Polygamia 411

I have written “My Journey” a “My Story Today” in book like form  (read from top to bottom), which does not conform to how one normally reads a blog. Ak chcete nastaviť príspevkov sa týmto spôsobom, Musel som zmeniť dáta spisy. This explains why the dates of the posts do not coincide with the dates of the comments, odpovedí, alebo odpovede z komentátorov.

Byť nové blogy, I did not do so well with the timeline in the posts. Ak chcete vám lepšiu predstavu o časovej osi, Alex a ja som sa stal polygamnej v decembri 2006 (Keď Alex “ženatý” Carolinah). Začal som blog vo februári 2009. Takže, vidíte, som začal blogov o našom živote len niečo málo cez dva roky stane polygamnej. Som bol ešte naprostý zmätok (psychologicky) v tej dobe.

Dúfam, že toto vysvetlenie bolo užitočné.

Jedná sa o deň otvorených dverí. Nie je treba klopať. Stačí prísť na.

Ak chcete chrániť skutočnú totožnosť strán a zostať verný môj životné skúsenosti, mená postáv tu (v polygamii 411) sú vymyslené; však, Môj stav, okolnosti, a skúsenosti sú skutočné.

Som Anabellah. Mohli by ste mi hovoriť Ana.  Bol som v polygamní manželstve, len veľa ako mnohoženstvo, len niečo málo cez dva roky.  Môj manžel sa volá Alex.  On “married” Carolinah (Koleda) kým manželstvo so mnou.  I použženatý8220;married” v citáciách, jednoducho preto, že som nebol na svadobný obrad a Alex Carolinah je.  Nehovoril som s nikým, že sa zúčastnili obradu, ani som vidieť žiadne doklady o tom.  Musím prijať Alex slovo, že to nastalo.  Alex, Carolinah, a Carolinahohoženstvo, ktorý v súlade s právom pre mňa ako moslim, pre všetky zámer a účel.

Žiadam Boha o odpustenie za všetko, čo môžem povedať, alebo sa tu hovorí na polygamiu 411 , Ktoré by neúmyselne, alebo iným spôsobom do omylu ostatné.  Mojím zámerom tu na polygamiu 411 je pomáhať ostatným pri riešení spôsobu života (mnohoženstvo) to je pre mňa dobré a zároveň som zistil, že je veľmi ťažké.

Rád by som sa s vami podeliť tu na polygamiu 411 moja cesta a odpovede mnohé z vašich otázok, ako poctivo a rýchlo, ako je to možné.  Insha Alah, budete zdieľať niektoré svoje pocity, myšlienky, a skúsenosti so mnou a ostatnými, rovnako.

Chcem mať na pamäti, že Alah je mužovi dovolené mať viac než jednu manželku v islame. Takže, Prosím, majte na pamäti, mnohoženstvo 411 nie je polygamia mlátiť blog. Nechcem, aby to nezákonné, ktorý Alláh urobil zákonný. To bolo súčasťou môjho boja, ako som boj s pravdou a moje osobné želanie.

Na mnohoženstvo 411, Nemám, nemožno, a nebude nikomu povedať, ako praktizovať polygamiu, ani dám radu, či je pre vás to pravé. Môžem len s vami podeliť o to, čo som skúsený, dozvedel o sebe, a učil sa od ostatných.

Všetky chvála patrí Alláhu.

I should give you a bit of background information on Alex and me…the beginning.  Pred Alex a ja ženatý, Povedal, že by sa o mňa starala. Povedal som dobre a dobre, but I will keep working.  I liked what I did and the money I made.  I think if a man gives you money, you give him control.  No way did I want Alex to have that much control of me.  I needed to make my money.

Alex and I shared the expenses.  Why should he pay for everything?  In sharing expenses, Už majú dosť peňazí na pomoc jeho rodine a priateľom. That is what he continued to do-help his family and friends.  I didn’t know Alex one day would myslieť mal veľa dosť peňazí, aby sa starostlivosť o inú ženu.

Aj trvalo prestal pracovať, about one year after Alex married Carolinah.  V…Nechcel som prestať pracovať, aby záťaž Alex, as that would only put a burden on me.  I fully knew I had enough money to take care of myself, if Alex a môj marriage did not work out.  Okrem toho, I kept in mind that Alex had a legal responsibility to me given by our State Marriage License.

V took my emotional, psychological and physical well-being into consideration before retiring my career (do jedného roka od Alex vzal Carolinah.)  The tremendous amount of stress that I had suffered from living my new life polygamy (bývanie je teraz za rok), not only effected my mental and physical health, ale moja work as well…not sleeping at night, nemôže sa sústrediť na prácu, depresívne a jednoducho sa starať už, most definitely took a toll on me.

Carolina had resurfaced in Alex’s life.  I found out about three months before he told me that he was going to marry her.  (She and Alex had been together for a few years or so before he and I met and married, to my understanding.)

Alex advised me one evening that Carolina was thinking about becoming Muslim.  He said he told her to go to the Mosque, but then told her that he would teach her.  Povedal som, “OK, go ahead , teach her.” 

On a subsequent occasion,  Bol som having an emergency, and tried to reach Alex.  He didn’t answer his cell phone.  When I later questioned him about it he said, “I was at Carolina’s house.”  Dobre, I was a bit taken back for a moment, but life went on.  On another day he said, ” I wonder what you would do if she becomes Muslim.”  I ignored the statement and, as usual, life went on.

One night, soon afterwards,  we were preparing to have dinner and I asked him if Carolina had decided to become Muslim yet.  Povedal, že, “Nie”  I asked him what was taking her so long to decide if Allah was good for her?  Not many days later, he said she had become Muslim.

Takže, everything seemed as usual in our home; I was content; I guess you could even say I was happy. Ale, I did notice Alex was still in his mind, somewhat distant.  And then, spontaneously, out of nowhere,  he said to me, “I’m going to marry Carolina.”

Wow, I didn’t see that one coming…. I just remember saying,  “Dobre, I’m going to get a divorce.”  He said he didn’t want a divorce.  I said I didn’t care.  He said I couldn’t divorce him in Islam, as I had no reason to.

I frantically threw on some street clothes and a coat, grabbed my cell phone, and ran out into the street. (I live in a quiet cul-de-sac. It was a Sunday evening, nighttime, and conversations outside could be heard clearly by anyone inside.)  I called my best friend (of 20 plus years, who introduced me to Islam, My Wali).  I was absolutely hysterical, screaming loudly, and crying uncontrollably… I felt like I was in the middle of nowhere, looking up at the sky, at the stars and the houses all around. Nothing seemed real accept the voice on the other end of the phone.

I told him what Alex had said. My friend’s response was, “ It’s OK; he’s allowed to do that.”  I screamed, “I can’t do it. I can’t. I can’t.”  Povedal som, “ I want a divorce.”  He said I had no reason to divorce him.  He said I couldn’t divorce him just because I didn’t like Allah’s decision.  He said I had to try to accept Allah’s decision and if I couldn’t, he would help me get a divorce.  He told me to stop crying.  Povedal, že, “Go back inside, and don’t let him see you crying.”

OK, so now I knew he was going to have an extra wife. Alex and I were going to be part and parcel of polygamy. Druhý deň ráno mi volal Alex na svojej ceste do práce, to check on me.  He said his stomach had been in knots and still was, ako on bol hnacou. Bol som skoro pocit, necitlivosť na tom mieste, from what I could remember. 

Deň alebo tak neskôr, v stave popieranie, Spýtal som sa Alex if he was really going to marry Carolinah. He said yes, a opýtal sa, či som si myslel, že dieťa o niečo takého. It was now the end of November. V asked when he might do it. Povedal, že, “V Jan. alebo februári” 

On  a later day, Spýtal som sa Alex to give me more time, ako to bolo príliš veľa, príliš rýchlo. I needed more time na digest it all. Povedal, že, “Nie”  He said delaying it would be like pulling a band-aid off a wound. Bolo by lepšie to urobiť rýchlo a mať za sebou, he said. 

Netreba hovoriť, Bol som rozrušený a depresii. I spoke with my wali about it. Poradil mi, nie sa báť, as only Allah SWT knew whether it was actually going to happen or not. The thought that it might not happen comforted me.

A potom jedného dňa, soon afterwards, V received a phone call from Alex while I was at work.  With a bit of excitement in his voice, he said the wali for Carolinah advised him that she was ready and the wedding could take place. Alex said he set the date for mid Dec. (He gave me the exact date).  I was totally unprepared for the marriage, unprepared for polygamy in my life to take place so soon. After All, he had said it would take place in either Jan. alebo februári  

Po mnoho dní sledovať, I continued to ask Alex to give me more time and not do it so quickly.  I asked if  he would wait until Aug. alebo september. aby mi čas, aby situáciu prijmeme. Povedal, že, “No”. Začal som prosiť mnohonásobne viac času, kým som si uvedomil, bol som prosila. I again asked him if I was going to meet her.  He said no, zatiaľ čo on sa obával by som sa pokúsiť zastaviť.

I spoke to a few people about how Alex had denied me more time.  One person said he treated me like a ”však.” My oldest sister said, To bolo like he had given me a huge piece of steak and made me swallow it, bez mi šancu na žuvanie.

Takže, teraz…what do V do? Polygamia bola rýchlo stáva z reality pre mňa.

Alex advised me, before and after he married ma, že on mal žiadny záujem v mnohoženstvo. Now things changed and he was going to marry Carolinah. Samozrejme, I had questions.

Alex had already said when his marriage to Carolinah would take place. I asked Alex Alexe loved Carolinah.  Povedal, že, “Ja sa starám o nej.”  When I first realized Alex was seeing Carolinah again, he had told me that she “comforted” him. One of my sisters looked at a photo that I had shown her of Carolinah and said, “On (Alex) musí byť reeeeeal smutný.”  

Alex gave me various replies at varying times about why he was going to marry Carolinah. Some of the reason he gave were: She needed help. He said the only way he could help her and be around her was by being married to her. He said she had a teenage son that she needed help with. Alex uvedený Carolinah was a nice person and people were taking advantage of her; osôb bývali u nej doma, and wouldn’t leave.  Alex, pri inej príležitosti, said he needed to feel needed.

Začínam trochu pred seba v príbehu tu, ale approximately a couple months after he had married Carolinah, on said he married her pretože she wanted sex. I asked him if he was paying her mortgage.  He said he was paying half her mortgage (her mortgage was one of those no money down, balloon type mortgages that doubled or something like that.)

The weeks and days before my forthcoming experience s polygamy came rapidly, sparking within me various feelings and emotions. Bol som veľmi nahnevaný na Alexa za to, čo sa chystá urobiť…mnohoženstvo?  

Vo večerných hodinách, keď prišiel domov, Aj kričal a ja běsnil. Kričal som na neho z vrcholu mojej pľúca, tryskajúce z nemravnosti. Nemôžem opakovať tie slová a frázy tu, ako they are totally inappropriate. I’m sure you could imagine what they were.  

Niekedy when he was watching TV or was on the computer, I’d rush right in from another room and explode-from a distance. I never got too close.  I’d leave the room, again, a then would rush back. Urobil som to opakovane. I kept physical distance from Alex, počas mojej záchvaty hnevu, fearing he’d clobber me and I’d end up laid out on the floor. Aj v mojom stave zúrivosti, Bol som strach, nechcel, aby moje konanie a správanie príliš ďaleko. Bol som ako “šialená žena.”  I’m sure the neighbors heard.  (Bol som totally mortified and humilitated; Som rád, že sa presťahovali.)

Alex nikdy neodpovedal na moje rozhorčenie. On len pokračoval v tom, čo robí, as though I wasn’t even there.  I don’t know how he did to.  I mean this went on throughout the night, pre mnoho nocí, každú noc?  I went on and on about how Carolinah just wanted his money and wanted sex. How she nor he knew anything about Islam. Ako to bolo slepý vedie slepého. How he was going to practice polygamy just to hurt me, as I had hurt him by not living our lives the way he wanted me to.

Inokedy, I became reasonable. I actually began to get to know Alex better. I had an underlying motive.  I’m sure Carolinah thought she was very special right about now. The two of them were preparing psychologically and physically for their steamy, hot encounters.  Dobre, to bolo teraz čas pre mňa spoznať môj manžel lepšie…re-zapáliť oheň alebo, Asi by som mala povedať, ignite it, as I don’t think it had ever been lit to begin with.

 And that is what I did.

Je úžasné, že za takmer päť rokov som nemal naozaj poznať sám seba, Viem, že ani môj manžel Alex. Bol som tak self-obytný, sebecký a úplne arogantný. I hadn’t taken any significant time to know Alex.  I focused primarily on what he did and didn’t do, moje priania a moje potreby, and my likes and dislikes. Alex had almost been superficial to me.

Pre mňa, polygamy was and is a humbling experience.  I never, ever dreamed Alex would consider polygamy. I used to come home and tell him stories about people in neighboring communities who were polygamous, and were getting divorced.  He even told me a couple of similar stories. 

A problem arose with realizing polygamy in my life. I now began to attach myself and focus too much attention on Alex. I swung far, way over to the opposite side.  Although I was still staying conscious of Allah SWT, I had now štát much too attentive to Alex. 

My Wakeel kept telling me, “What you chase runs from you. What you run from chases you. That is what a chase is all about.” My wakeel advised me time in and time out that nothing should ever be more important than Allah SWT.

Jedná sa o deň otvorených dverí. Nie je treba klopať. Len poďte ďalej.

As the date for the marriage drew closer, I felt a need to have more details about it from Alex. Takže, Spýtal som sa.  

I already knew the date the marriage was going to take place. They scheduled it for a weekday, the beginning of the week. He said he was going to go to work the day of the marriage and it would take place after the Maghrib prayer, at a Masjid in Carolinah’s hometown. I asked if afterwards they were going to go on a “Honeymoon.” Povedal, že, ne; they were going to go away sometime during the next year. It didn’t seem at all romantic or glamorous to me and that made me feel much lepší. 

Carolinah didn’t live in the same geographical location as me, which made me feel much better as well.  Although, she didn’t live very, very far away, she was far enough away from me.   

Alex and I had revived the passion in our marriage or I should say brought alive passion that hadn’t existed before.  We now had a really nice connection. It felt like I had just met him.  Alex could very well say he was beginning new lives, one with Carolinah and one with me, simultaneously. 

He said he would stay four days with her and then would come back home.  I thought she was only supposed to get three days, but I didn’t bother to check it out or squabble about it. 

It didn’t feel that weird to me either, then, ako it wouldn’t be the first time he was going to be with Carolinah…remember, they were together for a couple of years or so before he and I got married.  Maybe once they resumed the relationship he’d remember why he didn’t marry her to begin with (smile).  I’m sorry!  That was way harsh.