A wife thinks she owns her polygamous husband once she has married him. “My husband” are important words that prevent a wife from moving forward in a polygamous marriage. She thinks that the love she has for her husband is the reason that she doesn’t like polygamy. The wife may not realize that being possessive is more of a problem than the love that she has for him is.
A wife cannot bear to think of him with another woman and she thinks it’s because she loves him so much. The mere thought of him being intimate with another woman causes her pain and heartache. She stresses and worries while thinking that her husband loves another woman. However, she doesn’t see that it goes deeper.
A wife thinks she owns her polygamous husband, as soon as he becomes to her, “My husband”
She says, my husband this and my husband that. He has become in her mind her possession. We developed problems with possessions when we were children. It was then that we learned to take possession of things. The mother teaches the child that certain things belong to him or her.
For instance, this is your toy; your snacks; your teacher; and your room etc. The next thing we know the child is walking about and talking about what belongs to her. She, for instance, will say this is my school (although the child doesn’t own a school). This is my house (clearly a child doesn’t own a house). Everything is my and mine. Do you get the picture?
A wife thinks she owns her polygamous husband because she took ownership of him when they married. A woman who wants to marry a man who is already married usually does not ask the wife if it is okay for them to share the man. Although she didn’t have to ask, it was part of the problem. The wife sees the other woman as having taken something very valuable from her. The husband was the valuable thing.
The other woman took her husband and didn’t ask permission to do so. She may say, How dare she, when the other woman has taken her prize possession. Now, the wife who had him all to herself must accept it. It’s a hard pill to swallow when all her life she had thought that she owns stuff. This is mine. That is mine. He is mine. Now she must battle as if in a tug of war for what she thought was all hers.
A wife thinks she owns her polygamous husband not knowing that the man whom she calls, “my husband” does not and never did belong to her
Most of us, while growing up, wasn’t told that we own nothing and Allah owns all things. Most of us aren’t taught that all that we have Allah loaned us. What we have is all entrusted to us from Allah. What we wasn’t told has had a negative effect on us. We have learned wrong information that hurts us, and now we must unlearn it.
He is not,”My husband.” A husband does not belong to a wife. He is not her possession. When she discovers that he does not belong to her, the truth hurts her. Once we know the truth, we must accept it. When we accept it, we are on our way to having peace and contentment in polygamous marriages.
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