Allah Allows Men Four Wives in polygamy

 

Allah Allows Men Four Wives in PolygamyAllah allows men four wives in polygamy at one time. Some people dispute about it. There are some Muslims who complicate it, although it is quite simple. They make it difficult only because they don’t like polygamy. In particular, they don’t like the concept of it. They try to find any reason to prove that it is not lawful.

Many Muslims who are against polygamy go to one specific ayah (verse) in the Holy Quran to say Islam discourages those marriages. The ayah says that if a man cannot be just then he should marry one woman only. They fail to realize that justice as it relates to the ayah is about justice to the orphans. It’s about children and not justice to wives. The care of the children and dealing justly with them is what it’s about. However, many people misunderstand it.

Allah allows men four wives in polygamy, if the men can deal justly with the children

First of all, Allah tells us to deal with all people justly and with kindness. In fact, He speaks many times in the Holy Quran of how important it is that we are “just” in all matters. Moreover, being just is next to piety. Allah loves those who are just.

Allah lets us know that orphans are very special people. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was an orphan. Thus, just dealings with them is huge.

One needs only to read the other verses in the chapter of the Holy Quran along with the one we’re speaking of to know that Allah is referring to the children. He speaks of how we are to conduct our affairs with them.

When men marry women who have children and those men aren’t the father of those children, those children are sometimes subject to abuse. There are some men who do not take a liking to children who are not their own.

Sometimes, if the men have their own children, they lean towards their own and, neglect, abuse, or ignore the children who aren’t theirs. I’m sure all have heard of children whose stepfathers abused them. Furthermore, they’ve heard of foster parents who abused foster children.

Although Allah allows men four wives in polygamy, if they don’t like other men’s children, they should marry only one woman

Basically, he should marry the woman who has no children or has children by him only. He may not know how he will be with the women before marriage. However, he knows whether he likes children that are not his own. A man clearly knows if he likes children or not.

He doesn’t have to live with the children to know if he does or doesn’t like them. Before the man marries the woman who has children, he needs to judge if he could deal justly with those children. If he feels and thinks he cannot, it would be better for him to only marry one woman who has no children or a woman who has only children by him.

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Allah allows men four wives in polygamyAllah Allows Four Wives for Men in Polygamy

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10 Comments

  • anabellah

    February 15, 2017

    People need to stop looking at the single ayah – marry 2, 3 or 4, and if they can’t be just, then just 1 – and look at what all of the ayat (verses) before and after that one ayah (verse) talks about.

  • anabellah

    February 15, 2017

    I made a correction to the last post. A sentence made no sense LOL I fixed it.

  • anabellah

    February 15, 2017

    We already spoke about men being able to marry any woman who is not married whether she is simply single and never had been married or virgins or divorced or widowed or older. Men can marry them.

    2nd, 3rd or 4th wives do not have to be widowed, divorce or older. Women who are divorced or widowed or older are okay to marry as first wives. First wives are no different than 2nd, 3rd or 4th wives. They are all wives. Only the righteousness of them makes the difference.

    One ayah that lets us know it is:

    “Marry those among you who are single or the virtuous ones among your slaves male or female: if they are in poverty Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all and He knoweth all things.” Quran: surah 24, ayah 32

    The Quran is for all man and all times. I’ve mentioned before that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who is our example married women of all the groups I mentioned above. He didn’t marry for lust. He married to cement relations and bring others to Islam.

  • anabellah

    February 15, 2017

    Tunis,

    If you read Surah 4, Al Nisa, in the first several ayat (verses), you’ll see that Allah speaks about the first man and woman whom he created and scattered their seeds to create more women and men. Furthermore, he talks about women; ophans; children; parents; and the poor. He talks in those ayat about property and how one should disperse property to those people.

    You say some people believe the ayah about marrying 4 or 1 speaks to men and their marriage to orphan girls. It doesn’t.

    Orphans are children, boys or girls. Allah doesn’t say Orphan girls. When he speaks of men marrying women, He specifically says WOMEN. It’s clear that he means orphan as in children and not women that men should marry. It is clear in the one particular ayah as follows:

    “Make trial of orphans until they reach the age of marriage; if then ye find sound judgement in them, release their property to them: but consume it not wastefully, nor in haste against their growing up. If the guardian is well-off, let him claim no remuneration, but if he is poor, let him have for himself what is just and reasonable when ye release their property to them, take witnesses in their presence: But all-sufficient is Allah in taking account”
    Quran: Surah 4, ayah 6

    The ayah lets us know that the orphans are children (they have guardians), as it talks about them reaching the age of marriage to receive their property. It’s not about reaching the age of marriage so that the men could marry them. When they are old enough to marry they are WOMEN. It talks about people as their guardians, not as their husbands. It’s about doing justice to them. They are special. They get special treatment.

    It’s about the orphans’ property and doing justice to them.

  • anabellah

    February 15, 2017

    Tunis, Wa Alaikum As Salaam,

    I don’t think you’re trying to cause any problem. It’s okay. Although, I can’t answer your question “Why would Allah say” something. I don’t know His reasons for doing or saying something.

    I’ll give an example of what is said in the ayah based on what we’ve heard on the blog from some commentators. For instance, say a woman has a five year old child. She meets a Pakistani man who is interested in her for marriage. She learns that he has a wife and children back home in Pakistan. He wants to marry the other woman who has the five year old. The Pakistani male knows that it goes against his culture and belief to marry a non-virgin. The mere fact that the other woman has the child reminds him that she is not pure. It’s evidenced by the child. He knows he doesn’t want to be bothered with the woman’s kid. He simply has a desire for the woman. The man should not marry the woman because he already knows his culture, belief and feelings about another man’s child. He knows he will favor his own children from his virgin wife over the other woman’s child. He send all his money to them and share his love with them. He may share his love with the other woman, but doubtfully with her child. It’s a judgement call that the Pakistani man has to make. It would be best that he not marry the other woman to avoid doing an injustice to her child.

    Another example: There are men who will immediately tell a person who is trying to make a match for him that he does not want a woman with children. Children are a deal breaker for him. He knows right from the onset that he doesn’t want to be bothered with another man’s child/children. He’s a wise man to be able to make that realization and not put himself in the position to harm someone else children.

    Of course there are some men who love children and wouldn’t mind taking care of and loving another man’s children. He loves the woman and her children as well as his own children, if he has any. If he buys one thing for his child, he buys the woman’s child something too. When he hugs his own child, he hugs the woman’s other child too. When he say I love you to the one child, he tells the woman’s other child that he love him or her too. It’s the type of man who would marry women who already have children. He knows he would be able to be JUST to his own children and her children by another man, as well.

    Men can’t deal justly as between women no matter how much they want to or the effort that they make trying. With children, it is different. Men can and must be JUST with the orphan/children.

    To be continued…

    There

  • Tunis

    February 15, 2017

    Asalamu alykum Ana,

    I had just got done typing a whole page..haha…and lost it..anyway..guess I will get right to the point..and try to make it shorter..
    Why would Allah say man can marry other women of his choice..2,3,and 4..if he fears he will deal unjustly to the orphans.?
    Where as you stated the opposite.

    Are you stating the ayah is only speaking to a man who chooses a wife with kids….and that he should think twice before marrying another wife..if he will be unable to care for first wife’s kids properly and with kindness…

    Or is it my thinking..which you did not address..that it’s warning man from marrying among the ORPHAN GIRLS if he fears being unjust and unfair with them..mahr/inheritance.etc…THEN he should marry someone else..and up to 4 if he can….and if he knows he cant handle that many ..then one is best.?? I was told the arabic word regarding orphan..in that verse..particularly means ‘orphan girl’ not orphans in general.

    I am not trying to make a problem..not my intention..this verse has never been clear to many muslims..and they interpret it as man is bad if he does not marry a widow or divorced woman with kids as his 2,3 and 4th choice…or just to help orphans in general before thinking about taking on another wife.
    I never understood it that way.
    Many women get stuck on this and get angry with their husband ..like it is gonna make them feel any better if he choose a woman with kids?? versus one without? My thinking anyway.

  • anabellah

    February 14, 2017

    Many tend to use the ayah that says a man can never be just and fair as between women to mean that they should only marry one. The ayah doesn’t mean that. It means that a man will not love his wives equally. He won’t love his wives the same. It’s okay. It’s okay, because Allah puts the love in the heart. We can’t control it. The ayah was revealed after the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) became upset as realized that he loved his wife Aisha more than he loved the others. The ayah was revealed to let the Prophet Muhammad know that he had no control over that, and it was okay to love one more than the other. It is believed that he loved Aisha more because she was the most learned and closest to Allah.

  • anabellah

    February 14, 2017

    Tunis, As Salaamu Alaikum,

    Every now and again someone brings the subject up about “marry one”. It’s usually a person who is anti-polygamy and looking for a reason to reject it. They don’t understand the ayah. It’s okay, as Allah gives understanding to whom He wills.

    In the Holy Quran, He says He gives understanding. Anti-polygamy people use that “marry one” and the Fatima and Ali story when they are grasping at straws trying to find a reason to reject polygamy.

    Keep in mind that Allah is speaking about orphans in particular in the ayat (verses) where the “marry one” is.

    I wrote a number of replies and post/themes that explains the meaning of the ayat referring to the orphans. One is Allah Allows Men Four Wives in Polygamy

    The Pakistani men who don’t like and don’t want to raise other men’s children are prime examples of the meaning of the ayah. Furthermore, Allah says:

    “Marry those among you who are single or the virtuous ones among your slaves male or female: if they are in poverty Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all and He knoweth all things.” Quran: surah 24, ayah 32

  • Tunis

    February 14, 2017

    Hello everyone,

    Since Jasmine raised her concern as to the reasons that/why a man should be taking more than one wife..I would like to hear someone clarify on the meaning of..’And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two, three or four…”.
    MY take:
    I have often been told that this means a man must choose helping orphans first(like what..thru donations/charity or bring them into the first marriage to be raised) or must marry widow or divorced women with children…for the purpose of helping orphans? But Quran verse states…”if man fears he will not be just to orphan girls.”…. to me means.. NOT being just in giving them their Mahr or abuse/misuse their inheritance… if this being the case..and man feared that…then don’t marry from among the orphan girls ..but marry other women of your choice…and if man still feared he could not be just and fair ,than only one. That is the only condition I have understood. So this idea that man MUST marry 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wife only if she is widow/divorced WITH kids…where did that come from..number one ? #2..or just widow?divorced..or #3.. only if 1st wife sick or barren? Where did this idea come from? The Prophet’s(pbuh) marriages were diverse..if I am correct. Even his FIRST wife was widowed or divorced.
    My own husband once told me this years ago..if I got sick or barren..that he may take another wife. They seem to feel safe using this reason…(and if wife is neither one ?..)so then what ..they must choose from among widow or divorced? where is this written?? So to me it makes sense..Allah is telling man…be just and fair to the orphan girl you may want to marry…be warned..or marry from other women of your choice…OF YOUR CHOICE..is pretty clear.

    The Jewish faith has or had this ruling in their allowing another wife..ONLY if she was sick or barren. They changed/ prohibited polygamy which was allowed for them too.
    Perhaps this is where this thinking came from.
    Even my own daughter swore that her father must take a second wife who needs help. Sure..yeah..it would be nice and a blessing perhaps for that man..but not a condition.
    Anyway, I would like to know what that first part of this verse may mean…no one really clarifies this..?

    Well, everyone have an awesome day or night wherever you are. And be attached to Allah.

  • anabellah

    March 4, 2015

    There is only one condition that a man must be capable of fulfilling, if he wants to become polygamous. He must be able to deal with another man’s children as though the children were his own, if he marries a woman who has children fathered by another man/men.

    A man knows whether he likes children. Some women are widowed or divorce with children and will get married again. The husband must treat the women’s children with justice and kindness, the same as he would treat his own biological children.

    Other than the condition pertaining to orphans, a polygamous marriage is no different from a monogamous marriage other that the man has more than one wife. Polygamy is no biggie that people make it out to be.

    https://www.polygamy411.com/september-2015-discussions/#comment-9855