Första, Andra, Tredje, eller fjärde hustru, det spelar ingen roll?
av Ann på Jan.14, 2010, under månggifte - Efter, Avsnitt 2
Det spelar roll om en hustru är först, second, third, eller fjärde i nummerordning i polygama äktenskap, men det bör inte. Det finns en hel del stigmatisering och negativa konnotationer förknippas med att vara en anthirdthird, eller fjärde hustru. Finns det något sätt att inskränka den stigmatisering och negativa konnotationer? Efter alla, är inte numreringen ett sätt att hålla reda på vem som är vem?
Jag tror att det är ett sätt att hålla rankingen i perspektiv. Det viktiga är att vi alltid komma ihåg att den mest hedrade i synen på vår Skapare är den mest rättfärdiga. Om vi håller detta i åtanke, Jag tror att vi skulle sträva efter rättfärdighet, och alltid komma ihåg hur obetydligt ett nummer. Det är fel att väga en frus ställning rang och heder bygger på hennes nummerordning i polygama äktenskap.
En andra, third, eller fjärde hustru i polygama äktenskap har, i många fall, fått ett dåligt rykte, som har mycket att göra med samhället och dess uppfattning. I många samhällen, särskilt i USA, första är en symbol för bäst. En vinnare är alltid först i sport eller någon typ av tävling, i linje eller bara i tingens ordning. Först är vinnaren; första är den bästa. Andra, third, eller fjärde är bara att- runner ups så att säga, på tur, nästan lika bra, men inte riktigt tillräckligt bra. Sålunda, denna negativa uppfattning är föras över till polthird äktenskap för många second, third, och fjärde hustrur.
Andra fruar inte bara har att göra med numerisk rankning, men med stigmat i att kallas hem vrakplundrare, inkräktare, älskarinnor, bihustrur, och andra inte så artig titlar, att starta upp. Jag skulle våga säga second fruar kan ha mer prestige och ära i polygama äktenskap initialt, som sekunder förmodligen trodde att något var fel med den första fruar som motiverade männen kommer i andra fruar till att börja med. Denna känsla av överlägsenhet för andra fruarna härskar antagligen ända tills nummer tre hustrur kommit ut på scenen. Om ett nummer tre in i äktenskap ekvationen, second fruar sannolikt också börjar känna att känslan av underlägsenhet för en tid.
Helst, Inget av detta ranking i polygama äktenskap bör. Min avsikt är att göra en offensiv satsning för att komma ihåg vad som är viktigast. Vad som är viktigast är inte numerisk rang, men rättfärdighet. Den mest hedrade i synen på vår Skapare är den mest rättfärdiga.
Jag blev inspirerad att skriva detta inlägg efter att ha nöjet att träffa Zainab, min lilla syster i tron. Jag ber Allah är väl nöjd med henne.
Detta är ett öppet hus. Inget behov av att slå. Bara kom in.
Lämna ett svar
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Som salaamu Alaikum!
Välkommen till Polygami 411! Vårt hem är för muslimer och icke-muslimer. Det är för alla som vill prata om polygami, eller någon som är i polygama äktenskap eller överväger att komma in en. Vi gillar att ha sällskap. Gör det bekvämt för dig och delta i diskussionen genom att lämna en kommentar. Vi ser fram emot att se dig här igen snart och ofta.
resa 4 mindre!
14 januari, 2010 på 10:45 PM
HI I know you follow megans-polyblog and I feel greatly that we have been scammed in a way. I know now she is a blunt liar. She posted a picture up of her so-called ultrasound and I found that same picture on another family’s blog at
http://iflifegivesyoulemons.com/2009/01/07/25-week-ultrasound-december-18-2008/
Plzzzz help me expose this person for who they really are, A LIAR!
UGHHH I was so loving her blog! It sucks that she is fake!
and just in case the little wench does delete it here is the proof of her post and also just in case something does happen to the other persons blog here is the screen shot of them both!
http://img189.imageshack.us/img189/4874/meganslies.jpg
http://img705.imageshack.us/img705/3584/meganslies3.jpg
15 januari, 2010 på 9:06 PM
Islam Ana,
I am glad that you posted this “ranking” issue. Of all people I know all of this too well. Being a #2, I was called everything by everybody that did not understand what we were trying to do. In my mind, being called second was purely based on chronology and not some superior or inferior thing. I think that western ideology lends to this crass over-inflated ranking stigma wherein any wife after the first wife is a lesser wife.
I do think that the mentalities of #1, #2, and so on are influenced to feel inferior and or superior at different times based solely on how the outside world has dictated to judge polygynous marriages and based on our adopting of western standards. These things play on our self esteem when in face feeling a certain way about being first or second or having a second or third come in is in no way an insult to the other anyone. I think that we all need to just re-examine why we practice polygyny and get over the chronology although it will always be there with different wonderings at how it would have been had a wife been a different number.
but who am i to talk…
15 januari, 2010 på 9:27 PM
Salaam “Maka”Av,
I totally agree with you that how we feel about being in a polygynous relationship, and what number wife we are has a lot to do with the society’s perspective on polygyny. It unequivocally affects the way we view and feel about ourselves, our self-esteem.
You suggested we all re-examine why we practice polygyny, and get over the chronology. You are so right and I’m glad you’ve mentioned it and worded it as you did. I’ve just very, very recently began trying to change the way I think and feel about #2, 3s and 4. I think I’ve been reacting, as I have out of a sense of arrogance and pride, which we know was Iblis’ (Satan’s-for non-Muslims) downfall.
Detta är ett öppet hus. Inget behov av att slå. Bara kom in.
16 januari, 2010 på 5:18 PM
Try being a number 3!! Even folks who accept our situation look at me as though I had 3 heads lol..seriously though, I think each wife has their individual perspective and their own pros and cons list about their so-called number.
I’m really enjoying this blog and
I love Ana’s twitter btw
16 januari, 2010 på 6:11 PM
New#3,
Thank you for commenting and sharing your perspective on what it’s like being number 3. I certainly can imagine the reactions you get from many people when they learn not only that you are in a polygamous marriage, but are number 3 samt.
As I’ve previously mentioned, I’m beginning to have an entirely new outlook on the numbering factor of wives in polygamy. I admire you a lot for hanging in there and being strong in your position. It’s wonderful!
I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog and our twitter, samt. I appreciate your positive feedback. It means much to me that you share what’s going on with you and polygamy, and to know your thoughts about the blog. All of what I’ve been hearing from you and everyone has helped me to grow and become a better person. Thank you again new#3
Detta är ett öppet hus. Inget behov av att slå. Bara kom in.
16 januari, 2010 på 7:13 PM
Asalaam Alaykum, iv been off line for a long time and i had made a few post here but i see they are now gone im a 4th wife in Egypt, an American revert InshaAllah i pray all are doing very well in this and i find you page to be very exceptional to say the least. Keep it up sister
16 januari, 2010 på 9:24 PM
As Salaamu Alaikum Khadijah,
I was able to find another previous comment from you under “Polygamy411 Thank’s Everyone.” You could put the title in the “keyword search” box. I think the “keyword search” box only picks up words from post titles. I have to see what I can do about keyword search for comentators.
Ändå, I’m really happy you’re back with us and still like the blog.
I have to say WOW about you being number 4. It’s amazingly wonderful! I can’t believe I feel that way now. Life is amazing! For the moment I feel I could be a number 4. Don’t hold me to it though; I must be having a good day. I may not feel this way tomorrow
Detta är ett öppet hus. Inget behov av att slå. Bara kom in.
January 23rd, 2010 på 2:50 PM
salaam alayk ana, how have you been? I want to say what many would not like in here and it is that, I have a problem with people who have a problem with wife numbering. As far as I’m concerned, a first wife IS a first wife, and a second, third or fourth is exactly that. whoever wants to marry my hb better not come with the “there is nothing like first wife” attitude. If you so don’t want to be referred to as a second wife, how about you marry a brother who does not have a wife. Its as simple as that.
BTW, I just updated my blog, please check it out.
January 23rd, 2010 på 5:01 PM
Mena, Wa Alaikum Som Salaam! Välkommen till polygami 411. It’s the first time you’ve commented here and I’m happy you did.
In your comment about numbering wives, du sa “Its as simple as that.” Tja, simple works for me. Really though, there’s no way of getting around the numbering. It’s all about identification. I agree with you that second and subsequent wives have to come to terms within themselves about the numbering thing.
The only way seconds, thirds and fourth can compete with wife number one is in righteousness. We can compete for righteousness. Other than that, ooops sorry, you’re second. Nu, why did I say that? Satan can certainly bring out the worst in us. I have no problem with seconds, thirds, and fourths here or anywhere. We’re all friends. It’s not personal like with me and Carolinah. Please remember that. We’re all just keeping it real.
Detta är ett öppet hus. Inget behov av att slå. Bara kom in.
January 25th, 2010 på 3:29 PM
Asalaam Alaykum dont worry okhti you’ll find soem days are very good and others feel as if the ground has been pulled out from under you. Best to take each day with what ever comes one day at a time and say Alhumduillah for all pray and Allah will ease it for you. I’m glad to be back its my router, inshaAllah will be fixed soon, and shukran for wanting me back i find this to be a pace to get a laugh, a new idea and even a good cry, and i pray this page dose the same for us all,
January 25th, 2010 på 4:57 PM
Som salaamu Alaikum, Khadijah Z
That was very sweet. Insha Allah, I’ll make duah for you that Allah makes all your dreams come true.
Detta är ett öppet hus. Inget behov av att slå. Bara kom in.
January 26th, 2010 på 7:06 PM
I’d suggest the wives not to fixate themselves with the “number game”. A good husband doesn’t differentiate between his wives
June 21st, 2010 på 3:52 PM
Hello everyone i was just checking out the site and I am looking for a site where i can get more information from other 2nd wives. I am a second wife and I have been for the last 5 år, now my husband is wanting a 3rd wife and i am a little uneasy right now with the situation. I feel like i am not important anymore. Can someone please help me. thank you
June 21st, 2010 på 4:07 PM
Hi Brittnay, You’re new to polygamy 411. We welcome you. I think what you’re feeling right now is equivalent to what a first wife feels when her husband takes a second.
I think the novelty of your marriage wore off. The newnest is gone. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or that you are not important to him. Marriage gets old for everyone when the routine sets in. Men look for new XXXXX. They like new. Just my thoughts.
Detta är ett öppet hus. Inget behov av att slå. Bara kom in.