Hello World!

av Ann på Apr.25, 2009, under min resa

För att skydda den verkliga identiteten på parterna och att hålla fast vid mina livserfarenheter, namnen på karaktärerna här (på polygami 411) är fiktiva; dock, min situation, omständigheter, och upplevelser är verkliga.

Jag Anabellah. Du kan kalla mig Ana. Jag har varit i polygama äktenskap, som nämns av många som polygami, för bara drygt två år. Min man heter Alex. Han “married” Carolinah (Carol) samtidigt gift med mig. Jag använgift220;married” i citat, bara för att jag inte var på Alex och Carolinah bröllop ceremoni. Jag talade inte med någon som deltog i ceremonin, Inte heller ser jag någon dokumentation av det. Jag måste acceptera Alex ord att det inträffade. Alex, CaroliCarolinahjag bor polygami, som är lagligt för mig som muslim, för alla avsikter och syften.

Jag ber Allah om förlåtelse för något som jag kan säga eller har sagt här på polygami 411 som skulle oavsiktligt, eller på något sätt vilseleda andra. Min avsikt här på polygami 411 är att hjälpa andra att klara av en livsstil (månggifte) som är bra för mig och samtidigt har jag funnit det är oerhört svårt.

Jag skulle vilja dela med dig här på polygami 411 min resa och svar många av dina frågor, så ärligt och snabbt som möjligt. Insha Allah, Du kommer att dela några av dina känslor, tankar, och erfarenheter med mig och andra, samt.

Jag vill minnas att Allah gjorde det lagligt för en man att ha mer än en hustru i islam. Så, Kom ihåg månggifte 411 är inte ett månggifte bashing blogg. Jag vill inte göra olagligt det som Allah har gjort lagligt. Detta har varit en del av min kamp, som jag strid med sanningen och mina personliga önskemål.

På polygami 411, Jag vet inte, kan inte, och kommer inte att berätta för någon hur man kan öva polygami, inte heller kommer jag ge råd om huruvida det är rätt för dig. Jag kan bara dela med mig av vad jag har erfarna, lärde mig om mig själv, och lärde sig från andra.

All ära till Allah.

Dela / Spara

4 kommentarer för denna post:

Hem
2 mars, 2009 på 8:41 PM
As salaamu Alaikum,

I have been married just shy of seven years. My husband married another woman, besides me, just a little over two years ago. I am finally beginning to be at peace with it, and actually feel very happy. That’s weird; I can smile now while writing about it instead of crying. It was a tough road and I felt like I wasn’t going to finish the journey.

We all have a tendency to place blame and rationalize why we don’t like something. The main reason we reject polygamy is because it goes against our personal desires. Efter alla, who wants to share love, especially a husband – unless we’re just tired of him, therefore encourage him to take another wife. If that is the case, polygamy probably wasn’t our test; something else was.

Hur som helst, I’m blogging about polygamy, as I now feel I can be a whole lot more objective about it. I thank Allah SWT much for it, as He has allowed me to see my many faults, my shortcomings, and my weakness in my Faith. It has made me a better person. Insha Allah, it will help me get into Paradise.

Detta är ett öppet hus. Inget behov av att slå. Bara kom in.
Hem
March 3rd, 2009 på 11:55 AM
Som salaamu Alaikum,

I contemplated divorcing Alex so many times after he married Carolinah. Dock, after giving it much thought, I said I was not going to give her the satisfaction of prevailing. I said I was going to win because, besides having the husband that Allah SWT has chosen for me, I would be victorious over Satan. Satan wants me to be ungrateful to Allah SWT.

Do we feel at times we would rather have no one than to share? Do we ask ourselves questions like, “Why should I have to share?” or do we say, “Not me, I’m not going to do that.” Do we sometimes become arrogant like Iblis, and let that attitude influence our feelings about polygamy?
Umm Mahmood
September 9th, 2009 på 11:57 AM
As salaamu alaikum wa rahamtullah… my dearest sister in Islaam. I am seriously struggling with this very trial as I type. My husband is intended to a sister now and I feel like I’m losing it. It consumes me constantly. I barely eat to a point where I have lost almost 30lbs in a few short months. Everyone arounds me says I look sickly and like I have suffered a major loss. To be honest this is exactly how I feel. Financially our sitution is not very good. Emotionally our marriage is unstable. I don’t want to leave my husband either even though I asked him to choose between the two. I don’t want to drive him from me I just want him to see and understand what I’m feeling and going through. Help me please!!
Hem
September 9th, 2009 på 10:31 PM
Umm Mahmood, As Salaamu Alaikum wa rahamtuallah. I truly know the severe hurt and pain that you are suffering, as I have lived it myself. It is agonizing more than anyone can imagine without having gone through it. The significant weight loss in a few short months, and feeling constantly consumed by all that is happening to you, as your husband prepares to take another wife, if it pleases Allah SWT, are too well known to me. What you must understand is that what you are feeling is “normala”, are the usual feelings that many sisters have experienced that are in Islamic polygamous marriages. You could read many comments on the blog here and learn that you are not alone in your feelings. Perhaps many others will come forward as well so you could hear from them about their experiences.

You say you feel like you have suffered a major loss. From what I have read from other sources, and have learned here on the blog from many, what you’re feeling is real. If your husband takes another wife, you will leave behind something, whether it will be your husband all together or you will no longer have your husband all to yourself anymore. Either way, there will be a loss as you divorce or transition from monogamy to polygamy, leaving monogamy behind. I’ve heard it referred to by some that the change in your marriage is like a death of it, the marriage. I suppose that is why we grieve the way that we do. We go through the same stages in our transition from monogamy to polygamy as we do when we loose a loved one to death. We experience anger, sadness, denial, depression and much more, till exempel.

The important thing for you to do is try to hold on and be strong as best you can. Turn all your attention to Allah SWT and try to remember Him, as best you can. It is important that you try to stay focused (on Allah and your trial) now at a time when it is so terribly difficult to think of anything other than your crisis situation. The important thing for you to do, as much as you can, is try to take good care of you.

You said you want your husband to understand what you are feeling and going through. I don’t really know if he can. Again I ask the question how a husband can cause his wife so much hurt and pain by taking another wife and still say he loves her. But apparently it is possible. I wouldn’t expect to get many answers from him, if I were you. Your marriage is bound to continue to be unstable for a while, but you must put your faith and trust in Allah that with hardship comes ease and things will get better if you decide to stay.

You should take into consideration that your husband probably loves you just as much as he always has, and that taking another wife does not diminish his love for you. I don’t think it would be that easy for your husband to chose between you and his new intended, otherwise he would have divorced you, if the decision was that easy for him.

You must try not to blame yourself for your husband’s decision to take another wife, although it will be difficult not to. The blame part is a stage as well. You are not to blame for his decision. You must remember that. Jag fortfarande, 2 years and nine months later, play the blame game with myself, and have to squash it.

You’re going to be alright sister. We all are here for you!

Detta är ett öppet hus. Inget behov av att slå. Bara kom in.