Polygami 411

Thirty-two-year-old Hagar Gouda is a divorcée. Married in her mid-twenties, she gave birth to a baby boy and divorced her husband three years later. She has spent the past six years raising her son and looking for a husband. So far, she has not found a man she likes well enough who is willing to help raise her son.

A potential solution is for her to enter into a misyar (traveler’s) äktenskap: a marriage which would allow her to spend as much time as she wants with her son in her home. The catch? Her new husband would not be obligated to buy her an apartment, nor live with her or spend money on her. Her answer: “Over my dead body.”

In mid April, headlines such as “Dar Al-Ifta Legalizes Prostitution” and “Misyar: Prostitution with Another Name” were everywhere, with local newspapers furiously editorializing on a supposedly new fatwa (religious edict) saying misyar marriages were sanctioned by Islam.

Misyar Matchmaking

Sunni Islam has always been adamant in its refusal to recognize mut’a (pleasure) marriages—a marriage with a specified end date, often entered into by couples with motives more temporary than setting up a home and bringing up children. Recognized as legal by the Shi’a sect of Islam, it is a type of marriage that is often exploited by men who ‘buy’ wives for a short duration of time. Unlike misyar marriages, a mut’a marriage needs no witnesses and no guardian.

A misyar marriage, å andra sidan, seemingly strips women of even more rights. Rather than getting money from a short-term marriage, the wife gets absolutely nothing in terms of finances. She willingly gives up her right to live with her husband, her right to housing, and her right to nafaqa, a woman’s Islamic right to have her husband pay for her living and maintenance costs.

According to Dr. Ibrahim Negm, media spokesperson and advisor to Grand Mufti of Egypt Aly Gomaa’, Dar Al-Ifta did not issue a fatwa in April. What happened was that a reporter unearthed a reference to misyar in a list of decrees published last year by Al Azhar’s Islamic Research Academy, the highest Islamic authority in the nation.

The decree in question (Decree no. 218 of April 2007) listed types of marriage that are both Islamic as well as legal and those that are not — such as mut’a, boyfriend-girlfriend, and partner swapping. Number four on the list deals with misyar:

“It is the marriage which fulfills the pillars and conditions of Shariah [Islamic law], and has been recorded as an official document through a specialist intermediary. The summary of the matter is that the issue decided upon — in the contract or otherwise — is that the husband does not live with the wife, but visits her when he gets the opportunity. And it is a marriage built on all Shariah expectations [of marriage], except what the wife agrees to give up.”

There are four requirements for a marriage to be legal in Islam: consent of both parties, mahr (a gift from the groom to the bride), presence of two witnesses, and that it is made public. Historiskt, misyar was considered an option when the man traveled extensively and so could not live with his wife or had absolutely no financial means to give her a home.

An internet search turns up at least six online misyar matchmakers, with Msyaronline.com one of the largest in terms of members. Representatives from Msyaronline did not respond to interview requests, but the website offers four reasons promoting this type of marriage: “an increase in the number of spinsters and widows and those of special circumstances; the refusal of women to have a co-wife, leading men to marry the misyar way so his first wife doesn’t find out; the desire of unmarried men to get halal pleasure reconcilable with his circumstances; and the escape of some from the responsibilities of marriage and its costs, and this way is present [largely] in young men looking for this kind of marriage.”

Alexa.com, which tracks website traffic, ranks Msyaronline number 11,550 among the most-visited sites in the world, based on a three-month average. To put that into context, at press time, AhlyEgypt.com ranked number 9,056 and AmrKhaled.net ranked 6,851. Oprah Winfrey’s website ranked 1,579.

More than half of Msyaronline’s visitors come from just two countries: 32.6 percent of visitors are from Saudi Arabia, where it is ranked 441 on the list of most visited sites, while 24.9 percent are from Egypt, where it ranked 612. No more than 5 percent of its visitors come from any other country.

In Islam — according to Sunni scholars — a misyar contract is permissible because it follows all the conditions for marriage. Dock, says Negm, “a fatwa or decree on the validity of the misyar contract doesn’t mean [Dar Al-Ifta or the Islamic Research Academy] is advocating this type of marriage or that we are presenting it as a way to solve marriage problems in our society. It is not a license to marry this way.”

Many Islamic scholars have actually disallowed the practice of misyar marriage because of its perceived adverse effect on women, families, and societies at large.

Marriage on the Cheap

The proponents of misyar usually offer three reasons why it should be allowed: it allows couples with limited economic means to marry, it is a viable solution for spinsters or divorced women with limited marriage options or those of financial means who do not want a ‘full-time’ husband, and because a woman’s renunciation of her financial rights is only a moral and not a legal commitment, she can change her mind at any time.

Dock, even Msyaronline admits on the website that misyar marriage is not the “ideal desired picture of marriage, though it is legally correct.”

Costs of marriage, admit misyar opponents, are indeed high. In Saudi Arabia, dowries — the sum of money given to women by their fiancées — are so exorbitant that a group of young Saudi men launched a nationwide “Let her become a spinster campaign” this year, boycotting marriage because of the high costs. An average Saudi woman, says an article in the country’s Arab News, usually demands a dowry in the range of SR 50,000 (LE 75,000).

In April 2006, Saudi Arabia’s Islamic Fiqh Academy issued a fatwa saying that misyar was legal and valid. Arab News conducted an informal survey of 30 Saudi men and women regarding misyar: 60 percent of the men surveyed said they would consider misyar for themselves, while 86 percent of the women said they would not consider it. Only four women — all in the over-40 category — said they would.

Ma’aly Al-Faqih, a 29-year-old Saudi woman, believes misyar only compounds problems for Saudi women. “We already have a problem with polygamy because so many men can afford to have a second wife,” says Al-Faqih, a dentist and a TV presenter on a show called Hewar Melawen (Colored Dialogue). “But with misyar, so many more men would re-marry because it’s cheap to do so — they won’t have any financial rights or obligations! — and there’s less chance of their first wives finding out. But there are so many other problems to consider. What if the misyar wife gets pregnant?"

In Egypt, urfi marriage — where a couple signs a secret, unregistered marriage contract — is already stigmatized as a sex license for men who can easily ‘quit’ the marriage with few consequences. The Islamic Research Academy decree lists urfi as haram. Some see misyar as more of the same — a way to shirk responsibilities.

“It’s a great idea,” laughs 42-year-old shoe-shiner Khalid Abdel-Rahman. “It’s like being married without being married. Why would any man choose the hassle of financial burden when they can marry for free?"

No True Choice

That is partly what the Egyptian Center for Women’s Rights (ECWR) fears. In a mid-April press release responding to the news that misyar was halal, the center states: “[Misyar] erodes family values by encouraging infidelity and immorality and facilitates multiple marriages built on secrecy and lies. [Den] will lead to a deterioration of the family by opening the door to second marriages dissociated from the structure of the family. Dessutom, these marriages are detached from the personal, financial and family duties of both parties and are at the expense of the stability of the first/previous family.”

But what about all the spinsters, ask misyar advocates, who would be marrying of their own free will? According to government statistics, there are currently 9–10 million unmarried women in Egypt over the age of 30.

Not one woman interviewed by Egypt Today was go on record in favor of misyar — perhaps not surprising, given the social stigma attached to it — although one said she would consider it. Thirty-four-year-old beautician Amina, who asked that her real name not be used, says that after her father passed away, she spent her twenties taking care of her four brothers and sisters, unable to leave home. “I’m very old and I’m poor and I’m not beautiful. I haven’t received a suitor in three years. I do want a normal marriage and children, but I don’t think it’s going to happen,” she says. “If a good man offers to marry me the misyar way, I might say yes.”

To get people to register with the website, Misyaronline’s homepage lists screen names and personal ads for 10 women and 10 men who recently signed up. The full database is only available to registered users. According to the posts, the women, who were between 22 och 48 år gammal, were from Saudi Arabia, Egypten, Morocco and other countries. Among the new additions was ‘Eman,’ a 48-year-old Egyptian widow with older children who is looking for a “respectable man, knowledgeable, who can spend luxuriously on his wife and has a strong personality.”

Alwaleed Adel, owner and founder of Universal Marriage Office, the only marriage counseling and matchmaking office registered with the Ministry of Social Solidarity, rejects the idea of misyar. “It exploits women and it’s naive to say they are choosing this out of choice. Removing her options and saying she chose is no option. [] I bet you very few unmarried, childless women would choose misyar by choice. [] Misyar is a male convenience in a male-dominated country.”

The fear is that, in a country that puts a severe stigma on being unmarried, women who have not married by a certain age would agree to a misyar marriage even though they may have wanted a normal one, says Adel. They would agree to it even though misyar carries the stigma of being a lust-based alliance, tainting a woman’s reputation since it is believed that “she is giving herself away for free, marrying to have sex.”

Yomna Mokhtar, journalist and founder of “Spinsters for Change,” an informal Egyptian group that wants to change the negative attitude about unmarried women, believes this type of marriage is “a balwa soda [a horrible burden].” Unmarried at 27, she says that the pressures to marry are not enough to coerce her into a misyar marriage, ever. “It basically means marriage is only about a sexual relationship — this is what it has been reduced to,” she says. “There is no living together, no affection, no family, no kids, no security. I don’t even recognize this as marriage; if it becomes normal it will ruin the cornerstone of society — the family.”

Adel adds, “The nucleus and brain cell of any society is family and it is already problematic in Egypt. It’s hard enough to force neglectful fathers in normal marriages to fulfill their rights, what will happen to any children born from a misyar marriage?"

The Universal Marriage Office founder, who also has a TV show and appears on the radio once a week to talk about the family, conducted a study in March 2009, surveying 500 random young men ages 25–35 who had never been married. Adel found that 18.7 percent of them said they were not married because of the new updates in the family law that demand too much of them financially — alimony, maintenance, custody etc.

He also quoted a statistic saying the average age of marriage has increased by 50 percent for women and 38 percent for men in one generation.

Ghada El-Bedawi, one of the founding members of Mawada, a non-profit organization that gives courses to young couples beginning their married lives, agrees. “Marriage should be more than this,” she says. “It should be to build a home and generations. Misyar marriage is even worse than mut’a because at least in mut’a we admit it’s just about sex. Misyar tries to pass itself off as respectable. How will sons born of this marriage be raised as responsible, hardworking men who will raise a family? [How will girls] respect themselves as worthy of more than what their mothers settled for?"

In the end, many scholars agree that although misyar sticks to the letter of Islamic law, it does not stick to the spirit of the religion. Islam considers marriage a mithaq, a solemn covenant that should not be undertaken lightly. Negm says that even though the Grand Mufti and the Islamic Research Academy have said that misyar is technically permissible, “it does not mean that we advise the youth to practice it. [] This is an issue where we must open the door to discussion to the sheikhs to discuss the social and human dimensions of its [application]. And only then [can we] release a general fatwa saying whether [misyar] is a potential substitute or solution to problems like lack of housing and spinsterhood, or that it results in bad consequences to the society and family.” Et

Kredit för ovanstående info: By Ethar El-Katatney-Egypt Today, November 2009, volume 30, issue 11,

Abu Bakr el-Gendy, director of Central Authority for Public Mobilization and Statistics, declared at a press conference yesterday that marriage contracts reached 660,100 under 2008, en 7.4 per cent increase over the previous year

El-Gendy said that marriage rates in rural areas composed 67.3 per cent of the total, compared to 32.7 per cent in urban areas, noting that the number of unmarried Egyptian adults reached 13.3 million, according to the 2006 census. Of the 13 million, 7.6 million are male and 5.7 are female.

El-Gendy added that there were 84,400 divorces during 2008, an increase of 8.4 per cent over the previous year. Det fanns 44,500 divorce cases in urban areas, compared to rural areas where there were 39,800 thousands.

Port Said Governorate had the highest number of marriage contracts, representing 14 per 1000 Egyptian marriages. Giza came in last, with a share of 3.1 per 1000 marriages nationwide. Port Said also topped the list in divorce rates with 3.6 per 1000, with Giza again in the last rank by .5 per 1000.

El-Gendy said that the highest rate of marriage was among people between 25 och 30. This age range recorded 265,000 marriage contracts, 40.2 per cent of the national total. The lowest marriage rate was among people over 65.

He added that the highest divorce ratio among males was in the age group between 25 and 30, and females between 20 and 25.

Written by Egypt News, Söndag, 11 Oktober 2009

Här är en välkänd medicinsk forskning artikeln om polygami, skriven av Alean Al – Krenawi, PhD., en väl respekterad muslimsk psykisk hälsa professionella som har ägnat sitt klinisk praxis att studera effekten av polygami på kvinnor och barn.

En jämförelse av Family funktionssätt, Liv och äktenskaplig tillfredsställelse, och psykiska hälsa Kvinnor i Polygama och Monogama Äktenskap

Alean Al-Krenawi
Ben-Gurion University

John R. Graham
University of Calgary, Calgary, Kanada

Bakgrund: En stor mängd forskning visar att den polygama familjen strukturen har en inverkan på barns och fruar "psykologiska, sociala och familj fungerar.

Mål: Den aktuella studien är bland de första att överväga inom samma ethnoracial gemenskap sådana väsentliga faktorer som familj fungerar, livstillfredsställelse, äktenskaplig tillfredsställelse och psykisk hälsa fungerar bland kvinnor som är i polygama äktenskap och kvinnor som är i monogama äktenskap.

Metod: Ett urval av 352 kvinnor deltog i studien: 235 (67%) var i ett monogamt äktenskap och 117 (33%) var i polygama äktenskap.

Resultat: Resultaten visar skillnader mellan kvinnor i polygama och monogama äktenskap. Kvinnor i polygama äktenskap uppvisade betydligt högre psykisk ohälsa, och högre nivåer av somatisering, fobi och andra psykologiska problem. De hade också betydligt mer problem i familjen fungerar, äktenskapliga relationer och livstillfredsställelse.

Slutsats: I artikeln uppmanar politiska och sociala servicepersonal att öka allmänhetens medvetenhet om betydelsen av polygama familjen strukturer för kvinnors välbefinnande.

International Journal of Social Psychiatry, Flyg. 52, I. 1, 5-17 (2006)

RAWANG, November 14 — Don’t marry young virgin girls; marry single mothers or widows instead. This was a suggestion made recently by a Kelantan state official to would-be polygamists.

But the idea drew flak from some critics, who said instead that more efforts should be made to reduce divorce rates and assist single mothers.

The issue of polygamy is being hotly debated now, with the controversial Kelantan official’s suggestion and the emergence of a Polygamy Club founded in August by the wife of a polygamist.

Hatijah Aam, 55, said she started the club with the aim of curbing social ills such as prostitution and adultery. It has 300 members.

“After sharing the same man for 30 år, we are like sisters,” Hatijah told The Straits Times. Sitting beside her, Noraziah Ibrahim, 52, the younger wife of Hatijah’s husband, smiled.

Noraziah met Hatijah’s husband after her own partner had died.

“She had children to feed. Can you imagine? She needed help,” said Hatijah.

The two are married to 72-year-old Ashaari Muhammad, patriarch of a clan spawned from five marriages — he has since divorced one wife, while another died in a car accident while on a pilgrimage to the holy city of Mecca in 2003.

Of his 38 barn, 19 sons and four daughters are also polygamists. Ashaari has 200 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren.

“Some people think polygamy is bad, but it is actually a beautiful thing,” said Hatijah.

Most Malaysians remember Ashaari as having led a deviant Islamic sect that was banned in 1994 because of his claims that he was able to absolve sins, and that an Islamic messiah from the east would appear ahead of a prophesied doomsday.

Ashaari suffered a stroke in 2003, and is now unable to speak. His third wife was not present at the interview as she was tending to him.

The family’s story is just one example of polygamous marriages in Malaysia.

Muslim men are allowed up to four wives under Islamic law. Critics say the practice is cruel and has been distorted from its original purpose.

The practice was prevalent during Prophet Muhammad’s era to provide for the many widows and orphans, as a consequence of men dying in frequent wars.

Activists say most modern polygamists in Malaysia marry younger women and neglect their first wives.

While Hatijah’s family seems to be living harmoniously, rights groups argue that most polygamous families suffer abuse and jealousy.

Sisters in Islam (SIS), a non-governmental organisation which upholds the rights of Muslim women and campaigns against the practice, says polygamy is not a solution to prostitution.

“Marriage — whether polygamous or not — cannot be a cure-all for an issue as complex as sex work,” SIS programme manager Masjaliza Hamzah told The Straits Times.

“Society should stop seeing marriage as the one-stop answer to the issues and concerns faced not only by women sex workers, but also single mothers, widows and older women.”

She quoted verses from the Quran which discourage polygamy, and pointed out that although Prophet Muhammad practised it, he did not allow his son-in-law to marry another woman unless he divorced the Prophet’s daughter.

Only 2.8 per cent of Muslim marriages here are polygamous.

Different states also have varying criteria for would-be polygamists.

Kuala Lumpur requires a written consent or views from existing wives. In Perak, a man’s promise to treat wives fairly is sufficient.

Hanafiah Hamzah, a 53-year-old television cameraman, said strangers look down on him for having more than one wife. “Society looks down on polygamists. People always think it is for the sex,” he told The Straits Times.

Hanafiah married his first wife, who is now 47, two decades ago. Seven years later, he married his second wife, nu 36.

While both wives are cordial to each other, he admits it is not easy.

“You cannot be fair to both of them. If a wife or a child is sick, who do you go to?

“If my friends say they want to be polygamous, I always tell them, you better not. My first wife never used to complain, but now she gets frustrated easily. It is my mistake,” he said.

Masjaliza said there is some stigma attached to the practice: “People don’t wear it like a badge of honour. There is a level of discomfort. Maybe people are ashamed.”

Indeed, while some top leaders in the ruling Umno and the opposition PAS have more than one wife, most of them attend official functions accompanied by only one wife.

But this is not deterring Hatijah, who is branching out Polygamy Club to Indonesia.

The government has warned that the club could be a ploy.

The family has been ‘trying very hard to deceive the public’ into reviving the banned religious cult through religious, business and social activities, Wan Mohamad Sheikh Abdul Aziz, director-general of the Department of Islamic Development Malaysia, told the New Straits Times. — Straits Times

Kredit för ovanstående info: The Malaysian Insider, Torsdag, November 19, 2009

Jakarta, 2 November. (AKI) – Indonesian pro-polygamy groups are not only facing protest from angry housewives and women’s rights activists; a new group of men calling themselves the Men’s Coalition against Polygamy (Kolmi) has also joined the struggle.

Kolmi spokesman Abdul Hamim Fauzie said via a statement in the capital Jakarta on Sunday that the coalition considered the practice of polygamous marriage degrading, not only to women, but to men as well.

“Facts show that polygamy leads to nothing but domestic violence, discrimination and the abuse of human rights,” he said.

“However, polygamists often argue that polygamy is necessary to avoid infidelity and love affairs. They also claim that polygamy is a part of their religious beliefs. Men use these arguments to justify their polygamous practices,” he added.

The coalition also said that it regretted a number of discriminative articles in the current marriage law in Indonesia.

“The law legalises men to have more than one legal wife when their spouses are seriously ill or sexually incapable.

“This is very unfair, especially to women, because the law only accommodates the needs of men,” Abdul said.

Samtidigt, Muslim scholar Siti Musdah Mulia said that people practising polygamous marriages who quoted verses from the Muslim holy book or Koran to justify their behaviour were misinterpreting the message.

“Those people must not quote the Koran by verse. They need to read the whole context and understand its real essence before saying the Koran endorses polygamy,” she said.

Musdah said the Koran actually says that Islam aimed to eradicate polygamous practices, not to endorse them.

“Islam considers polygamy an unjust practice that originated in the dark ages. Därför är, Islam sought to eradicate such practices, but due to the severe reaction it caused, it took some time to fully eradicate the practice from the culture at that time,” she said.

Musdah said that she was not surprised to see that a number of men decided to bond together and fight against polygamy.

“Actually, anti-polygamy figures in the past were mostly prominent male clerics. The Prophet Muhammad himself was very angry when one of his son-in-laws planned to engage in polygamy,” she said.

Nyligen, controversy has sparked following an official launch of a polygamy club, dubbed the Global Ikhwan, in Bandung, the capital of West Java province.

The club, originating from Malaysia, cites the noble aim of helping single mothers, reformed prostitutes and aging single women find spouses. As soon as the club was established, condemnation poured in, especially from housewives and women’s activists.

Ironically, the club is chaired by a woman named, Hatijah Binti Am, who has insisted the club could introduce people to the ‘vacker’ side of polygamy.

Previously, a number of polygamy scandals have reduced the popularity of public figures engaged in the practise.

Over 85 percent of the 240 million Indonesians are Muslim and most of them practice a moderate version of the religion.

Kredit för ovanstående info: Adnkronos International, November. 15, 2009

“Family gathering in rural Siberia, where life can be very hard for women on their own. Photograph: Caroline Humphrey”

A study of polygamy in Russia suggests we have a lot to learn about how to beat the recession.

A study of polygamy in Russia might not seem an obvious place to look for insights into how the financial crisis might play out in suburban Kent or rural Yorkshire. But Caroline Humphrey, Sigrid Rausing professor of collaborative anthropology at Cambridge University, says central Asia and Russia have much to teach us.

“In the 1990s, Russia and central Asia experienced huge economic change: what a bank was, how your career was going, what you could expect from life, everything changed overnight,” she explains. “And of course it had a huge impact on people’s lives, from family life to politics, and polygamy is part of that whole scene. So far, we haven’t had such dramatic change in the west, but you never know.”

Humphrey specialises in the anthropology of communities on the edges of the former Soviet Union, and has spent much of her career studying the Buyrat people who live north of the Mongolian border in Siberia. Humphrey says that anthropologists slowly build a deep knowledge and understanding of a place and culture, but nevertheless, her discovery that there is a polygamy lobby was a surprise.

“Friends of mine in Siberia told me that their friends were lobbying parliament to legalise polygamy,” säger hon. “I always knew that there were men who like the idea of polygamy, but what I found fascinating was that women were also in support.”

So is the recession going to turn the good burghers of Tunbridge Wells into polygamists? It’s unlikely. But it remains the case that the reasons why men – and, even more interestingly, women – are advocating polygamy in Russia and Mongolia are as much about economics as they are about sex. The critical issue is demography. The Russian population is falling by 3% a year – and there are 9 million fewer men than women. Nationalists, such as the eccentric leader of the Liberal Democratic party, Vladimir Zhirinovsky, claim that introducing polygamy will provide husbands for “10 million lonely women” and fill Mother Russia’s cradles.

Elsewhere, in the former Islamic regions of Russia, men argue that polygamous marriage is traditional and will encourage men to take greater responsibility – thereby alleviating poverty and improving “moral” education.

Improbably, for both groups, this is polygamy as a solution to contemporary social ills – and, according to Humphrey, is appearing outside Islamic regions. In rural areas the “man shortage”, exacerbated by war, alcoholism and mass economic migration, is even more serious. But when it comes to polygamy, rural women have a quite different agenda from their nationalist male counterparts.

“A lot of women live on what were collective farms, which are often deep in the forest and miles away from the nearest town,” Humphrey says. “You live very close to nature, and life can be very hard – your heating is entirely through log stoves, there’s no running water and inside sanitation is rare. If you are lucky enough to keep animals, you must care for and butcher them yourself. So if you are looking after children as well, life can be near impossible for a woman on her own.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly then, Humphrey’s investigations have uncovered women who believe that “half a good man is better than none at all”. “There are still some men around – they might be running things, with a job as an official, till exempel, or they might be doing an ordinary labouring job, but either way, there aren’t very many of them,” säger hon. “Women say that the legalisation of polygamy would be a godsend: it would give them rights to a man’s financial and physical support, legitimacy for their children, and rights to state benefits.”

Legalising polygamy has been repeatedly proposed and discussed in the Russian Duma, or parliament – and always turned down. For the urbanites of Moscow and St Petersburg it is a step too far.

In Mongolia, alltför, the legalisation of polygamous marriage is anathema. Yet in Ulan Bator, the thrusting capital city, well-educated women are combining traditional and modern to create something that looks suspiciously like a form of polygamy.

Surprisingly, it starts with the dowry. Eschewing the traditional gifts (horses, cushions, clothes), successful Mongolian families are increasingly giving their daughters a good education in place of a dowry. In contrast, their brothers often have to leave school early to either manage the herds or run the family business.

“In Mongolian culture, the bride’s family are the senior family; and a bride should be clever. And they had 70 years of communism, so the idea that women should be well-educated is not new,” Humphrey explains. “Since Mongolia, in common with Russia, also has a problem with alcoholism, there is an imbalance between urban educated women and the number of men these educated women deem to be suitable husband-material.”

The solution is simple: they just don’t get married. Instead, they take what is known as a “secret lover” – usually a well-educated man who just happens to be married to someone else. Any children resulting from the union are brought up by their mother and the maternal family.

“It is completely accepted. These women are among the elite of Mongolian society – they might be a member of parliament or a director of a company and they are tremendously admired,” Humphrey says. “They would be horrified by the idea of polygamous marriage because they don’t want to risk their independence.”

So what does this mean for marital relations in Russia and central Asia? Humphrey says it’s unlikely that polygamous marriage will ever be legalised in Russia – but perhaps that doesn’t matter.

“An insufficiency of men, educated women who want to realise themselves, rural women who want to protect themselves, all these things are going to give rise to arrangements like polygyny,” says Humphrey, “whether it’s called that or not.”

Kredit för ovanstående info: By Mira Katbamna- The Guardian,Tisdag, 27 Oktober 2009, guardian.co.uk © Guardian News and Media Limited 2009

CAIRO, Egypten (AP) - Hayam Dorbek vill hennes man att gifta sig. Igen.

För att driva honom - och resten av Egypten - att vara mer öppna för månggifte som godkänts av islam, den 42-åriga journalisten har satt igång en livlig debatt i sitt hemland och i resten av arabvärlden tuning in på satellit-TV.

Dorbek säger att hon kände hennes arbete var att hålla henne så upptagen att hennes man behövde en andra fru. Hon säger han vägrade, “men min son hjälper mig främja idén,” sade hon.

Hon känner det islamiska begreppet om polygami är svaret på många av Egyptens sociala missförhållanden. Hon har skrivit artiklar med titlar som “En fru är inte tillräckligt,” och har hjälpt bilda en förening som heter “Al-Tayseer,” eller underlättande, som främjar polygami.

Vissa är rasande, säga att det gör Egypten ser ut som konservativa Saudiarabien och är dåligt för kvinnor - liktydigt med att “visar dem i en slavar’ marknaden,” enligt Nihad Aboul-Qomsan, chef för den egyptiska centret för kvinnors rättigheter.

Debatten exemplifierar den dragkamp mellan konservativa och liberaler i ett land som är fullmatat med västerländska symboler och idéer samtidigt som allt mer islamisk.

Många väckelsepredikanterna av konservativ islam har tagit upp en modern retorik, presentera sig som ett alternativ till ett dekadent Väst. Dorbek omformas licens som ger Islam män att gifta sig med upp till fyra kvinnor och ger den en modern smak, relevanta för dagens värld.

“Jag ringer för kvinnors rättigheter: deras rätt att gifta sig även om att en gift man,” Dorbek säger till The Associated Press. Polygami är en “licens från Gud för att stabilisera samhället och lösa sina problem.”

För att bekanta problemen med familjelivet, exempelvis äktenskapsbrott och skilsmässa, Dorbek tillägger “spinsterism” - Kvinnor som fortfarande var enda i 30-årsåldern, och som möjligen stigmatiseras som ett lätt byte för män eller temptresses jagar män för sex.

Hennes lösning: hitch enda, änkor eller frånskilda kvinnor gifta män som kan ge ekonomiskt stöd och lika besluta om mer än en familj. Detta stoppar människor från att ha frågor och ge kvinnor en vaktmästare, hon menar.

Egyptisk lag tillåter månggifte, men det är mindre vanligt än i Persiska viken staterna och Saudiarabien. För en sak, det är dyrt. För ett annat, vissa TV-program och filmer tenderar att betona dess negativa - män som inte klarar av flera fruar, fruar i känslomässig smärta.

“Den sekulära strömningar i samhället nospartiet den islamiska rösterna och dränka dem,” Dorbek sade. “Jag uppmanar arabiska och muslimska kvinnor att acceptera Guds lagar.”

Men Dorbek erkände att oppositionen inte bara kommer från sekularister eller rättigheter aktivister, men också från vissa religiösa människor som tror att det finns stränga villkor för månggifte.

Hon säger att hon hade en religiös uppfostran och bestämde sig för att gå ut offentligt om polygami efter att en vän berättade att hon övervägde att skilja hennes make för hemlighet ta en andra hustru. Dorbek påminner säger till henne: “Varför skulle du förstöra ditt hem och lösa ett problem genom att skapa en annan?”

Sociologen Alya Ahmed Said kallar för månggifte återspeglar ett försök att förena religion och sexuell tillfredsställelse i ett mansdominerat samhälle som ser kvinnor som sexobjekt.

“Kultur och traditioner inte tillåter dem (men) att leka, så månggifte ger ett kryphål och ger dem möjlighet att hävda att de är lugnande Gud,” sade hon. “Men det handlar egentligen om lust och njutning.”

Och vad om barnen? Den pro-månggifte lägret säger att det är bra för dem eftersom det hindrar skilsmässa och håller ihop familjen. Motståndarna säger att barn lider när kvinnorna i polygama familj gräl.

Dorbek son är 20. Hon har också en 18-årig dotter.

Hon säger hundratals män har svarat på hennes kampanj genom att söka hennes hjälp med att hitta en andra fru, och dussintals kvinnor har också kontaktat henne säger att de är villiga att gifta sig en gift man.

Vissa kvinnor acceptera polygama äktenskap ur ensamhet, religiös fromhet eller rädsla för skilsmässa. Andra tycker det är för förnedrande och väljer att skilja sig från sin make.

Nagwa, som bad att hålla inne hennes efternamn för att skydda hennes privatliv, säger att hon gift ett redan lyckligt gift man i stället stanna enda på 40. Hon sa att han friade till henne med sin första hustrus samtycke, eftersom han ansåg en religiös plikt att skydda en muslimsk kvinna.

“Först blev jag orolig,” sade Nagwa, som bor i Sinai staden El-Arish. “Men när du är med en person som fruktar Gud, Han tar hand om dig.”

Nagwa sade han försöker att behandla både kvinnor samma, men hon vet att han älskar sin första hustru mer.

“Det gör ont en liten,” sade hon, “men han försöker att inte visa hans önskemål.”

Arafat Sayed, en affärsman från den sydliga staden Luxor, har tre fruar och överväger att gifta sig fjärdedel. “Du kan vara gift med bara en utan ha en affär. Vilket är bäst?” sade han

Kredit för ovanstående info: Rom nyheter-Tribune, av Associated Press “fyra år sedan”

“Burnt clothes and debris remain outside the scene of a wedding party fire in Jahra, west of Kuwait City.”

AFP – A Kuwaiti woman denied in court on Tuesday that she set fire to a wedding tent and caused a blaze that killed 55 women and children.

Nasra Yussef Mohammad al-Enezi simply replied “I” when judge Adel al-Sager asked her if she had started the fire and killed the people.

It was the only word the 23-year-old spoke during the brief hearing which opened her trial on charges including premeditated murder.

Looking frail and pale, Nasra initially refused to speak after two female prison guards had helped her to the judge’s rostrum.

Her three defence lawyers called for her release pending the full trial and alleged mistreatment by prison officials.

The public prosecutor presented no arguments during the hearing, but lawyer Zaid al-Khabbaz told reporters that the woman is charged with “premeditated murder and starting a fire with the intent to kill.”

Nasra was arrested on August 16, a day after 41 women and children died in a fire at a wedding tent in Jahra, west of Kuwait City. The death toll later rose to 55, according to the interior ministry.

The woman was initially believed to be the groom’s ex-wife, but her defence lawyers say that she is still his wife. Polygamy is allowed in this Muslim Gulf state.

Defence lawyers also allege that Nasra was two-months pregnant when arrested and was “deliberately aborted” by a prison guard with the help of an Asian nurse.

The judge was due to make his decision later in the day on the lawyers’ applications.

Credit for above info: Frankrike 24 (International news 24/7)- 27 October 2009-11H44

Followup article: Sentence

http://polygamy411.com/2010/12/19/death-penalty-for-kuwati-woman-in-polygamy-case/

månggifte 411

Jag blogg om polygami och det hjälper mig. Jag hoppas att det kommer  hjälpa andra samt. Jag har varit i polygama äktenskap i två år och elva månader nu. Jag började polygami 411.com blogg efter att jag hade levt månggifte bara lite över två år. Det är helt fantastiskt hur bloggandet har förändrat mitt liv så mycket till det bättre på så kort tid – tio månader.  Min mentala hälsa och emotionella välbefinnande har förbättrats dramatiskt.

Hur har blogga om polygami hjälpte mig?  Tja, när jag blogga om polygami det är något som samtalsterapi eller "pratar behandling". Emot att gå för att se en terapeut, och med gruppterapi, Jag utför min terapi på bloggen.  Jag pratar med folk på bloggen som har liknande problem som bor polygami eller de som har ett intresse av månggifte och vill lära sig om det eller prata om det.  Jag lindra min nöd om månggifte genom att skriva om det och prata med andra som bryr sig om det. Jag skriver och pratar med andra som är i en liknande tillstånd av nöd, eller hade varit där med månggifte.  När jag pratar med andra om polygami det hjälper mig att hitta mina känslor och hur jag tror, som hjälper mig att bättre klara av polygami. Utan frågan, levande polygami har varit svårt för mig.

Att ha en blogg som fokuserar på polygami har hjälpt på flera sätt också.  Det är gratis att prata, skriva och läsa på bloggen, motsats till att se en psykoterapeuter. Tänk på pengarna jag har sparat. Jag behöver inte lämna mitt hem för att gå till en terapeut kontor.  Jag kunde ha “psykoterapi,” så att säga, varje dag, hela dagen, och inte begränsas till en eller två gånger i veckan. Jag behöver inte visa personlig information, min sanna identitet som skulle dokumenteras. Jag behöver inte ha en terapeut föremål mig till medicinering, som jag tror ofta gör mer skada på en person än bra.

Ja. Blogga om polygami har hjälpt mig och jag tror det har hjälpt och hjälper andra, också.  Vänligen Missförstå mig inte; Jag påstår inte eller rekommenderar blogga om månggifte som en ersättning för professionell psykoterapi för dem som tror att de behöver det, på intet sätt. Blogga är inte en ersättning för medicinsk behandling för de behövande.  De åsikter som uttrycks i det här inlägget är mina egna och personliga.

Detta är ett öppet hus. Inget behov av att slå. Bara kom in.