A Baby in a Polygamous marriage

a baby in a polygamous marriageWhen it comes to having a baby in a polygamous marriage, sometimes the spouses have different desires about it. Some of the wives may want more children when the husbands don’t. Some of the commentators here at polygamy 411 have spoken of it. What should the wife do when she wants more children and her husband doesn’t?

The best thing that a wife could do is take her husband out of the equation. Basically, I mean don’t see the husband, but see Allah. First thing to remember is that when you see Allah, you can have peace. Now, you may ask, how do you see Allah and not your husband? Well, you do it by finding out what Allah in the Holy Quran says about pregnancy, babies, and birth.

Having a baby in a polygamous marriage has all to do with Allah

It important to realize that Allah says that He decides who will bear children and who won’t. For instance, he decides who will be barren, as well. It means that how long the baby stays in the womb; which ones are premature; and which ones arrive later than usual are all decided by Allah. Furthermore, He decides what sex the baby will be. Ultimately Allah decides it all. He says so in the Holy Quran. Although I didn’t cite His exact words, I’m sure you get the gist of it.

Therefore, you need to find out why you blame your husband for not wanting more children. In fact, he’s only following his desires. On the other hand, you could ask why he’s finding fault in you because you desire more children. Likewise, you’re dealing with desires. One must remember that Allah Governs and Regulates all things. The husbands and the wives don’t. Allah lets us know this.

Many times having a baby in a polygamous marriage has a lot to do with desires

In fact, we all have desires. Some of them are good and some aren’t. Allah says those who let their desires lead them have a diseased heart. They follow their desires and don’t listen to Allah. When desires control a person, it’s bad. Furthermore, to not know the Truth about Allah and His All Mighty Power is bad.

At times, the spouses desires conflicts with each other and causes contention between them. Particularly, it causes the spouses to have ill feelings towards each other.

The husbands and wives are so busy thinking about what they desire and trying to figure out how to get their desires fulfilled to the point that they forget Allah. They’ve forgotten what Allah says about it all, which includes what we get; how we get it; and when and why we get it etc.

In short, having a baby in a polygamous marriage will only happen, if Allah decides it

All the bickering back and forth about it between the spouses won’t change what will or will not happen. It doesn’t change that Allah is in control. The spouses could voice how they feel and what they want and then see where Allah takes them about it. Evidently, there is no reason to get upset with each other. Allah is the One who will decide whether there will be a child or not.

I’ll end in saying that what passes us by was never for us, and what is for us will never pass us by. If Allah has decided that a woman will have a child, nothing can prevent it. If He has decided that a woman won’t bear a child, there is nothing that she can do that will make it happen.

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  • Mari2

    June 19, 2016

    Salam to all.

    I agree that it is Allah who wills the conception and birth of a child.  I for one am an older wife.  I have 2 wonderful children from my first marriage and I have no desire to repeat the experience,  as wonderful as it was, in my current marriage.   I just don’t have the energy to begin again, and in Allah’s wisdom and design, a majority of women my age rarely get pregnant naturally.   It does happen, but usually with medical intervention.   I would love for M to experience the joys and tribulations of parenthood, but I will leave it up to Allah and number 2 to make that happen. 

  • anabellah

    June 19, 2016

    Umm of2,

    I’m with you. Ameena sure is amazing, isn’t she? She’s a rare breed. It nice to have her here 🙂

  • Umm of2

    June 19, 2016

    Welcome kadija 

    i cannot believe your co is encouraging you to have babies what planet are you and Ameena on (joking) MashaAllah seems like you all get along more than well. I have a good relationship with my co wife but not thaaaaat good whew

    the yams is most definitely a west African theory not sure if there’s any truth to it. Baby fever must be in the air hehe. I have children but want more and close in age. I absolutely enjoy teaching my kids staying at home with them sending them to school just everything about them. 

  • Umm of2

    June 19, 2016

    Oooooh my goodness. Welcome Ameena. I’m in utter shock with what you shared. You seriously named your baby after your co wife?? Your baby was conceived the day she moved in and was born a day after their anniversary Lord take me now  WOW. 

    Hats off to you sis. This is definitely a rare occasion. You don’t hear this everyday. 

  • ummof4

    June 18, 2016

    As-salaamu Alaikum and hello to all,

    Kadija, the yam eating sounds West African.  They have interesting beliefs about yams and twins.  Relax, and concentrate on your present life.  The babies  will come if and when Allah wills.

  • Jasmina

    June 18, 2016


    i know I think about babies all the time too, I’m so clucky!i wonder if it has to do with biology as well, just natural for some people to want to reproduce, it’s the order of things, whether it happens or not that’s up to Allah.

    Im not a big baby type a person so for me to feel this way and even dream about babies is huge. I felt this way before I had my son and haven’t felt it until now.  I see my son all alone and feel bad for him too.

    My biggest reservation is my husband, he is not the best father or husband so I wonder if maybe that’s why or maybe we will part ways who knows allahualem. I do feel Allah is looking out for me so I’m trying to be content with my life as it is. 

  • Jasmina

    June 18, 2016

    SubhanAlla thanks I needed to read this!! I met a lady working at a baby store and she told me she wanted a baby and had 12 miscarriages but she wasn’t giving up.  Only Allah decides. I pray inshaAllah I can have another baby. I feel ok if it does not happen because I’m sure There are very good reasons for it and I will try to not live in despair for something I don’t have. I want to be content with what I do have and know Allah will guide me through my life

  • Kadija

    June 18, 2016

    My co wants me to have all the babies now. I don’t mind but I’m not yet fertile after the last one and everyone keeps asking when I’ll have another. I tell them it’s in Allah’s hands and they’re like ‘well you keep trying and it’ll be soon’. My co keeps telling oout hubby to feed me yams to make me have twins so he doesn’t need another wife for more kids. I don’t mind eating yams or having twins etc but the desire to have more kids is ever present. I remind myself every day that babies Iinly come to whom Allah wills and when Allah wills it. But I can’t stop thinking about babies. 

  • anabellah

    June 18, 2016


    Get out of here. You really named your baby after your co. Wow, that is very special? That’s way different. You must be a very special person too.

    Thank you for joining us. Nice to make your acquaintance. Insha Allah, you’ll stay with us. Some of your goodness may wear off on us https://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_wink.gif  Welcome!

    Congrats on your baby. Babies can be a blessing, as you saidhttps://www.polygamy411.com/wp-content/plugins/wp-monalisa/icons/wpml_good.gif

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  • ameenah

    June 18, 2016

    Babies can be a blessing in a polygamous marriage. My baby was conceived on the day my co moved in, and was born the day after their aniversary. I named my baby after my co. She loves my baby like her own. At 40 her and i probably wont have more kids so this baby is very special

  • anabellah

    June 16, 2016

    Umm of2, Alhumdulliah, Sis,

    What you, Jasmina and others have written about the situation inspired me to write the posts. You all know what the story is. We just need to keep reminding one another. It’s a never ending battle with ourselves. It’s all good 🙂

  • Umm of2

    June 16, 2016

    Very true sis. Alhumdullilaah Allah protected me from myself in this situation. I left it in His Hands and didn’t go back and forth with my husband. I know it will happen if Allah thinks it’s best for me. Thank you very much. I feel much better about the situation.