Многоженство 411

I have written “Моје путовање” и “Моја прича данас” in book like form  (read from top to bottom), which does not conform to how one normally reads a blog. Да бисте поставили поруке на овај начин, Морала сам да променим датуме списа. This explains why the dates of the posts do not coincide with the dates of the comments, одговори, или одговора од коментатора.

Бити нови блог, I did not do so well with the timeline in the posts. Да би вам бољи увид у Тимелине, Алекс и сам постао Полигамски у децембру 2006 (Када је Александар “ожењен” Царолинах). Почео сам блог у фебруару 2009. Тако, можете видети сам почео блогање о нашим животима тек нешто више од две године да постане Полигамски. И даље је била тотална збрка (психолошки) у то време.

Надам се да ово објашњење било корисно.

Ово је отворена куца. Нема потребе да куцам. Само хајде.

Да би се заштитили прави идентитет странака и да остану верни свом животу искуства, имена ликова овде (на полигамије 411) су измишљени; Ипак, моја ситуација, околности, и искуства су прави.

Ја сам Анабеллах. Могли сте да ме зову Ана.  Ја сам био у браку полигамски, из многих као многоженство, за само нешто више од две године.  Мој муж је име Алекс.  Он “married” Carolinah (Весела песма) док је у бра�ожењен� мном.  Ја користим “married” у цитатима, једноставно зато што нисам био на церемонији венчања Алекс и Царолинах је.  Нисам говорио са свима који �Царолинах�суствовали церемонији, нити видим било документацију о томе.  Морам да прихвате Алекс реч да се то догодило.  Алек, Carolinah, и ја живим полигамије, која је законито на мене као муслимана, за све намере и сврхе.

Молим Аллаха је опроштај за све што могу да кажем и овде је на полигамија 411 који би ненамерно, или на било који начин доведе у заблуду друге.  Намера ми овде у полигамија 411 је да помогне другима у борби са начином живота (полигамија) то је добро за мене и у исто време сам пронашао Изузетно је тешко.

Хтео бих да поделим са вама овде у полигамија 411 моје путовање и одговори на већину ваших питања, као поштено и брзо је могуће.  ИншаАллах, ћете деле неке од Ваших осећања, мисли, и искуства са мном и другима, као и.

Желим да се сетите да је Аллах учинио за законит човек да има више од једне жене у исламу. Тако, имајте на уму полигамија 411 није полигамије Басхинг блогу. Не желим да се незаконито оно што је Аллах је законито. Ово је део моје борбе, као што сам битку са истине и моје личне жеље.

На полигамија 411, Не, Не могу да, и неће никоме како да вежбаш полигамије, нити ћу дати савет о томе да ли је исправно за вас. Могу само да поделим са вама оно што сам искусан, научио о себи, и научио од других.

Све похвале је Аллаху.

I should give you a bit of background information on Alex and me…the beginning.  Пре Алек и ја ожењен, Он је рекао да може да брине о мени. Рекао сам фина и добра, but I will keep working.  I liked what I did and the money I made.  I think if a man gives you money, you give him control.  No way did I want Alex to have that much control of me.  I needed to make my money.

Alex and I shared the expenses.  Why should he pay for everything?  In sharing expenses, Он би се много новца за помоћ његовој породици и пријатељима. That is what he continued to do-help his family and friends.  I didn’t know Alex one day would мислити имао довољно довољно новца да се брине о другом женом.

Ја стално је престао да ради, about one year after Alex married Carolinah.  У…Нисам престати да ради да стави терет Алекс, as that would only put a burden on me.  I fully knew I had enough money to take care of myself, if Алекс и моја marriage did not work out.  Штавише, I kept in mind that Alex had a legal responsibility to me given by our State Marriage License.

У took my emotional, psychological and physical well-being into consideration before retiring my career (годину дана после Алекс ожењен Царолинах.)  The tremendous amount of stress that I had suffered from living my new life polygamy (живот је сада годину дана), not only effected my mental and physical health, but my work as well…not sleeping at night, у стању да се фокусира на послу, су депресији и само не брину више, most definitely took a toll on me.

Carolina had resurfaced in Alex’s life.  I found out about three months before he told me that he was going to marry her.  (She and Alex had been together for a few years or so before he and I met and married, to my understanding.)

Alex advised me one evening that Carolina was thinking about becoming Muslim.  He said he told her to go to the Mosque, but then told her that he would teach her.  Ја сам рекао, “У реду, go ahead , teach her.” 

On a subsequent occasion,  Био сам having an emergency, and tried to reach Alex.  He didn’t answer his cell phone.  When I later questioned him about it he said, “I was at Carolina’s house.”  Добро, I was a bit taken back for a moment, but life went on.  On another day he said, ” I wonder what you would do if she becomes Muslim.”  I ignored the statement and, as usual, life went on.

One night, soon afterwards,  we were preparing to have dinner and I asked him if Carolina had decided to become Muslim yet.  Он је рекао, “Но”  I asked him what was taking her so long to decide if Allah was good for her?  Not many days later, he said she had become Muslim.

Тако, everything seemed as usual in our home; I was content; I guess you could even say I was happy. Али,, I did notice Alex was still in his mind, somewhat distant.  And then, spontaneously, out of nowhere,  he said to me, “I’m going to marry Carolina.”

Вов, I didn’t see that one coming…. I just remember saying,  “Добро, I’m going to get a divorce.”  He said he didn’t want a divorce.  I said I didn’t care.  He said I couldn’t divorce him in Islam, as I had no reason to.

I frantically threw on some street clothes and a coat, grabbed my cell phone, and ran out into the street. (I live in a quiet cul-de-sac. It was a Sunday evening, nighttime, and conversations outside could be heard clearly by anyone inside.)  I called my best friend (of 20 plus years, who introduced me to Islam, Ми скупља).  I was absolutely hysterical, screaming loudly, and crying uncontrollably… I felt like I was in the middle of nowhere, looking up at the sky, at the stars and the houses all around. Nothing seemed real accept the voice on the other end of the phone.

I told him what Alex had said. My friend’s response was, “ It’s OK; he’s allowed to do that.”  I screamed, “I can’t do it. I can’t. I can’t.”  Ја сам рекао, “ I want a divorce.”  He said I had no reason to divorce him.  He said I couldn’t divorce him just because I didn’t like Allah’s decision.  He said I had to try to accept Allah’s decision and if I couldn’t, he would help me get a divorce.  He told me to stop crying.  Он је рекао, “Go back inside, and don’t let him see you crying.”

У реду, so now I knew he was going to have an extra wife. Alex and I were going to be part and parcel of polygamy. Следећег јутра ме је позвао Александра на свом путу до посла, to check on me.  He said his stomach had been in knots and still was, као што је возио. Ја прилично много осећања утрнула у том тренутку, from what I could remember. 

Дан или тако касније, у стању порицања, Питао сам Alex if he was really going to marry Carolinah. He said yes, и питао да ли би мислио да је дете нешто слично. It was now the end of Нов. У asked when he might do it. Он је рекао, “У јануару. или фебруар” 

On  a later day, Питао сам Alex to give me more time, као што је то превише, пребрзо. I needed more time у digest it all. Он је рекао, “Но”  He said delaying it would be like pulling a band-aid off a wound. Било би боље да то урадите брзо и добијете га са више, he said. 

Непотребно је рећи да, Био сам збуњен и депресиван. I spoke with my wali about it. Он ми је саветовао да не брине, as only Allah SWT knew whether it was actually going to happen or not. The thought that it might not happen comforted me.

А онда једног дана, soon afterwards, У received a phone call from Alex while I was at work.  With a bit of excitement in his voice, he said the wali for Carolinah advised him that she was ready and the wedding could take place. Alex said he set the date for mid Dec. (He gave me the exact date).  I was totally unprepared for the marriage, unprepared for polygamy in my life to take place so soon. After All, he had said it would take place in either Jan. или фебруар  

За неколико дана да прате, I continued to ask Alex to give me more time and not do it so quickly.  I asked if  he would wait until Aug. или септембар. да ми дају време да прихвати ситуацију. Он је рекао, “No”. Почео сам да се изјасни много пута више времена, све док нисам схватио да је просјачење. I again asked him if I was going to meet her.  He said no, као што се бојао бих покушала да га заустави.

I spoke to a few people about how Alex had denied me more time.  One person said he treated me like a ”Међутим,.” My oldest sister said, било је like he had given me a huge piece of steak and made me swallow it, без давања ми је шансу да жвакати.

Тако, сада…what do У do? Полигамија је брзо постао више реалности за мене.

Алек advised me, before and after he married мене, да није имао интерес у полигамија. Now things changed and he was going to marry Carolinah. Наравно, I had questions.

Александар је имао already said when his marriage to Carolinah would take place. I asked Alex if he loved Carolinah.  Он је рекао, “Ја бринем о њој.”  When I first realized Alex was seeing Carolinah again, he had told me that she “comforted” him. One of my sisters looked at a photo that I had shown her of Carolinah and said, “Он (Алек) мора да је реееееал Саду.”  

Alex gave me various replies at varying times about why he was going to marry Carolinah. Some of the reason he gave were: She needed help. He said the only way he could help her and be around her was by being married to her. He said she had a teenage son that she needed help with. Alex рекао је Carolinah was a nice person and people were taking advantage of her; лица која је боравила у својој кући, and wouldn’t leave.  Alex, Једном другом приликом, said he needed to feel needed.

И'м геттинг мало испред себе у причи овде, али approximately a couple months after he had married Carolinah, он said he married her јер she wanted sex. I asked him if he was paying her mortgage.  He said he was paying half her mortgage (her mortgage was one of those no money down, balloon type mortgages that doubled or something like that.)

The weeks and days before my forthcoming experience са polygamy came rapidly, sparking within me various feelings and emotions. Био сам изузетно љут на Алекса за оно што је о томе да се ураде…полигамија?  

У вечери када је стигао кући, Ја рантед и равед. И ја сам повикао на њега из врха плућа, бризгање од одвратности. Не могу овде да поновим ове речи и фразе, као they are totally inappropriate. I’m sure you could imagine what they were.  

Sometimes when he was watching TV or was on the computer, I’d rush right in from another room and explode-from a distance. I never got too close.  I’d leave the room, again, и then would rush back. Ја сам то више пута. I kept physical distance from Alex, Током мог уклапа беса, fearing he’d clobber me and I’d end up laid out on the floor. Чак иу моје стање бес, Био сам страшно, не желећи да моје поступке и понашање превише. Био сам као “Црази жена.”  I’m sure the neighbors heard.  (Био сам totally mortified and humilitated; Драго ми је што су се преселили.)

Алекс није одговорио на мој гнев. Он је само наставио оно што радиш је ради, as though I wasn’t even there.  I don’t know how he did it.  I mean this went on throughout the night, за многе ноћи, сваке ноћи?  I went on and on about how Carolinah just wanted his money and wanted sex. How she nor he knew anything about Islam. Како је слеп води слепог. How he was going to practice polygamy just to hurt me, as I had hurt him by not living our lives the way he wanted me to.

У другим приликама, I became reasonable. I actually began to get to know Alex better. I had an underlying motive.  I’m sure Carolinah thought she was very special right about now. The two of them were preparing psychologically and physically for their steamy, hot encounters.  Добро, сада је време за мене да се упознају мој муж боље…да поново запалити пожар или, Ја вероватно треба рећи, ignite it, as I don’t think it had ever been lit to begin with.

 And that is what I did.

То је невероватно да је за скоро пет година, нисам стварно ја знам, нити знам да ли мој супруг Александар. Био сам толико заљубљен у себе, Себичан и потпуно арогантно. I hadn’t taken any significant time to know Alex.  I focused primarily on what he did and didn’t do, моје жеље и моје потребе, and my likes and dislikes. Alex had almost been superficial to me.

За мене, polygamy was and is a humbling experience.  I never, ever dreamed Alex would consider polygamy. I used to come home and tell him stories about people in neighboring communities who were polygamous, and were getting divorced.  He even told me a couple of similar stories. 

A problem arose with realizing polygamy in my life. I now began to attach myself and focus too much attention on Alex. I swung far, way over to the opposite side.  Although I was still staying conscious of Allah SWT, I had now постати much too attentive to Alex. 

My Wakeel kept telling me, “What you chase runs from you. What you run from chases you. That is what a chase is all about.” My wakeel advised me time in and time out that nothing should ever be more important than Allah SWT.

Ово је отворена куца. Нема потребе да куцам. Само Цоме он ин.

As the date for the marriage drew closer, I felt a need to have more details about it from Alex. Тако, Питао сам.  

I already knew the date the marriage was going to take place. They scheduled it for a weekday, the beginning of the week. He said he was going to go to work the day of the marriage and it would take place after the Maghrib prayer, at a Masjid in Carolinah’s hometown. I asked if afterwards they were going to go on a “Honeymoon.” Он је рекао, не; they were going to go away sometime during the next year. It didn’t seem at all romantic or glamorous to me and that made me feel much боље. 

Carolinah didn’t live in the same geographical location as me, which made me feel much better as well.  Although, she didn’t live very, very far away, she was far enough away from me.   

Alex and I had revived the passion in our marriage or I should say brought alive passion that hadn’t existed before.  We now had a really nice connection. It felt like I had just met him.  Alex could very well say he was beginning new lives, one with Carolinah and one with me, simultaneously. 

He said he would stay four days with her and then would come back home.  I thought she was only supposed to get three days, but I didn’t bother to check it out or squabble about it. 

It didn’t feel that weird to me either, then, као it wouldn’t be the first time he was going to be with Carolinah…remember, they were together for a couple of years or so before he and I got married.  Maybe once they resumed the relationship he’d remember why he didn’t marry her to begin with (смиле).  I’m sorry!  That was way harsh.