ซ้ำยังคง…
โดย แอน on May.17, 2009, ในระหว่าง เรื่องราวของผมในวันนี้
Day two of my relapse: I awoke for prayer as usual. Before going back to bed, I put Alex’s cell phone on his nightstand in our bedroom, so I’d know if and when he arrived to pick it up. I became somewhat anxious, as I hadn’t heard from him and he must have arrived at work. It was 7:45 a.m.
I figured I’d give Alex and Carolinah a jolt. I needed some activity from them. I took his cell phone, and retrieved the photo of Carolinah’s boobs hanging out her lingerie. Carolinah had written: “เลียนี้…baby.” Beneath it, I ADDED: “because Carolinah’s going to give it to you good.” (It was what she could imagine someone seeing on the internet.) From Alex’s cell phone, I forwarded Carolinah the photo with the text. I knew it would get Carolinah angst, knowing the phone and the photos were still in my possession.
So, I proceeded to go to sleep and awoke around 11:00 a.m. (I usually don’t go to bed until 3:00 AM, which is why I arise so late.) I got up and looked for the phone on Alex’s nightstand and it was gone. I slept right through him coming there, taking the phone, and leaving. จำเป็นต้องพูด, I became agitated that he didn’t wake me. So, what to do now?
I had forwarded copies of all the provocative, nasty photos of Carolinah from Alex’s cell phone to mine. I retrieved the photo of Carolinah with her legs spread wide. Carolinah had written, “Just for my #1 fan eye’s only ur pu..y patiently awaits for u…” I ADDED: “Because I’m a leg gapping ho.” From my cell phone, I sent the photo to Carolinah and a copy to Alex, เช่นกัน. Now they were aware I had copies of the photos on my phone.
Shortly thereafter, อเล็กซ์โทรศัพท์ฉัน. He was polite and kind, but extremely upset. He spoke of trust and blah, blah, blah, the stuff you’d expect me to hear… how I don’t protect him. I let him know many people have trust issues in relationships and the only One we can really put our trust in is our Creator. I asked him how he was protecting Carolinah or me when he keeps private stuff on his phone that anyone could possibly see. He let me know how disappointed he was in me. He advised me how wrong it was of me to TORMENT Carolinah. He said I should have just kept what happened between him and me and not involved her.
I again spoke to Alex about my frustration and anger with Carolinah, the fact that she dismisses me and pretend I don’t exist-the underlying reason for my anger, hatred and revenge. He insisted it was my entire fault. He said I need to reach out to her again in a kind way. How crazy is that? How much begging and kissing that woman’s *** does he expect me to do?
Alex said he had been looking forward to coming home and being with me this weekend, but now didn’t know what to do. ฉันเหมือน…here we go again. Is Carolinah going to tell him not to come home again etc. เป็นต้น? He even asked me why I don’t just divorce him. I said if I want a divorce, I’ll do it when and how I want and he should divorce me, if that’s what he wants. He said he didn’t want that. So that was pretty much the basis of the conversation.
การจะมีความต่อเนื่อง…
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ. มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
1/29/10
ปล่อยให้ตอบกลับ
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เป็น Alaikum Salaamu!
ยินดีต้อนรับสู่การมีภรรยาหลายคน 411! บ้านของเรามีไว้สำหรับชาวมุสลิมและที่ไม่ใช่ชาวมุสลิม -. มันเป็นสำหรับทุกคนที่ต้องการพูดคุยเกี่ยวกับการมีภรรยาหลายคน, หรือใครก็ตามที่อยู่ในการแต่งงานมีภรรยาหลายคนหรือมีการพิจารณาการป้อนอย่างใดอย่างหนึ่ง. เราเหมือนมี บริษัท. ให้ตัวเองสะดวกสบายและเข้าร่วมการสนทนาโดยออกจากความคิดเห็น. เราหวังที่จะพบคุณที่นี่อีกครั้งเร็ว ๆ นี้และมักจะ.
การเดินทาง 4 น้อย!
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 3:55 PM
Your just calling it as you see it. The way all of this went down and he still expects you to not have anger and resentment towards her and to actually trust him? He needs a reality check and he needs to figure out how to fix the problem. This is deeper than some schedule issue and the sooner he realizes that the better.
The discussion going on in the first post I found to be interesting ie: secrets in polygamy, don’t interfere in their “การแต่งงาน” if you can call it that etc….and while that is true, I kept going back to the very fact that he never consulted with you prior to doing this.
If I remember correctly, you had discussions before marriage about being against polygamy. He stated it would never happen and then he just blows you basically off the planet with the announcement that he has taken a second. Against your wishes. It’s hard to trust someone who has done something like that without speaking with you to make sure you are ok with it.
Does this man really have any respect for you? It sure does not seem like it. He even asked you if you wanted a divorce. This to me means he’s been thinking about it himself even if it was only meant to scare you back into submission.
I don’t think I would continue to torture Carolinah although I can totally understand why you did it. You are very much his wife and I still see her (as I’m sure you do as well) nothing but a paid whore that Alex refuses to get rid of. She’s just not worth it, IMO.
I think it’s Carolinah that needs to kiss your ***, but is he really going to enforce that? Somehow I doubt it.
I find it disgusting that he seems to crack down on you but he lets her get away with it all. Where is the equality in that? I thought men of the Muslim faith were not supposed to take another wife unless they could treat them equally and be fair to both.
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 3:56 PM
I think you went too far, LIKE in the deep end far. You are actually scaring me. I think what you are doing is really wrong you have no right to those pictures at all. girl you need to calm down and take a breather from all of this because you are beginning to remind me of Carrie (1976 film). I know from previous posts that you are a mature woman but your actions seem like those of a hurt teenager who doesn’t know how to handle it.
You may have also entered in to some legal matters here. If Carolina ever decides to sue you for harassment, intimidation and threats you have given her a lot of evidence. You have also given her a golden opportunity. Men love to rescue the damsel in distress and right now Carolina is that damsel with the horrible first wife humiliating her over pictures she sent to her husband. o poor her and you are the aggressor. She is actually the only one winning from this, because you have been hurt, Alex’s opinion of you might have dropped and you still don’t know how this will affect your marriage to him. I am sure he is trying his best to console her because it is only natural that he would try to do that.
Honestly from Carolina’s point of view I can SOOO see the many ways this incident can be twisted in her favor. Why am I repeating this over and over again? to show you that your actions benefit her maybe and although you may have temporary satisfaction she has gotten a golden opportunity.
Also hacking in to his phone was wrong but most people can understand why you did it, replying to the text messages was also low and wrong but again many people can understand that but saving the pictures so you could use them to blackmail Carolina and Alex is wrong on so many levels.
What are you trying to achieve here?
I am sure this is not what you want to hear but it is my opinion and this is how I see your situation. I know your situation is deeper than what you present here and I am obviously not addressing the transgressions of Alex against you (nor am I excusing him or Carol) I am merely focusing on the snippet of the pictures.
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 4:38 PM
มีชีวิต,หัวเราะ,ความรัก,
You are Correct in what you summed up. The only correction is that I knew three weeks before Alex “แต่งงานแล้ว” Carolinah that it was going to happen. He didn’t do it and then announced it to me after the fact.
I know Alex is at his wits end with this polygamous situation and wants an end to it. He created this mess so he needs to fix it.
Tuttie,
It’s good to hear from you again. Long time, no hear.
I’m not concerned with there being any legal ramifications from Carolinah. The photos and texts that I forwarded back to Carolinah were forwarded to her from Alex’s phone. I only sent two photos of Carolinah to her from my cell phone. ดังนั้นสิ่งที่? They’re photos of her naked body that came from my husband’s phone.
Don’t forget, I’m legally married to Alex. Polygamy is illegal in America. If she were to take this matter to any court, she’d appear a fool and the matter would be dismissed. In the eyes of the court, this woman is having an affair with my husband who is committing adultery. All that has happen from day one of him sleeping with her is in my favor, including those seedy photos that came into my possession. ดังนั้น, let’s not get it twisted. No offense.
I’m sorry I’m scaring you. This is not a scary movies; it’s real.
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ. มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 4:42 PM
Thanks for your response on another thread. Tuttie raised very important points which none of us thought of. If you want to take revenge its fine but you should play safe. I guess divorcing would be a good revenge (given the money situation) and you will stand another chance at life. Life is too precious to waste in struggling with trials of polygamy. You deserve better.
Alex talked about divorce … hmm … to me that shows two things. 1- He will chose her over you. 2- he is never going to realize that he did any injustice to you.
Why you want to live with such person?
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 4:53 PM
Alex said he does not want to divorce me. Alex recently has told me he would divorce Carolinah, if she doesn’t come around to accepting Islam. It’s in a previous post; I just don’t know which one, ปิดด้านบนของหัวของฉัน.
If Alex wanted a divorce, I would sense that in our marriage. There’s been no indication of it to me.
I think if it was so obvious that Alex wanted to be with Carolinah only, he would have divorced me and done it, making her legal. He’s apparently content with having her for sex on the side.
Everyone should keep in mind, those photos on Alex’s phone were sent to him by Carolinah in May (eight) เดือนที่ผ่านมา. He kept them on the phone to look at. Many people are reading far too much into it with a lot of speculation.
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ. มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 6:09 PM
Ana i was referring to this “I retrieved the photo of Carolinah with her legs spread wide. Carolinah had written, “Just for my #1 fan eye’s only ur pu..y patiently awaits for u…” I ADDED: “Because I’m a leg gapping ho.” From my cell phone, I sent the photo to Carolinah and a copy to Alex, เช่นกัน. Now they were aware I had copies of the photos on my phone.”
so you are intimidating her and alex using your phone. I see your point about how ridiculous the lawsuit might seem but yet a woman successfully sued McDonalds over the coffee cups not being labeled right. With adultery being so rampant that our governing officials seem like they are all doing it I don’t think it would be too out there. Also and this is a really out there case your husband can hack in to your computer and find out this blog where you are admitting to hacking his phone and intimidating his mistress. Or if you use his laptop to access this blog and Carolina then uses that same laptop and for some reason checks the history to find a site that she wants and finds this blog.
Again this is me being OCD about the small details.
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 7:02 PM
salams sister.
I totally understand your feelings towards Carolinah…I can’t relate, but I can imagine.
You are being tested in one of the hardest ways a woman can be tested in a marriage, and I think for a while there, it seemed like you were handling it with the maturity and grace as can be expected under the circumstances. But I have to agree with Tuttie on this one. I think you took it a bit too far here.
You started out well, realizing that spying is wrong. But then you decided to take a peek. I think Allah was sending you a message when you saw that there was a password set on the phone. You should have left it alone at that point. But then you when managed to crack the password and saw the pictures, again you should have just left it alone. those pics sound nasty, but they were between a man and his wife.
ใช่, she is not legally married to him. แต่, if in fact, there marriage is legal islamically, then that means more than if it was a marriage that was recognized by the american courts, because it’s recognized by Allah. What happens between a husband and wife is very private and that is taken very seriously in Islam. To violate that privacy is wrong.
I think you should work on focusing on your marriage to Alex and stop worrying about what he does with Carolinah or what she does to/for him. You won’t be judged on their relationship, but you will be judged on yourself and your actions. You shouldn’t lower yourself to Carolinah’s level. You are so much better than that. Think 2,3, and even 4 times before you do something like that again, คุณรู้ว่า? You are in such a great position to earn so much reward, by being patient, by being the bigger person, by focusing on being a great wife to Alex, by resisting the temptation to be petty/angry/vindictive (even when you feel completely entitled to it), เป็นต้น.
May Allah give you the strength to rise up to these challenges and the sabr to handle it in the best way. Ameen.
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 7:36 PM
I understand your concern Tuttie! It’s OK. I have experience in the legal profession, which is all I can say, without revealing my identity.
For everyone that wants to stress what goes on between a husband and a wife is between them, again, you need to read Mai’s comment. I can’t say it any better than she explained it. Those photos are fair game for anyone in whose possession they fall when you put them out there like that in cyberspace, on a cell phone or email. To try to stress it any further to any of you would be like beating a dead horse.
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ. มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 7:47 PM
muslimah said
“I think you should work on focusing on your marriage to Alex and stop worrying about what he does with Carolinah or what she does to/for him.”
Is this even possible? Even groupmarriage (where all partners are intimate with each other) makes more sense than polygyny or polyandry. How can you be happily married to a person who has lust for someone else and is able to satisfy his urges from that person too.
Being a guy in polyandry or a woman in polygamy is the worst situation someone can be in. What is the solution? Sabr. Why do you have to have sabr? Everybody has right to peace and happiness in his/her life.
Ana if you decide to stay in this marriage that means you think that there is more hurt and trouble outside of this marriage. If you are in this marriage just because you don’t want Carolinah to have Alex exclusively then you are hurting yourself the most.
The way Alex has responded to this situation its clear that he is caring for Carolinah more than he cares for you. I think this incident will bring him closer to Carolinah. She is playing her cards right by playing victim and not responding to you. A woman doesn’t snap back unless she has some insecurities. Seems like Alex has made sure that she doesn’t have them.
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 8:18 PM
หน้าแรก, no offense to Reva or anyone else for that matter, but to say that Alex’s reponse shows that he cares for Carolina more than you is ridiculous. แท้จริง, I think it is because he cares for you as much as he does that he didn’t address your actions with anger but rather in a calm and controled way. That, ให้ฉัน, speaks to his character moreso than the pictures and the fact that he looked at them.
We all know that men are more turned on visually and Carolina is only playing on that by sending him pictures of herself. I fail to see where that is wrong when it is between husband and wife. You are only hurt by this because you saw them…which is a harsh reality of the fact that you are in polygyny and sharing your husband. If it happened between and monogamous many and his wife, I doubt anyone would have a problem with it.
หน้าแรก, you have been doing too good in your marriage to let this consume you and drag you down. Stop. Make dua over and over again. Then sit down with your husband and communicate you pain to him and express to him how important it is that he not be so careless in the future. แล้วจึง, move on and love him as you did 2 mornings ago.
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 8:54 PM
“For everyone that wants to stress what goes on between a husband and a wife is between them, again, you need to read Mai’s comment. I can’t say it any better than she explained it. Those photos are fair game for anyone in whose possession they fall when you put them out there like that in cyberspace, on a cell phone or email. To try to stress it any further to any of you would be like beating a dead horse.”
My daughter has worked in a pizza place for many years and many customers have forgotten their cell phones in the store over those years. She told me the first thing they do is look at the pictures on the phone. She laughed at how many people have extremely explicit photos on their phones. And there are many, many people who know how to hack a password without ever trying.
I just thought you’d like to share that with Alex. You’re just letting them know what could happen if the phone ever fell into the wrong hands, ขวา? What could be more “รักกัน” than that?
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 9:07 PM
A Muslima,
Thank you so much for commenting. I thank Allah for sending you at a time I needed to hear what you said. I needed to hear something sensible right about now. I’m like… what are these people thinking. There hasn’t been an incident between Alex and me in a very, very long time. You reiterated what I said happened the other morning: Alex kissed me goodbye, said he loved me and went to work. Then I found the phone. ตั้งแต่นั้นมา, we’ve spoken and he was calm, but upset. He said he didn’t want a divorce, after saying why don’t I just divorce him. Many men will give a woman a divorce even if he doesn’t want one just not to see her go through any further pain. He’d rather be without her than see her hurt so badly, especially if the hurt was a result of him.
For people to assume that Alex loves Carolinah more than me, and wants to be with her and not me simply because he has porn photos of her on his phone is ludicrous. I think they’re just talking to incite anger instead of being constructive, or they’re just not hearing and understanding what they’re saying -deaf, dumb and blind.
Alex is home now, calm and not upset. Later this evening I intend to communicate with him about what has happened.
อีกครั้ง, A Muslima, I thank you much for your understanding and support! I pray Allah rewards you immensely for the dower you’ve just given me. It helped me much (F)
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ . มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
January 29th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 9:14 PM
THANK YOU!!! Rebeckah for sharing that with all of us. I had given up. สิ่งบรรเทา. A huge hug for you for that one. ขอขอบคุณอีกครั้ง!
Hello everyone. It’s not between a husband and wife when it’s on a cell phone!!!
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ. มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
January 30th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 1:51 AM
สวัสดีอานา
Where do I start… There is so much going on here. I’ve been away from your blog for a little while, and only just read what’s been happening now.
I think a whole lot of complex issues are possibly getting fused together here and confused. That’s understandable because right now, the emotions and the pain are so raw. No one can see things clearly through so much pain and emotion. What I really hope you will see in time is that these photos have not created a brand new wound. They have opened up old ones. In some ways the photos have become a distraction — perhaps a way for Satan to inflict pain (not just on you, but on Carolinah too) while diverting attention away from the real issues. If you only focus on being ‘ขวา’ about the photos, you might miss some important opportunities to learn from this.
You’re still fighting for your man. If I can be very open here, I think deep down you’re really fighting for your own feelings of self-worth. The thought that Alex could possibly love Carolinah more, is too painful to even consider. Please understand — I’m not saying he does! What I’m suggesting is that this fear has deep roots in your heart, even when you don’t want to admit it, and that out of this fear, and the uncertainty of your own worth, comes a whole lot of unhealthy stuff — bad ‘fruit’ if you like.
Let’s put aside ‘ขวา’ และการ ‘wrong’ for a brief moment. (I know you have a real sense of morality and justice, and that’s a good thing! But right now it’s possibly obscuring something important.) As you know I’m not Muslim, so I can’t speak about Islamic law, เป็นต้น, as others here can. But what I can say to you are some truths I hope we can agree on:
Truth #1: Your creator loves you. He really, really loves you!! You don’t need anyone to tell you what you did with Carolinah’s photos was wrong. I think you know that. You reacted to your pain in a way that only multiplied everyone’s pain. BUT that does not define who you are, and it does not define your worth. Even Alex’s love for you doesn’t define your worth. Neither does what I think or anyone else on this blog thinks (even though most of us think you’re pretty special!) The ONLY one who defines your worth is God — and he loves you passionately! Was he happy about what you did? ที่, ฉันไม่คิดอย่างนั้น. I believe his heart aches for the pain you’re going through, and was disappointed that you sought to inflict pain on Carolinah in return. But it does not take his love for you away. How do I know this? I too am a father, and while my children sometimes disappoint me by their actions (especially if one child hurts another intentionally), I never, ever stop loving them or wanting the best for them.
Truth #2: This follows on from the last one… Like a father who gives good things to his children and provides for their needs, ดี (the one who lovingly formed you and gave you life) wants the best for your life. กรุณา, stop and think about that. This is a truth I needed to see recently too. God wants to give you a good life! He doesn’t want you to suffer needlessly! Where there is suffering, he wants us to learn from it, and grow through it. Suffering can produce all sorts of good fruit: ความเพียร, ความอดทน, อักขระ, ความเมตตา, hope, joy and peace. But here’s where the devil can so easily deceive us and hold us in bondage to needless suffering. Look at the fruit. Where your life lines up with God’s will, it will bear GOOD fruit. That is where I agree with those commenters who said not to close your eyes. You might find temporary peace by shutting out the pain that is deep in your heart, and pretending it’s all about photos, or schedules, or whatever the latest drama is, but I don’t believe that will bring lasting peace. The old wounds will just be reopened again at a later date. (To anyone who says it’s all about getting reward in the next life, I would ask they consider this… If God is a God of peace and love, should we not expect to see those things manifest in our lives here on Earth the closer we get to God? Should we not expect a taste of things to come if we are on the right path?)
I say these things, because I think once you get a handle on those important truths — once you know in your heart that you are loved by God and precious to him — there is strength to face the deeper issues head on.
So let’s talk about the deeper issues. You’ve wrestled with them before… Is Carolinah Alex’s wife or not? Has God blessed their union as something holy, or is it adultery? You have talked about accepting their marriage, but I’m not sure you really have. I think there is a real conflict inside of you, and that’s the real issue for you to resolve. If you don’t know the answer, then you really have no basis to judge anyone’s actions, including your own — and your own actions are really the only ones you can control. It might seem easier to focus on something Alex did or didn’t do, or something Carolinah did or didn’t do, but that only places your unhappiness in their hands. It’s not about them. It’s about you coming to a place of undivided conviction. When you know what you believe and are undivided on it, you can pursue it with conviction and peace.
I know this is true of my own life. It’s so clear to me now. But nothing is clear when you’re in the midst of the pain. Sometimes we need help. As you know, I’ve been receiving counselling and prayer from an older, wiser man. He helped me to recognize the bad fruit in my life, where it was coming from, and what to do about it.
Praying that God will show you the way forward.
ความรัก
สวม
January 30th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 2:47 AM
เป็น Muslimah Alaikum Salaamu,
I was reading over the comments and realized I missed replying to yours. I have to be so careful not to get you and “A Muslima” สับสน. You gave me very good dower and I appreciate it very much. I pray Allah continues to bless you imensely, and reward you for the dower you’ve given me.
Regarding Carolinah and her “การแต่งงาน” to Alex, you said it’s Islamically legal. The only reason I brought up my marriage being legal is because Tuttie said Carolinah could take me to court for harassment. In America and many countries, you’ll see from reading “polygamy in Various Countries” on this blog, non-legal wives have no legal recourse in a court of law. Whether the complaint was criminal for harassment or civil, it would go something like this:
Judge: What are you here for?
Carolinah: I’m suing her for harassment
Judge: How did she harass you?
Carolinah: She sent pictures to my phone
Judge: What were the pictures of
Carolinah: They were naked pictures of me
Judge: Well how did she get naked pictures of you?
Carolinah: I sent them to her husband’s phone
Judge: You sent naked pictures of yourself to her husband?
Judge: Why did you send naked pictures of yourself to her husband?
Carolinah: He’s my husband too
Judge: Does he have two marriage licenses (bigamy)?
Carolinah: ที่. He has only one. She’s his legal wife, but I’m his wife too. I have a contract
Judge: Are you telling me you are polygamous?
Carolinah: ใช่
Judge: Do you know polygamy is illegal in the USA?
Carolinah: ใช่
Judge: Your contract is invalid. Polygamay is illegal in the USA. You can’t send naked pictures to her husband and think it’s OK. He’s committing adultery. You’re his mistress. She should sue you for harassment (I’d probably have a cross complaint in against her anyway). Case dismissed. Next…
What a laughing stock she’d be. It would be a good case for Judge Judy.
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ. มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
January 30th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 3:57 AM
Wow Donald… that was beautiful. You said it so eloquently and it all was truth. What happened did open old wounds, old wounds of having Carolinah intrude in my life again. I had come to accept Alex leaving me to be with Carolinah and I found joy, peace and happiness in him being away so I could focus on other things in my life.
When I saw the phone, I decided it was a way to see what was happening in his and Carolinah’s life again. The way I found out the last time was by reading text on his phone when he forgot and left the phone at home; the same as with this situation. I expected to see the “ฉันรักเธอ” stuff. I could handle that. But what I got instead was far more than I bargained for. I got an eye full. I still have those images in my mind. She need not let anyone see that stuff. She must be highly humiliated that I saw it. Maybe Alex likes it, but it was super nasty; trust me. Does that mean my husband is super nasty too? LOL I guess he goes over there and gets his freak on LOL
โดนัลด์, in my heart I know the two of them are probably more suited for one another on so many levels. Numerous persons have questioned him and I being together. They just couldn’t see it. I think it’s just a matter of time before the answer manifests itself in some way, as to where this whole triangular mess is going. I’m feeling it more and more that I’m the one that’s going to be doing the going. Time will tell.
I’m glad you’re back, Donald and I’m glad everything is looking up for you. Sounds like you’re really getting it all together. I’m happy for you more than words can say. I always knew you were going to be OK. I’m so happy you came back in time to comment, during this chaotic, trying time. I kept looking for you, with hope you’d stop in, but I completely understood if you didn’t. I’m going to take what you said to heart and seriously contemplate it. Thank you for taking time out your busy life to be a friend. The best to your family…
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ. มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
January 30th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 7:01 AM
เป็น alaykum salaamu.
This is unbalanced. Regardless of Alex’s (and Carolina’s) irresponsibility of having such photos on a cell phone or anywhere, you are accountable for your actions regarding them. If I accidentally opened up a website with obscene photos, I would simply get out. Upon seeing the type of photos being discussed here, I surely would not forward them to my phone. That’s basically sending something that I shouldn’t look at to myself. It is haram to look at another person’s nakedness. To then harass and torment with rude comments and degrading remarks is just filling shaytaan with glee and raining down punishment on your own head. You are hurting yourself.
Carolinah isn’t “into” ศาสนาอิสลาม, so moral issues about the photos isn’t going to have any influence on her. In a way, she has really shown you what she’s got going on with Alex. He obviously isn’t deterred by a less than perfect body. The photos show great confidence and a strong relationship…whatever it may be based on. Her silence, Alex’s silence, and the quiet manner in which they have been far more civil and adult than your behavior.
Allah is the Fair, the Balancer, the Judge. Allah sets things right, with no need of assistance from us. Allah is the one we need to obey if we want life to be fair and fine…as He is the One Who makes it so. I thought you were coming to a calm minded place prior to reading this, but sadly you gave in to shaytaan’s every whisper and shout on this one. Kick that rotten devil out, หน้าแรก. Shout “audhu b’Illahi min as shaytaan irrajeem!”
I never acted in any way on whatever I saw that was inappropriate. That isn’t my place and would have harmed me. To insult or do wrong to another person is to take all their sin on yourself as well as your own. I cannot handle that.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. It all boils down to the man. Don’t blame Carolinah for this and make her the evil witch. She stays out of your life. She is living and doing as Alex condones. She is still there and Alex is still with her because he wants it. Psychologically you have transferred all your anger, ความเกลียดชัง, and aggression to Carolinah. อย่างไรก็ตาม, really the one who has instigated, maintained, and sustainted the situation and problems has been Alex.
ขอโทษ, I know it wasn’t my softest post, but I’m sure you know it is sent with nothing but love and caring for you.
January 30th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 11:13 AM
Regarding what Reva said, that everyone is entitled to peace and happiness in their life. That is true. But Allah (SWT) does not always grant that to everyone. He places us in different situations and tests us to see how we will deal with it. Will we turn to Him for strength and guidance and, ใช่, Sabr? Or not? ผมหมายถึง, I’m not saying that Ana is in a good situation. I think she is being tested in a very trying and heartbreaking way. But no one forced her to hack into her husband’s phone do what she did. She is entitled to her feelings, but how she chooses to deal with them is another matter. Ana chooses to stay in the marriage, so it’s up to her to make the best of the situation.
And Ana, I actually said “IF” her marriage is islamically legal. You’ve mentioned that a few times, that it hasn’t been confirmed that Alex and Carolinah are actually Islamically married. I just meant, that if they are islamically married, then you would have to respect their relationship. You don’t have to like it, and you don’t have to accept it (ฉัน, get a divorce). But yes, I totally agree, in a court of law, Carolinah wouldn’t have a leg to stand on in this situation….
January 30th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 4:49 PM
ขึ้น. mashaAllah. you are awesome and have a way with words. mashaAllah. You verbalized EXACTLY how I felt but phrased it so much better than what I could have done. subhanaAllah.
January 30th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 8:08 PM
I don’t know why you are blaming that woman so much, blame your husband.
That she chooses to ignore you is ok, she is married to Alex not you.
You put your nose where it shouldn’t be, your actions show signs that you are greatly disturbed.
You are muslim, polygamy is halal,if you can’t accept it,divorce the man
January 30th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 8:46 PM
Safa,
My nose is in my business, in my home. My husband’s business is my business. Like I said, when my husband brought that woman’s naked pictures into my home it became my business, which is apparent from the outcome.
You seem to be the one that’s extremely disturbed, getting yourself all worked up over my business. What did your husband’s first wife, your co-wife do to you that’s making you so crazy right now, and is making you take it out on me?
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ. มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
January 31st, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 3:56 AM
As salaamu alaykum/hello.
I’m commenting regarding the “legal” aspect of the situation and how Alex and Carolina will be up the creak without a paddle in a court of law.
To use common law to harm or condemn, over and above Islamic law, for the purpose of hurting or “messing up” another’s life is far from noble. To threaten legal action through a court of non-believers, who will have no regard for what is right or permissible in Islam, Allah’s law, is something to seriously reconsider.
I understand that these are comments or threats made under duress, however as Muslims we follow Islam. We abide by Allah’s Law. That is why we accept polygany and try to handle things in the best possible manner. แน่นอน, we all make mistakes, but that’s not the issue here.
Here is a simple example. Should my husband and I every divorce, (Allah forbid) I could claim alimony, child support, custody of the children, and take possession of the house, เป็นต้น. in a court of law. Islamically, the situation would be quite different. He would have the right to take the children after a certain age. He would have to support the children according to his means. If I remarried, he would have immediate grounds for their custody. In a court of law, I might easily keep custody of my children. ในความเป็นจริง, I could threaten all manner of things if I wanted to be mean or petty. อย่างไรก็ตาม, those threats are not in any way Islamic. I would be using the legal system to defy Allah.
Allah will always be my sustainer and will always give me the best end as long as I rely on Him and follow His rules, guidelines, and laws. ดังนั้น, while some would say, “Take him for all he has!” if that isn’t what Islam mandates, then I’d be disobedient to do so. I’d be flaunting the options open to me through disobedience non-compliance with Islam if I kept throwing those threats at my husband. Definitely not something to be proud or confident about.
As an aside, some food for thought. Beautiful and gentle speech is a treasured and rewarded thing. Sometimes we feel we must comment, but if we cannot find a way to be beautiful and gentle way to do it, then perhaps we need to refrain until we can.
Muslimah, jazaaki Allahu khayran. Your words are just as beautiful as you are…and I know you’ve been there just as I have ;D.
หน้าแรก, please forgive me if anything I’ve said has been harsh or overbearing. I breaks my heart to think I’ve hurt anyone else, so please know that I strive to speak beautifully and gently, even if I don’t always succeed.
January 31st, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 7:54 AM
แรก, you choose to expose your sins, second as a muslim,I can’t support you when you do something that is Haram and publizise it.It is not your business what your husband does with his second wife,part of your problem is that you don’t understand that.You have a choice,you accept to being a polygamous marriage or you do not,but you can not sin using as an excuse that you are not happy,jealous etc.. and seek support from other muslims,as muslims,we have to tell you that it is wrong.
You expose yourself and your husband in this fashion, why then do you get upset.
You know better that this .
January 31st, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 7:58 AM
p.s. you assume that I’m a second wife because I don’t agree with your haram behavior,.For your info,I am a only wife,I made it percectly clear to my husband before marriage,if he took a second wife,it was his right,but mine was to divorce him.
January 31st, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 12:38 PM
Safa,
คุณกล่าวว่า: “I made it percectly clear to my husband before marriage,if he took a second wife,it was his right,but mine was to divorce him.”
My question to you is why you felt a need to let your husband know that you had an option to divorce him, if he takes another wife? You have threatened your husband with divorce, if he decides to live out a portion of the Quran that Allah has made permissible. ทรงมีภรรยาหลายคนได้รับอนุญาต, so why not accept it? Do you accept only portions of the Book – The Quran, and reject others? Those who do that Allah states in Quran are no better than an Unbeliever.
Before you condemn someone else, take a look at yourself!
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ. มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
January 31st, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 6:57 PM
Polygamy is permissable not obligatory,a woman can choose to include in her nikah that she doesn’t want it,that is what I did.
It’s not a threat it’s a choice I gave him before we agreed to marry.
You say you accept it,but look at your own actions,you really don’t,you continually backbite your husband and his wife and you expose your sins when you spy on their private communications.
Why do you get so upset at my comment,raw nerv ??
January 31st, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 7:21 PM
Safa,
I’m going to ignore ignorance. Perhaps someone else would like to go back and forth with you. All are welcome to converse with Safa, if you choose.
Thank you for joining us Safa and thank you for commenting.
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ. มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
1 กุมภาพันธ์, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 8:25 AM
Before calling people ignorant, do your own research, if you had done so, you wouldn’t be living this predicament.
islamfortoday.com/prenuptial.htm
1 กุมภาพันธ์, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 11:37 AM
As salaamu alaykum Safa.
Please stop. There is no blessing in rudeness, harshness, or supercilious attitudes. Anyone would think you had a personal vendetta against Ana, the way you keep attacking so aggressively.
ใช่, this is an open house, yes we are all sharing opinions and ideas, but NO, once we have stated our opinion with respect and manners intact, then we let it go. Your comments are not sisterly advice, they are a venomous attack, pure fitnah.
Audhu b’Illahi min asshaytaan ir rajeem!
1 กุมภาพันธ์, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 2:48 PM
เป็น Alaikum Salaamu!
Thank you Mai!
1 กุมภาพันธ์, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 7:21 PM
If you take the time to read my comments,I never was rude to ana, but she was rude to me more than once.I will not sugar coat things,if something is haram, มันเป็น, and it is wrong to support of it.
2 กุมภาพันธ์, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 10:01 AM
ดี, อย่างไรก็ตาม, I suppose the question of ‘another wife for Alex’ is postponed for the time being?
2 กุมภาพันธ์, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 1:10 PM
Rafiq Haji, you’ve got jokes LOL
I don’t think another wife for Alex is a good idea. I think he should remain with Carolinah. It would be difficult to find another wife for Alex, based on his apparent lack of interest in Islam. What type of woman would he replace Carolinah with, one that has good moral character, pious and chaste? He has Carolinah for his sexual exploits so we would have to replace her with the same type of person. At least he knows what he has now.
นี้เป็นบ้านเปิด. ไม่จำเป็นต้องเคาะ. มาเพียงแค่บนใน.
March 12th, 2010 เกี่ยวกับ 8:11 AM
Slm Safa,
Plse for ALLAHS Sake be understanding and kind to Ana and her predicament.No-one is infallible! Who does not make mistakes continuously? We all do and all the time. Ana is ONLY human and needs support and if we chide, do it as gently as if u are chiding a child as ALLAH HIMSELF is always so MERCIFUL filled with Compassion and Luv towards all of us even during our worst sinful behaviours, all the time including the Non Believers too, ALLAH always takes care of them and protects them every step of their lives.
ALLAH actually commands us to be kind and helpful to Non Believers how much more kind would ALLAH want us to be towards Ana during these trying times in her life.Yes I admit it was wrong what she did by going thru his fone but I can proudly vouch that Ana no matter how often Satan manages to make her listen to his whisperings Ana alwayz fights back and cums out on top believing deeper than ever in ALLAH SWT and HIS GLORY.
May Allah SWT bless her with HIS LUV and spiritually fulfilling success in every step of her life INSHALLAH.
Lotz of Luv Ana my duas are with u always.