Danger in Polygamous Marriages

danger in polygamous marriages

There is danger in polygamous marriages, although there is much good in it. The good is certain to outweigh the bad. When a polygamous marriage seems as though it is bad, the husband, wife or both is the cause of it. It’s important for spouses to know that they may meet with dangerous conditions in a polygamous marriage.

For instance, there is danger in polygamous marriages, if the wives commit shirk. Shirk is to give Allah a partner or to make someone or something equal to Him. It is a heinous and unforgivable sin. The person must repent and make amends for it before her or his death and pray that Allah will forgive her or him. An example of shirk is when a wife loves her husband more than she loves Allah.

There is danger in polygamous marriages when a wife gives her husband too much attention

Wives in polygamous marriages sometimes find a need to compete with one another for their husbands’ love. In vying for someone’s attention other than Allah’s, the focus is in the wrong place. Nevertheless, many wives center their attention on their husbands when they should make Allah their center of attention.

There is no benefit for a wife to try to win her husband’s love. The wife could chase her husband and become a slave to him, but it’s all a waste of time. It’s useless, because Allah has already decided how much the husband will love each of his wives. Allah controls the heart, not man.

A wife receives benefits from Allah when she focuses on Him. A husband can only bring benefit to a wife, if Allah wills it. Many women think that they must go through their husband to enter Paradise (Jannah). However, they are wrong. Some men want women to think in this wrong way, so that women can become their slaves.

Of course a wife should obey her husband, if he serves and worships Allah. At the same time, Allah tells us not to obey anyone who does not remember Him. We should worship Allah the way that He commands us to in the Holy Quran.

There is danger in polygamous marriages when the husband has a believing Muslim wife and has a non-Muslim wife, as well

Allah tells us who we should and should not marry. People are wrong who say Muslim men may marry “People of the Book”. Here is a link to a post about “People of the Book” Muslim Men Marry Women Who Are Not Muslim

Allah tells Muslims not to marry non-Muslims, as non-Muslims will lead them astray from the path of Allah. It’s a fact that it will happen. A husband’s unbelieving wife will lead him astray. We defy Allah when we do what He tells us not to do. We suffer for it.

Allah says that among some of our wives and our children are our enemies. The wives and children are not enemies in that they set out to harm us as in kill us. Rather, they are enemies in that they lead us astray from the straight path. Particularly, they disobey Allah and follow lusts. A believing woman in a polygamous marriage has to always be on her game. She must keep her focus on Allah, so she won’t go astray. One must beware that there is danger in polygamous marriages.

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There is danger in polygamous marriages

Books about polygamy in Islam


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2 Comments

  • Gail

    October 21, 2014

    Ana,
    I am going to be real honest here hope u don’t mind.
    This is how I see Dangers associated with polygamy as far as the wives go.
    I believe when woman r faced with Polygamy becoming part of their life they go mental for awhile which is normal and to be expected since everyone puts a high price on marriage and feeling special in your spouses eyes.
    Here is the thing though,The majority of woman will shut down and become bitter and numb and anger will be replaced with love and devotion for her husband.This is where the problem starts.Now that the wife has these inner feelings of bitterness and numbness and anger she lashes out at her husbands second wife.Oh she may not show her anger and act nice on the second wife face but the anger is there and it is very raw.She also resents her husband who has turned from the prince to the toad which totally sucks because it is suppose to go the other way.Kiss the toad and he turns into a Prince and u live happily ever after NOTTTTT.
    Sooo when u have this kind of inner tension going on it is just not possible to love or even like the person/second wife that is the source of your tension.
    Something I have never heard talked about on the blog before is how when your family becomes Polygamous the husband changes.He may change his views on things and how he likes certain things and the first wife notices it and to be frank it pisses her off knowing that he has changed because of the second wife which just fuels the tension more.
    Here is the thing I noticed in my own Polygamous marriage that I had a Damn hard time accepting and yes I mean a Damn hard time with was seeing my husband change his words.What I mean by this is the man that had not even wanted to have sexual relations with his 1st wife now did not care if he got her pregnant which really PISSED me off to be frank because we had all decided beforehand no more kids this is just one example.I have a million more as I am certain u other ladies also have had the same experiences I have basically.
    Another problem I had my excowife didn’t care about my wishes I felt.She is Shia and she wanted the kids to go to Shia mosque and go and be part of Muharram.My husband told her no and to knock off I am in charge of all the kids and just leave it alone.She would not and went behind my husbands back and mine and tried to bring his brother and dad into it.Needless to say hubs brother came to him told him she was trying to stir things up and my husband came to me and let me know.Obviously later on I called her out on it and told her she was acting like a B!tch(yes I did).
    Now here is the thing I had my reasons for not letting the children go to mosque and engage in Muharram which had nothing to do with their religious teachings.My husband had told me that kidnapping was up so I decided out of fear not to let the children participate.Had my excowife come to me and talk to me I would have explained to her but still looking back I doubt she cared what I thought to be frank as she was having her own anger issues.
    My point is this I do not care if the wives r the same religion or not.Religion is all well and good but unless u change your heart and understand that Polygamy is part of the give and take in your marriage then woman are going to struggle.I believe looking back I could have made my cowife’s life a little easier but she was making me angry so I just simply chose to let her hang herself.I am as religious as the rest of u even though I am not a Muslim.I admit I was wrong looking back and I was struggling with Polygamy.
    Long story short your cowife more than likely feels the exact same way u do and she is also struggling.If u choose to stay in Polygamy it should not mean that u are some rock stuck in a difficult marriage.Either accept the good and the bad and work on freeing up your anger and bitterness inside.If u really feel u can’t leave the anger and bitterness it is better to acknowledge defeat and divorce in my opinion rather than keep living in anger,resentfulness and being bitter.U can’t progress stuck in those feelings for very long.

  • Fantasir

    October 21, 2014

    Excellent post!

    It should be read again and again to register in our brains. Of the three points, the last one stated is very subtle. Everyone of us need to know the ayat (verse) and the subtle meaning as Ana writes.