be tested by his wife. Should a person run up out of his/her marriage simply because she/he’s met with challenges, because things are not of her/his liking? What does Allah have to say in any of this? We plot and we plan and Allah too plans and He is the best of planner. Do your plan supersede Allah’s?
When Allah asks do we think we will enter Paradise without being tested like those that came before us, What do you think that means? We will be tested. Allah tests us with our wealth, our children, our spouses, the fruits of our labor, loss of lives and more. Do you tell Allah which test you want to take? Do you select your tests?
Lei ha detto, “It is funny how some woman say they ‘can’ live with polygyny when in reality they can’t.”
I beg to differ with you because women can live with polygyny and they do. Women right here on this blog are living with it. Sì, they’re meeting with hardship, pain and distress, but that is part of life on this earth. Allah didn’t promise us Paradise on earth. These women are trying to do as Allah tells us to. He says to exercise patience in all that betides us. In our case it is polygyny. Why does Allah tell us to be patient. Because He, Dio, has a plan.
Lei ha detto, “A woman is fragile and Allah ordains that men treat woman with ma3ruf and kindness.If a woman is going to be emotionally and mentally abused from this polygamous marriage than Islam encourages her to either be patient or ask for a khula. Allah does not like the oppressors. And we should fear Allah to our ability. If polygyny is something the wife cannot bear and doesnt mind being single she should just kindly ask her husband for a khula and just lead a righteous life in the way of Allah and devote her time all for the sake of Allah.”
Again it all goes back to tests and trials. Allah knows a woman is fragile. He created the woman. Tests comes with pain, hurt and heartache. Do you not think Allah knew what some women and men would encounter when polygny becomes a part of their lives. Allah does not give a Believer a burden more than he/she can bear. Many of the women in these relationships are striving to be Believers and are trying to rid themselves of the diseases of their hearts so they can have a chance of entering Paradise.
Lei ha detto, “In general, I would never let a man get the best of me by taking a second wife and cause me to be jealous and furious.” I will simply ask him to leave me bil ma3ruf because i would rather be single than have to spend my life in discomfort and heartaches. How can I give him his rights if I am not happy with him? Not giving him his rights will be a sin upon me, but I am compelled to neglect his rigths because I would be uncomfortable with a man like him.”
To that I say Allah knows and you do not know. Do you know the unseen?
I agree with you that polygyny is not for everyone. Allah does not place everyone in polygyny and He does not keep everyone that is in it in it always.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
November 30th, 2010 su 6:31 PM
Di nuovo, I must respond to what Muslima said: She said, “In general, I would never let a man get the best of me by taking a second wife and cause me to be jealous and furious. I will simply ask him to leave me bil ma3ruf because i would rather be single than have to spend my life in discomfort and heartaches. How can I give him his rights if I am not happy with him? Not giving him his rights will be a sin upon me, but I am compelled to neglect his rigths because I would be uncomfortable with a man like him. I do not wish to get sins and have the angels curse me all night for not being respectful to him …”
One can say what one will or will not do in the future, but I think that’s treading dangerous territory. Only Allah knows what someone is going to do or not do in the future. No one knows how they will react to a situation until they are in it. Many of the women that find themselves in polygamy never in a million years thought they’d ever be in that position. It’s usually the ones that said they would never be in it, or thought they were avoiding it that find themselves exactly where there never thought they would be.
Questa è una casa aperta. Non c'è bisogno di bussare. Appena arrivato in.
November 30th, 2010 su 7:44 PM
Salam Ana and all
I am one of them – didn’t know at first why my husband in bad mood always and avoiding me I had told myself I would leave him if i knew he betrayed me and he had someone else. I am still here – you have to be a real muslimah to acccept polygamy. It’s not for anyone or everyone. Like my husband told me, even a religious teacher preaching about Islam day in and out will not be able to handle it.
I also understand that it’s sinful to ask for divorce just because your husband practises polygamy, unless he fails to provide for you and family. I am still fighting with myself, but I know Allah will help ease the pain. Credo che.