스케줄링 문제는 내 Polygamous 결혼을 Revisits
로 앤 월에.04, 2009, 동안 내 이야기 오늘
예. 당신이 옳았 소리를 들었어. 내 polygamous 결혼 스케줄링 문제는 나를 revisited있다. 어떻게 세상에서 일어나는 그런 거죠?난 줄 알렉스 백만 년 동안 생각하지, Carolinah, 나 금방 돌아 우리가 어디에있을, 일정에 대해 말다툼, 일 때문에 다투는. 일정 파악하고 합친 간단한 일이 ... 바로?당신은 너무 생각.
이것이 가능한 한 짧은 만들도록 노력 할께, 우리가 여기서 꽤 자주 전에 예약 문제가 이상 잔적이. 저는 조금은 다시는 당신에게 그것을 제시 당황. 난 그렇게 생각 안하고 있었어요, 하지만 당신은 모두 나와 함께이 시간이되었습니다, 나와 함께 떠나, 그래서 난 당신이 나와 함께 너무 수 있어야한다고 생각.
우리는 일정에 대해 마지막으로 통화, 나는 그것이 올해의 나머지 부분에 대한 최종 있었 사실을 알려 2009. 요점을 되풀이하려면, 알렉 스는 Carolinah가 휴가 기간으로 인해 더 많은 줄 알았는데,하지만 난 그녀가 생각하지 않았어요. 그래도 여전히, 그녀는 사일 받았다. 제가 마지막으로 쓴 이후로 일정이 조금 변경되었습니다. 우리가 축하 아니지만 알렉 스는 크리스마스와 뉴스 년 동안 나와 함께있을 것입니다. Carolinah을해야 많은 신경 안, 그녀는 휴가를 작업대로. 그녀는 직업의 유형을 가지고. 그래서, 일정은 올해의 나머지 완료.
알렉 스는 십일일 위해 내일 Carolinah 함께 집에 휴가에서 숙박을 시작할 예정입니다 (제가 위에서 언급한 네 화장 일 플러스 칠일). Before Alex left me on Thanksgiving Day to go be with Carolinah, 난 갑자기 알렉 스가 Carolinah 주신 그 사일은 전혀 그녀를 예정되지 않은 것을 계시를 받았다. 불빛이 내 머리에 와서 모든 게 나에게 생생하게 확실 해 졌죠. 난 알렉 스의 관심에 가져 및 설명. 이것은 그를 물론 미쳐 버린. 그는 문제를 예약 다루고 싫어해. 그는과 일정은 이미 올해의 나머지 부분에 대한 준비가 얼마나에 갔다. 내가 아니라 그가 일정을 변경하거나 Carolinah에서 며칠이 걸릴 욕망했던 그에게 조언. 난 단지 며칠 동안 보상이되고 싶어한다고 권고, 주어진 사일뿐 아니라, whether this year or next.
그런 얘기는 목요일 행해진 (추수 감사절). 어제, 토요일, 난 Carolinah 인해 아니었다는 증거를 발견하는 사일. 난 알렉 스는 모두 Carolinah의 메이크업 일 휴가 일 준비했다고 일정 발견. 나는 그에게 이메일. 그것은 혼돈이 시작 때. 알렉스와 나는 앞뒤로 하루의 대부분을 이메일로 보냈습니다. 내가 계산 방법에 알렉 스가 나한테 물어 보는; 그녀가 일을 받았을 때, 그리고 어떤 종류의 일 등 그들이 있었다, etc, 등등… 그는 그녀가 일 못해서 주장. 우리가 예약을 할 수 쓰던 방법을지고 있었어요 (내 wali 방해까지) 어떻게 결론은 6 이후로 예약을하고있어 혼동 2009. 일을 옛 방식에 따라, 이것은 문제의 기간입니다,그녀의 모든 일 처리 했더군요. 알렉스, 한 시점에서, stopped responding to my emails and I had become worked up in a tizzy by then.
난 Carolinah 인해다고 저녁 동안 및 제 증명과 이른 아침 시간에 알렉 스는 좀 더 여러 번 메일을 보낸 아무 일. 난 그게처럼 간단 맑은 내가 할 수처럼 만들려고. 사실, 난 그냥이 게시물을 쓰기 시작하기 바로 전에 그를 이메일 전송 완료, 보고 그가 결론에 도달했는지 여부. 그는 나를 다시 이메일을 안. 나는 그의 휴대 전화에 전화를 했어; 그러나, 그는 대답하지 않았다. 그는 곧 인해 집이, 그래서 제가 알아봐야 이야기에 결말.
난 매우 방해 해요, Carolinah 잘 인해 그녀가 아니라고 알고 있었어요 알고 있기 때문에 자리를 차지하게되지 뭐 그녀가받은 그 시절, 하지만 그녀는 아무말도하지 않았어요. 난 알렉 스 때문에 교란 오전, 일정 위에 누가 있어야, polygamy의 간단한 기본적인 부분, 그것을 바로 얻을 적 없어. 내가 방해 해요, 나는별로 사기들은 일정을 준비 할 때 과거에 알렉스과 Carolinah에 의해 저질러졌는지 모르겠으로. 예, 나는 약 두 일정을 만들기에 적극적으로 참여하고 반 년되지 않는 대해 부분적으로 내 잘못 알고. 전 그냥 그 시간에 일정에 따라 결혼을 처리할 수 없습니다.
알렉 스는 어떻게 결정하는 것이이 문제를 처리하는 방법 우리 결혼 진행. 난 이메일 중 하나에 그런 그를 권고했습니다. 그는 나를 그냥 내가 그를 Carolinah과 함께이 결혼에서 변경한 모든 희생 후와 공정 수없는 경우, 나는 그것에 남아있을 필요가 있는지 그럼 내가 질문해야. 알렉 스는 간단한 일정을 제대로받을 수없는 경우, 우리는 앞으로 몇 가지 심각한 문제가보고있어.
난 당신이 계속 연락 드릴게요!
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.
11/29/09
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Salaamu의 Alaikum으로!
일부 다처제에 오신 것을 환영합니다 411! 우리 집에는 무슬림과 비 무슬림입니다. 그것은 polygamy에 대해 이야기하고자하는 모든 이들을위한, 또는 polygamous 결혼에 있거나 누구 하나를 입력하는 것을 고려하고있다. 우리는 회사를 가지고 같은. 편하게하고 의견을 떠나는하여 토론에 참여. 우리는 앞으로 또 곧 자주 모습을보고.
여행 4 적게!
November 29th, 2009 에 6:31 PM
에 “feel you” girl. And I also feel FOR you. You need a lot of LOVE, WISDOM and GRACE from the SPIRIT of GOD to deal with this successfully – however you decide to handle it. I suggest that as long as you stay in the relationship – live in love toward them. Don’t be nit-picky about your schedule or anything else. But do require honesty from them or else.
If Alex doesn’t want to be honest with you or FAIR or JUST then He is violating His right to have a Polygamous marriage – according to the Koran right?
I suggest that you bring this to your “elders” attention and have them deal with it. Let Alex know that you are not playing. Don’t be his fool. You do not want to appear as the weak or “needy” one.
Be strong. Don’t be afraid of being alone. You can find a much better husband than Alex if need be. I believe you have a lot to offer which the right person would sincerely appreciate. Perhaps you have outgrown your relationship with Alex.
Just some food for thought.
November 29th, 2009 에 7:42 PM
Oooh, that is so very sweet and comforting. Thank you Curtis Farmer!
I have good news; at least I think it is. Alex and I came to a resolution. At first it entailed somewhat of a heated argument and then we calmed down and he conceded I was right about the schedule. 그래서, I’ve selected my days, which I’ll take in February. I truly felt this was the turning point…not so much about getting my way, but about fairness and justice.
그런데, I swung by your blog. It’s very, very nice. I think when Alex leaves tomorrow, I’ll get a chance to visit and spend some time with you there
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.
November 30th, 2009 에 2:49 AM
음, what did I say about ‘flexibility’ ?
November 30th, 2009 에 5:42 AM
I hear you (롤), but flexibility is out the door when it comes to me. There is no flexibility when there is no love in the heart of a wife for a husband’s other “아내.” I’m sure flexibility would be nice
November 30th, 2009 에 6:40 AM
Oh, I almost forgot; I was flexible. Alex was quite generous. He insisted that I take three additional days that I accused him and Carolinah of taking from me this past July. I declined and said I wouldn’t revisit the issue with those three days again. I wonder how many days were misplaced when I was in a semi-comatose state.
어쨌든, it’s all good. With my four days in February, I secured Valentine’s Day although I shouldn’t celebrate (I can’t help it. Love is in the air everywhere that day). With President’s Day attached, it bought me seven days. I may treat Alex to a cruise on those days, if I can find a convenient one, Insha 알라.
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.
November 30th, 2009 에 9:56 PM
I think this man likes to see women fight over him.
Don’t give him the satisfaction. Be independent and strong.
December 1st, 2009 에 2:50 AM
Chatelaine, I think you have a point there. “Independent and strong” is good. I was wondering whether Alex was enjoying the dissention.
One of my sisters, just this evening, said to me, “He must have a big head (ego)” with Carolinah and me fighting over spending time with him.
Alex spent part of the day with me today. He left late this afternoon. I was very strong when he left, no mushy, gushy, 당신을 사랑합니다, crying, sad stuff. Thank God much for that. As Curtis Farmer stated, I shouldn’t be a “weak”, “needy”, fool”.
I feel at peace and content with his absence at the moment. I can only pray that I’ll steadily continue to grow and get better.
감사합니다, Chatelaine.
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.
December 1st, 2009 에 2:55 AM
Haji Rafiq, I was expecting you to get hit with a lot of questions, since you live polygamy and could possibly shed some light on the subject from a male’s perspective. I can say you’ve enlightened me, regarding some things.
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.
December 1st, 2009 에 11:16 AM
Hi Ana,
Could I ask you to share with us some time what the positives are in your relationship with Alex? These are the things I’ve heard so far: (using my own words)
1. It could be worse.
2. Even though there is a second wife, at least it makes me feel that I’m first.
3. Everthing is ordained to be the way it is. I’m free to leave, but if that happens, it will have been ordained.
Thanks Ana, as always, 일본.
December 1st, 2009 에 7:48 PM
Yes Judith. I certainly could do that. I’m so used to venting about the negative, and not talking about the good things that happen in my marriage; I could see how it appears there is only bad in it. I surmise that is why I haven’t been writing much lately about my life, as there hasn’t been much drama to speak of. I’ve just been settling in. 하지만, it is part of my journey so I should write about it.
그래서, I will move on. It may be awkward initially. I feel in talking about the good in my life, I’m gloating. I’ll try to get past that though and share.
주디스, thanks for helping me move my writing forward in a new direction.
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.
December 1st, 2009 에 8:14 PM
As I stated before, Alex likes to see the two of you struggle over him. Stop struggling, and simply make yourself less available to him. Explore other interests outside of your home. Consider taking classes at a university, or perhaps take practical classes in the arts for your entertainment and self development. You will find this to be a pleasant diversion, and you may meet interesting people as well. Too much of your life and your time is focused on Alex, his needs, and your need to have him in your life. He hardly spends any time taking your needs into consideration, so why make his needs your priority? What exactly does Alex offer to you, other than the title “Mrs.” in front of your name?
December 1st, 2009 에 9:06 PM
Chatelaine, you offered good advice. There are good things happening in my life with Alex that I don’t speak of. I intend for that to change. I’m glad Judith brought it to my attention today. I’ve been intending to take the blog in a different direction to show the positive aspects of polygamy as I know of them, and see them in my life.
I am quite busy and not totally pre-occupied with Alex. I have begun preliminary work on my business, but need to spend more time with it and take it further. It is going to entail a tremendous amount of work, putting together the business plan and obtaining financing and all. It concerns me, as I’ve grown so attached to spending so much time with everyone here, writing and reading and I dislike the thought of not being able to communicate as often with everyone. I can’t even find enough time to visit all my friends’ blogs and I feel badly about it.
I’ve been trying to get the new marriage site up and running, 뿐만 아니라. It’s technically challenging. I hope to have that in effect by the New Year. 그래서, I have been quite busy with things besides Alex. I guess there’s no way of anyone knowing that unless I speak up about it. Thank you much, Chatelaine for your earnest concern, and all your suggestions. It mean very much to me
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.
December 2nd, 2009 에 11:54 PM
What are your expectations of a relationship with a man?
What was the nature of your relationship with your father ?
What was the nature of the relationship between
your mother and your father ?
December 3rd, 2009 에 1:25 AM
Chatelaine, those are very good questions. Why do you ask?
I’m going to contemplate my answers to those questions and contemplate how those relationships may have impacted my life and my expectations of a relationship.
Do you think there is a relation between the answers to those questions and the reason women end up accepting polygamous relationship?
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.
December 3rd, 2009 에 1:33 PM
Sounds ok, but please ignore such advice as be less available to him. What do such people have in mind? I see that you came to a solution. With love, flexibility and good intentions you can always find a solution. Your flexibility will be a good investment as you will be appreciated and lobed more.
December 3rd, 2009 에 10:46 PM
홈,
My theory is that women who accept polygyny may be willing to accept a relationship with a man who is only partially available to them physically and emotionally. Perhaps a woman would accept this polygynous relationship model as being acceptable because her parents had a relationship where there was significant emotional or physical distance, or because the woman had an unavailable or distant father. That is my hypothesis.
December 4th, 2009 에 6:06 AM
Haji rafiq, it’s funny, Alex is with Carolinah on vacation this week and part of next. He emailed me on Wednesday and said he’d like to come over Thursday. I said OK. He’s done that in the past when he’s been with her and I used to try to analyze it all. Was he not having such a good time with her? Did he rather be with me than her? This time, I didn’t do that, as it didn’t matter and it felt good not caring.
The main reason I wouldn’t make myself less available to Alex is because I believe that was part of what got him and me into the situation that we currently are in. I wasn’t available for him before he married Carolinah. I was not, despite my reasons for not being.
I think being less available may work in a dating relationship, but not necessarily a marriage. Now I can certainly see the importance of a wife having “a life” and not being “needy”, otherwise her husband could be put off by her or he becomes her lord and that’s not good either. The way I see it; there needs to be a balance.
I’m happy he and I reach a solution.
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.
December 4th, 2009 에 6:55 AM
Chatelaine,
I think there may be truth in your theory. I believe what happens in our lives, during our formative years gives shape to who we are. I had a “distant”, “unavailable” biological father. My mother was cold, aloof, and emotionally detached from my stepdad. She didn’t realize she loved him until after she divorced him. I was the same toward Alex and didn’t take notice of him until he “결혼” Carolinah. It’s all so interesting.
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.
December 4th, 2009 에 6:02 PM
I see you have great insight.
May it guide your decision making in your relationship.
January 20th, 2010 에 5:54 PM
Are you sure you are not married to my husband?? Seriously Ana, I feel for you. My family goes down this road off and on also, and when it’s on it can be miserable. Some people, in particular people who don’t adjust well to schedules or who refuse to accept them in their hearts, aren’t meant for polygamy. At least that is how I feel. A schedule kept is the only way, with some flexibility of course, to maintain tranquility and respect in my belief. Grr I hate the schedule.
January 20th, 2010 에 11:32 PM
You said a mouth full New#3. Refusing in our hearts to accept a schedule is a huge problem. It’s sooooo difficult. I still sit down and study the schedule often to make sure Carolinah doesn’t have any advantage over me. I hate the way it makes me feel, so petty and obsessive.
There was an incident recently. When Alex and I last went away on vacation in November, he left Carolinah early in the a.m., earlier than he normally would have left her if he had to go to work, as we had a plane to catch. 내 생각; I’m going to hear this again one day soon.
물론 충분히, I heard it. The past recent holidays, Carolinah had to work them. I guess she had off a Saturday after to make up for it. Alex spoke to me about leaving me early that Sat. He wanted to leave around 10:00 a.m instead of 4:00ish p.m. He cited he had some hours to make up with her from our vacation. I said no. Make them up the next time she has vacation. I know it was petty and mean, but I’m sorry. Why should I accomodate her? She won’t even acknowledge I exist.
New#3, I understand exactly what you speak of. No one knows it better than me. Haji Rafiq, wouldn’t like what we say. He’s an advocate for flexibility. You mentioned flexibility is good. I believe flexibility is good too. I’m just having a difficult time with flexibility.
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.
January 21st, 2010 에 9:29 AM
‘flexibility’. One of the ways mean people take advantage of kind people. No thanks. I prefer the sound of ‘backbone.’
January 21st, 2010 에 1:12 PM
I hear you! Give a person an inch and they take a mile. By saying no to that Saturday request, it prevents me from having to deal with anymore of them. And you know they would have been coming. I have no reason to have any consideration for Carolinah.
이것은 오픈 하우스입니다. 필요가 노크. 그냥 들어와.