The “Polygamy Club” in Malaysia
од стране Анн он Апр.08, 2009, време полигамије у медијима
“Polygamist Mohammad Inaamulillah Bin Ashaari is shown with his four wives-AP Photo”
No Husband? No Problem! Malaysia Polygamy Club To Hatch Matches With Already Married Men.
When she was practicing law, Kartini Maarof once went beyond the call of duty for her divorce client.
She arranged for Rohaya Mohamad, a mother of seven, to be married again _ to Kartini’s own husband.
The spouse they have shared for a decade is 43-year-old Ikramullah Ashaari, who has four wives and 17 деца. His 72-year-old father has 38 offspring from five marriages, without ever having flouted Islam’s prescribed limit of four wives at a time.
Polygamy is legal for Muslims in Malaysia, though not widespread. The Ashaari clan believes it should be. Last month it launched a “Polygamy Club” that claims the noble aim of helping single mothers, reformed prostitutes and women who feel they are past the marrying age.
“We want to change the way people perceive polygamy, so that it will be seen as something beautiful instead of something disgusting,” said Hatijah Aam, the founder of the club. She is the fourth wife of Ikramullah’s father, Ashaari Muhammad.
Polygamy may seem out of place in an Asian democracy proud of its skyscrapers, high-tech skills and go-getter economy. But it retains a foothold in this Muslim-majority country of 27 million where piety is deeply embedded and Muslims can be arrested for drinking alcohol or consorting with the opposite sex unless a couple is married.
The government also polices religious practice. Ashaari, the family patriarch, used to head an Islamic sect that was banned in 1994 as heretical because it projected Ashaari as an absolver of sinners.
Most of the Polygamy Club members belonged to the sect, and there’s nothing illegal about how they live now, so long as they’re Muslims. For the one-third of the population that isn’t Muslim, polygamy is unlawful.
The practice used to be more common but has dwindled to an estimated 2 percent of all Muslim marriages as women have become freer and careers have opened up for them.
The polygamists point out that the Prophet Muhammad is thought to have married about a dozen women in his lifetime, including widows in need of protection.
“Some people treat polygamy as a laughing matter because they do not fully comprehend it,” says Ikramullah, a jovial businessman and son of his father’s first wife. “But a community that practices it would know that it is not bizarre. Заправо, you would be teased if you were a man with only one wife.”
The club claims to number 300 husbands and 700 жене. It hopes to cultivate examples of happy households to counter women’s rights activists who say some spouses and children suffer in polygamous marriages. Club members say polygamy deters adultery and would improve the marriage prospects of ex-prostitutes if more men were available to marry them.
But Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, the Muslim female minister in charge of family policy, says polygamy “is not a culture that is encouraged in our society.”
Sisters in Islam, an advocacy group campaigning against polygamy, says it isn’t good for women.
“If people choose to be monogamous, there are enough men for every woman,” it said in a statement to The Associated Press.
One opponent of polygamy is a 42-year-old business executive who asked to be identified only as Sharifah. She said she threatened to divorce her husband of nearly 15 years after he told her last year that he had fallen in love with a divorced mother of three, felt she needed help, and wanted to marry her.
“I felt like my fairy tale had ended,” Sharifah said. “He was my soul mate. … I couldn’t believe it was happening. Then I started to scream at him.”
She said some people told her that agreeing to a second wife would secure her place in heaven. But Sharifah, the breadwinner for her two children and jobless husband, refused to give in. The couple underwent marriage counseling and Sharifah’s husband has promised not to marry the other woman.
“Women have to make a stand. We are getting more progressiv. We know our rights,” , рекла је она. “I will not enter into a polygamous marriage. I know I deserve better.”
Kartini, 41, says polygamy has served her well; while she was busy arguing court cases, her husband’s first wife would cook, clean and look after the children.
“The wives can complement each other,” , рекла је она. “Наравно, you miss your husband and there are natural feelings of competition and jealousy at first. But after a while, you try to become friends and you learn that you can share your problems with each other.”
The club says most of its husbands keep each spouse in a home of her own unless the women agree to live under one roof. Many husbands rotate their days among households.
The tight-knit family is concentrated in Rawang, a town outside Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia’s largest city. They gather for religious holidays and other festivities, such as a recent “Family Day” where they performed songs for each other and picnicked. They mingle easily in public, chatting and joking like any ordinary family.
The club is funded by the family’s grocery stores, restaurants and other businesses. It plans to offer matchmaking, wedding planning and marriage counseling.
Hatijah, who became the patriarch’s fourth wife in 1982, used to be skeptical of polygamy, and agreed to the marriage because she worried that at 27, she was getting too old to find a husband.
Сада 54 and a mother of eight, she says: “What is wrong with sharing a husband? I’ve been doing so for nearly 30 године.”
Credit for above info: The Associated Press-RAWANG, Malaysia, Седам 27, 2009
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Као Салааму алаикум!
Добродошли на Полигамија 411! Наш дом је за муслимана и немуслимана. То је за свакога ко жели да разговара о полигамије, или неко ко је у браку или полигамне разматра улази један. Ми као да фирма. Удобно се сместите и придружите дискусији остављајући коментар. Радујемо се Вашем доласку овде опет ускоро, а често и.
травел 4 мање!
October 8th, 2009 на 6:58 АМ
“I felt like my fairy tale had ended,” Sharifah said…” ” I couldn’t believe it was happening. Then I started to scream at him.”
It almost sounds like a page from my story. The difference is Sharifah’s fairlytale almost crumbled. Her husband didn’t marry the woman after Sharifah objected.
October 10th, 2009 на 7:47 АМ
Почетак,
Just curious…(can we keep religion out of the answer?)
In hindsight, would you have preferred to have Alex as a busted married man in an affair, or to have it this way?
Sorry if this is too personal a question.
I personally feel the marriage thing makes it more humiliating.
October 10th, 2009 на 8:44 АМ
JeanneT,
Your question isn’t too personal at all. Your question, as I understand it, is would I rather have Alex as my husband that cheated and got caught (and continued cheating with me knowing about it) or have a husband that took another “супруга” without my permission. За мене, I don’t think it would make a difference. It all would probably feel like “cheating” to me. Бол, devastation, and humiliation for me would probably be the same. It doesn’t matter how he does it, just that he did. I think what’s significant is the effect that it has on the wife…the psychological effect, mental anguish, and physical distress that it causes.
To me it is humiliating either way. It’s humiliating for me as the masses don’t understand polygamy and don’t accept it, nor do many Muslims accept it. For me it’s humiliating because my husband is lying around, climbing in and out of bed with another woman who has no respect for herself or me. That makes it even worst.
I hope I answered your question, JeanneT. If not, let me know.
Ово је отворена куца. Нема потребе да куцам. Само Цоме он ин.
October 12th, 2009 на 12:49 АМ
So Sharifah is the sole support of her jobless husband and two children and her husband still tried to convince her to let him marry someone else? Forget her fairy tale, what exact fairy tale was he envisioning, that his wife would also support him in his love nest with a new wife? Yet another example of a man insisting on his “rights” to marry multiple wives but completing ignoring the concurrent religious obligations to those wives.
October 12th, 2009 на 2:29 АМ
In the secular world, there are these ‘cake men’. They want their cake and to eat it too. They want the community respect of stable home life, meals, laundry services, child care, итд, and they want a little bit of strange on the side. Regularly.
And the lovely mistress doesn’t have to deal with smelly socks or dirty diapers. Never tired, always ready. No wonder the sex is so good! But it is a rarity for these guys to actually support the other woman financially. And she gets dropped like a hot rock as soon as he gets busted. Until the dust settles, then they are back in business as usual.
Devastating to be the other woman (being told all manner of lies to keep it going) and devastating to be the spouse.
Lies, lies, lies.
As painful as polygamy can be, at least it is more honest. And open.
There is this book out there called The Monogamy Myth (which I have not read). Is monogamy too much to expect? Is it so unrealistic that women set themselves up for pain by such a high expectation?
These is so much sadness out in the world of marriage. I am so disillusioned.
And Ali: For the record, I am NOT looking for another marriage.
October 12th, 2009 на 5:50 АМ
Monogamy appears to be the myth evidenced by the statistics of men that take second, third and fourth wives, “cheat”, sleep around, have affairs, and set up mistresses.
I wonder if the men that take second, third and forth wives have the same disposition of men that aren’t polygamous, but simply sleep around with multiple women. They like variety.
Perhaps monogamy forces a man into a position that is not natural since his nature is to desire many women. But then on the other hand, пророка Мухамеда (ПБУХ) was monogamous for 25 године.
It’s just all so crazy. We do know that peace and tranquility in a marriage is possible. Maybe men and women are just so far, far away from the mark. I need some real serious work on my imam for sure.
October 12th, 2009 на 7:23 АМ
I agree. I think polygamy is more open and honest. The wife knows the husband has another wife/wives and knows who she/they are. If a man is inclined towards many women, he commits to no more than four opposed to just jumping in and out of bed with any woman that come alongs that suits his fancy.
Talking about having their cake and eat it too. Husbands like Sharifah’s that ignore religious obligations are the one’s that get the best of this world and this world only. They apparently don’t care much about the Hereafter.
October 12th, 2009 на 10:05 АМ
Monogamy may be uncomfortable for some, but isn’t it going to be a lot more pleasant, in the end, than dealing with the hurt, указује, financial stress and social woes that come from the alternatives? And that is just the trouble in this world.
My advice to any married man:
Tell the truth.
Do the math.
Move on with a clean slate and a clear conscience if you just can’t be happy with the one you’re with.
October 13th, 2009 на 11:49 АМ
Sharifa, in this case, might be lucky to be the only one with the job. Probably gave her a lot more control of the situation than if the economics were reversed.
October 13th, 2009 на 11:59 АМ
It is not necessary to marry someone (like a helpless widow) in order to be charitable to her and her children. The motivation can only be about wanting to have sex with her. Seems to be a great motivator to get people to complicate their lives. *sigh*
October 13th, 2009 на 2:50 АМ
This is just a general response, not to anyone in particular.
People should not be swayed by ignorance. Allah says those striving to be Believers should marry for piety and righteousness, marry those among you who are chaste. He did not say marry for sex. Sex is meant for procreation. Maybe Allah made sex desirable so people will procreate.
Allah says those who are moved with desire have a “diseased heart.” Allah says Fast, if you have a desire for sex. He did not say get married to satisfy that desire. I am not saying it’s unlawful to have sex for the enjoyable experience with your spouse. To have sex for the enjoyable experience is to satisfy your own sexual desires, if it’s not for procreation.
If one says he or she has sex for Allah, then he or she should be trying to procreate to raise a God fearing child. How does someone have sex, seeking the pleasure of Allah, if his or her intention is not to procreate? How does that work? Explain that to me.
We should not make something lawful that Allah has made unlawful, nor should we make something unlawful that Allah has made lawful. This applies to a great number of things across the board, just to mention a couple: secret wives, as well as Muslim vegetarian who says red meat is not healthy. Allah says eat of all the good things and exclusively meat that Allah’s name has been pronounce over at the time of slaughter. Picking and choosing what you like from the Quran falls into this category, as well. Tearing tкао иn into shreds, as you pick and choose what you like from the Quran falls into this category, as well.
Mai, everything in the Quran is compulsory for Believers, but not compulsory for the non-believers.
October 13th, 2009 на 7:34 АМ
Ali
As salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.
I did not say that red meat was not healthy. Међутим, food is no longer in the same healthy, wholesome state it was at the time of the Prophet, salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam. If the red meat is pumped full of hormones, steroids, antibiotics, and pesticides is it not healthy…and Allah tells us not to destroy ourselves in the Quran. Тако, just as I said, my children eat red meat, when it is both halal AND tayyibaat. Just as the Prophet, salla Allahu alayhi wa salaam, preferred not to eat lizard and had preferences when it came to food, so may we other human beings. Abu Bakr ate the lizard, but the Prophet did not…and there was nothing wrong with it other than it wasn’t the food he was used to and he didn’t want to eat it. I am not a kaafir because I do not like red meat or because I believe that foods that are chemical laden, noxious, and toxic are unhealthy…and Allah truly Knows.
Да, we must take everything from the Quran. Међутим, doing everything in the Quran is obviously not compulsory. Just because we know that animals are slaughtered for the aqiqahs of our children, doesn’t mean I have to go out and slit the throat. My husband can do that and I am not sinning to avoid it. If everything was compulsory, then when I went for Hajj they would have made me kill the hadi, but they simply took my money and did it for me. I’m 5’1″ and 115lbs Ali, I cannot even restrain the animal. Just because polygamy is in the Quran, doesn’t make it compulsory for every Muslim. What IS compulsory it to believe and accept that everything in the Quran is the best of ways and the best of guidance for mankind.
I have no issues about a single thing in the Quran. However, the last country to abolish slavery was Mauritania in the 80′s. The Prophet, salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam, freed a slave and encouraged freeing slaves. Does that mean he rejected what is in the Quran about slaves? У. It exists, and most surely it has a place in certain situations or it would not be in the Quran. However, just as it is, or was, a protection for some to be taken as slaves, that does not mean we all have to rush out and get a slave. Заправо, one cannot just go out and take a slave. The permission to take a slave is when in a lawful jihad (not just when some fool calls jihad), with all the conditions.
As for procreation, if all we are allowed to have sex for, and say it is for the sake of Allah is to procreate, then are the infertile man and woman to be celibate forever? Should men divorce their wives once they reach menopause because they cannot have children anymore? If procreation was the whole point, the wives of the Prophet, salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam, did not have babies except for Khadijah and Mary the Coptic. Some of the wives he took were already past child-bearing age. He clearly had relations with them all.
There are clear ahadith that if a man sees a woman that he desires he should go home and approach his wife – his halal means of enjoyment. Husbands and wives are garments unto each other. It is a sadaqah to make love to one’s wife. In addition, there are ahadith about ‘azl being permissible, indicating that sex did not have to be for procreation. Тако, although I understand that procreation is a reason for sex, fulfilling one’s desires in the lawful way Allah has provided, is also a form of worship. If you satisfy this urge unlawfully, you get punished, and if you satisfy it lawfully, you get rewarded.
Perhaps we are having a slight communication error due to the use of language. May Allah unite our hearts and minds upon tawheed and clear the communication lines – Хајдер.
October 14th, 2009 на 8:51 АМ
Mai,
As salaamu alaykum,m
Satan has entered our Religion through a door that many Muslims hold sacred. Allah revealed the Qur’an and it is replete with everything we need as well as protected by Allah Himself. The Qur’an is our Constitution as well as our Criteria to judge with. Nothing else created can constitute the same!
Regarding red meat, Allah has commanded us to eat only the meat that His Name is pronounced over at the time of slaughtering. Allah is not capable of purifying this animal at the time of slaughter?
Regarding sex without the intent to procreate – is a tool that Allah has given Satan as a weapon, in his effort to fulfill his promise to Allah. And from what I can see Satan is doing a good job. He is constantly on his job!
A sexual act is motivated by one’s desire. Desire is the number one factor that prevents us from drawing nearer to our Lord. Remember Ibilis? His desire was not to bow down to Adam SWT! It all started from there!
October 15th, 2009 на 1:38 АМ
Ali,
Као Салааму алаикум! Добродошли на полигамије 411. Your wisdom and understanding is valued here.
I encourage you to keep your focus on polygamy and please try not to digress from the topic too much.
We’re all like a family here. We all come from diverse backgrounds with varying thoughts, осећања, and understanding about Polygamy. Please be kind and gentle. We try not to play hardball here.
Ово је отворена куца. Нема потребе да куцам. Само Цоме он ин.
December 14th, 2009 на 4:33 АМ
Salaam To All,
This stream of commentary is full of inacurracies and terrible logic, all of which stem from ignorance. Ignorance has no master but Iblis, and his master is pride. Humiliation and hurt are childish emotional reactions to reality, hence the “fairy tale” logic which condemns itself as it is bathed in narcissism.
I cannot attend to all the errors I’ve just read, but let me state that men are by “nature” полигамски, and sex is not just for “procreation” nor is its many pleasures simply a tool for Satan’s use. Men are indeed from Mars and women from Venus. We do not think or even “осетити” in the same manner and the differences are complementary rather than oppositional. When they become oppositional, it is due to a lack of knowledge and this is due to a lack of both education and the willingness to learn.
Сада, rather than give a course on the sexual, емоционално, physiological and even mental differences between men and women, I suggest you all do your own research. There is an abundance of books on the topic, and the best way to understand your spouse is to first understand yourself and just how it is Al Mussawir put you together.
When you start the new website Ana, I’ll be happy to post my guidelines for men and women if you have a ‘small book’ section available. Understanding the basic needs of men and those of women is a valuable tool in one’s larder of wisdom. The larders I’ve just read are fairly empty, and hence the empty headed ‘емоционално’ oommentaries that are of little good other than to make one “осетити’ good momentarily, which is another extrememly self-centered desire rather than need.
Ah … the Polygamy Club in Malaysia, је, in fact, a cult with political ambitions and not necessarily in line with the Shari’ah. But they mean well and so did the Crusaders.
wasalaam,
dr omar
July 7th, 2011 на 2:27 АМ
If 1 wife is not enough…he’ll never ever be satisfied.
In my opinion, this behaviour is absolutely abnormal.
Only God can satisfy Him and this is not how God created man for.
God bless u.
July 7th, 2011 на 9:20 АМ
Hello Amy,
Добродошли на полигамије 411. Thank you for joining us and commenting.
You stated, “If 1 wife is not enough…he’ll never ever be satisfied.” And you know this, how?
In Islam and with other religions, као и, polygamy is very normal. It was created by God too. I assume you’re not Muslim or Mormon. It’s no problem that you are not for us here at polygamy 411.
Thank you for sharing your opinion
Ово је отворена куца. Нема потребе да куцам. Само Цоме он ин.
July 8th, 2011 на 2:35 АМ