Veelwijverij 411

Thirty-two-year-old Hagar Gouda is a divorcée. Married in her mid-twenties, she gave birth to a baby boy and divorced her husband three years later. She has spent the past six years raising her son and looking for a husband. Zover, she has not found a man she likes well enough who is willing to help raise her son.

A potential solution is for her to enter into a misyar (traveler’s) huwelijk: a marriage which would allow her to spend as much time as she wants with her son in her home. The catch? Her new husband would not be obligated to buy her an apartment, nor live with her or spend money on her. Her answer: “Over my dead body.”

In mid April, headlines such as “Dar Al-Ifta Legalizes Prostitution” and “Misyar: Prostitution with Another Name” were everywhere, with local newspapers furiously editorializing on a supposedly new fatwa (religious edict) saying misyar marriages were sanctioned by Islam.

Misyar Matchmaking

Sunni Islam has always been adamant in its refusal to recognize mut’a (pleasure) marriages—a marriage with a specified end date, often entered into by couples with motives more temporary than setting up a home and bringing up children. Recognized as legal by the Shi’a sect of Islam, it is a type of marriage that is often exploited by men who ‘buy’ wives for a short duration of time. Unlike misyar marriages, a mut’a marriage needs no witnesses and no guardian.

A misyar marriage, anderzijds, seemingly strips women of even more rights. Rather than getting money from a short-term marriage, the wife gets absolutely nothing in terms of finances. She willingly gives up her right to live with her husband, her right to housing, and her right to nafaqa, a woman’s Islamic right to have her husband pay for her living and maintenance costs.

According to Dr. Ibrahim Negm, media spokesperson and advisor to Grand Mufti of Egypt Aly Gomaa’, Dar Al-Ifta did not issue a fatwa in April. What happened was that a reporter unearthed a reference to misyar in a list of decrees published last year by Al Azhar’s Islamic Research Academy, the highest Islamic authority in the nation.

The decree in question (Decree no. 218 of April 2007) listed types of marriage that are both Islamic as well as legal and those that are not — such as mut’a, boyfriend-girlfriend, and partner swapping. Number four on the list deals with misyar:

“It is the marriage which fulfills the pillars and conditions of Shariah [Islamic law], and has been recorded as an official document through a specialist intermediary. The summary of the matter is that the issue decided upon — in the contract or otherwise — is that the husband does not live with the wife, but visits her when he gets the opportunity. And it is a marriage built on all Shariah expectations [of marriage], except what the wife agrees to give up.”

There are four requirements for a marriage to be legal in Islam: consent of both parties, mahr (a gift from the groom to the bride), presence of two witnesses, and that it is made public. Historically, misyar was considered an option when the man traveled extensively and so could not live with his wife or had absolutely no financial means to give her a home.

An internet search turns up at least six online misyar matchmakers, with Msyaronline.com one of the largest in terms of members. Representatives from Msyaronline did not respond to interview requests, but the website offers four reasons promoting this type of marriage: “an increase in the number of spinsters and widows and those of special circumstances; the refusal of women to have a co-wife, leading men to marry the misyar way so his first wife doesn’t find out; the desire of unmarried men to get halal pleasure reconcilable with his circumstances; and the escape of some from the responsibilities of marriage and its costs, and this way is present [largely] in young men looking for this kind of marriage.”

Alexa.com, which tracks website traffic, ranks Msyaronline number 11,550 among the most-visited sites in the world, based on a three-month average. To put that into context, at press time, AhlyEgypt.com ranked number 9,056 and AmrKhaled.net ranked 6,851. Oprah Winfrey’s website ranked 1,579.

More than half of Msyaronline’s visitors come from just two countries: 32.6 percent of visitors are from Saudi Arabia, where it is ranked 441 on the list of most visited sites, while 24.9 percent are from Egypt, where it ranked 612. No more than 5 percent of its visitors come from any other country.

In Islam — according to Sunni scholars — a misyar contract is permissible because it follows all the conditions for marriage. Echter, says Negm, “a fatwa or decree on the validity of the misyar contract doesn’t mean [Dar Al-Ifta or the Islamic Research Academy] is advocating this type of marriage or that we are presenting it as a way to solve marriage problems in our society. It is not a license to marry this way.”

Many Islamic scholars have actually disallowed the practice of misyar marriage because of its perceived adverse effect on women, families, and societies at large.

Marriage on the Cheap

The proponents of misyar usually offer three reasons why it should be allowed: it allows couples with limited economic means to marry, it is a viable solution for spinsters or divorced women with limited marriage options or those of financial means who do not want a ‘full-time’ husband, and because a woman’s renunciation of her financial rights is only a moral and not a legal commitment, she can change her mind at any time.

Echter, even Msyaronline admits on the website that misyar marriage is not the “ideal desired picture of marriage, though it is legally correct.”

Costs of marriage, admit misyar opponents, are indeed high. In Saoedi-Arabië, dowries — the sum of money given to women by their fiancées — are so exorbitant that a group of young Saudi men launched a nationwide “Let her become a spinster campaign” this year, boycotting marriage because of the high costs. An average Saudi woman, says an article in the country’s Arab News, usually demands a dowry in the range of SR 50,000 (LE 75,000).

In April 2006, Saudi Arabia’s Islamic Fiqh Academy issued a fatwa saying that misyar was legal and valid. Arab News conducted an informal survey of 30 Saudi men and women regarding misyar: 60 percent of the men surveyed said they would consider misyar for themselves, while 86 percent of the women said they would not consider it. Only four women — all in the over-40 category — said they would.

Ma’aly Al-Faqih, a 29-year-old Saudi woman, believes misyar only compounds problems for Saudi women. “We already have a problem with polygamy because so many men can afford to have a second wife,” says Al-Faqih, a dentist and a TV presenter on a show called Hewar Melawen (Colored Dialogue). “But with misyar, so many more men would re-marry because it’s cheap to do so — they won’t have any financial rights or obligations! — and there’s less chance of their first wives finding out. But there are so many other problems to consider. What if the misyar wife gets pregnant?"

In Egypt, urfi marriage — where a couple signs a secret, unregistered marriage contract — is already stigmatized as a sex license for men who can easily ‘quit’ the marriage with few consequences. The Islamic Research Academy decree lists urfi as haram. Some see misyar as more of the same — a way to shirk responsibilities.

“It’s a great idea,” laughs 42-year-old shoe-shiner Khalid Abdel-Rahman. “It’s like being married without being married. Why would any man choose the hassle of financial burden when they can marry for free?"

No True Choice

That is partly what the Egyptian Center for Women’s Rights (ECWR) fears. In a mid-April press release responding to the news that misyar was halal, the center states: "[Misyar] erodes family values by encouraging infidelity and immorality and facilitates multiple marriages built on secrecy and lies. [It] will lead to a deterioration of the family by opening the door to second marriages dissociated from the structure of the family. In addition, these marriages are detached from the personal, financial and family duties of both parties and are at the expense of the stability of the first/previous family.”

But what about all the spinsters, ask misyar advocates, who would be marrying of their own free will? According to government statistics, there are currently 9–10 million unmarried women in Egypt over the age of 30.

Not one woman interviewed by Egypt Today was go on record in favor of misyar — perhaps not surprising, given the social stigma attached to it — although one said she would consider it. Thirty-four-year-old beautician Amina, who asked that her real name not be used, says that after her father passed away, she spent her twenties taking care of her four brothers and sisters, unable to leave home. “I’m very old and I’m poor and I’m not beautiful. I haven’t received a suitor in three years. I do want a normal marriage and children, but I don’t think it’s going to happen,” she says. “If a good man offers to marry me the misyar way, I might say yes.”

To get people to register with the website, Misyaronline’s homepage lists screen names and personal ads for 10 women and 10 men who recently signed up. The full database is only available to registered users. According to the posts, the women, who were between 22 en 48 years old, were from Saudi Arabia, Egypte, Morocco and other countries. Among the new additions was ‘Eman,’ a 48-year-old Egyptian widow with older children who is looking for a “respectable man, knowledgeable, who can spend luxuriously on his wife and has a strong personality.”

Alwaleed Adel, owner and founder of Universal Marriage Office, the only marriage counseling and matchmaking office registered with the Ministry of Social Solidarity, rejects the idea of misyar. “It exploits women and it’s naive to say they are choosing this out of choice. Removing her options and saying she chose is no option. [] I bet you very few unmarried, childless women would choose misyar by choice. [] Misyar is a male convenience in a male-dominated country.”

The fear is that, in a country that puts a severe stigma on being unmarried, women who have not married by a certain age would agree to a misyar marriage even though they may have wanted a normal one, says Adel. They would agree to it even though misyar carries the stigma of being a lust-based alliance, tainting a woman’s reputation since it is believed that “she is giving herself away for free, marrying to have sex.”

Yomna Mokhtar, journalist and founder of “Spinsters for Change,” an informal Egyptian group that wants to change the negative attitude about unmarried women, believes this type of marriage is “a balwa soda [a horrible burden].” Unmarried at 27, she says that the pressures to marry are not enough to coerce her into a misyar marriage, ever. “It basically means marriage is only about a sexual relationship — this is what it has been reduced to,” she says. “There is no living together, no affection, no family, no kids, no security. I don’t even recognize this as marriage; if it becomes normal it will ruin the cornerstone of society — the family.”

Adel adds, “The nucleus and brain cell of any society is family and it is already problematic in Egypt. It’s hard enough to force neglectful fathers in normal marriages to fulfill their rights, what will happen to any children born from a misyar marriage?"

The Universal Marriage Office founder, who also has a TV show and appears on the radio once a week to talk about the family, conducted a study in March 2009, surveying 500 random young men ages 25–35 who had never been married. Adel found that 18.7 percent of them said they were not married because of the new updates in the family law that demand too much of them financially — alimony, maintenance, custody etc.

He also quoted a statistic saying the average age of marriage has increased by 50 percent for women and 38 percent for men in one generation.

Ghada El-Bedawi, one of the founding members of Mawada, a non-profit organization that gives courses to young couples beginning their married lives, agrees. “Marriage should be more than this,” she says. “It should be to build a home and generations. Misyar marriage is even worse than mut’a because at least in mut’a we admit it’s just about sex. Misyar tries to pass itself off as respectable. How will sons born of this marriage be raised as responsible, hardworking men who will raise a family? [How will girls] respect themselves as worthy of more than what their mothers settled for?"

In the end, many scholars agree that although misyar sticks to the letter of Islamic law, it does not stick to the spirit of the religion. Islam considers marriage a mithaq, a solemn covenant that should not be undertaken lightly. Negm says that even though the Grand Mufti and the Islamic Research Academy have said that misyar is technically permissible, “it does not mean that we advise the youth to practice it. [] This is an issue where we must open the door to discussion to the sheikhs to discuss the social and human dimensions of its [application]. And only then [can we] release a general fatwa saying whether [misyar] is a potential substitute or solution to problems like lack of housing and spinsterhood, or that it results in bad consequences to the society and family.” Et

Krediet voor de bovenstaande info: By Ethar El-Katatney-Egypt Today, November 2009, volume 30, issue 11,

Abu Bakr el-Gendy, director of Central Authority for Public Mobilization and Statistics, declared at a press conference yesterday that marriage contracts reached 660,100 tijdens 2008, een 7.4 per cent increase over the previous year

El-Gendy said that marriage rates in rural areas composed 67.3 per cent of the total, compared to 32.7 per cent in urban areas, noting that the number of unmarried Egyptian adults reached 13.3 million, according to the 2006 census. Of the 13 million, 7.6 million are male and 5.7 are female.

El-Gendy added that there were 84,400 divorces during 2008, an increase of 8.4 per cent over the previous year. Er waren 44,500 divorce cases in urban areas, compared to rural areas where there were 39,800 thousands.

Port Said Governorate had the highest number of marriage contracts, representing 14 per 1000 Egyptian marriages. Giza came in last, with a share of 3.1 per 1000 marriages nationwide. Port Said also topped the list in divorce rates with 3.6 per 1000, with Giza again in the last rank by .5 per 1000.

El-Gendy said that the highest rate of marriage was among people between 25 en 30. This age range recorded 265,000 marriage contracts, 40.2 per cent of the national total. The lowest marriage rate was among people over 65.

He added that the highest divorce ratio among males was in the age group between 25 and 30, and females between 20 and 25.

Written by Egypt News, Zondag, 11 Oktober 2009

Here is one well known medical research article on polygyny, written by Alean Al – Krenawi, PhD., a well respected Muslim mental health professional who has devoted his clinical practice to the study of the effect of polygyny on women and children.

A Comparison of Family Functioning, Life and Marital Satisfaction, and Mental Health of Women in Polygamous and Monogamous Marriages

Alean Al-Krenawi
Ben-Gurion University

John R. Graham
University of Calgary, Calgary, Canada

Background: A considerable body of research concludes that the polygamous family structure has an impact on children’s and wives’ psychological, social and family functioning.

Aims: The present study is among the first to consider within the same ethnoracial community such essential factors as family functioning, life satisfaction, marital satisfaction and mental health functioning among women who are in polygamous marriages and women who are in monogamous marriages.

Method: A sample of 352 women participated in this study: 235 (67%) were in a monogamous marriage and 117 (33%) were in a polygamous marriage.

Results: Findings reveal differences between women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Women in polygamous marriages showed significantly higher psychological distress, and higher levels of somatisation, phobia and other psychological problems. They also had significantly more problems in family functioning, marital relationships and life satisfaction.

Conclusion: The article calls on public policy and social service personnel to increase public awareness of the significance of polygamous family structures for women’s wellbeing.

International Journal of Social Psychiatry, Vol. 52, In. 1, 5-17 (2006)

Rawang, November 14 — Don’t marry young virgin girls; marry single mothers or widows instead. This was a suggestion made recently by a Kelantan state official to would-be polygamists.

But the idea drew flak from some critics, who said instead that more efforts should be made to reduce divorce rates and assist single mothers.

The issue of polygamy is being hotly debated now, with the controversial Kelantan official’s suggestion and the emergence of a Polygamy Club founded in August by the wife of a polygamist.

Hatijah Aam, 55, said she started the club with the aim of curbing social ills such as prostitution and adultery. It has 300 leden.

“After sharing the same man for 30 jaar, we are like sisters,” Hatijah told The Straits Times. Sitting beside her, Noraziah Ibrahim, 52, the younger wife of Hatijah’s husband, smiled.

Noraziah met Hatijah’s husband after her own partner had died.

“She had children to feed. Can you imagine? She needed help,” said Hatijah.

The two are married to 72-year-old Ashaari Muhammad, patriarch of a clan spawned from five marriages — he has since divorced one wife, while another died in a car accident while on a pilgrimage to the holy city of Mecca in 2003.

Of his 38 kinderen, 19 sons and four daughters are also polygamists. Ashaari has 200 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren.

“Some people think polygamy is bad, but it is actually a beautiful thing,” said Hatijah.

Most Malaysians remember Ashaari as having led a deviant Islamic sect that was banned in 1994 because of his claims that he was able to absolve sins, and that an Islamic messiah from the east would appear ahead of a prophesied doomsday.

Ashaari suffered a stroke in 2003, and is now unable to speak. His third wife was not present at the interview as she was tending to him.

The family’s story is just one example of polygamous marriages in Malaysia.

Muslim men are allowed up to four wives under Islamic law. Critics say the practice is cruel and has been distorted from its original purpose.

The practice was prevalent during Prophet Muhammad’s era to provide for the many widows and orphans, as a consequence of men dying in frequent wars.

Activists say most modern polygamists in Malaysia marry younger women and neglect their first wives.

While Hatijah’s family seems to be living harmoniously, rights groups argue that most polygamous families suffer abuse and jealousy.

Sisters in Islam (SIS), a non-governmental organisation which upholds the rights of Muslim women and campaigns against the practice, says polygamy is not a solution to prostitution.

“Marriage — whether polygamous or not — cannot be a cure-all for an issue as complex as sex work,” SIS programme manager Masjaliza Hamzah told The Straits Times.

“Society should stop seeing marriage as the one-stop answer to the issues and concerns faced not only by women sex workers, but also single mothers, widows and older women.”

She quoted verses from the Quran which discourage polygamy, and pointed out that although Prophet Muhammad practised it, he did not allow his son-in-law to marry another woman unless he divorced the Prophet’s daughter.

Only 2.8 per cent of Muslim marriages here are polygamous.

Different states also have varying criteria for would-be polygamists.

Kuala Lumpur requires a written consent or views from existing wives. In Perak, a man’s promise to treat wives fairly is sufficient.

Hanafiah Hamzah, a 53-year-old television cameraman, said strangers look down on him for having more than one wife. “Society looks down on polygamists. People always think it is for the sex,” he told The Straits Times.

Hanafiah married his first wife, who is now 47, two decades ago. Seven years later, he married his second wife, nu 36.

While both wives are cordial to each other, he admits it is not easy.

“You cannot be fair to both of them. If a wife or a child is sick, who do you go to?

“If my friends say they want to be polygamous, I always tell them, you better not. My first wife never used to complain, but now she gets frustrated easily. It is my mistake,"Zei hij.

Masjaliza said there is some stigma attached to the practice: “People don’t wear it like a badge of honour. There is a level of discomfort. Maybe people are ashamed.”

Indeed, while some top leaders in the ruling Umno and the opposition PAS have more than one wife, most of them attend official functions accompanied by only one wife.

But this is not deterring Hatijah, who is branching out Polygamy Club to Indonesia.

The government has warned that the club could be a ploy.

The family has been ‘trying very hard to deceive the public’ into reviving the banned religious cult through religious, business and social activities, Wan Mohamad Sheikh Abdul Aziz, director-general of the Department of Islamic Development Malaysia, told the New Straits Times. — Straits Times

Krediet voor de bovenstaande info: De Maleisische Insider, Donderdag, November 19, 2009

Jakarta, 2 November. (AKI) – Indonesian pro-polygamy groups are not only facing protest from angry housewives and women’s rights activists; a new group of men calling themselves the Men’s Coalition against Polygamy (Kolmi) has also joined the struggle.

Kolmi spokesman Abdul Hamim Fauzie said via a statement in the capital Jakarta on Sunday that the coalition considered the practice of polygamous marriage degrading, not only to women, but to men as well.

“Facts show that polygamy leads to nothing but domestic violence, discrimination and the abuse of human rights,"Zei hij.

"Maar, polygamists often argue that polygamy is necessary to avoid infidelity and love affairs. They also claim that polygamy is a part of their religious beliefs. Men use these arguments to justify their polygamous practices,” he added.

The coalition also said that it regretted a number of discriminative articles in the current marriage law in Indonesia.

“The law legalises men to have more than one legal wife when their spouses are seriously ill or sexually incapable.

“This is very unfair, especially to women, because the law only accommodates the needs of men,” Abdul said.

Ondertussen, Muslim scholar Siti Musdah Mulia said that people practising polygamous marriages who quoted verses from the Muslim holy book or Koran to justify their behaviour were misinterpreting the message.

“Those people must not quote the Koran by verse. They need to read the whole context and understand its real essence before saying the Koran endorses polygamy,"Zei ze.

Musdah said the Koran actually says that Islam aimed to eradicate polygamous practices, not to endorse them.

“Islam considers polygamy an unjust practice that originated in the dark ages. Daarom, Islam sought to eradicate such practices, but due to the severe reaction it caused, it took some time to fully eradicate the practice from the culture at that time,"Zei ze.

Musdah said that she was not surprised to see that a number of men decided to bond together and fight against polygamy.

“Actually, anti-polygamy figures in the past were mostly prominent male clerics. The Prophet Muhammad himself was very angry when one of his son-in-laws planned to engage in polygamy,"Zei ze.

Recent, controversy has sparked following an official launch of a polygamy club, dubbed the Global Ikhwan, in Bandung, the capital of West Java province.

The club, originating from Malaysia, cites the noble aim of helping single mothers, reformed prostitutes and aging single women find spouses. As soon as the club was established, condemnation poured in, especially from housewives and women’s activists.

Ironically, the club is chaired by a woman named, Hatijah Binti Am, who has insisted the club could introduce people to the ‘mooie’ side of polygamy.

Previously, a number of polygamy scandals have reduced the popularity of public figures engaged in the practise.

Over 85 percent of the 240 million Indonesians are Muslim and most of them practice a moderate version of the religion.

Krediet voor de bovenstaande info: Adnkronos International, November. 15, 2009

“Familiebijeenkomst op het platteland van Siberië, waar het leven kan erg moeilijk zijn voor vrouwen op hun eigen. Foto: Caroline Humphrey”

Een studie van polygamie in Rusland suggereert dat we hebben veel te leren over hoe om de huidige recessie.

Een studie van polygamie in Rusland lijkt misschien niet een voor de hand liggende plek om voor de inzichten te onderzoeken hoe de financiële crisis zou kunnen uit te spelen in een buitenwijk van Kent of op het platteland Yorkshire. Maar Caroline Humphrey, Sigrid Rausing hoogleraar samenwerking antropologie aan Cambridge University, zegt Centraal-Azië en Rusland veel hebben om ons te onderwijzen.

“In de jaren 1990, Rusland en Centraal-Azië ervaren enorme economische veranderingen: wat een bank was, hoe uw carrière de hand was, wat je zou kunnen verwachten van het leven, alles veranderd 's nachts,” legt ze uit. “En natuurlijk had het een enorme impact op het leven van mensen, van het gezinsleven tot de politiek, en polygamie is een onderdeel van die hele scène. Zover, we hebben niet zulke dramatische verandering in het westen, maar je weet nooit.”

Humphrey is gespecialiseerd in de antropologie van gemeenschappen aan de randen van de voormalige Sovjet-Unie, en heeft een groot deel van haar carrière het bestuderen van de Buyrat mensen die ten noorden van de Mongoolse grens wonen in Siberië. Humphrey zegt dat antropologen langzaam op te bouwen een diepgaande kennis en begrip van een plaats en cultuur, maar niettemin, haar ontdekking dat er een polygamie lobby was een verrassing.

“Vrienden van mij in Siberië vertelde me dat hun vrienden werden lobbyen parlement polygamie legaliseren,” zegt ze. “Ik heb altijd geweten dat er mannen die graag het idee van polygamie, maar wat vond ik fascinerend was dat vrouwen waren ook ter ondersteuning.”

Zo wordt de recessie gaat de goede burgers van Tunbridge Wells te zetten in polygamisten? Het is onwaarschijnlijk. Maar het blijft zo dat de redenen waarom mannen - en, nog meer interessant, vrouwen - zijn polygamie pleiten in Rusland en Mongolië zijn zo veel over de economie als ze zijn over seks. De kritische vraag is demografie. De Russische bevolking daalt door 3% per jaar - en er zijn 9 miljoen minder mannen dan vrouwen. Nationalisten, zoals de excentrieke leider van de Liberale Democratische Partij, Vladimir Zjirinovski, beweren dat de invoering van polygamie zal echtgenoten voor “10 miljoen eenzame vrouwen” en vul Moeder Rusland wiegen.

Elders, in de voormalige islamitische regio's van Rusland, mannen stellen dat polygaam huwelijk traditioneel is en stimuleert mensen om meer verantwoordelijkheid te nemen - waardoor het verlichten van armoede en verbetering van “moreel” onderwijs.

Onwaarschijnlijk, voor beide groepen, dit is polygamie als een oplossing voor hedendaagse maatschappelijke kwalen - en, volgens Humphrey, wordt weergegeven buiten de islamitische regio's. Op het platteland is de “man tekort”, verergerd door de oorlog, alcoholisme en massale economische migratie, is nog ernstiger. Maar als het gaat om polygamie, vrouwen op het platteland hebben een heel andere agenda van hun nationalistische mannelijke collega's.

“Veel vrouwen leven van wat zijn collectieve boerderijen, die vaak diep in het bos en mijlen verwijderd van de dichtstbijzijnde stad,” Humphrey zegt. “Je leeft heel dicht bij de natuur, en het leven kan heel moeilijk zijn - uw verwarming is volledig door log kachels, er is geen stromend water en sanitaire voorzieningen binnen is zeldzaam. Als je het geluk hebt om dieren te houden, moet je de zorg voor en slager ze zelf. Dus als u op zoek bent na de kinderen en, het leven kan bijna onmogelijk voor een vrouw op haar eigen.”

Misschien niet verrassend dan, Humphrey's onderzoeken hebben ontdekt vrouwen die geloven dat “half een goede man is beter dan helemaal geen”. “Er zijn nog enkele mannen rond - ze kunnen draaien, dingen, met een baan als een officiële, bij voorbeeld, of ze zou kunnen doen een gewone werkende job, Maar hoe dan ook, er niet veel van deze,” zegt ze. “Vrouwen zeggen dat de legalisering van polygamie zou een geschenk uit de hemel zijn: Het zou hen recht op financiële en materiële ondersteuning van een man, legitimiteit voor hun kinderen, en rechten op de staat voordelen.”

Legalisatie van polygamie is herhaaldelijk voorgesteld en besproken in de Russische Doema, of het parlement - en altijd afgewezen. Voor de stedelingen van Moskou en St. Petersburg is het een stap te ver.

In Mongolië, te, de legalisatie van polygame huwelijk is een gruwel. Maar in Ulan Bator, de stoten hoofdstad, goed opgeleide vrouwen zijn het combineren van traditionele en moderne naar iets dat verdacht veel lijkt op een vorm van polygamie te creëren.

Verrassend, het begint met de bruidsschat. Eschewing de traditionele geschenken (paarden, kussens, kleding), succesvolle Mongoolse gezinnen geven in toenemende mate hun dochters een goede opleiding in plaats van een bruidsschat. In tegenstelling, hun broeders hebben vaak de school te verlaten vroeg om ofwel het beheer van de kuddes of de familie bedrijf te runnen.

“In Mongoolse cultuur, van de bruid familie zijn de senioren familie; en een bruid moet slim. En zij hadden 70 jaren van het communisme, Dus het idee dat vrouwen moeten goed opgeleid is niet nieuw,” Humphrey legt uit. “Sinds Mongolië, gemeen met Rusland, heeft ook een probleem met alcoholisme, Er is een gebrek aan evenwicht tussen stedelijke opgeleide vrouwen en het aantal mannen deze opgeleide vrouwen achten om geschikt te zijn man-materiaal.”

De oplossing is eenvoudig: ze gewoon niet trouwen. In plaats daarvan, zij wat bekend staat als een “geheime liefde” - Meestal een goed opgeleide man die alleen maar om te trouwen gebeurt er met iemand anders. Alle kinderen als gevolg van de Unie zijn opgevoed door hun moeder en de moeder familie.

“Het is volledig geaccepteerd. Deze vrouwen behoren tot de elite van de Mongoolse samenleving - ze misschien een lid van het parlement of een directeur van een bedrijf te zijn en ze zijn enorm bewonderd,” Humphrey zegt. “Ze zouden geschokt door het idee van het polygame huwelijk, omdat ze niet willen om hun onafhankelijkheid te riskeren.”

Dus wat betekent dit voor echtelijke relaties in Rusland en Centraal-Azië? Humphrey zegt dat het onwaarschijnlijk is dat polygaam huwelijk ooit zal worden gelegaliseerd in Rusland - maar misschien is dat doet er niet toe.

“Een tekort aan mannen, opgeleide vrouwen die zichzelf willen realiseren, vrouwen op het platteland die willen om zichzelf te beschermen, al deze dingen zullen aanleiding geven tot regelingen zoals polygynie,” zegt Humphrey, “of het nu heet dat of niet.”

Krediet voor de bovenstaande info: Door Mira Katbamna- The Guardian,Dinsdag, 27 Oktober 2009, guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media Limited 2009

CAIRO, Egypte (AP) - Hayam Dorbek wil haar man om te trouwen. Weer.

In spoorde hem - en de rest van Egypte - meer open te zijn als polygamie goedgekeurd door de islam, de 42-jarige journalist heeft verrekening van een levendig debat in haar land en de rest van de Arabische wereld tuning in op satelliet-tv.

Dorbek zegt dat ze voelde dat haar werk was om haar zo bezig dat haar man een tweede vrouw nodig. Ze zegt dat hij weigerde, “maar mijn zoon helpt mij wordt het idee,” zei ze.

Ze voelt zich het islamitische concept van polygamie is het antwoord op veel van de sociale kwalen van Egypte. Ze heeft artikelen geschreven met titels als “Een vrouw is niet genoeg,” en heeft bijgedragen tot een vereniging genaamd “Al-Tayseer,” of versoepeling, dat bevordert polygamie.

Sommigen zijn woedend, zeggen het maakt Egypte eruit conservatieve Saoedi-Arabië en is slecht voor vrouwen - neerkomen op “tonen ze in een slaven’ markt,” volgens Nihad Aboul-Qomsan, hoofd van de Egyptische Centrum voor Vrouwenrechten.

Het debat is een voorbeeld van de sleepboot-van-oorlog tussen conservatieven en liberalen in een land dat bruist van westerse symbolen en ideeën, terwijl ook steeds meer islamitische.

Veel vernieuwers van de conservatieve islam hebben een moderne retoriek, presenteren zichzelf als een alternatief voor een decadente Westen. Dorbek herschikt de licentie die de islam geeft mannen maximaal vier vrouwen trouwen en geeft het een modern tintje, die relevant zijn voor de wereld van vandaag.

“Ik pleit voor de rechten van vrouwen: hun recht om te trouwen, zelfs als een getrouwde man,” Dorbek vertelde The Associated Press. Polygamie is een “licentie van God om de samenleving te stabiliseren en op te lossen zijn problemen.”

Om bekende problemen van gezinsleven, zoals overspel en echtscheiding, Dorbek voegt “spinsterism” - Vrouwen enige overblijvende in hun 30s, en wordt eventueel gestigmatiseerd als een gemakkelijke prooi voor mannen of verleidsters azen op mannen voor seks.

Haar oplossing: kink in de kabel enkele, weduwe of gescheiden vrouwen om getrouwde mannen die financieel te ondersteunen en even voor meer dan een gezin. Dit zal stoppen met de mannen van die zaken en bieden de vrouwen met een huismeester, Ze stelt.

Egyptische wet dit toelaat polygamie, maar het is minder algemeen dan in de Perzische Golfstaten en Saoedi-Arabië. Voor een ding, het is duur. Voor een ander, sommige tv-programma's en films hebben de neiging om stress zijn keerzijde - echtgenoten niet in staat om te gaan met meerdere vrouwen, vrouwen in emotionele pijn.

“De seculiere stromingen in de samenleving snuit de islamitische stemmen en verdrinken ze uit,” Dorbek zei. “Ik roep op Arabische en islamitische vrouwen om Gods wetten te aanvaarden.”

Maar Dorbek erkend dat de oppositie net niet afkomstig zijn van seculieren of rechten activisten, maar ook van sommige religieuze mensen die geloven dat er strikte voorwaarden voor polygamie.

Ze zegt dat ze had een religieuze opvoeding en besloot te gaan publiek over polygamie nadat een vriend vertelde haar dat ze overweegt te scheiden van haar man voor het nemen van het geheim een tweede vrouw. Dorbek herinnert haar te vertellen: “Waarom zou je je huis te vernietigen en het oplossen van een probleem door het creëren van een ander?”

Socioloog Alya zegt Ahmed vraagt om polygamie weerspiegelen een poging om religie en seksuele bevrediging met elkaar te verzoenen in een door mannen gedomineerde maatschappij dat vrouwen bekeken als lustobject.

“Cultuur en tradities niet toestaan (maar) de gek te houden rond, dus polygamie biedt een maas in de wet en hen in staat stelt om te beweren dat ze God sussen,” zei ze. “Maar het is echt over lust en plezier.”

En wat te denken van de kinderen? De pro-polygamie kamp zegt dat het goed voor hen, omdat het voorkomt dat echtscheiding en houdt de familie bij elkaar. Tegenstanders zeggen dat kinderen lijden wanneer de vrouwen in een polygaam gezin ruzie.

Dorbek zoon is 20. Ze heeft ook een 18-jarige dochter.

Ze zegt dat honderden mannen hebben gereageerd op haar campagne door te zoeken naar haar te helpen bij het vinden van een tweede vrouw, en tientallen vrouwen hebben ook contact met haar te zeggen dat ze bereid zijn om te trouwen een getrouwde man.

Sommige vrouwen accepteren polygame huwelijken uit eenzaamheid, religieuze vroomheid of angst voor echtscheiding. Anderen vinden het te vernederend en kiezen om te scheiden van hun echtgenoten.

Nagwa, die vroeg om haar naam te onthouden om haar privacy te beschermen, zegt dat ze gehuwd een reeds gelukkig getrouwd man in plaats van verblijf single op 40. Ze zei dat hij haar ten huwelijk met toestemming van zijn eerste vrouw, omdat hij voelde een religieuze verplichting om een moslimvrouw te beschermen.

“Aanvankelijk was ik bang,” zei Nagwa, die leeft in de Sinaï stad El-Arish. “Maar als je met een persoon die God vreest, Hij zal voor je zorgen.”

Nagwa zei dat hij probeert te behandelen zowel vrouwen dezelfde, maar ze weet dat hij houdt van zijn eerste vrouw meer.

“Het doet een beetje pijn,” zei ze, “maar hij probeert niet om aan te tonen zijn voorkeur.”

Arafat Sayed, een zakenman uit de zuidelijke stad Luxor, heeft drie vrouwen en overweegt trouwen vierde. “Je kon getrouwd zijn met een, maar een affaire. Dat is beter?” zei hij:

Krediet voor de bovenstaande info: Rome News-Tribune, door de Associated Press “vier jaar geleden”

“Burnt clothes and debris remain outside the scene of a wedding party fire in Jahra, west of Kuwait City.”

AFP – A Kuwaiti woman denied in court on Tuesday that she set fire to a wedding tent and caused a blaze that killed 55 women and children.

Nasra Yussef Mohammad al-Enezi simply replied “In” when judge Adel al-Sager asked her if she had started the fire and killed the people.

It was the only word the 23-year-old spoke during the brief hearing which opened her trial on charges including premeditated murder.

Looking frail and pale, Nasra initially refused to speak after two female prison guards had helped her to the judge’s rostrum.

Her three defence lawyers called for her release pending the full trial and alleged mistreatment by prison officials.

The public prosecutor presented no arguments during the hearing, but lawyer Zaid al-Khabbaz told reporters that the woman is charged with “premeditated murder and starting a fire with the intent to kill.”

Nasra was arrested on August 16, a day after 41 women and children died in a fire at a wedding tent in Jahra, west of Kuwait City. The death toll later rose to 55, according to the interior ministry.

The woman was initially believed to be the groom’s ex-wife, but her defence lawyers say that she is still his wife. Polygamy is allowed in this Muslim Gulf state.

Defence lawyers also allege that Nasra was two-months pregnant when arrested and was “deliberately aborted” by a prison guard with the help of an Asian nurse.

The judge was due to make his decision later in the day on the lawyers’ applications.

Krediet voor de bovenstaande info: Frankrijk 24 (International news 24/7)- 27 October 2009-11H44

Followup article: Sentence

http://polygamy411.com/2010/12/19/death-penalty-for-kuwati-woman-in-polygamy-case/

veelwijverij 411

I blog about polygamy and it helps me. I hope it will  help others as well. I have been in a polygamous marriage for two years and eleven months now. I began the polygamy 411.com blog after I had lived veelwijverij just a little over two years. It is absolutely amazing how blogging has turned my life around so much for the better in such a short period – ten months.  My mental health and emotional well-being have improved dramatically.

How has blogging about polygamy helped me?  Goed, when I blog about polygamy it is somewhat like talk therapy or “talking treatment”. Opposed to going to see a therapist, and having group counseling, I conduct my therapy on the blog.  I talk with people on the blog who have similar problems living polygamy or those who have an interest in polygamy and want to learn about it or talk about it.  I relieve my distress about polygamy by writing about it and talking to others who care about it. I write and talk to others who are in a similar state of distress, or had been there with polygamy.  When I talk with others about polygamy it helps me to find my feelings and the way I think, which helps me to better cope with polygamy. Without question, living polygamy has been difficult for me.

Having a blog that focuses on polygamy has helped in more ways as well.  It’s free to talk, write and read on the blog, opposed to seeing a psychotherapists. Think about the money I’ve saved. I don’t have to leave my home to go to a therapist’s office.  I could have “psychotherapy,” om zo te zeggen, every day, de hele dag, and not be limited to once or twice a week. I don’t have to show personal information, my true identity that would be documented. I don’t have to have a therapist subject me to medication, which I think often does more harm to a person than good.

Ja. Blogging about polygamy has helped me and I think it has helped and is helping others, ook.  Please don’t get me wrong; I am not suggesting or recommending blogging about polygamy as a substitute for professional psychotherapy for those who believe they need it, by no means. Blogging is not a substitute for medical treatment for those in need.  The views expressed in this post are my own and personal.

Dit is een open huis. Geen behoefte te kloppen. Kom gewoon op in.